Just Friends?
Chapter Twenty-Five
Elly immediately reached out and pulled Chloe into a hug, wrapping her arms around Chloe's upper body, "Are you breaking up with me?"
Chloe sunk into the hug, "What? Why would you think that? I said if we don't change things then it will be over, I didn't say it was already over."
Elly pressed her lips to the top of Chloe's head, "Okay that's a little reassuring but people breaking up...that's what always happens when someone tells their partner they 'need to talk' and you don't sound happy by the way I'm treating you. What have I done wrong, baby?"
Chloe released her grip on Elly and stared deeply into her eyes, "I'm not breaking up with you. Elly, you're not doing things wrong…you're just taking decisions away from me and I need you to stop doing that."
Elly nodded, "Okay, what decisions?"
Chloe stepped out of Elly's embrace, linked her arm through Elly's elbow and gestured for the pair of them to keep walking around the lake, "Like moving in with you. I know you want me to but I'm just not ready. Can you please stop calling it 'our place' or 'home'? It makes me feel a little awkward when I know it's highly unlikely you'll be living there once Mark learns the truth about the baby."
Elly nodded, side-stepping the issue of not wanting Mark to learn the truth, "Okay, can we go back to my place to spend the night in my bed once we've finished this talk?"
Chloe half-smiled at Elly making progress, "Yes, we can go back to your place once we've sorted a few things out. Like…why did you tell Aaron and David about us so soon when we, along with Mark, agreed that you and Mark would only tell family and friends that you and Mark have ended things? That we were going to hold back from telling people you and I are in a relationship yet?"
Elly pouted, "I thought you'd be proud of me that I don't want to hide our relationship and I guess I thought Aaron and David are really important to you so you wouldn't mind."
"A big part of me is proud of you," Chloe admitted, "But even before you told them, when you took my hand, I turned to you and reminded you I wasn't ready for them to know and you still went ahead and did it. Why?"
"Because I've lied about a lot of things over the past few months and I didn't want to lie about this. I wanted your family to know. I guess I got caught up in the moment and I was too busy trying not to lie about our relationship that I wasn't listening to you," Elly explained, "Why didn't you want Aaron and David to know?"
"Because it looks bad that we started this literally minutes after you ended it with Mark and I love my brother but Aaron is a judgmental prat," Chloe answered, "I'm not saying I regret this afternoon or our decision to be in a relationship, I don't. All I'm saying is it's not the best look not just for me but for you too. I know deep down things were simmering between us for weeks even though I tried to ignore it because I didn't think I would even stand a chance with you and it wasn't really like this all happened overnight. The only thing that did happen that instantly was you accepting you have feelings for me and wanting to act of them instead of denying to yourself that you wanted to be with me."
Chloe continued, "You literally ended your marriage to Mark and five minutes later we were in bed with one another. I know both of us were trying to make up for lost time if you hadn't gone ahead and married Mark and whilst Mark was displeased with our decision to jump into bed together, it's not like he made any effort to stop it from happening. Our family and friends are not going to see it that way. They are going to see it exactly like Aaron did and that we moved on together far too quickly. You really should've listened to me when I told you I wasn't ready for Aaron or David to know. I can't have you making decisions like this for me."
"Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," Elly apologized, "I get it. Aaron really was a bit pushy over the issue and judgmental to you thinking me leaving Mark was all your fault. I see the point that other people are likely to see it the same way that we got together far too quickly even though things have been simmering between us...well not just the last month, more like since before Christmas but I was too afraid to accept it. I can make excuses in my head that I just want to get past this messy stage of people needing to find out Mark and I are over, that I'm with you now and waiting around for people to know that you make me really happy but you're right I should've listened to you."
"I get that but can you please contain yourself from telling anyone else for at least the next few weeks? I mean you were the first one to suggest that we keep it to ourselves until the dust on the end of your marriage settles. Mark and I agreed to that and yet you were the one who broke it at the first chance. You can't just make decisions with us, be it decisions with me or with Mark and then immediately go back on them without speaking to us first because you think it's okay," Chloe decided.
"Understood, I'll talk to you first," Elly promised, "Is there anything else we need to discuss before we can go home-back to my place and spend the evening together?"
Chloe raised her eyebrow at Elly.
"Right, me continuing to lie to Mark about the baby," Elly answered her own question.
"Are you continuing this lie because you don't want to be a single mother and you'd rather hang on to Mark if I decide I'm not ready to be this child's second parent?" Chloe asked honestly.
Elly was surprised, "Of course not. It's not about the level of support you can provide me and my child with. Whatever you decide, I'll respect. I just…I can't take this away from Mark…he wants this baby more than anything. I know it's not the right thing to do to keep lying to him…I just can't bring myself to tell him."
"Mark is going to find out sooner or later, Elly, and you need to be the one to tell him," Chloe reminded her, "Do you want Mark to find out another way because the longer you leave it the higher the chance of Mark finding out?"
"I know," Elly whispered, "But Finn, Leo and my doctor have all assured me they won't tell Mark. What other way can he find out other than by us?"
Chloe sighed at Elly's resistance, "Have you thought about the possibility of Shaun coming back if he wants to be a part of the baby's life?"
Elly closed her eyes for a moment, terrified of the thought, "Shaun and I agreed that he wouldn't be part of the baby's life if I helped Finn."
"Yes, but Shaun's still a loose cannon in this, Elly," Chloe pointed out, "You said Finn figured it out after speaking to Shaun and he was overly concerned about you and the baby after your attack. What if Shaun changes his mind? Is that how you want Mark to learn the truth? From the biological father?"
Elly breathed deeply, "Of course I don't want Mark to find out that way. Shaun's young and there's a good chance he'll be able to father a child later in his life when he's ready. Nothing about him made me think that he wanted to be in this baby's life."
"If Shaun does return...before or after you tell Mark the truth...and Shaun does want to be in the baby's life. What would that mean for us?" Chloe asked curiously.
"If that was to happen...absolutely nothing between us would change," Elly reassured, "I don't want my one-night-stand in my baby's life. I mean…I know that he does have rights…as the father…and if it came down to it, I probably wouldn't spend my entire energy on fighting Shaun to get him out of my baby's life because of the stress that will cause me and the baby. But I don't want my baby shipped between two different houses their whole life, living two different lives with two parents. Let alone the fact that Shaun lives in Switzerland…if he tried to take my baby overseas as part of his custody time then I would fight him with everything I have."
"Is that why you don't want to tell Mark? You're happy to co-parent with him because you can live together in the same house rather than letting your child grow up moving between different houses?" Chloe questioned.
"It's not like that. I just...can't break Mark like this. He wants this baby so badly...so much so that he's on board to co-parent with me whilst I'm in a relationship with you. Yes...there is a part of me that doesn't think I'll cope as a single parent. I'm not avoiding telling Mark because of our living arrangements or because you might not be ready to be this baby's parent with me...I can't really explain it myself why I can't tell him...I think I just need more time," Elly non-explained.
Chloe nodded, "As long as you're not completely in denial that Mark needs to know the truth and that you will tell him when the right moment comes up...I can give you more time."
"I'm not...I know Mark needs to find out from me…I will…soon," Elly half-promised before changing the subject, "I want to focus on us first. I need things to be strong between us before Mark learns the truth. Yes, that's selfish of me when I know Mark is going to need your support too. But you and this baby are the most important things to me now and I want us settled into whatever this relationship is going to be first. I get that there are things I need to work on. I get that you don't want me taking decisions away from you. I see that now. I will work on making sure I don't keep doing that. Is there any other thing that I'm doing or any other lingering issue you want to discuss?"
Chloe chewed on her lip before addressing Elly, "Are you only with me because of your sexual frustration over Mark's intimacy issues and he wasn't giving you the needs you need met?"
Elly stopped in her tracks, pulling Chloe into her arms in a hug, "I love you, Chloe. That is the reason why I'm with you. Yes, Mark and I had issues. Yes, you have fulfilled those needs for me that Mark wasn't able to but I would never in a million years only be with you because I was sexually frustrated and you're available to fulfill those needs. You have to believe me."
Chloe pulled out of the hug, staring down at the ground.
Elly ran her tongue over her teeth, but stated calmly, "This is because we haven't discussed what happened between us that night before the wedding and what I said to you the night of the wedding after I married Mark...that's why you're doubting the reason why I'm with you now after all this time."
"You used me," Chloe spat out before she could stop herself, "I didn't mean...I meant..."
Elly nodded in understanding, "Maybe we should've discussed this a long time ago when we got back in touch and rekindled our friendship. We kinda just avoided it, didn't we?"
Chloe nodded back at Elly, and then gestured for them to keep walking.
Elly remained in pace with Chloe, "You were right...I did use you that night."
Chloe remained silent.
Elly crossed her arms in front of her, resisting the urge to wrap her arm around Chloe's waist, "Talk to me, Chlo. Let me in to whatever you're feeling. We can't make a relationship work if we don't address this."
"You used me," Chloe repeated, "You knew how I felt about you and you were just upset Mark had called off the wedding. You didn't have feelings for me and you just wanted to use me because I was there and was able to make you feel what you were missing from Mark. You made me feel like what we had between us was real that night and that it meant something..."
"You're right, I did use you that night," Elly replied softly, waiting for Chloe to continue before she apologized.
"What you said to me when I went to see after you got married...that really hurt. You said you don't feel that way about me and we'd never be together. I should've seen it coming, you would barely talk to me. Just because you looked at me during your vows and told Mark that we slept together after he had originally called off the wedding...I shouldn't have even thought for a second that our night did mean anything to you. I nearly lost everything after it all went down and I know you did too but you didn't even care Mark had thrown me out of the house...you didn't care about anyone else but yourself," Chloe claimed, then sighed, "Obviously I'm still not over it...I thought I was."
Elly nodded, then repeated at first, "You're right. I used you and acted like you didn't even matter to me. I know there's nothing I can say or do that will ever make up for it. I am sorry for the things I said and did that night and when I finally spoke to you about it after the wedding. I do need you to know...I did feel that it meant something been with you that night...it wasn't just in your head, Chlo. It meant something...I just...I ignored it. I pretended it didn't mean something because I was so confused over what it meant for me...and then Mark returned...and I married him knowing he'd never make me feel the way you did that night...and then I told Mark about us...and I was struggling to keep my marriage together...then everything that happened with thinking I was pregnant but I wasn't...and then all the rest of the baby-drama...I pushed everything I felt for you that night behind all of that. Even though I knew I didn't love Mark the way I should have...the way it feels to have you love me. My head was still stuck in that vision of my perfect future that I always dreamed about with a perfect husband, 3 kids, juggling my teaching job, white picket fence...and I couldn't find a way to allow myself to change that vision...not without giving myself more time to which I've done now over the past month since we reconnected."
Chloe relented, "I get it...changing that vision of what you want your future to look like...I should have given you more time to come to terms with our night together. Even though Mark cancelled the wedding without even talking to you about it I knew that if Aaron could convince Mark to return home then there was not enough time for you to deal with changing that vision and choosing me but I still pushed you a little too much to come to the conclusion that you needed to understand Mark isn't good enough for you. I'm glad that we spoke about this and let me get it off my chest. We hurt each other but it's in the past and that's where I want to leave it. We can move forward from it and focus on what we have between us now."
Elly pursed her lips, glad that by talking about their previous night together they were able to move past it, before addressing, "When you talk about changing the vision of your future...you're not talking about you coming to terms with your sexuality are you? You're talking about your Huntington's?"
Chloe ran her tongue over her teeth, part of her was glad that Elly could read her so well, "Yes."
"You know whatever your future holds because of the Huntington's or anything else for that matter, I'm not leaving your side. I'll be with you no matter what," Elly reassured.
"Are you sure? It's a lot to ask of you," Chloe pointed out.
"Without question," Elly confirmed, "And not that I'm comparing them or to make you think for even one second that this is the only reason why I won't leave your side when your Huntington's takes hold but…it's a lot to ask of you to still be with me when I'm pregnant to practically a stranger…or well the half-brother to a guy that kidnapped me and did terrible things to me and my family."
Chloe nodded, "I guess it is a lot to ask but in a way it's not because I get to be with you. Are you absolutely positive that you're prepared to be in this relationship knowing that when the Huntington's does take over…I am going to need a world of help and won't be the person you care about?"
"Yes," Elly answered simply with assurance.
Chloe paused before asking, "And do you really think that involving me in your child's life in whatever capacity I choose is really the best decision for your child knowing that he or she will end up losing me too?"
"Yes, it is the right decision because you are amazing and this child will be lucky to have you in his or her life for as long as they can. You should have zero doubt about that or my decision to stand by you no matter what," Elly reassured, before glancing down at Chloe, "Now is there anything else we need to talk about or can we head back to my place and spend the evening together?"
Chloe smiled up at Elly, "I think we're good. Let's get out of here and head back to your place."
Elly linked their arms together as the pair headed back to Elly and Mark's house.
Okay, I think that was a good conversation to have and we're making progress on how our relationship is going to work…except for the fact that Elly might be in complete denial over the fact that she needs to tell Mark the baby isn't his…how am I going to definitely convince Elly that she needs to come clean to Mark soon so he doesn't end up raising a baby that isn't his? Chloe thought.
Okay, I think that was a good conversation to have and we're making progress on how our relationship is going to work…except for the fact that I am in complete denial over the fact that I need to tell Mark the baby isn't his…how am I going to find a way to convince Chloe that I'm not sure that I want to come clean to Mark and we should just let him have what he wants by raising this baby with me…I hope with Chloe and I? Elly thought.