August 2009

Jon sat alone in the dark . His only company a bottle of jack , that he swilled straight from the bottle. His phone buzzed again and he looked down at it .

It was Sami again . He had been trying to reach him all evening . Probably to exchange trucks and get an explanation as to what the hell had happened to make him suddenly break things off with Kristeena and then proceed to follow her home . Questions that Jon really didn't have any good answers for , at least answers that anyone else would understand . But as the phone buzzed again , Jon sighed knowing that if he didn't respond soon that he would show up on doorstep and refuse to leave until he had told him everything and made him understand . Which was impossible considering that Jon didn't even understand why he had gone through with it , himself .

No . He wanted .. needed to be alone right now to wallow in his misery as he tried to forget the way she had looked at him when he had ended things ... right after making love to her one last time . God , how could he do that to her ? How could he be so selfish ? So cruel to destroy her like that . He felt like the worst kind of monster , when he thought about how she must have felt in that moment . So used . So dirty . So foolish . It killed him inside , because he never wanted to make her feel anything but happiness . She was his Little Star . The girl who he had fallen in love with long before he ever knew it . And the one person in his life that loved him unconditionally . She had the kindest heart . Her goodness radiated from within her and shone like a beacon , like the North star , lighting the way home on even the darkest of nights . She was special . Beautiful and innocent . She was unlike any other woman he had ever been with or more accurately , unlike anyone he had ever known . She wasn't a one night stand or even a brief fling . She was the kind of woman that a man lived and died for . The kind of woman that made a man be a man . The kind of woman a man married , and spent the rest of his life protecting and worshiping , and loving beyond reason .

Whoever was lucky enough to capture her heart would be a lucky man . And up until a few hours ago he had been that man until he had thrown it all away . He hated himself for hurting her and he had hurt her , deeply . So deeply that he wasn't sure she would ever be able to forgive him . And the truth was , he wasn't even sure if he could forgive himself .

If their positions had been reversed , he wasn't sure that he would be able to handle it . Especially without a clear answer as to why . He had wanted to tell her everything . But he couldn't . And in hindsight , he knew that his last words to her probably made her even more confused . But he couldn't help it . He couldn't let her leave without telling her he loved her one last time and telling her he had no regrets . And it was all his fault . The pain and confusion that was in her eyes , was only there because he put it there . Sure he had his reasons . But at the end of the day it didn't matter that he felt as if he had no other choice . It didn't matter that he hadn't actually cheated on her or that he was filled with regret for hurting her . Nothing mattered because he couldn't take it back . No matter how desperately he wanted to , even as the words left his mouth .

If he would have stopped and told her the truth before he allowed her to believe he was sleeping with Lolita . Maybe he with could have salvaged at least her friendship . But he hadn't . Knowing deep down that for him to keep his promise , he would have to break her heart to make sure she gave up on the idea of being with him . Because if she believed for a moment that what they had was salvageable , she wouldn't have stayed away and it would have worn him down until he couldn't resist her . He just hadn't fully realized how much breaking her heart would break him or he would have told the older man to fuck off . Would have told him that he didn't care what his issues were or what threats he used to keep him away when he had went back on his word the first time when he had used guilt . He should have told him no , because he loved Kristeena and wouldn't hurt her for the world . But he hadn't . Out of respect for the man and not wanting to take away this time from Teeny that she could never get back . Knowing that someday , she might come to resent him for it .

Jon hadn't often felt remorse or regret for things he had done throughout his life . But right now , he felt both regret and a deep deep shame for being so selfish that he had made love to her one last time . He could make excuses in his mind for why he had allowed that to happen . But at the end of the day there was no excuse for how selfish he had been .

He hadn't been expecting her to show up , but when she had he had been unable to resist how beautiful she looked in her little flowery sundress and how sexy in her simple cotton lingerie . Hadn't been able to resist how lovingly her turquoise eyes looked at him as she tended to his head wound . And how hot those eyes had turned when she looked at him with all of her innocent desire . He had started a fire within her from the first moment they kissed . And he had created the spark before that on her birthday . So he should have known better than to get to close and look directly into the flame . Should have known that he was the match that lit the flame , and that once lit , they were bound to cause an inferno . But he hadn't been able to stay away , no matter how badly he knew that both of them would be burned in the end . One touch and he was lost . Lost in her and in the moment that could quite possibly be the last time he would have the privilege to hold her in arms . And feel her heart beating for him . The last time he would be able to touch her with his hands and love her with his body . To make her his lover and cherish the heart of his friend , in every way .

He took a long drag of the bottle before he grabbed his phone and sent Sami a quick text . Telling him that he was home and he just needed to be alone right now . But that he would see him the next day and they could exchange cars then . He didn't wait for a reply , instead shut his phone down and locked it and Sami's keys away in his lock box , before he was totally shitfaced . So he wouldn't easily be able to give into the demands of his heart that told him to call Kristeena and beg for her forgiveness . Or worse still , show up on her doorstep drunk and tell her everything and beg her to run away with him and build a life together where nobody would ever find them and no one or nothing , not her family or his demons could ever come between them .

Opening the box sent him reeling though because it contained a few things that reminded him of Kristeena . In fact , his whole home reminded him of her . He could see her in his kitchen where he had made her ramen noodles that first night . And in his living room where they had danced and shared their first kiss . And in his bathroom , and the bath they shared . She was literally everywhere , hell even the tampons he had bought for the box to slip her phone into , were stashed into the cabinet under the sink . Never to be used . And of course she was in his bed , where they had cuddled together and watched old wrestling videos and laughed as they pigged out on junk food . And later , where they made love the first time .

He closed his eyes and let her scent that still clung to the tee shirt he had been wearing earlier , fill his senses . Knowing that he would never forget the intoxicating scent that was a mixture of her perfume and her own natural scent , even as it faded over time .

But in that moment , as he stared into the box where he kept everything that meant anything to him , the one thing that stood out to him the most . The thing that mocked him , was the box that held his grandmothers ring . He opened it and peered down at the tiny north star , set in gold with an open band to match that he had planned on giving her one day , as a symbol of how much he loved her and the future he wanted to share with her .

He took it out of the box and slipped the dainty ring onto his pinky finger . Remembering how when she wasn't looking , he had slipped one of Kristeena's rings on the same finger the night he had ended up staying at her house , to test the size . And smiling as he remembered how it had stopped in the exact same place just above his knuckle that his Grandmothers ring did . Like it was custom made for her hand . The thought of her never wearing it , rushed over him like a tidal wave and a fresh wave of pain filled him . He quickly locked the box . And stared down at the ring as he stumbled towards the sofa and fell back against the cushions .
Reaching for the bottle and quickly polished it off , before passing out on the sofa . Foolishly thinking that it might help him him forget for awhile . Only to be haunted with dreams that likely would never come true .

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Kristeena had hardly moved from where she had curled up in the fetal position in the center of her bed , hours ago .
Tears falling silently down her cheeks . Soaking her pillow and sheets in a seemingly endless supply , as her mind replayed ever moment they had spent together over and over again in an endless loop . Had she missed a sign ? Surely there had been at least one at some point that she had overlooked . Had she been to blinded by love and to naive to realize that he was lying to her all along ? Was it possible that he never loved her in the first place and was just using her to satisfy his needs ? These were the types of questions her head kept asking her .

Her heart however , was a much different story . Her heart she felt , knew the truth . That he had loved her and that he still did .
He was probably just scared or felt backed into a corner by Tommy's anger and his own lack of self worth . ' Surely there was a way beyond that ? Surely there was . There had to be , right ? ' Her heart whispered .

Jon had never been able to lie to her . A even though he hadn't said it when they made love , he had told her he loved her before she left . Even after everything he had he had said and done to break her heart . He still said was still adamant that he hadn't been lying when he told her loved her . Even as he sent her away . He hadn't been able to look her in the eye until he said those words . And when he had , he hadn't been able to keep the love in his eyes hidden from her . He hadn't been able to touch her without reacting to her physically .

She didn't know what had made him decide to end things . But she knew Jon .. maybe even better than he knew himself . Something was had happened .
Maybe he had made a mistake and slept with Lolita or someone else , in a moment of i weakness . Perhaps it was fueled by alcohol or because he missed her and had missed the physical act of sex while they were apart . But he didn't love the other woman . Not once had he looked at Lolita the way he looked at her . He didn't even have lust in his eyes for her , that she could see . And over the years , she had seen lust in his eyes for another woman , before . So she was sure she would recognize it . But if he had cheated , could she forgive him an indiscretion ? , She asked herself over and over again . And to her surprise , she kept coming back to the same answer . That yes , If it was like she suspected . A weak moment when he was vulnerable and slipped back into his comfort zone to try to push her away , yes she could .
He had told her before that he was no good . And had warned her that he ran from commitment and pushed people away when they got to close to sabotage himself .
That was what he was doing now , she decided .

She tried to call him a few times after her epiphany . Swallowing her pride to do so . She didn't want to be this weak pathetic girl who played the fool because she was so desperate to be loved by the man she loved . But she would do so if it meant not losing him . Because she loved him . Fully and completely loved him . She loved every part of him good and bad . Every flaw and every foible that along with all of his good qualities , made him who he was . He was human and made mistakes Just like everyone else , herself included . Nobody was perfect . And this shouldn't have surprised her given his past and all that he had been through . He had been hurt by people who were supposed to love him .. more hurt that she could fathom being hurt by her own family . Yet even with all of the reasons he had to close himself off from her , he still had so much love to give , despite his scars both physical and mental , the later being the ones that must have led him to do this .

It might not be easy to get past this . It might time and patience and a lot of hard work to get back what they had , especially the trust . But she had faith in him and in them and knew that what they had was worth fighting for . She just had to find a way to make him see that believe in them and their love as much as she did .
But unfortunately , he wasn't answering his phone . It kept going straight to voicemail and she had eventually given up for the night . She hadn't showered when she got home . And with her emotions so raw , she hadn't bothered . She could still smell him on her skin . Could still feel traces of his release where it had dried on her thighs since she hadn't properly washed off before they left the shower .
And the truth was , no matter how gross it sounded , she wasn't ready to wash him away . No matter how broken and humiliated she had felt , because she still loved him .
She sat up in bed ... her mind suddenly remembering that she wasn't grounded anymore and was allowed to use the car .
She glanced at the clock and noted the late hour and knew that her parents had gone to bed . Her Mom finally having given up on trying to get her to talk hours ago . So she crept out of bed and before she could change her mind , grabbed the car keys and slipped silently out the door . Determined to go confront Jon .
With no way of knowing what to expect when she got there . But certainly not what she found .

...

Jon was dreaming of beautiful face above him contorted with pleasure as she rode him .
His hands on her hips , guiding them so they were moving in perfect unison as he picked up the pace .
She opened her eyes that were clouded with lust as she lovingly gazed down at him . A smile curving her lips as she leaned forward to kiss him . Her breasts pressing against his chest . He lifted a hand to fondle her . His fingers playing with her nipples as she moaned in pleasure and whimpered . " Baby .. I'm so close . It feels so good . You make me feel so good , JD . You're the only man who has ever made me feel like this . The only man who ever will . I love you Jon . Oh fuck ... i'm coming ! "

He grunted beneath her as an orgasm swept through her . Her words and her movements and her pleasure as she let go , driving him towards his own ending .
He moaned. " I love you , Kristeena ! I can't wait to make you my wife . " He confessed . As he tried to hold off as she collapsed atop him , as she came down from her high . " I can't wait either .. good thing i said yes , huh ? " She giggled as she sat back up slightly to look into his eyes . Her hand on his face she kissed him before sitting upright and began rolling her hips , her hands on his stomach for leverage as she tried to get him to cum for her . He bit his lip and tried to ignore the way her pussy clenched his dick . And lifted his own hand to cover hers . His eyes falling to the small gold ring that adorned her ring finger on her left hand . His thumb sliding over the warm gold . He smiled as he lifted it up to his cheek . , turned his face into her palm to kiss the center of it . His eyes catching the sparkle of the small diamond in the very center of the north star setting of his grandmothers engagement ring , that now belonged to his fiance . It looked so right there . He thought . Smiling as he kissed her hand once more . Before lifting his eyes to look up at her face again . Her eyes met his and they shared a look filled with love , as she smiled down at him . " I love you too , JD . I can't wait to marry you . " She confessed followed by a soft moan as he hit one of her sweet spots .

He smiled and lifted his hand to her waist . " Well luckily for both of us that we don't have long to wait now . Baby boy is on his way and i refuse to not make an honest woman of his Mommy before he makes his debut . " He teased , his breathing hitched as she shifted above him . Causing him to sink even deeper into her tight sheath . He ran a loving hand up the slight curve of her belly , where their baby was already growing inside of her . He grinned and she returned it as she panted . " More like you refuse to marry me when i can't fit into a wedding dress and have to waddle down the aisle to marry you . By the way , how do you even know we're having a boy ? " She giggled . "Just a feeling , my love . " He smiled softly before continuing " I will admit that i would like to be able to have a proper honeymoon before Ethan gets her . But you will make the most beautiful bride no matter what dress you're wearing .

And as far as your waddle i already love it . I've seen it before ... as a matter of fact , if memory serves me right , it was the morning after we made our little man . " She chuckled and blushed and gave playfully slapped his chest . " Thats not any way to talk to about the mother of your child and your future wife , Mr Good . It makes me sound like some kind of ringrat . " She teased . He chuckled and tormented back . " You could be my personal ring rat whenever you want , baby . I would certainly have no complaints . God you feel amazing . Nobody has ever made me feel this good . I could fuck you for the rest of my life and never get bored . " He grunted his breath choppy as he fought back his orgasm . Not wanting the exquisite feeling of being inside of her , to end yet . He kissed her and let out a shaky breath " So ... You've already named our son huh ? " She gave a throaty chuckle that turned into a whimpering moan . " I have . But i may be willing to negotiate if given the proper incentive . " He teased , panting as he pulled her down and capturing her nipple in his mouth . " Ohhh ... fuck Jon ! " She moaned loudly , as she started to squirm . Stuttering as she teased . "Th there you go again ... making me sound like a whore . " He chuckled deep in his throat and assured her " Nah baby .. It makes you sound like a well loved woman who loves her man just as much . " He drew her nipple deep in his mouth and sucked hard which made her yelp and press her boobs into his face . Practically smothering him in the process . Not that he cared as he enjoyed the slightly fuller mounds that were already growing with her pregnancy . " Fuck babe , you have the best tits . I could suck them all fucking day and night . " He hissed , as he came up for air . Before his lips closed around the other nipple and gave it the same treatment as the first one . She giggled and reminded him " Well you'll have to share them soon , baby . " He grinned around her nipple , looking up at her as she pushed her fingers through his hair before he released the tight bud with an audible pop . " This kids lucky i love him . Because i don't share these beauties with just anyone." He teased before squeezing both breasts in his hands and rasped " God babe , there getting huge . I can't wait until you're further along and your belly catches up . Pregnancy definitely agrees with you little star . I might just have to keep you knocked up on a regular basis just so i can find new ways to fuck you and so i can keep playing with these gorgeous tits . "

His thumbs brushing over the sensitive peaks before circling them . She laughed and teased "Gee thanks . That doesn't make me sound an less like a ho ."

He chuckled and said " I'm juts messing with you babe . I don't need to have an excuse to find new ways to make you feel good . You inspire me in and out of the bedroom . And if we're being honest , that night that we made this little miracle you were kinda my own private little ringrat , babe . I mean , i had just finished my first pay per view and we celebrated in the locker room ... in the rental car .. outside of the bar ... in the elevator ... in our hotel room . I had you in so many ways that night . " He reminded her .

" Mmmm .. i have to admit . That was an amazing night . " She purred as she rolled her hips . " Amazing night ... amazing morning ... and afternoon . I couldn't get enough of you . There was no way you were getting out of there without my baby in you , Kristeena . " He teased as she started to pant harder . As her orgasm rushed through her . " I'm so close Jon .. cum with me ,baby ! " She demanded as her legs started to twitch " Mmmm fuck ! .. i'm almost there too . Oh fuck , Teeny ! Come on , let go and cum with me little star ! "
He demanded and felt her shatter all around him . It went on and on . His release bathing her walls as her muscles milked him .
She collapsed atop him . Both of them drenched in sweat as he held her as they both relaxed and tried to catch their breath .

Her heart pounding like thunder as he opened his eyes to look at her . Her soft smile and sleepy love filled eyes staring back at him . He closed his eyes smiling only to open them a moment later when he heard a soft sniffle . His smile quickly turning to a frown when he realized that there were tears swimming in the turquoise blue pools of her eyes . But not tears of joy but instead ones of a deep hurt swirling in their depths as she whimpered . " How could you do this to me , Jon ? How could you lie to me and cheat on me ! You broke me ! " She shouted as she got up and ran towards the door . Desperate to stop her , he got up to run after her . Throwing open the door to see her pitch forward . He opened his mouth to scream her name and reached for her to stop her from landing on her stomach as she fell . But no words would come out and he was frozen to the spot . His eyes popping open wide as he woke from his nightmare . Confused when he saw that she had disappeared . But still panicked he stepped through the door . Only to come to an abrupt halt when instead of seeing his beautiful Kristeena , he saw a woman with green contacts covering her brown eyes and bottle blonde hair , standing before him . And before he could wrap his drunken mind around why she was here , or how since he had never given her his address , she even knew where he lived . She was throwing herself at him and pulling him into a hard kiss .

Totally oblivious that the woman who he had been dreaming of moments before , the only woman he loved and wanted had just pulled up and witnessed the whole thing . And had taken off just as quick , not waiting around to see any more . Leaving only moments before he shoved the blonde away from him , and screamed at her to stay the fuck away from him , and slammed the door in her face .

...

Kristeena was sobbing as she drove away from her worst nightmare . Her mind all over the place .. her heart completely shattered now as she realized that her hope for them to be able to work through this was for naught . As her heart finally let her begin to accept the truth . That he really didn't want her and didn't really love her and probably never had . He had already moved on and it hurt so bad . She had been wrong . So so wrong when she had convinced herself that he loved her . She might be young and naive but she knew that love didn't make someone feel like he made her feel just now . It had been bad enough earlier . But this was even worse because her hope was gone . She had never felt like such a fool.

Somehow , even after what he had said , part of her had naively believed that it had all been a lie . That he had never been unfaithful to her and was simply trying to push her away to protect her . But now that the truth was so crystal clear , she couldn't keep lying to herself .
She thought she had been hurt earlier . But now she knew that compared to this , it had been a cakewalk .

She drove blindly , not even sure where she was headed as long as it was away from what she had just seen . She didn't want to go home . There were too many memories there . And to many i told you so , waiting for her when Tommy found out . She couldn't deal with that right now . And even though he had been right . She was still angry at him . But he had been right about Jon .
He certainly hadn't wasted any time moving on from her , just like Tommy said . And as she thought of the way he had touched her . The things she had allowed him to do to her and begged for , she suddenly felt dirty . Knowing that the same mans release that was dried on her skin would soon be filling another woman .
She was going to be sick . She pulled off the side of the road and opened her door . Throwing up what little she hadn't already thrown up earlier , as she started to shake as shock set in . She had left her phone at home in her rush so she couldn't call anyone to come meet her . Not that she would have done that anyway . She was too embarrassed about how she had acted . How she had defended him and allowed herself to hope and dream of a future with him . He was so good at deceiving her . He had painted a picture of their life together for her . And she had believed every word . But in the end he just threw away her like he garbage . She had thrown her pride away to be with him , only to end up alone . And she was alone . Her trust in everyone broken now that the one person she had trusted the most of everyone she had ever known , had broken her heart .

Oh god . They were over ' Jon and I are over .I've lost the love of my life ' she thought to herself , as she forced herself to pull back into traffic .

She drove without focus . Her eyes filled with tears so she couldn't even see the road clearly . She felt so dirty . The desire to wash away all traces of him from her skin growing stronger with each turn of the wheels . Her eyes fell on a napkin that lay on the dashboard and she picked it up and started to scrub furiously at her thigh with it . Her frustration growing as it did nothing but chafe her skin . Suddenly she remembered the package of wet wipes her Mom always kept in the glove compartment and popped it open . Taking her hands off the wheel to grab one , she gripped it again quickly with one hand , while the other scrubbed hard at her chafed skin , it stung as it turned bright pink with irritation . But still , she kept scrubbing . Numb to the pain as she desperately tried to make herself feel clean and growing frustrated when it wasn't working .

She didn't even register the car horn that sounded or the red light she had plowed through until bright lights shone in her eyes , blinding her further and she heard the horrific sound of metal against metal crunching as the car that had sounded the horn 's brakes screeched . Before slammed into her door . She felt the seatbelt digging into her midsection and the airbags going off , hitting her from all sides as she felt an excruciating pain along her whole left side , from the neck down . Her howl of pain piercing her eardrums , Before everything got quiet and she felt a sick smile curve her lips . Welcoming the sweet oblivion of unconsciousness , as her world faded to black and the pain , both physical and mental , slipped away .