Chapter Twenty-Five: On the Issue of Musical Stereotypes and Love Never Dies:

Hello! This is Soprano again! Sorry for the inconsistent updating schedule! I got a Frozen overload. ITS SOOOO GOOODD! I'll be better now that I'm on spring break! I promise!

P.S. This is not a real chapter. It is a filler to get to know your opinions so I can write LND better...Just a warning.

Anywho, from every review I've watched of LND, the favorite complaint is about the inconsistent plot. And personally, I agree with them...Sort of... Either that or they wonder why it happened. Why Andrew Lloyd Webber had to ruin his opus with a half-baked squeal...

And since I watched like 20 of Webbers interviews concerning the musical I will attempt to make sense of this situation.

1) Possibly the most important reason of all of them:

Baritones and Sopranos in musical theatre can never hook up and/or have a successful marriage. I have literally never seen a baritone and a soprano hook up successfully except in My Fair Lady... But the Baritone and Soprano were constantly fighting, and I had no idea how they ended up together.

See, this is how it's supposed to work:

Sopranos:

The pretty igneue who everyone either hates or wants to be. Usually has a wide range of part importance. Has 1-12 (in Christine's case) pretty songs. Has a duet with whoever she will fall for in the end with a crazy high note at the end or a kiss. Undergoes no character development whatsoever in most cases. (Cosette, Sandy, Carlotta, Wendla, Christine, Gabriella I hate you!, Emma, Cinderella and every other one) Is there just to look pretty and fall in love with one of the male leads.

Mezzo Soprano:

There is a high likelihood this woman is a prostitute or a woman with a really messed up past/ job. There is a high chance that she is depressed, unsatisfied, or hiding something (a.k.a the Girys, Elphalba, Elsa, Rizzo, Frenchie, Tiana, Rapunzel, Giselle, the Witch, Little Red Riding Hood, Baker's Wife, Mother Gothel, Nellie, Lucy, Marguerite, Ilse, pretty much all of them) Sometimes they go insane. (Meg) They die really awful deaths or are persecuted. (Fantine, Begger Woman, Meg, Esmerelda, Loraine, Marguerite, Lucy, Mrs. Lovett, Lady Beaconsfield for like 2 lines) They also have an awesome belt song (all of them) And they will probably receive a lot of fans, because she's awesome, and because her life usually improves when she meets the tenor.

Altos:

There's a high likelihood that this character as well, like the Mezzo, is a hooker, street rat, or has a crappy job. (Mimi, Nancy, Nala) She, like the Mezzo, dreams of a better life. (All of them) She is almost guaranteed not to get the guy she's pinning over, or if she does, she has to die (Mimi, Eponine) Everyone is guaranteed to like her, since she's pretty sweet, but there is a very small chance she will live till the end. :( Usually has the most character development of the girls, which still isn't very much. Also has an awesome solo.

And now lets Bring on the Men! (Anyone else get that?)

Tenors:

These are the dream boats. The guys who you would love to show to your family (in most cases). His looks usually range from nice to really hot, he can sing- (Adam and his six brothers, Danny Zuko, Dr. Jekyll, Hans, Kenickie, Clopin, Kristoff, Flynn Rider, Hercules Prince Naveen, Jean Valjean, Troy I hate you!, Freddy, Enjolras, Marius based on his looks, not his personality, Fiyero, Harry Potter, Mottol, Pertrick, Anthony who looks like a human Barbie in the 1982 version, The Baker, The Prince, Princee Charming, Man 1 and 2, Piangi, John Smith, Tony, Riff, Bernardo, Simba, and the list continues) He almost always gets the girl... or he dies, either way deep down in every guys heart, he wants to be this guy. Now there are a couple cases, where the tenor is ugly (The Phantom of the Opera and Quasimodo) doesn't get the girl or a happy ending, and yet... they both have a fan-base bigger than everyone elses. These, are the special cases. (The Beast doesn't apply because he turns good looking in the end.) But some rules apply to be a good tenor: You must stalk someone (All of them) usually your love interest, you have to sing an awesome song with her or for her, you must defy the odds, and you have to fight for her...

Even if it means killing people. Hey, it's either you love 'em or you hate them.

Baritones:

Now these guys are usually the supporting dudes, who come in at the weirdest, most inconvenient times (Javert, Mr. Hyde, Raoul, Firmin, and Andre) They are sometimes the tenors best friend, (Utterson, Mr. Carew) Over 90% of them are jerk-holed-stalkers to everyone. (Gaston, Javert, The Wolf, Mr. Hyde, Bishop of Baringstroke, Henry Higgins, LND Raoul, Sweeney Todd... the list continues.) They get shipped with the mezzos a lot, and like the lower females, there is an extremely high chance that they could die awful deaths. (Sweeney Todd Gaston, The Wolf, and Mr. Hyde) Have a considerable fan base, and are often underappreciated because of the tenors. GO BARITONES! YOU STILL ROCK!

Basses:

Now this is pretty rare, because of the vocally challenging low notes, and the fact that there are so few true basses, so there aren't many roles written for them. But their voices are so beautiful...The only one I could think of would be Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof, and I'm not even sure he's one.

2) Love Never Dies is NOT A SEQUEL!

Suprising, right?

ALW didn't want a sequel to Phantom. It was suppose to be a different take on Phantom, because the characters were apparently two-dimensional...

What?

Its a musical, man! The entire point of a musical is to tell a story or an idea, not to develop characters! Those are what books are for! Completely different mediums!

And there is no such thing as a musical with truly three-dimensional characters. Do we know their age? Favorite color? Birthday? Favorite book? Favorite activity? Most important memory? Most important family member? How was their childhood? Teenage years? What's their favorite animal? Song? Color? Outfit? We don't know, and we don't care? Would you rather listen to "My favorite book is The Notebook!" or "ONE DAY MORE?" Probably the latter. Unless you want your audience to book a couple nights at the Hyatt to come back and see the seven remaining parts of your show, you will not make a three-dimensional musical!

3) Love Never Dies is a too inconsistent.

Yeah it is, but so is Phantom... just not as much... And since I believe in fair treatment (sometimes) I will attempt to judge them equally by pointing out all the plot-holes in it...There are a lot... Forgive me:

- How did the lead monkey musical box survive in such perfect condition, all those years in the dingy vaults of the Opera House? Especially since it burned down? How was it not burned to ashes, or at the least, covered in ash? I put my music box on the floor, and it shatters.

- Are Prima Donnas allowed to just walk out on a show? Can't they get fired?

- She doesn't know her music teacher's name... STRANGER DANGER!

- How come no one has called the police on the Phantom yet? Hasn't he been terrorizing them for, like, 12 years?

- It's really convienent that Raoul is the patron of the Opera House Christine works for, and they used to be sweethearts... Just convienent...- Apparently, no one can hear the Phantom singing all the time, except Christine.

- Meg doesn't question the fact that her friend might be schizophrienic... neither does Raoul... or Madame Giry.

- Apparently no one can hear the Phantom dissing Raoul after he leaves from "Little Lotte" even though HE'S SHOUTING!

- The guy practically raised you, and yet you don't know his name? How do you have a relationship with someone if you don't know their name?

- The dude comes out of your flippin' mirror wearing a mask and you're O.K with that? Did your parents never teach you stranger danger Christine? And if it seems like he has immediate access to your mirror, what exactly has he been watching you doing?

- How does no one notice that her mirror opens? I mean, I've bumped into mirrors multiple times, and they never opened. Wouldn't someone notice that her mirror is hollow?

- How did you fit an organ down there without anyone noticing? I can't slip a cheese stick past my parents without them noticing; how can you transport an organ down there? Those things are crazy loud! Y'know, you're not being inconspicuous about your hiding place. Even a toddler could find you at this point.

- You should know by now, that if he's a true angel, he would not be using those kind of "Music of the Night" analogies with you.

- He made a doll of you and you still trust him? Wow, Christine... Just wow...

- Sure, Christine. Take of his mask. Because people wearing masks have absolutely NOTHING TO HIDE!

- Then when he freaks out at you, act all "Wait, what?"

- How did no one recognize Christine's absence? Seriously, doesn't she live there?

- Do Andre and Firmin have any experience in management of... anything? How are they managers of an opera house, and they hate reading?

- When someone, especially a vicious, bipolar, deformed sociopath tells you to do something, if you want to live, you do it.

- Surprise! Buquet is dead! How could we have know, except for the fact that he TOLD YOU BEFORE-HAND!

- The roof is no safer than inside the Opera House.

- Christine just told someone that she knows where the Phantom lives... and yet no one cares.

- I can't believe the chandelier didn't squash anyone... especially Christine.

- Just because the Phantom hasn't been terrorizing everyone for six months, doesn't mean he's gone. Once in a while, it's nice to have a vacation!

- Madame Giry admits to helping out the Phantom... How is she not Fifty Shades of Fired right now?

- Saying "there have been too many accidents" makes it very clear to everyone watching it, that no of whatever happened was an accident.

- Christine admits to being schizophrenic again, and seeing the Phantom's lair... and instead of using her words to go find the police and hunt him down, they ignore it.

- He lives in the Opera House! Think people! Its like going to rob someone, and calling them in advance to tell them! Stupid!

- Live bait? You are going to make a teenage girl be live bait? She's a flipping teenager, and he's a socio! He killed people, man!

- Christine... what part of STRANGER DANGER DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND! You should be able to tell by the voice, that that's not your daddy.

- You hired the worst police force ever.

- The Phantom apparently writes self-inserted fan-fiction too.

- Police... were you sleeping the entire opera? You could have shot him immediately, but no... we're gonna let him finish his proposal first.

- How is Raoul able to find the Phantom's lair when he's never been there?

- How the heck did the mob find his lair? Is there like, another secret entrance? And if it was so easy to do, why not just do it when he first started terrorizing you?

-How did Christine and Raoul get out without encountering the mob? Because they were going in their direction when they left him.

- Where's the Phantom? Does his cape make him disappear?

I would rant some more, but lets save it for the parody. ;) I hope you like this chapter.

BTW! All you Phantom book fans, there's a trailer on Youtube for an animated movie version of the book! SQUEEE! They still need some more money and need to increase popularity to get it to become a full film, but it looks beautiful so far! Its called Phantom of the Opera animated trailer. Please spread the word and make it happen

Until Next Time,

Soprano