Thank you for remaining with me as the story continues to unfold. This chapter will be dedicated to Dobby, and I don't own HP, although I do wish I owned Amycus.
He kept putting it off because he preferred to eat lemon pie, but Harry did eventually pack for Hogwarts. It took him a long time because he had strewn his possessions all over the house when he came back, and it was tedious because he had a letter from Yaxley but wouldn't let himself open it until the packing was done.
At long last, Harry closed his trunk and sighed contentedly, as he had finally finished packing. Unfortunately, that feeling was short-lived as he realized he was supposed to leave for King's Cross Station in twenty minutes and still had no idea how he was supposed to get there.
He supposed he could Apparate, but Harry didn't exactly have a license to do so and did not want to start his seventh year on such a Splinched note. And he doubted Aunt Petunia would be willing to take him, since he had, after all, turned her into a bullfrog.
After spending nineteen of those minutes debating, Harry decided he might borrow the car of the Muggle man who lived across the street, as he didn't seem like the type to go out and about on this type of day. Leaving him a little note in case he did decide to go out after all, Harry used his wand to open and start the car, tossed his trunk and the letter from Yaxley into the backseat, and drove off.
Harry wasn't entirely sure exactly how to drive a Muggle car, but he managed to get to the station having created only a few new dents.
By the time Harry got there, it was 10:55, leaving him five minutes to find the correct platform while escaping the notice of the especially nosy Muggles, board the train, and attempt to find Ron. When he sat down across from his friend, he finally pulled out and read his letter from Yaxley.
Dear Harrison Potter,
First order of business, I prefer to call you Harrison. Harrison sounds sophisticated, while Harry just sounds like your parents didn't care very much.
I'd say that if you call me your Yaxleyness about 80% of the time, it will be good. That way you don't get tired of it, but you still use it often enough to suit my tastes.
Maybe you should write a letter to Ron's mother and tell her you didn't steal her good china. If she doesn't believe you, you are always welcome to contact me and I can take care of that problem for you.
Honestly, the green hair was just a suggestion. I prefer babies with green hair, although if she wants purple hair or pink hair or zebra-striped hair, I suppose we can't stop her. It's incredibly hard to get babies to care about what color their hair is.
I suppose we will have to agree to disagree on the lemon pie situation. I enjoy lemon pie, I really do, but I am afraid it is just not fried chicken. Maybe I should send you some fried chicken at Hogwarts so you can see just what I mean. That and there's a sale where I can buy one bucket and get another free, and I don't really need all that much fried chicken all in one sitting, so you can have my free one. Lucky you!
The Dark Lord told me I yelled at him in my sleep once. That probably explains why I woke up in pain.
I put a lock on my door like you said to, but so far it hasn't stopped Bellatrix from coming in and looking through my things. Part of me thinks she's looking for the fried chicken I didn't have the last time I talked to her, but maybe Hermione is sending her in here so that I will get annoyed and send you your monkey. Which I am going to get you. But it takes me so long to get Bellatrix out of my room that I never have time to go out and get your monkey. I'm sorry, but you'll have to bear with me until she finds something else to occupy her time.
Also, I wanted to discuss something important. The Dark Lord sent two of the Death Eaters in to fill the empty staff positions at Hogwarts, so do exercise caution around them. There's something else I wanted to say about that, but I know I'll remember it again after I send you this letter.
A handful of regards,
Your Yaxleyness
P.S. Have fun with the licking!
"What licking?" asked Ron, who had been peering over Harry's shoulder.
"Yaxley mentioned that one of the other Death Eaters has taken up licking," Harry replied, "but I'm afraid I don't know how this applies to me."
"Beats me," said Ron.
They speculated on the licking situation for the rest of the ride.
When they arrived at Hogwarts, Harry noticed there seemed to be a smaller amount of students than usual. He mentioned this to Ron.
"Maybe they did what Hermione did and all joined the Death Eaters," he suggested.
"Most of the missing are Muggle-born," countered Harry. "I doubt the Death Eaters would want them. Maybe they've gone into hiding."
"Hermione's Muggle-born, and they took her."
"They took her because Bellatrix invited her."
By this point, they had reached the Great Hall and took their seats. They didn't have time to complete their conversation before Snape, who stood as though addressing the students rather than remaining seated as in years past, spoke.
"Welcome to a new year."
The effects were instantaneous. The students immediately stopped talking, and one third-year asked, "Where's Professor Dumbledore?" before anyone else had time to wonder.
"He has traveled to the forests of Romania in order to find a cure for the mysterious disease that has afflicted his poor phoenix," said Snape. "In the meantime, I will be taking up his post as headmaster."
Harry was aghast. "You mean Snape is our...?"
"Silence," Harry closed his mouth at once. "There have also been other changes in staff for this year. Our Dark Arts class will be taught by...will you stop that?"
He was referring to a man at the table that Harry had never seen before, but the fact that he was licking a fork made him realize exactly who the man was. Harry knew now what Yaxley had meant when he told him to have fun with the licking. He just wished he had let him know a little sooner.
Snape took the fork away from the dismayed Amycus and continued talking, but Harry paid no attention. He realized that Yaxley had tried to warn him about the presence of Amycus. But he hadn't read the letter until he was on the train, and hadn't had time to decipher it.
Harry was brought out of his thoughts by a muffled thump. Amycus had started to lick a spoon instead, but Alecto saw him and hit him with the Daily Prophet. He decided to be wary of her as well, just in case Amycus managed to convince her to take up licking as well.
Snape's speech ended soon after that, and food appeared on the table. The meal went by with no random interruptions, but Harry did flinch whenever he heard the muffled thump that was Amycus being smacked with a newspaper.
That night, after he had donned his pajamas and climbed into his warm bed, Harry took out some parchment and wrote back to Yaxley.
My Yaxleyness,
I didn't say Yaxleyness last time, so I'll have to make up for it this time around.
You can call me Harrison if you want. No one else does, so it can be kind of like your secret nickname for me. Not like James Junior, which is what Sirius has started calling me. It's a bit obnoxious, but I can't say that because it would hurt his feelings.
I have classes tomorrow and one of them is Potions, so I can't write to Ron's mother, but I can do it during the weekend. Writing to your friend's mother on a weekday is just wrong.
I can't update you on Annika's hair color since I didn't take her to Hogwarts with me, but maybe if you reach out to Aunt Petunia (who I had to turn back into a human) and ask very nicely she might tell you. Just make sure you sound curious about the baby with the color-changing hair and not like I told you about it or something weird like that.
Last year I spoke to the house-elves about bringing me a lemon pie every night, but I don't know if they remembered to do it for this year. If not, I'll have to remind them. Maybe you could get a house-elf to bring you fried chicken every night. Then you won't have to worry about going out and getting it.
I know you're not exactly aware of what you do while you're asleep, but try not to yell at him again, okay? Then he might kill you and I don't want to have to wish you had cared about me more than your fried chicken.
I don't think I can really fault you over the Bellatrix situation, can I? I doubt you invite her into your room and tell her to look through your things, since you mentioned you don't really like her being in there. You should speak to Hermione about that as that is an invasion of your privacy.
Is what you forgot to tell me that Voldemort sent Amycus here to lick things and Alecto here to smack him with the Daily Prophet? Because I can tell you firsthand that everything you said about the licking and smacking is completely true.
I wanted to write more, since I like writing to you, but Ron keeps snoring and it's hard for me to concentrate. So it seems I am going to have to stop writing even though I don't want to.
Best wishes,
Your Harryness Harrison
P.S. Has Voldemort been recruiting students lately? There seem to be a lot of them missing, so I thought they might have done what Hermione did and joined up.
Harry tossed the letter into an envelope and left it next to his bed to send in the morning. It would have been easier to send it right then, but Hedwig had made it very clear that she did not like night deliveries. Why did his owl have to be so temperamental?
It was the middle of the night and Bellatrix was looking through Yaxley's things again.
The reason behind it was that she was just plain bored. After a while of entertaining her, Hermione had grown tired and deposited her in Yaxley's room, where she had happily begun to look under his bed. He didn't know if she actually wanted something or just wanted to entertain herself until Hermione woke up. He was almost afraid to ask, but decided it was necessary.
"Bellatrix," he began, careful not to upset her or trigger an episode of turtle meditation. "Do you mind if I ask you what exactly you're doing? Can I help you find something or are you just waiting for Hermione to wake up?"
"A little of both," she told him. "But it's mostly the thing with Hermione."
"I see," Yaxley replied. "Well, I don't know if you were aware of this or not, since you seem to like being up at all hours of the night, but some people do like to sleep, and some people like to eat fried chicken in the middle of the night."
"But that's boring! Night is for doing things that aren't half as fun during the day."
"Like what, Bellatrix?"
Bellatrix thought for a moment. "Things like relaxing on the beach and then stopping at a small café on the way back."
"If we go and do this, will you stop looking through my things? I don't go through your things, and I would like you to extend me the same courtesy."
"I'll stop looking through your things," Bellatrix said, "as long as I can bring my best friend."
Yaxley had been looking forward to spending the night eating fried chicken and wondering how Harry was faring with Amycus, but on the other hand, he did want to keep Bellatrix out of his room. Finally he sighed and said, "Fine."
After this, he went down to the room Hermione slept in and softly knocked on the door. "Hermione," he said. "your best friend appears to want to go on a nighttime romp."
The last time Hermione had been to the beach, it had been with her parents, the sun had been shining overhead, and they had built sandcastles and made footprints in the sand. This time, however, she was accompanied by two of her fellow Death Eaters in the moonlight, and sat with Yaxley on a blanket while Bellatrix murdered small crabs by the shore.
"Is it even okay for us to be here?" Yaxley asked as they watched Bellatrix toss another dead crab into the sea. "What if those Muggle men with the fancy lights show up and make us leave?"
"We're Death Eaters, Yaxley," Hermione assured him. "If Death Eaters want to take a nighttime trip to the beach, they do it and don't let those Muggles stand in their way. Right?"
Yaxley let out a deep breath. "Right."
"So," Hermione changed the subject. "do you expect you'll hear about the whole Amycus thing from Harry soon?"
"Probably. He doesn't seem the type to keep quiet about licking. But I still wish you had talked Amycus out of it."
"I told you that I would have if you had gotten Harry the monkey you promised him. Seriously, if you didn't want to get him a monkey, you could have offered him something else, like a moose or a dragonfly."
"Hermione, who asks for a moose?"
"I wanted a moose when I was younger. My parents couldn't find one, so they got me Lulu instead."
"So I can get Harry something else?"
"No. That was different. They knew I liked sheep too."
Neither of them had noticed Bellatrix had run out of crabs until she plopped herself between them and said, "I like sheep too. They're relaxing. Can we go visit Lulu sometime?"
"Maybe sometime, Bellatrix, but not right now," said Hermione. "Did you have fun down there with your crabs?"
"I did until I couldn't find any more."
"So what are you going to do now?" asked Yaxley, hoping she would go elsewhere so he could keep talking to Hermione. He had decided he liked talking to Hermione.
"Turtle meditation." And with that, Bellatrix curled into a ball and did just that. At least she was doing it to clear her mind this time and not because Yaxley had unknowingly provoked her.
The turtle meditation made it a little hard to carry on a conversation without disturbing her, so Hermione and Yaxley remained silent and listened to the waves on the shore. After just over an hour of this, Bellatrix decided she was suitably relaxed and asked if they could go to the café now.
It took a while to find one that was open at this hour, but eventually Hermione managed to find one that had decent prices and night hours. The three Death Eaters took a table. Hermione and Yaxley ordered coffee, and Bellatrix asked for a cup of whipped cream. Unsurprisingly, their Muggle waitress looked at her a little funny before walking away.
"What was the Muggle café for, Bellatrix?" asked Yaxley. "We probably could have found a decent wizarding establishment."
"Those wizarding cafés and I have a bit of a history," she explained. "Every time I walk in they tell me they can't just serve me a cup of whipped cream. But they don't have anything with whipped cream that I like, so I have to order the whipped cream separately."
"They wouldn't serve her a cup of syrup, either," said Hermione, who had been there as Bellatrix asked for whipped cream, syrup, hot fudge, caramel syrup, and a sprig of parsley before storming out of the café in a huff.
"So that's why I have to go to the Muggle ones. They look at me funny and I have to make a mental note to torture them later, but at least I can get a cup of whipped cream if I want one."
As she said this, the Muggle waitress came back with two cups of coffee and the whipped cream Bellatrix had ordered. "Do you want a spoon with that?" she asked. Bellatrix shook her head as she used her finger to scoop the whipped cream into her mouth.
After the first cup of whipped cream, Bellatrix ordered several more before Hermione had to step in and politely inform her best friend that she had had more than enough. She didn't take that news well at first, but eventually decided to give in and stop with the whipped cream for now. Maybe she would come back later and eat all the whipped cream she wanted.
Once everything was paid for (including a small vase Bellatrix had pushed off a neighboring table when she decided the whole process was taking too long,) the Death Eaters returned home to try to get a little sleep in the last half hour before the sun came up.
Hermione deposited her best friend in her bedroom, where she promptly curled up on the bed and began more turtle meditation. After this, Yaxley told her, "Last night had its good points, I'll give you that, but please don't drag me outside at all hours again."
"You were the one who woke me up, Yaxley."
"Bellatrix was the one who wanted to..."
"You didn't have to go with us."
Admitting defeat, Yaxley went back to his room and fell asleep just as the first rays of sunshine began to illuminate the sky. There was truly never a dull moment with Bellatrix Lestrange around.
This one wound up 3k. A little unexpected, but still good.
Reviews are always appreciated.