For the first couple days, it was like the Black Plague had finally made its way to the states. It didn't affect everyone, just one person. Just Raelynn and everyone was cautious to avoid her to fend off the illness from ever coming into contact with loved ones or even a neighbor. Or that one person from down the street that you smiled at every once in awhile out of respect but never really had a conversation with him. You even wanted to protect that person from the illness that was Raelynn Winters. They avoided the house in which she was cooped up in as if her sentencing would be passed onto them like a villainous black fog. It was easy to ignore, for Raelynn, because she remained in the house away from the window in the room she claimed on the second floor. Rick had Judith moved to stay with Jessie in the morning while he tended to the duties of constable. Raelynn stared at the wall, once again pushing away the thought of sleep and would occasionally roam the halls of the house, raid the pantry for whatever food was there. For two days, that's all she would do. She would sometimes chat with Daryl who came to see her at the end of the day or mutter a greeting to Carol who swung by in the afternoon for baking stuff. For the most part though, Rick's people were like the Alexandrians - they avoided her like the common cold though. If they had to interact with her, they did it but not because they wanted to (with few exceptions) but because they needed it. While it was just as contagious, there was something less potent and less harmful about the common cold that allowed Rick's group to interact with Raelynn. But she was always the contagious illness.
On the third day of her trial (probation, according to her), Raelynn left. The house, that is. For two reasons, for the most part. For one, she convinced herself that if she stayed in that house for another day with absolutely nothing to do and no one to interact with and knowing that everyone was purposely avoiding her, she would go absolutely insane. It was different when she did it voluntarily but when people avoided her because of something idiotic like ending up like Nicholas (who remained in the Pete's care) or suffering a potential exile like her - it infuriated her. There was that and the fact that Deanna had summoned her to her humbly large abode. She had no idea why but she would be lying to herself if she said she wasn't interested. Her curiosity spiked when Maggie (obligatory, of course) came to see if how she was holding up and then told her that she was to see Deanna tomorrow. Deanna wanted to talk to her about something but was not specific about it.
Raelynn knocked on the door and suddenly hoped this wasn't another interview. A sense of deja vu rushed over her as she remembered her doing this exact thing just a few days ago. She hoped that Deanna wouldn't want to examine her under a fucking microscope like some kind of scientist or circus attraction (come one, come all! Look at the deranged psychopath in complete isolation and let's watch her crack! Just remember, don't touch and don't feed!). When Deanna opened the door and her Cheshire cat grin stared back at her, Raelynn knew that that wasn't the case.
"Raelynn, you're here. Maggie gave you my message, perfect. Come in, come in." Without a word, she walked into the threshold and in came the scent of a candle or maybe food that was just being prepared. She didn't know. Deanna led her to the living room area to a loveseat couch and a matching hefty chair across from it. Without being told, Raelynn slumped into the couch, in between the two cushions and waited for Deanna to sit down, wondering if the lady had the guts to sit next to her. She didn't, probably out of respect Raelynn guessed. Or fear, she couldn't decide. Deanna took the chair and sat down, crossing one leg over the other and smiled softly at her.
"So, Raelynn, I'm sure you're wondering why you're here." She didn't answer back, she didn't feel the need to. No shit she was wondering why she was there, right? Deanna was a smart woman, surely she could figure it out.
"Well, I'm here to tell you that I've decided to reinstate you as a supply runner with Glenn and Noah. I want you to start-"
"Why?" Deanna looked up at the ebony haired entity that was locked up like a family secret. Because that's what she was for many of them. That's all she had left in her; secrets.
"I'm sorry?"
"Why did you decide to put me back on the supply runs?"
"I'm sure you were told of your week trial-"
"Which has only just begun. Sorry for finding it a bit odd that you're being so damn nice to me by putting me back on supply runs."
"Well, in order to see how you do-"
"In other words, you want to see how crazy I am outside of trying to murder one of your people. Believe me, Deanna, I get it," Raelynn began as she slid down the end of the couch, edging towards the former congresswoman. Being inside for so long without no one put her on edge. Being so fucking vulnerable made her on edge and she hated it. She hated it so much, it made her laugh, "You guys just don't pay attention, do you? None of you do. You wanted to hear my side of things, you got it. Congratulations. But when I say, forget about it and move on, you guys just don't do that, huh? You don't fucking listen. Don't give me supply run privilege back so quickly just because you feel sorry for me. I don't need your damn pity because you feel sorry for a person that was kicked around."
Deanna clasped her two hands in front of her, in her lap and observed Raelynn. Deanna wasn't looking, watching or glaring - no, she was observing Raelynn (come one, come all!). Deanna took a breathe, let it out and then spoke; she spoke as if she had planned it for hours.
"We are sorry for what happened to you, Raelynn. I never meant for that to happen-"
"Yeah, well it did."
"Even so, the past is in the past, that's your business ('Not anymore,' Raelynn muttered under her breath, "that shit is out of the bag."). That is not why I decided to give you back your duties."
Raelynn shifted in her seat, and rubbed her palms against her jeans, her gaze meeting Deanna's, "Oh really? Then tell me why."
"You said more that day than just your story. I'm listening to you, listening to what you said about waking up and acting. That's what I'm doing, I'm acting. I decided to give you back your duties because you were right."
"About?"
"About us, all of us. We need to act and I know that's what you did. That's why you survived. That's why Rick and his group survived. I understand that now. That's why-" Deanna stopped for a moment and Raelynn watched as her fists clenched against each other, "That's why Aiden didn't survive."
"I think that's taking it a bit too far-"
"It's true," Deanna said, "It's true and you know it. I love - loved my son but we don't have any experiences out there and are unprepared for what lies ahead. He didn't deserve it, you know you think that too. Or else you would have left Nicholas and Aiden but you stayed with them. Nicholas said that you-"
"Killed him," Raelynn finished bitterly.
"I know, you didn't," Deanna said, "You put him out his misery."
"How do you know?" Deanna smiled this time, a warm smile as she kept her steady eyes on Raelynn.
"Call it mother's intuition. But you have heart, Raelynn or you wouldn't have reacted that way to Tara's death ('says everyone and their mother,' thought Raelynn bitterly). And I believe what you said, about acting. I think you know exactly what you're talking about. Rick has been trying to tell me for a while now - about training the others so we're ready for anything out there. But I didn't listen and look what happened. I lost my son and you lost a good person because my people weren't properly prepared, mentally and physically. After what happened and you spoke about yourself and doing what has to done, I realized that he was right. You both were absolutely right and we have to start doing what needs to be done in order to survive."
On the outside, Raelynn was expressionless. She merely watched Deanna as she spoke with a stern look and listened carefully. Inside, she was taken aback. Finally, she thought with an inner smirk. Fucking finally, someone actually listened. But that still didn't explain some things.
"So, what does this have to do with me getting my supply runs again?"
"For one, you are still on your trial week and I need to see how you function in your everyday duties to see if you are capable of staying here. (fair enough, muttered Raelynn in her head. I'm still insane to her but she listened, so i'll let it slide.). And secondly, I want you to do much more than just your normal supply runs."
"What do you mean?" Deanna stood up and motioned for her to follow, so she did. Raelynn followed Deanna like a little duckling following her mother as the two left the living room area to her office, the one that was oh so familiar to Raelynn. She remembered the shelves of books and the window that overlooked the street and shined a bright light in the office. But Deanna didn't lead her to the chairs that were near the window instead she led her to her desk. It was a medium sized dark brown (Raelynn didn't give a shit about what it was made of, but it looked like wood, one of those old fashioned ones) desk and on the surface of the desk was a large map, tattered and wrinkled but usable.
"What's all this about?" asked Raelynn.
"This is about a little problem that we have," said Deanna, leaning into her desk and her hands on the map. She looked up at Raelynn and saw her eyes change. They were a dark brown - not the soft browns that Deanna remembered from the other night, when she spoke of her story. She was in war mode, walls up and strong, "Yesterday, I asked Aaron to go on a scavenge mission with another Alexandrian and, without Daryl as you know they are usually together on the outside. But I was afraid that if my suspicions were correct, Daryl would go straight to Rick and I wouldn't know what to do."
"What's the problem?" Her voice was firm, strong and assertive as if her voice from the other night was just a weak imitation of this one. Deanna was impressed, "The problem is that when they came back, my suspicions were correct. The other supply runners and scouters have been telling me of a large amount of walkers just south of Alexandria, a few miles back."
"How large are we talkin' about?"
"At least, 100 maybe more. The others have said that little packs broke off from the big herd and scattered around the area. 20 or so. They thought that there was a larger herd that these were coming from and came back to tell me. So I told Aaron to go because he's been out there and he's fast on his feet and confirm what the others have been saying. And when he came back yesterday, he said that there indeed was a herd of at least 100 walkers but they were trapped in a small canyon and a few dozen or so continued to escape up the canyon every so often. Now, I want you, Rick, Daryl and a few others to go and see what can be done about this. I do not want more of those escaping and coming towards my community."
"Two problems," said Raelynn, "For one, I think it's pretty dumb to take some of your best chance of surviving away from the community. That mistake would leave your place defenseless. You may have weapons, Deanna but that isn't gonna do shit if you don't know what you're doing. And second, why me? Why not go straight to Rick and his people?" She wanted an answer, but all she got was that warm smile again. That smile of pride and recognition that was starting to make Raelynn uncomfortable.
"That's exactly why," Deanna said, "Because you're not his people. I wanted a second opinion from someone with just as much experience. You're not like them, Raelynn and I think you know that. You have different experiences from them, you do things differently from them. You all grew differently in this world so I wanted to go to you because you're your own leader. I needed your impulsive attitude. So, I want you to go to Rick and tell him the plans. You two are very similar so I think you can come up with a plan to get rid of those walkers without too much damage. You need to act. What do you say?"
"I say, let's do this shit."
"What are we 'ere for?" asked Daryl as he crossed his arms and looked at his friend and fellow survivor, Rick. He had asked the group to meet at the house and those that were not on duties (Carol, Maggie, Carl, Abraham, Eugene and Daryl) now waited for the leader to say something. Daryl was getting tired of waiting. Rick nodded and rubbed at the scruff of his beard that was finally beginning to come back (when she first saw him without it, Raelynn was scared shitless - and tried not to laugh at how less intimidating he looked).
"I wanted us to meet and talk about Raelynn."
"We did that 'lready," Daryl said and Abraham nodded in agreement, "That shit is over."
"What happened the other day was just the beginning," Rick said, "I wanted to know how you all feel about her now, knowin' what we know 'bout her."
No one spoke and if they did and said something bad, Daryl was tempted to knock some sense into them. But no one wanted to, or maybe they did and didn't have the guts to say something. What else would they say that wasn't already obvious? They felt sorry for her. They never knew that that happened to her - she didn't seem like the person who would have that happen to them. She's strong and brave now. All generic, not true, bullshit.
"What do you think?" asked Michonne. Rick shrugged and leaned against the wall of the living room where the couches were arranged after sleeping on them.
"I still don't trust her," he said, "She's hiding something, I dunno what it is yet but I know she's hiding something she's not telling us. I still think she's dangerous, maybe even more than before."
"Why?" asked Maggie.
"She's killed before," he said, "more than just the four that she told us in the beginning, Daryl. Rosita told me that she's killed more than that. People not walkers so who knows how many. Who knows why (Daryl shifted his eyes) and who knows what else she's hiding from us. She could be dangerous to us and to this community."
"Thought you didn't give care about the community," said Carl.
"Ya said they didn't know shit 'bout survivin', they're just gonna get themselves killed," said Daryl."You're right," said Rick, "They're gonna get themselves killed if they don't learn but if they don't listen then we'll just have to take the place. It has walls and it has supplies, things that we need. We are not letting this place go. And Raelynn is a danger to it because we don't know what else she knows. Maybe she's for another community."
"And she's been with us for this long?" questioned Carol, "I don't think so."
"You never know anymore, Carol," he said, "You can't keep so quick to judge. Maybe she's doing surveillance for another community that sees us as a threat. Get inside our heads," Rick glanced at Daryl who glared at him, "and catch us off guard. All I'm saying is keep on your toes 'round her, she's-"
"Dangerous," said Raelynn as she stepped into view from the walkway to the living room, "Insane? Or a threat to you? Or maybe all three." She chuckled and Daryl watched as her eyes weren't their dark shade but lighter - vulnerable, hurt, "If I'm so dangerous, you may need to watch the door when you have secret meeting like this about me. But enough about me. I need to speak with you, Rick. Outside. Now."
When he didn't move and in fact Michonne moved for her katana by her side and Rick's hand inched toward his gun, she chuckled again, "Oh don't worry, I won't bite. Deanna's orders. So, Rick, outside now please. So we can have a little chat."
A/N: I feel like I should explain a few things about Raelynn's behavior. I don't want her to come off as psychotic, crazy or sadistic, because she's laughing at the worst possible moments or a very emotional moment. She is by no means psychotic or mentally ill (besides the PTSD). Her actions may make her seem like she's on the verge of a mental breakdown through the eyes of the Alexandrians and Rick and his group but I think laughing for her is a coping mechanism that she uses to better deal with the stress and her emotions that she's kept bottled up for so long. She uses this almost cruel and unusual side to her as a way to deal with the betrayal, hurt and loss that she's encountered so far. In the way, I think that's why she's also very impulsive like when she killed Carlos, tried to kill Nicholas or kneed Aiden. She's suffered so much at the hands of Bruce that most contact with males not only frightens her but brings out that cruel and mean side of her out because that's how she coped her with Bruce's abuse, by cursing, punching or even laughing it off. So yeah, that's all I wanted to say on the matter and I hoped you enjoyed this chapter!
- A.A