A/N: Hey guys. Thanks for your reviews! I really appriciate them. I did foresee your reaction, that's why I posted the previous chapter. Making it all a little more thrilling ;) So, as to soothe some of your concerns: some of them will turn out to be justified, others not. Enjoy and thanks for reading ;)

Chapter 23:

"You're so pathetic, do you actually realise that?" Laura snorted when they were both home. Sandy loosened his tie in frustration and pulled it over his head to throw it on the couch to demonstrate that he wasn't in the mood for another lecture from his wife. He had only meant well.

"What did you think to gain from it? His love or his acceptance? You can't buy your way to a child's heart. That's just not working," Laura went on.

"Damn it Laura, what was I supposed to do? He was practically begging me to help him getting out of that place. How could I have said no?" he defended his actions. Ryan's been in hospital again for three weeks since then and he was being sick of it. He needed a change in atmosphere, breathe some fresh air and Sandy couldn't deny him his wish when he asked him to leave the hospital for a few hours. He didn't foresee it would well up such a drama.

"It doesn't matter how. It only matters that you should have done so," Laura huffed irritated. Sandy and Ryan had been to the cinema. It was quite deserted in the afternoon. Sandy didn't think it'll harm Ryan if he got some distraction, especially when there weren't a lot people around.

"C'mon Laura, stop being unfair. It didn't worsen Ryan's condition, did it?"

"But there's a reason for Ryan being in hospital again." She crossed her arms in front of her chest, a sign that she wasn't about letting this topic slide. She had a point to make and she would make sure Sandy understood that, once more, he messed up and proved being an irresponsible father figure. But Sandy was reluctant to stand for it. He wouldn't take any more of the blame.

"At least I don't let my sick son comfort me whilst he needs it more than anyone else," Sandy blurted. He was shocked when he found his wife crying next to her son, who fiercely tried to sooth his mother. Late at home he asked Laura how she could possibly have lost it in front of their son, but she only brushed it off, telling him that she, at least, tried to cope with the emotional pressure of the situation whereas he was avoiding it. It has been useless making it clear to her that it was wrong what she did.

"At least I am there for him, whereas you run and hide from all of it: from Ryan's illness, from your feelings and from your son and me –your family. You only appear when you can play big Daddy. Don't you think it's hard for me saying no to Ryan all the time? But I do so, because it's the best for him. And you? What do you do? You make me seem like the evil parent, because you say yes. Do you really think it's nice to be the bad one for your kid?"

"Damn it, I didn't intend make you appear like the bad parent. I didn't even think about you in that moment, when it helps you getting over it," Sandy snapped.

"Thanks, very caring. Do you really think you can compensate your permanent absence with such headless actions?" she pointed out what she thought about what he has done.

"I didn't do it to compensate shit!" Sandy finally lost it and started screaming. How could he make her understand what led him doing what he has done?

"True, because that would mean you actually doing something for Ryan, while all you do you do for yourself."

"I didn't do it for me," he justified his actions.

"C'mon, do you really think you can blind me? You're making everything about yourself. You, you, you."

Sandy didn't feel well about doing what he was about to do. But he knew he had to, for Ryan's sake.

"Mr. Cohen, I understand your motives, but I'm not sure about this. Look, I already agreed to and found you a private tutor, although in my opinion it's been a little early," the doctor replied, heaving a sigh.

"But he's been attending school in New York too," Sandy countered. He wasn't happy about Ryan's wish either, but he also knew that otherwise he was isolating his son. Ryan needed a chance to settle down.

"I know, but Ryan's seriously sick. He might feel fine now, but that can change from one day to the other."

"When Ryan's not well he'll stay home. We'll find a rhythm as we did in New York," Sandy tried to persuade Dr. Hagen.

"Mr. Cohen, please let me remind you of the reason for why you specifically asked for a private tutor as soon as possible. I understand that Ryan needs some sort of distraction, but what I don't understand is, how you can possibly be concerned about his slipped grades," the doctor said briskly. Sandy couldn't tell why the doctor sought every opportunity to attack him.

"Mr. Cohen, I'm sorry if this now might sound offending, but I have trouble believing that this will work out. You're working a lot and it's already difficult making an appointment with you. And then keep in mind the hazel we've caused only so Ryan could at least leave the hospital. There are so many strangers involved in that process, because you are reluctant to be part of the plan. I just doubt that you're capable of judging and handling the situation correctly," the doctor explained and Sandy instantly felt offended. But he also knew that he was indeed giving such an impression.

"But Ryan feels isolated. What am I supposed to do about that?" Dr. Hagen leant back in her chair. Sandy could see that she was doing some heavy thinking. She was weighing her options.

"Mr. Cohen, I understand that Ryan feels left out. Teenagers his age need their freedom, but Ryan's in no state for that. What if he catches a cold? He's still very weak. A cold can be very dangerous for him. Since I could only release Ryan, because other people confirmed that they would take care of your son, how can I make sure that you can assess whether Ryan's healthy enough to go to school on a day by day basis? Or whether he's so sick that he needs to return to hospital, for that matter? You're not around enough. Unless you haven't sorted out your issues and your life, I can't take this risk," Dr. Hagen explained to him with a concerned expression. Sandy realised he had to change his work ethics in prospect of getting Ryan back to school. But that also meant that he had to face reality even more and he wasn't sure whether he could bear that much. On the other hand, how could he possibly tell his son that his wish attending regular school was denied only because of him – Sandy? He sensed that he was fighting a losing battle.

"Let's face it. You'll need to work your schedule around Ryan and not the other way round. It doesn't work anymore. And seriously, permitting Ryan going back to school sounds to me like clearing your schedule for that time of the day," Dr. Hagen stated bluntly. He hated it when she pronounced her thoughts like that.

"Alright, but could at least give me some sort of advice how I can improve my situation? I mean, Ryan's going to kill me if I tell him that he can't attend school because of me," Sandy replied holding up his hands in defeat. Ryan ought to get his way and Sandy was determined to help his son at least as far as Ryan didn't risk his health any further. Dr. Hagen tilted her head and a bemused smile appeared on her face.

"Suddenly you acknowledge what I say?" she asked sarcastically. "I can only tell, what I told you several times before, talk to Dr. Roberts. He can empathise best in your situation," she told him once more. Sandy nodded and got up.

"Mr. Cohen?", Dr. Hagen called him when he was about to leave her office. He turned around.

"Don't make this be about yourself. You shouldn't want Ryan returning to school only because he'll accept you more through it, but because it's the best for Ryan. And no matter what you decide on, don't make me regret my decision of releasing Ryan," the doctor emphasised once more that this wasn't about him. Sandy cringed inwardly at her words. He had heard them already so often, but still he wasn't capable of making an actual change. He was on his way outside when a familiar voice stopped him.

"Mr. Cohen," it was Dr. Roberts. Sandy sighed. He wasn't ready for yet another lecture. "My daughter, Summer, told me that your son was thinking about returning to school?" he asked him and Sandy was confused. He must've missed that Ryan and Dr. Robert's daughter seemed to know each other.

"Oh, sorry. My daughter's helping out in this hospital a little. Cheering up people and so on. She met Ryan once and since her best friend, Marissa Cooper, has developed a caring side regarding your son, I'm well, some sort of well informed," Dr. Roberts added cheerfully, but Sandy couldn't get what was so funny about that. He couldn't use a snitch snooping around in his personal business and whether Ryan was attending a regular school or not was very personal business.

"Dr. Hagen doesn't think it's a good idea sending Ryan to school," Sandy wanted to end the conversation but Dr. Roberts eyes told him that this man had a mission and wasn't about to let lose until he hasn't completed it.

"How are things going between you and your son?" Dr. Roberts asked as if he was asking about the weather.

"We're working it out," Sandy wanted to get rid of this imprudent man. He was digging too deep in Sandy's personal matters. The doctor nodded in acknowledgement.

"So, I can assume that you got professional help? I thought it was quite enlightening talking to someone who had an objective point of view. Until then I thought I was doing everything right, you know? Summer didn't complain and everything seemed to work out fine for both of us. It was a rough experience, someone telling me that I was the one who was failing," Dr. Roberts chattered on as if he was talking about the weather instead of some very personal experience. Sandy hated the fact that all people around him seemed to think of him incapable of solving his problems. But when Sandy was honest to himself, he had to admit that since he arrived in Newport, everything got worse instead of better. He reached the opposite of what he intended and yes, it felt as if he was the one losing control over his life. Still, this was no reason for others bothering him with the idea that he needed to consult a shrink.

"Dr. Roberts, it's great that you and your daughter worked out your problems and I know that people think it's a great achievement when you seek professional help. Though, I doubt that I need someone telling me what's wrong, since I know already what the problem is," Sandy superciliously brushed off Dr. Roberts' tale.

"Mr. Cohen," Dr. Roberts went on putting jovially a hand onto his should, "I do understand your reservations. There's something stigmatizing about the idea of seeing a shrink, but you should overcome those for your son's sake."

"My son and I are fine," Sandy finally burst. You sure are, because it's typical for a teenager to refuse a lifesaving treatment and for a father to visit his son at night when he's already asleep," Dr. Roberts pointed out that Sandy and Ryan were far from being fine. Sandy though felt offended once again. He couldn't stand any more people mingling in his life – in his business. He tolerated everyone's different opinion, but that didn't give them the damn right of telling him what he was supposed to do. He wasn't a train wreck yet and thus didn't need a shrink dissecting his inner life.

"Anyway, take this here," Dr. Roberts handed him the business card of a therapist, "This is a very good address, in case you feel the pressuring need of talking to someone." With that Dr. Roberts left him and Sandy stared at the card turning it around and flipping it through his fingers. Did he really appear so clueless that people felt the urge of finding him help? Sandy sighed and left. He had to think a few things through.

Later that day

Ryan was surprised when suddenly Dr. Hagen stood in front of him in the kitchen of his so called home.

"Dr. Hagen?" he asked confused. He hadn't noticed that Rose has been gone and opened the door. Indeed he even didn't hear the doorbell ring.

"Yepp," she said.

"You're visiting your patients at home?" he asked curiously. That definitely would have never happened in New York.

"Yeah from time to time it seems to be the appropriate way to assess my patient's condition," she stated flatly. Ryan simply nodded. He sensed that it couldn't mean anything good if his doctor suddenly appeared in the kitchen of his home, unannounced.

"Can we talk somewhere more privately?" she asked bluntly tilting her head towards Rose who was standing behind her anxiously wrenching her hands.

"Outside?" Ryan offered.

"Okay," and with this said she followed him towards the beach. She didn't say anything while they were walking along the beach to find the right place for a conversation. Instead she was watching him.

"Physical therapy pays off," she stated when she stopped and sat down, pulled off her sneakers and buried her feet in the cooling sand, while watching the waves. Ryan sat down next to her, his head still busy finding a reason for her visit.

"How are you?" she then asked him out of the blue and caught Ryan off guard. She was his doctor. She should know best how he was.

"Fine," he mumbled irritated.

"You sure?" she poked on. Ryan shrugged his shoulders. There was no need for an answer when she wouldn't believe him anyway.

"Well the nurse, Amanda, you know the nice lady who comes by four times of the day, anyway she told me that she thinks you're not eating enough and that she worries that this solution here was not the best," Dr. Hagen then explained why she was there, now eyeing him warily. She was searching for a reaction from his side, but there was none, since it didn't surprise Ryan that someone doubted Sandy's capability of being a father.

"Everything's fine," Ryan replied. The last thing he needed was another trip to hospital which would last…months. He hated hospitals and he was reluctant to give up his new gained freedom without a fight. He hated the hospital smell. He hated how it looked there and he hated beings surrounded by sick people. Truth, he was sick himself, but he didn't need to be reminded of it day after day.

"Are you spying on me?" Ryan asked irritated.

"No, I'm just worried about you and that I might have made the wrong decision," she replied thoughtfully. That made Ryan turning his head facing her. She really was there to take him back to hospital?

"There's no reason to. The Nichol's are babysitting me. I'm cooperating with the nurse and the physical therapist and I'm taking my meds. So nothing to worry about," Ryan countered the anger in his voice obvious. Why couldn't anyone understand that he wanted to be left alone? He wanted some rest from all this hovering, but nobody seemed to understand. His anger was disturbed by Dr. Hagen's t-shirt. He wasn't sure whether wearing such symbols on a t-shirt could possibly be legal.

"But…are you feeling comfortable?"

"More than I did in hospital," Ryan replied briskly. What was all this supposed to mean? He was fine.

"Yeah, but your previous answer didn't sound like that. It's true, you should've gained some weight until now and you haven't," the doctor concluded. She was getting to his nerves with her suspicions.

"The current constellation might not be perfect, but if that's what it needs to stay at least a few days out of hospital then I'm more than willing to pay the price," Ryan defended his situation. True it wasn't what he longed for but it was better than nothing. At least through Rose and Caleb coming by day after day he could create himself a feeling of being cared for by others than those who got paid for it.

"Why are you being so hostile towards me?"

"I'm not hostile," Ryan started pouting. Couldn't she just leave? He still felt embarrassed about his outburst in front of her. This crying thing had totally cramped his style and he felt the pitying eyes on him. He hated pity. True, he got a bad deck of cards, but that didn't give the others permission to pity him. He had been glad that Dr. Hagen at least was someone who talked truth around him and especially to him. He feared he might have lost that privilege of being treated like an adult instead of being treated like the child he has long left behind.

"Okay, then why are you so angry? I thought I would improve something about your situation if I let you go home, but somehow I get the feeling that it made everything only worse." Ryan sighed. How could he possibly make her understand that his situation couldn't get any worse no matter whether he stayed in hospital or at home? And how could he explain to her that he could bear his situation better when he was here than when he was trapped in hospital without any corner to hide from his life?

"C'mon Ryan, you've told me so many things about yourself already. Why not getting rid of what is bothering you now?" she tried to coax him out of his muteness and once again Ryan doubted that it has been wise talking to her. He suddenly regretted having talked so openly about his life to her. At the same time he recognised the symbol which was printed on the doctor's t-shirt and Ryan frowned.

"Can't you just trust me that everything's fine?" he asked to get her out of his business and to get his attention from her t-shirt to the actual conversation.

"I never said I didn't trust you. But fact is that you are a teenager and that therefore your wishes and needs collide with what your condition allows you to wish for. And I totally understand that this must be frustrating and I also understand that you might force yourself to more than your body is ready for. And to crown it your family situation is awfully twisted and it sort of must be confusing for you – pardon at least it's confusing to me. To sum it all up, you're deprived of everything what would be normal for a teenager in your age or at least for a teenager with your condition and it's also understandable that you long for some kind of normality even if it comes with some bumps." Ryan shook his head to clear his mind from the chaos the whirlwind of words caused. Did she see right through him or was she only offering an assumption?

"Ryan, I see and hear that you've probably agreed to everything if it had only meant you leaving the hospital and if it was only for a few days. That makes it my job to monitor you closely to make sure you're really alright, but I'm a little afraid that you're not," she went on. Ryan sighed. Dr. Hagen has made a decision about what she thought of him and his situation. It was futile convincing her from the opposite especially because somehow she was right, but then she was not either. It was twisted.

"And what now?" Ryan sighed. This battle was lost for him.

"Seriously? I don't know. I really want to believe that you're safe here, because comfortable is not enough in your case. But…," she stopped and Ryan's heart dropped.

"So you want to send me back to hospital?" he asked.

"Speaking from a medical point of view, it probably was the better decision," she told him. Ryan nodded. He started to hate the medical point of view, no matter how important it was in his case. What if he didn't survive anyway? Then every concession would've been for nothing and instead of enjoying the last good moments of his life, he would've wasted his last time within white hospitals walls without any prospect of…happiness. He simply wanted to enjoy some of the time he had left. He just didn't want to leave this place without having had at least a few of the most normal experiences in life: his fist party, getting drunk, driving a car and such. But it seemed although he thought he was pronouncing his wished clearly, nobody listened.

"But you know that ordinary and usual is not going to happen soon in my life, do you?" he asked her carefully to make her aware of his forlorn situation.

"I even think that if you weren't that sick, you probably would live on your own life already," she added and she had a point. Ryan's sickness was making him dependent. How often, since his Mom had died, has he dreamed of spreading his wings and just leaving Sandy and all this shit behind? How often had he wished in the past for a divorce of his parents? It would have made it so much easier: no fights, no misunderstandings and not being caught in the middle of all this. Ryan stared and the doctor. It was obvious that she was weighing her options and he hated himself for being such a pain in her arse. She was really trying to be a friend to him and he wasn't making it any easier for her, but then again she was the only person who didn't give him the feeling of being bothered by him and his problems.

"Alright, I'll probably regret my decision at some point, but I let you stay here," Dr. Hagen finally decided and Ryan's heart swell of relief. He got a second chance to prove that he was capable of judging his situation.

"But," the doctor warned him lifting her index finger "I'll have my spies around here and I'll have a close look on how things are going and if I come to the conclusion that this arrangement isn't working out, I'll cancel it. Understood?" Ryan simply nodded. He was just glad that he didn't have to go back to the place he hated most.

"Alright, anything else on your mind?" she asked him.

"I thought you were into heavy metal," he said regarding her t-shirt.

"Uh…yeah, but my heart beats for Punk as well," she explained him and suddenly the thickness of the atmosphere vanished.

"Bad Religion?" he asked vaguely.

"Yeah, great band. Great concerts. You know, you're punk once for all. Sorry, can't change it," she apologised mockingly. Ryan shrugged his shoulders.

"I think you'll might find the one or the album in my racks as well."