Chapter 25: Trapped

Summary: Alistair brings Solona's unconscious body to the camp.

It happened as quick as a thought.

So fast Alistair didn't have time to react even. But when her body collided with the wall and fell to the ground like a lifeless ragdoll the time froze. His heart pounded in his chest, his breaths were quick and shallow. He heard her every bone cracking before the pulsating blood in his ear make everything silent. And the next moment everything became sharp and harsh and Alistair yelled with primal ferocity as he drew his sword and rammed to the darkspawn to its leg as thick as a log to knock it off its balance. He heard someone calling his name and the next moment saw the arrow swishing next to his head.

The ogre took a step back but stayed on its feet. With one quick slash, he had severed the darkspawn's Achilles heel and sent it staggering. With a roar he slashed the other heel of the beast and made it collapsing. He was upon it before it could draw another breath, his sword making quick stabs in its body, once, twice, the Maker knew how many times until it was nothing else just a pile of dead flesh under him. But he just stabbed it, again and again, roaring with every blow, until his whole body was covered with the ogre's blood. He didn't hear Leliana's screams begging him to stop. He didn't hear anything but the blood rushing in his ears. With the last blow, he decapitated the beast.

Alistair between ragged breaths dropped his sword and rushed to the unconscious Solona, her blood painted the stark white snow into crimson. He fell on his knees before her, letting an anguished sob escape from his lips. His hands reached for her, hovering, afraid to touch her or move her.

"Solona... Sol-" he sobbed, his voice was wavering and cracked. At last, he cupped her cheeks and smeared the virulent of blood streaming from her mouth. He barely felt her breathing and her skin was cold. She had always been warm.

Leliana knelt next to them, touching the veins on Solona's neck. Alistair with an angry move slapped her hands away. "Don't touch her!"

"Alistair we need to bring her to Wynne, now!" but Alistair like didn't even hear her voice just stood there, her blood trickling down his hand. "Alistair!" Leliana tugged her. He took a beaten look on her not comprehending her words. "If we don't bring her to Wynne now, she will die."

"Go and alert her," Alistair whispered, his voice shaking. Alistair slowly, gently scooped her into his arms. She felt so light, so fragile. Alistair felt the tears burning his eyes, and the lump aching in his throat. He took the steps slow and cautious with her in his arms. His whole body trembled like every step would decide her life or death.

"Maker if you exist or you have ever existed...I'm begging you..." he prayed as his forehead touched her and winced by the coldness of her skin. She had always been warm. As she reached the camp Wynne had already waited for them. Zevran opened the cuirass of Solona's tent and Alistair gently laid her on the bedroll. The blood still trickled from her mouth.

Wynne kneeled before her unconscious body and ran her hands through her body. "Maker!" she gasped.

"What?" Alistair asked.

"She has severely injured. I sense several fractures," Wynne to Zevran. "Call Morrigan, I'll need her."

"NO!" Alistair burst out. "I swear if that fucking maleficar dares to touch her I will cut her open. I forbid it. Do you hear me? I forbid it. This is all her fault. I won't let her-"

"She is the only mage here beside me and I can't heal her alone," Wynne's voice was calm and patient still uncompromising enough to make him silent. "She is dying, Alistair."

Alistair sucked a deep and trembling breath trying to steel himself. "Maker preserve me, do it," he hissed before stood up and stomped out the tent. When he exited they changed a quick look with Morrigan. He wanted to kill her, wanted to cut her open, wanted to suffocate her, execute her the most painful ways he could imagine. But he just released a frustrated grunt and let her enter the tent.

Maker knew how much time had passed. The time flowed with snail pace and with every passing minute Alistair's strides up and down became more nervous and desperate. He was praying, tried to slow his rushing thoughts, tried to not stomp into the tent to see if she had been alive or dead. He jumped to every move in the tent but nobody came.

And after a time than seemed eternity Wynne and Morrigan came out.

"Strange," Wynne murmured as shook her head in confusion.

"What? Is she okay, is she alive?" Alistair rushed to them.

"Her vital signs are normal but she doesn't wake up." Alistair's heart skipped a beat. "It is odder that I can't feel her magic. It doesn't flow in her like she wasn't in her body. Like it was just an empty husk."

"Are you suggesting-" Alistair swallowed one.

"We all know Solona is a dreamer," Wynne answered. "Maybe this was the only way to preserve herself."

"Can we go after her?" Leliana inquired stepping next to Alistair, placing her hand on his shoulder.

Wynne shook her head. "We don't have enough lyrium to perform such a ritual and none of us possess her abilities."

"We could perform a blood ritual," Morrigan suggested. "One of us could descend to her."

"Are you insane, Morrigan?" Wynne snapped. "Do you realize how dangerous this is? Solona was already fragile and who knows what she faces out there and who knows what would we invoke with such a ritual."

"And who do you intend to sacrifice?" Alistair grunted. "Or do you even think she would agree on a ritual like this?"

Morrigan snorted. "She isn't in a position to argue."

Alistair closed his hand into a trembling fist and then slowly opened. His jaw clenched. He tried his best to keep his rage low, to not stab his sword through Morrigan. "And whose fault it is?" he hissed through his gritted teeth.

"I never told you to go to Ostagar." Morrigan scoffed. "Do you think I'm happy with the situation? She was our better hope to defeat the Blight. And I wouldn't take the odds on an imbecile like you." Alistair felt his blood boiling, rampaging in him, clouding every rationality or humanity in him. "Maybe you should be the sacrifice. You are always so eager to rescue her. Maybe this is how you could fulfill your oath."

"I will fucking kill you!" Alistair roared before everything became dark and, seeing only Morrigan, nothing else and the image as he broke her neck. He wanted to kill her, craved to do it like nothing else before. He wanted to see her lifeless body lying on the ground, his hand stained with her blood.

Sten and Zevran could pin him down before he could have reached Morrigan. Alistair fought against them, tried to break free, hearing nothing else but the pulsating blood in his ears roaring to shed blood. He didn't hear Leliana begging him to stop, or didn't feel Wynne's coiling magic around him. He only saw a fragile bleeding body and another one on he avenged every pain, every humiliation he had ever had to suffer.

Leliana cupped his cheeks and forced him to look at her. But he only saw two green eyes glassy and lifeless staring at him.

Leliana slapped him and cupped his cheeks again. "Alistair, it doesn't help her. Please," she sobbed. "Please," she begged again. And the glistening blue eyes that suddenly became clear made him grow taut then his muscles relaxed. Sten and Zevran slowly released him and let him fall on his knees. "Alistair we need to move, we are running out of time. It is hard to say but-"

"Then don't say," Alistair grunted facing the dirt under him. "If you expect me to leave her here like this as a prey for any trespasser you will be the second I will kill after I'm done with that fucking bitch."

Leliana let a resigned sigh escaping from her lips before turned to Wynne. "How much time does she need to wake up?"

"It is hard to tell. It only depends on her. If we are lucky only a few hours. But it can be days or weeks or in the worst case-"

"She will wake up," Alistair cut the old mage. "She will wake up, I know, she has to," as it echoed back sounded like a desperate chant.

Leliana forced Alistair to look at her again, looking deeply in his crisp hazel eyes, reddened by the flowing tears. "We need to go to Honnleath. We don't have days or weeks to waste."

Alistair's eyes narrowed, his face hardened. He stood up and looked through his so-called companions. "I won't leave her here, and if any of you tries to drag me away can taste my steel," his voice was categorical before he turned on his heels into the tent.

He sat beside her. With a tentative move, he swept some stray locks from her face. Her eyes were still closed, her lips still, and she felt so distant. She wasn't there. He felt her breathing, felt her pulse but still, she wasn't there. Alistair took her hand and exhaled a long desperate kiss on his cool skin and he winced.

"Do not dare to leave me in this, do you hear me?" he breathed to her skin. He felt so hollow, so empty. Nothing mattered, not the Blight, not the others outside the camp. He would exchange everything he had, he would have let the world perish in darkness just to see her green eyes again.

The opening of the cuirass disturbed his thoughts. Leliana stepped in and sat the opposite side of Solona. "Alistair..." she whispered, her voice trailing off.

"Her hands are cold. Her hands have never been cold, they are warm like fire," he muttered.

"Alistair," Leliana tried again. "Listen to me. We can't lose that much time. I'm not saying to abandon her, Wynne and Morrigan could stay here-"

"I won't let her alone with Morrigan," he burst out.

"Alistair, be rational, please. You and she are the only Grey Wardens. In an opposite case, what do you think would she stay here or would she do her duty. The Blight won't disappear. You have obligations-"

"I love her," Alistair sobbed.

"I know," Leliana replied grabbing his free hand. "But you can't help her sitting here. You can't help anyone sitting here. Honnleath is a week from here. She may wake up by our return. She wouldn't let your emotions cloud your judgment. She wouldn't let you abandon your duty or break your oath."

"You know nothing about her," Alistair snapped, freeing his hand from hers.

"But I know you, Alistair." Leliana stood up. "I alert Zevran and Sten. You have ten minutes. Don't make me remind you of your oath the way you reminded her," and she left the tent.

Alistair carefully scooped Solona's body in his arms, his lips caressing her forehead. He snuggled her to himself and prayed. To whom he didn't know. To every god from the Creators of the Dalish to the Maker and to the demons of the deepest holes of the Fade. He was willing to pledge loyalty to anyone who would have brought her back to him.

"Alistair," he heard Wynne's wavering voice. "You must know that there is a not negligible chance that she may not wake up or wakes up but becomes-"

"She will wake up," Alistair breathed to her skin.

"Alistair, you must face with the possibility-"

"She will wake up!" Alistair yelled at the old mage so loud making her wince. "Your job is to keep her body alive until then." He gingerly placed her back on the bedroll but was hesitant to move away from him. But eventually, he did, threw open the tent flap.

The bright light of the outside hurt his eyes as he heard voices calling out to him and slowly he saw the shadows of Sten, Zevran, and Leliana waiting for him. His legs felt like lead with every step he receded from the tent, from her.

"Alistair," he heard that so hated voice. He needed his every willpower to try to kill her again. "May I have the grimoire?"

With a low grunt, he took out the tome from his backpack and threw it to Morrigan with his every strength. The witch was unable to catch and it landed in a pebble. Alistair stomped to her and grabbed her naked arm, tightened his fingers around her as much as he could and for a moment he could swear a glint of fear flashed in Morrigan's cruel, golden eyes.

"Do you believe in a Maker, or in anything?" he hissed. "If you do pray for Him to bring her back to me because if she doesn't wake up I swear to everything that is sacred to me I will skin you alive and leave your remnants for the darkspawn and vultures to have a feast over you." and with a violent shove released Morrigan who landed in the mud.

Solona awoke in darkness, feeling submerged in emptiness and silence like she was sinking into deep water. Then had come the whispers, the barely audible murmurings of unseen beings that swirled around her. She could not see them but she knew they were there, like the spirits in the forests that hide behind trees as they stalk the defenseless, ever watching and waiting for a chance to make them their prey. She curled up, drawing her knees to her chest Her arms clasped tightly around her knees, she rocked slowly, focusing on the calming rhythm. She tried to not believe that she had suspected.

"I'm waiting too long for you to wake up, little girl," the demon smirked standing over her. Solona sat up on her four, leaning on her hands, trying to ignore the boiling magic waving through her veins, bringing pain and tremors. The voices which were muffled whispers became loud cacophony now, millions of familiar voices she knew, loved and hated. They haunted her, accused her.

She slowly got on her feet groaning in pain wondering if she had died. She remembered the ogre grabbing her and smashing her to the wall. She remembered the sharp spike of pain running through her spine before everything became dark an lukewarm, before she woke up there.

Solona looked at her hand as opened it and the tiny flames revived in it as suddenly everything burned around her in a raging firestorm but nothing destroyed or even charred. The huge mirrors just reflected the light of the rampaging flames around her making everything dazzlying.

Her blood boiled in her veins with magic that wanted to break free, tear her apart.

She was alive. She was in the Fade.

For a moment the panic overwhelmed her let her magic flow in her so vigorously she cried out in pain and collapsed, breaking her spell, blowing the high tower of flames around her.

"Careful, little girl, if you play with the fire it will burn you," the demon, tittered taking circles around her like the vultures over the dead and rotting flesh.

"Who are you?" Solona wheezed as got on her feet once again. The demon wearing her face stopped before her with a wicked and sickening smile on it's face. She straightened and looked into it's green eyes, her own eyes the madness and bestiality blazing in it. It was her exact duplicate, her mirror. The demon smirked. Solona's legs shook in her primal fear but her face was like a marble statue, not showing anything of the frightened little girl she was inside. "Or more likely, what are you?"

"To answer this question you should ask this question from yourself, little girl."

"I am a Grey Warden-"

"Are you?" the demon cut her. "Did you join to the Wardens willingly or you had no other choice? Do you want to stop the Blight because this is your duty? Or because you want to save people? Or only one? Foolish little girl. Do you think you would matter anything if he became a king? Do you think he would rise you his Queen against all law and tradition of Ferelden?"

"I've never asked him to do." Solona riposted.

"Because you are coward to even tell him your feelings."

"To protect him."

The demon laughed so loud the tall mirrors resonated it's voice. "No one can protect anyone. Let's try again. Who are you, little girl?"

"A Circle mage."

"Really?" The demon scoffed. "You were never one of them. You were better than any of them, more rebellious than any of them. They hated you and because they hated you, you hated them. You were an outsider. Even that Jowan one wasn't your friend you were just a shield for him to protect his sad and pathetic life."

"Who are you?" Solona hissed. The demon began to circle her once again

"I am the wish of a little girl silently weeped into the dark night. I am her deepest desire and darkest shame. I am her voice they wanted to silence over the years. I am what you should have been or you should be, little girl. I am you without the shackles they bound you." It stopped behind you leaning to her ears. "I am that you have ever wanted to be," it breathed hot breath on her skin still sending icy tendrils down her spine. "Free."

"And what do you want?"

"That I always wanted. Free you from your shackles," the demon's grin widened as closed the gap between them. "To make you what you are meant to be."

"I left the Circle. I am free."

The demon snickered. "You only changed your shackles to not so blatant ones. The taint in your blood, it is a death sentence. Killing you slowly, bonding you to the Order no better then the Circle was."

Solona felt her magic rampaging, demanding to break free. I would have been so easy to kill it now. But before she could cast her spell the demon paralized her hand as if it knew her every thought. "You still don't understand, do you?" the demon snickered. "I am your mirror, your true self. You can't destroy me, little girl. The only thing you can do to play my game or die. But it would be such a shame spoiling my fun. I have been waiting too long to just kill you and have your body. So I have an offer," and with an elegant move the demon released her hand strode to one of the mirrors.

"Let's play my little game, shall we, and you will have a chance to return to him. Actually, this is his only chance to survive. I found so delicate ways to use him and kill him." Solona roared but before she could cast her spell, she was paralyzed again. The demon walked to her and caressed the line of her jaw. She felt her every fiber shuddering by the touch.

"Don't be so wraithful, little girl," it tittered sickeningly. "You may spoil the fun."

The demon released her and Solona with a grunt collapsed to the ground. The demon, her other wicked self crouched down and grabbed her Solona's chin with a forceful move. "So are you playing?"

"What will I find there?" she asked.

The demon's wicked smile widened as helped her to stand up and led her to the mirror that swirled in cerulean. Solona took a tentative move reaching out to the mirror that sucked her hand.

She had seen that mirror before, she realized. In her vision at Haven.

"What will I find there?" she asked her demon self whose wicked smile became a snarl.

"Only the painful truth," it replied and shoved Solona through the mirror.

A/N: I try to be more frequent from now on.. but life can be a bitch :)

Anyway, thoughts about the chapter? Please don't hesitate to tell me :)