Chapter 25:

Talk Is Cheap

Summary:

Bruce and Veronica do a couple more interviews and get checked out by the doctors. Veronica is so over Brunica. Meanwhile, Bruce throws his weight around.

Veronica notes CJ is surprised by how easily the reporters agree not to mention Bruce's outburst in their article, but she supposes the older woman doesn't notice how deliberately self-effacing Kent is being.

He obviously doesn't want it reported either. A punch that would split a man's knuckles would definitely leave a bruise on the recipient's face, and his remains flawless in a way that can't be explained by the application of ice to his jaw.

Still, the three Metropolitans are invited to Bruce's birthday bash on Friday night, an offer they are happy to accept. News of the party is already making the rounds, and invites are greedily coveted by the world's best, brightest, richest, and most desperate for attention. It's bound to be Candyland for any reporter.

CJ scolds Bruce all the way back to Wayne Manor for his lack of restraint and even stays for dinner so she can catalogue the ways he misbehaved today. One of the worst being that he hadn't informed her of his interview with Vicki Vale, and then had proceeded to seduce the reporter (or allow himself to be seduced). Veronica is complimented on her handling of Bruce and the reporters from the Planet.

When Bruce very obviously stops listening, CJ rolls her eyes and throws up her hands. "Fine, but so help me god, if you punch out another reporter this week, your ass will be introduced rather violently to my stiletto. Have I made myself clear?"

"Perfectly," Bruce says with a smirk.

Then she delivers the good (or bad, if anyone were to ask Veronica) news.

"I have you booked for the Today Show on Thursday morning and Good Morning America on Friday. Alfred assures me he can get you guys flown into New York on the Wayne Enterprises chopper for both. Then, Bruce, I want to fly you out to LA next week for Larry King and Ellen so Veronica can join you. I'm not sure I want you in live interviews without Veronica for the time being, after your performance today."

"I'll be fine, but I'm happy to fly out with the Marses this Sunday. I want to see Neptune. Veronica owes me ice cream from someplace called Amy's, and I owe her manicotti from someplace called Luigi's. She wouldn't shut up about either of those places when we were in the clink. I swear there were whole days when she talked about nothing but Italian food."

Keith starts laughing, and the rest of the Neptune-based people around the dinner table follow suit. "Of course that's what Veronica would obsess on, even when being held hostage," he says, wiping his eyes. "Honey, don't ever change. I would freak out if you started going around eating nothing but salads and smoothies."

"Logan used to say Veronica must have an undiagnosed tapeworm, from how much she can eat," Mac adds, giggling.

"You guys just have no respect for the proper appreciation of good food," Veronica grumbles. Everyone laughs.

"Back to the subject of your public appearances," CJ says after the family trades banter over the dinner table. "Alfred's already taken care of ordering several suits for Bruce's media appearances. Veronica, I'll come over tomorrow night after you guys get back from the hospital to go over wardrobe options."

Veronica slumps in her seat. Brucie claps his hands delightedly. "We're going to play 'Dress Up Veronica'!" he exclaims gleefully. Mac, Wallace and Keith start snickering when they see Veronica's sour face.

After dinner, Veronica escapes to her room to talk to Logan, who is amused by Bruce's antics. "I see what you mean about the similarities between him and Lilly," he says, before sobering. "Veronica, don't take this the wrong way…"

"Uh oh. That sounds pretty ominous," Veronica teases, though she's frowning. What has him so worried?

"It's just… Remember when we used to joke about your get-out-of-jail-free cards?"

"Uh huh. I never really had any, you know. Just my wits and my charm."

He chuckles. "Clearly, those were more than sufficient in Neptune. But did you by any chance use a hypothetical get-out-of-jail-free card to get me out of OCS for the weekend?"

Veronica frowns. "What are you talking about?"

"I got called into the CO's—that's the commanding officer's—office today after training. He informed me that, if I passed all my drills and my RLP inspections and didn't make trouble, I could take off-base leave from Friday after training until 0800 hours on Sunday. I could receive an extension on the limitations on my leave to allow me to travel to Gotham to see you if I named you the next of kin on my paperwork."

Veronica frowns. "Is that something you want to do?"

"Absolutely, if you're willing. Right now, I have Dick listed on there, and I think you see why that could prove problematic down the line."

She chuckles. "Yeah. Though he's been a good friend to you, so I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Still, I'm happy to do it. Do you need me to sign any paperwork?"

"I can bring it with me, then I'll need copies of your IDs and stuff once you're legally alive again."

"Can do." She frowns. "So what's the problem? What do you think I did?"

"Veronica, my CO brought this up before I'd had the chance to ask anyone about how requesting weekend leave might work so I could come visit you. He already knew your name and why I wanted to go. He had the damn paperwork ready and filled up." There's a tinge of anger in Logan's voice. "So I'd like to ask you if there's anything you'd like to tell me."

"Oh shit." She sucks in a breath, scrabbles to think of why that might be. Remembers how Nyssa inserted herself into a Navy operation, how Ra's has agents in militaries all over the world.

"What did you do, bobcat?"

"Um." She's still panicking a bit when the truth hits her—and it's mercifully a truth she can tell him about. She sighs. "I think I know what happened. It wasn't me."

"Care to enlighten those of us who remain in the dark?"

"It was Bruce," Veronica says flatly, getting up from bed to stalk out of her room and over to Bruce's. "He asked me this morning if I wanted to invite anyone from Neptune to the party and I said the only one I had in mind was you, but that you were still going to have to figure out the off-base liberty situation. He made a joke about making sure you could come so he could give you the shovel talk, but I told him we were doing the platonic friendship thing."

"Now, growing up as I did, it would seem hypocritical of me to be angry at anyone for pulling strings, but—"

"Oh, it would, would it? Well that's just fine. I can be angry for you." Veronica pounds on Bruce's door. "Bruce! Open up. Logan, I'm putting you on speaker so the idiot can explain himself."

"Veronica, that's not nec—"

The door opens just as she sets the phone to speaker mode. Bruce is wearing nothing but silk boxers and is toweling his hair dry.

"Oh gross. Put on some clothes so I can yell at you."

"I'm not naked."

"Well, you need to be wearing more than your boxers before I talk to you. I've got Logan on the line and he's asking me what I did to get him permission to come to Gotham this weekend."

She follows Bruce into the room, then waits by the door as Bruce goes to the closet to pull out a loose pair of pants.

"Bobcat, are you in a naked man's room with me on the phone?"

"He's not naked. He's wearing boxers."

"That's what I said too, and yet you made me put on pants," Brucie says as he emerges from the walk-in closet. He's actually pouting, despite the fact that he can clearly see Logan is on audio only. Because apparently he's method like that. "There. Satisfied? You can yell at me now."

"What the hell did you do?"

"Is that Logan on the phone?"

"Yes, now what did you do?"

"Hi, Logan! Can I call you Logan? Nica, you shouldn't frown like that. Your face will get stuck that way. You said you wanted to see him. I didn't want you to be sad, so I thought I'd see if it was possible for him to come over. So I went online and looked for what I could find out about the navy, but there was just way too much information to go through, so I just found their Twitter and asked the internet."

Veronica drops her head into the hand not holding her phone. "Oh, Jesus fuck, please tell me you're lying."

"Why would I lie about something like that?" He holds out his WEPhone. "Here, you can read it for yourself. Plus, I said it was a hypothetical question."

"I just pulled it up," Logan says. His voice is a mix of resignation and amusement. "He tagged the official account of the US Navy."

Veronica reads Brucie's tweet in a kind of fascinated horror.

BruceWayne had tweeted, If I wanted someone training for the USNavy to come to my birthday party on Friday, hypothetically, how would I make that happen?

She reads the tweet aloud. "How in the hell do you sell this question as hypothetical?"

"'Cause I said 'hypothetically' before I asked. Don't ask silly questions, Nica. Don't you always tell me that? Anyway, the US Navy didn't answer but someone named SECNAV did. They sent me a message and asked if they could call, so I said yes, and they called the manor, so Alfred patched it through."

"And then what?"

"I talked to Director Jenny—she said I could call her that when I asked—and told her how you and I were back from the dead, which she already knew. And I told him you told me your oldest friend was in officer school and that's why he couldn't be there with everyone to meet our plane. So I said I wanted to invite him to my birthday party for you, but you said he might not get to leave the base. She said she'd see what she could do."

"Is that Director Jennifer Shepard, the Secretary of the Navy?" Logan's voice sounds odd, strangled.

Bruce takes the phone from Veronica. "Hi Logan! I guess so? She was really sweet."

"Jesus, no wonder my CO was shitting bricks. And hi, I guess."

"Did she get you out? Can I send my plane for you? Nica really wants to see you. And I want to meet you!"

"My leave is conditional on my earning liberty this week, so I won't know for sure until Friday afternoon."

"Well, I'll tell Alfred to have the pilot on standby so he can fly up once you give the word."

"You don't have to—"

"Nonsense! Nica wants you here, and the plane's just sitting in the hangar anyway. So let her know when you know, okay? Alfred can help with a costume. Director Jenny said you'd need to get it approved cause you guys have a dress code even when you're not on base. So work it out with Nica and Mac. Alfred's a genius and can get you anything if you tell him your sizes."

"Uh, all right. Tha—"

"Nica, are we done talking now? I wanted to ask you about that reporter who interviewed you earlier. I'm not so sure about the guy, and I don't know if I like that CJ invited him to my party."

Veronica sighs. "I'll come back in a bit. Let me just finish up this phone call, okay?"

"Sure, Nica. I'll keep my pants on and everything."

"Thank you kindly," she says, voice dry as dust. She leaves the room and gets off speaker phone. "Lo?"

"Now I really see what you mean about having a male version of Lilly Kane on your hands," he says, amused. "Didn't she mention they were related once?"

"You're not mad." She breathes out a sigh of relief. "And, yeah, Bruce's mother was a Kane, though the Gotham Kanes are a few degrees removed from their California cousins."

"No, bobcat, I'm not mad. The guy might not be very subtle about it, but he's a good friend to you. And me, by extension, I guess."

"I'm rolling my eyes really hard here," she tells him. "Pretty sure 'subtle' would be one of the last adjectives people would use to describe Brucie."

He laughs. "Yeah. Sounds like it. And, hey, it means I get to spend the weekend with you, if I and my classmates can stay out of trouble for the rest of the week. I'll bribe them if I have to."

"I guess I really am a bad influence on you," she teases.

"Nah, you're the best." His voice is utterly serious.

"I really hope you can come, Lo."

"Me too. Now, I guess I'd better let you go so you can explain to Brucie that the invite to his party was the bribe that'll keep his little PR disaster out of the papers tomorrow."

She sighs. "Gee, thanks."

"We all must have our burdens in life, sugarpuss. It seems irrepressible Kanes with a flair for drama and no sense of decorum are yours."

"Oh, brother."

"Well, you did say you'd decided to adopt him."

She facepalms.

After she and Logan say their goodbyes, she goes back to talk to Bruce about Clark Kent.

Her assessment: Superman appears to be a nice guy who obviously cares about people. Bruce and Veronica agree that he has admirable control over his super strength (after all, his touch on Veronica's arm had been very gentle, and his hand when he'd shaken Bruce's had been firm).

Bruce decides that the alien could use some training in subterfuge. "When I took him down, there was a moment when gravity appeared not to apply to him, then he seemed to remember that humans don't float and fell to the ground," he explains.

Veronica in turn points out her frustration with Kent's poor protection of his secret identity, a rant that leaves Bruce smirking, and his obvious naïveté and earnestness. Bruce agrees that the Man of Steel may be prone to manipulation and brings up several secret government reports that speculate on the effectiveness on mind control over the alien.

Then Bruce surprises Veronica by suggesting they undertake the task of helping the alien cover up his identity.

"It's leverage against him," Bruce explains. "I'd rather it be our leverage than someone else's."

"Bruce, I liked him, even if he is kind of a doofus about keeping his alter ego secret."

"Not a reason not to take precautions. It's a better reason to do it, actually."

"Fine. But you don't pull on that lever unless absolutely necessary," Veronica warns him.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Are you mocking me?"

"No, ma'am."

"This is because I said you don't have a sense of humor, isn't it?"

"Of course not, ma'am."

"Ugh. I'm going to bed."

They train in the morning, and Bruce talks to her in Farsi, telling her he doesn't want her to grow rusty. She explains that she's spoken to Leslie and convinced the doctor to do only basic, non-invasive exams for the both of them.

"She won't hold off forever, but it will give us some breathing room."

"Acknowledged. We'll be better situated to manipulate the results and scans in a couple of months."

"You know you're going to have to tell her about the Bat eventually. Alfred says he's willing to play emergency medic but will absolutely call Dr. Leslie over if you receive any injuries that require more than a few stitches and simple fractures."

So they subject themselves to the tests while dressed in hospital gowns. The doctor and nurses don't attempt to separate them and make it a point to explain everything they're doing as they are doing it.

The x-rays, as predicted, show a history of training-related injuries, but these are easily explained away as having been received during beatings from their captors. Leslie is suspicious about the nicked rib from Veronica's knife wound, but both Bruce and Veronica clam up at her questions. Bruce becomes aggressive when she pushes, so she drops the subject.

Bruce's brain scans are left for last. "I can't see anything that would be worrisome, although it would be better if I could use some more sensitive equipment and consult with a specialist," Leslie says.

He sighs. "No more tests, not now. You can consult if you keep it anonymous. Is that better?"

"Yes, Bruce," Leslie replies, smiling sadly at him. "You know I would never betray your secrets, right? That's even if I wasn't legally and ethically bound to doctor-patient confidentiality."

Bruce looks stoic. "I'm sorry, Leslie," he says finally. "It isn't a reflection of my opinions on your professionalism, I promise. I'm just not comfortable with doing more tests right now."

"It's all right, dear boy," she says warmly and a little tearfully. Veronica feels horribly guilty about lying to the kind doctor. "You just let me know when you think you might do better with it. For now, barring anything showing up in your lab results, you both seem surprisingly healthy, given the conditions you both were found in. I've put a rush on your bloodwork and other lab results, so I should be able to update you on Friday morning."

"Do we have to come back?" Bruce asks, his face pained, voice pleading.

She shakes her head. "It's your birthday. I'd be happy to make a house call after breakfast."

The New York talk shows focus mostly on fluff topics, much to Veronica's disgust. And that dreaded portmanteau, Brunica, is brought up with alarming frequency. Every time it is, Veronica scowls fiercely while Bruce adopts a shit-eating grin.

"I know you guys know you're trending on Twitter as #Brunica," one host teases. "Bruce, you've been a pretty vocal supporter of it."

"Well," he says, smiling idiotically, "it's like I said when we first arrived. I'd marry her in a minute, if she'd have me. Do you know how hard it is to meet a woman your butler approves of?"

"No, I can't say I do," a female host replies, leaning forward just a bit.

Bruce's smile widens at the proffered view of her cleavage. "Nearly impossible," he says dramatically. "Also, she keeps refusing my money!"

(Bruce and Veronica had once more ousted Superman from the front page of The Daily Planet the day after their interview with Kent and Lane. Kent had written a particularly effusive article called The Unsolved Mystery of Veronica Mars. Logan had teased her mercilessly about it, as had Mac, Wallace, and even Keith.)

"You've already bullied me into accepting it, you showboating sap!"

Bruce rolls his eyes. "See? Completely ungrateful. Isn't she sweet?"

"Veronica, why don't you want to take the reward money for finding Bruce?"

"Because I didn't find him. I followed a trail and got snatched by terrorists who tossed me into a cell with him next door. I'd take the money in a minute if I'd earned it."

The billionaire looks at the camera and shakes his head sorrowfully. "She keeps saying I don't have to give her the reward. Then I keep saying she didn't have to give me her food when she annoyed our guards into giving her extra. Now I have extra—quite a bit of extra, actually." He grins when the audience laughs, but forges on. "And she's acting like I'm trying to give her measles instead of money!"

"Well, I see this is a debate between you two that isn't going to end anytime soon."

"Oh, it will end. She'll just wake up one day soon to find the money in her account, and she won't be able to transfer it back."

"We should all be so lucky!" one of the hosts jokes.

"So back to the hot topic of the #Brunica trend. What about you, Veronica? Any words on whether #Brunica is likely to happen?"

She valiantly resists the urge to roll her eyes, pinning an amused expression on her face as she shakes her head. "No way, no how," she says cheerfully. "I like Bruce too much to marry or even date him, unless we were faking it for a case I'm working!"

The hosts and the audience laughs at her words and Brucie's accompanying pout.

"So, no romance for you on the horizon, Veronica? Jake Kane has come out and confessed to being the client who initially hired you to find Bruce, citing your solving his daughter's murder and helping his son win custody of his grandchild as the reason he was so confident you'd be able to find the missing Wayne heir even after several years. I understand his son, Duncan Kane, is an old flame of yours."

Bruce looks thunderous, but Veronica just laughs. "Duncan and I were over in high school," she says amiably. "I'll probably still see him around from time to time—Neptune isn't exactly a big town, and his kid is my goddaughter—but our lives have taken separate paths. That doesn't mean I don't wish him well."

The host, having had one lead fizzle out, forges on. Coyly, she asks, "And what about Logan Echolls? You were famously dating right before you uncovered his father's alleged guilt in the Lilly Kane murder case, and we've seen photos showing you as a couple in your freshman year of college. The tabloids suggest his wild run through Hollywood and Neptune's nightlife a year and a half ago was caused directly by the news of your death."

The screens show blown-up versions of several photos of Logan and Veronica together, looking very much like the couple they had been when the images had been captured.

"You sure do put a lot of stock in what you read on the tabloids," Veronica observes dryly. The host turns just a little bit red when the crowd laughs.

"Seriously, though, Logan and I have had our ups and downs, and now we're working on being friends. I can't and won't speak for him, but I can tell you I'm not going to jump into a relationship anytime soon. I'm focusing on getting my life back on track, getting a degree, spending time with my family and finding out what I missed in my friends' lives."

This spurs another host to ask Bruce about his own plans, which gives Bruce the perfect opportunity to mention how he's meeting with the folks at the Wayne Foundation and looking into old projects in need of revitalization and new projects that can be adopted.

The show ends with the audience's laughter and applause after one of the hosts tells Bruce and Veronica about how their story has inspired a lot of people, then asks them to share their advice for anyone facing adversity. The blonde-and-blue meets black-and-blue, and the pair grin at each other before turning to the camera and saying in perfect unison, "Don't get kidnapped."

End Note:

Confession time! I'm really addicted to those fanfics centered around press interviews, media appearances, and social media posts of the main characters (whether from Veronica Mars or the DC Universe). So I threw another sequence in, but this should be the last of such indulgences (for this fic, anyway). Other fluff follows.

Also, slight mention of another TV show in this chapter: the character of Director Jenny Shepard was played by Lauren Holly for too few NCIS episodes, in my opinion.