Chapter 25
"How old are you today Nicky?" I ask. "How old?" I ask again with a smile.
He puts out one small finger.
"That's right sweetie that's how old you are." I say and kiss him.
"Here's the cake." Finnick says coming from the kitchen. We made Nick a little cake for him to eat/smush. It's a nice chocolate with blue frosting. Nick will probably get it everywhere but it will look nice for a picture.
Finnick sets it in front of Nick and we take a picture.
"Okay here's your birthday cake baby try it." I say.
He looks curious he's never had cake before. He puts his hand in the frosting and takes it to his mouth.
He giggles and continues to eat.
Finnick is smiling at him.
"He's cute." He says.
I smile and nod.
"You'll be cleaning him up though." I say.
Finnick rolls his eyes.
I can tell Finnick is still having some issues. I don't keep alcohol in the house anymore and Finnick hasn't been sleeping well because of it. I'm pretty sure he has a secret stash somewhere in the house but I can't tell for sure. I'm only thinking this because he seems to brush his teeth endlessly and one day I came home and he was 'asleep' on the couch. Although I know he wasn't sleeping because he smelled of boozes. He was the only one taking care of Nick that day.
"Fine." He says.
I watch Nick eating his cake.
"Mama" He says and points at me.
I smile I can tell he doesn't really want anything.
"Dada." He says and points to Finnick.
Finnick smiles.
Nick evenutally stops playing/eating his cake and starts to get drowsy.
"Come here Nick." Finnick says and takes apart the high chair carefully to ensure Nick's small fingers don't get smashed. "It's bath time." He says.
I hear Nick moan slightly. He doesn't like bath time and he's smart enough now to understand what 'bath time' means even though he can't verbalize it. I can hear Nick start crying when the water starts running, but I don't go upstairs because I know Finnick can take care of him. When the water is office Finnick comes down ten minutes later carrying the baby monitor.
"He asleep?" I ask and Finnick nods.
"That's good." I say.
"Yes it is." He says and kisses my cheek. "Annie, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about." He says.
"What?" I ask as he sits next to me. Is he going to tell me he thinks he has a drinking problem? Or that wants me to go to therapy with him? Or some other third option that I have wanted him to say.
He takes my hand and brings it to his lips.
"What is it Finnick?" I ask now worried.
"I was thinking Nick is one now-"
"I know." I say and smile. Although I get the feeling I know where this conversation is going and I know he won't like the end result.
"And I really think Nick should have a sibling." Finnick says.
"Finnick." I start.
"I know what happened with John was messed up, but it won't happen again. He's dead and no one else will try and take our child away."
He technically doesn't know that, but I'm sure he's correct. I don't think anyone will try and take our hypothetical child away.
"And everything's okay now." Finnick says. I think he's been talking while I've been thinking of the right way to answer this. I know whatever I say will make him angry so I'm going to try and do it as gentle as possible.
"I know everything is... okay now." I say slowly. Finnick looks happy by this response. "But, I don't think you're okay." I say softly. I almost don't want to look at him because he has that confused hurt look on his face right now.
"I'm fine Annie, everything is going back to normal-"
"Finnick, I don't think you're okay." I say softly. Do I want Nick to have a sibling probably, but do I think we should have one right now? No. I'm too worried about Finnick to be able to take care of another child or be pregnant.
"I'm fine." He says again.
"You aren't sleeping and I can tell you're not telling me something." I say as a response.
"I'm not lying to you." He says. "And I'm not sleeping because... well I just can't." He says.
"Are you having nightmares?" I ask.
"No." He says. I know the answer why he isn't sleeping and he knows the answer as well, but I get the feeling neither of us will say it. Finnick can't go to sleep unless he's had some alcohol.
I look at him and he looks back at me. It looks like we are having a staring contest.
"Then what is it?" I ask.
"You know why." He says.
"Finnick you need help." I say gently.
"I'm fine Annie. I thought about taking sleeping pills but knew that wouldn't be a good idea." He says. Well at least he knows that.
"Finnick if you need to rely on some form of drug to fall asleep then you aren't fine. You can't depend on something like that, it's like poison." I say.
"But you don't understand Annie."
"You're right I don't. I don't understand what you're going through, but I do know you need help and I can't help you if you won't let me."
Finnick leans in and kisses my cheek which confuses me.
"I don't think you can help me Annie." He says.
"Well, I'll find someone who can. I just don't want to loose you to some type of poison because I fear one day you might wake up and care about that the most and not me and Nick." I say.
"That won't happen. I'll always care about you and Nick the most." He says.
"Then let me help you so I can make sure." I say.
He closes his eyes and breathes in and out deeply. I know you can't really help a person who doesn't want help, but it's not like I have any other ideas.
He opens his eyes and says "Okay." I can tell from his voice that he doesn't like this, but at least he is trying... or lying.