Kelis stood at the top of the ramp and looked down. Beyond lay the hangar and a path back to the Jedi. When she had set out to rescue Iwelith, now Akita, she had been confident in her mission and committed to the Jedi cause. Now she was a different person. She loved the Republic and the Jedi, but she now saw a larger truth. Balance was the only way to truly serve the force, to be true to the force. Neither the Jedi nor the Sith wanted anything to do with this idea. Both wanted to see the end of the other through any means regardless of the cost in innocent lives.
Kelis stood at the top of the ramp for what seemed an eternity, her feet felt glued to the floor. Anger flowed through her, she reached deep trying to let it go. A familiar tingle formed behind her eyes. Slight at first then like pins and needles it spread through her body. When it subsided she knew the force had returned to her. As happy as she was at that moment it made no difference to her current plight. If she stayed she would be turning her back on her former life, if she left, could she return to the Jedi but what would happen the next time she was given a directive that she knew in her heart was wrong. Her anger flared, she could not recall being angry like this in the past. It hurt when she realized the reason. 'I have never cared as much as I do now' she thought. A Sith had taught her that the Jedi suppress emotions not only to avoid the dark side but to ensure unquestioning loyalty. Detachment is a double edged sword. Her anger built, there was a vibration in the ship, nearby something fell off of a shelf. A moment later Ty'karus and Akita were beside her.
"Kelis calm yourself." Akita begged her. She reached out and put her arms around her in a gentle hug. Kelis looked past Akita at Ty'karus. "Master please tell me what to do." She pleaded. He sighed and gave her a thin smile. "I can't, I won't. Freedom has a price, for you, this is it. You must choose." He stepped back and leaned against the bulkhead wall.
Kelis pulled away from Akita. "Was it like this for you Akita? Did he twist you with pleasure and pain? Then leave you, abandon you to flounder lost, angry!" Her voice was stressed and Akita could feel the dark side growing in her.
"No, it was not like that. He did not hurt me, as a matter of fact I almost killed him, but he would not fight back, even to save his own life." Her eyes were locked with Kelis. She looked at Akita with shock in her eyes. "Why don't you let me tell you how it was for me, if you're willing to hear me out?" Akita asked. Kelis shook her head in agreement, Ty'karus could see the anger drain away. 'I know how to pick them, who would have thought that a consular could be such a hot head. Nobody to blame but yourself, you knew this was not going to be easy' he thought to himself. Ty'karus sat at the far end of the lounge and watched quietly as the two talked.
The conversation took the better part of two hours. Kelis frequently exploded with a loud 'What!' there were a number of 'He didn't' and more than a few 'you're not serious'. Once again it struck Ty'karus that unlocking a Jedi from their dogma of repression and emotional suppression seemed to regress them into an almost adolescent state. Ty'karus made a mental note to try and find a more mature Jedi should they decide to do this again.
Ty'karus was mulling things over when Kelis stood before him. He smiled and arched an eyebrow.
"Akita speaks highly of you. If I am going to stay I would like to know more about you. All I currently know is based on our conversations and we both know that you controlled those." She had her hands on her hips and her emotions were charged.
"I will answer any questions you have but I need you to center yourself. Please" he said quietly. He watched as Kelis folded her hands together and took a few deep breaths. A smile crossed her face as she took hold of the force. A moment later her emotions calmed.
"Very good, now what would you like to know" 'this should be interesting' he thought.
Kelis took a seat across from him, she folded her arms across her chest. "What kind of man do you consider yourself?" she asked. "I am a monster." He responded without hesitation. Kelis looked shocked. Akita had heard the answer and she came over and sat down beside him "You are not a monster." She came to his defense.
"I am a monster, the things I have done, cannot be washed away with a few years of contrition." He said in a quiet tone. Ty'karus made sure he maintained eye contact with Kelis, he wanted to give her every opportunity to see his honesty. He knew she was testing him with the force, it did not bother him though.
"If it were within my power to kill every single Jedi and Sith, I would do so without reservation." He smiled, "present company excluded of course." Kelis paused, her face had an unsure look to it. Ty'karus smiled at her. "What? You were expecting me to lie, to make excuses for my life?" he arched an eyebrow at her. "Yes, actually, I was." She said. Ty'karus chuckled.
"You are asking the wrong question Kelis. I once told Akita the same thing. You Jedi seem so unwilling to ask what you really want to know. That small question the one causing an itch in there." He pointed to her forehead. Kelis starred at him for a while, he could feel the doubt and confusion building in her then it changed. She was on the edge things could go either way. Ty'karus needed to be careful. Kelis stood and pushed her chair towards the table and leaned on the back of the chair.
"What happens next if I stay?" she held his eyes unflinchingly. Ty'karus frowned. "We hide, listen, learn and try to find others who feel as we do or convince them if the opportunity arises. But you should also know that the next few weeks will be quite possibly the most challenging and potentially dangerous of your life. If we live beyond that, we three will be alone, living under a façade in a galaxy where the powers that be want to chew us up and spit out the bones. Just so you don't have any illusion going into this." A smile crawled up the right side of his face. It gave Kelis a shiver.
"Was that the Sith version of a motivational speech?" she laughed. Ty'karus relaxed, let out a small sigh. "Do you have any other questions now that the big one is out of the way?" he leaned forward ensuring his body language showed he was still engaged and paying attention to her. Kelis pulled at the straps of her clothing. "Can I get out of this, thing?" she asked with a laugh. "No." Ty'karus response surprised Kelis "What? Why not and what makes you think you can dictate what I wear?" her anger began a slow burn.
"You are free to go Kelis I am not dictating anything I am simply telling you that we are quite literally living covert lives. If you want to return to the Republic you are free to do so, I cannot and you know it." He took Akita's hand in his. "We want to be together and that means staying here in the Empire, at least for the foreseeable future. To do that we need to live at least in appearance, by their rules." Kelis cut him off, her hands were once again firmly planted on her hips. Ty'karus noted the warning sign for future reference.
"And that mean dressing like we are part of your harem of broken Jedi slaves? Perhaps you enjoy seeing us like this, is that it?" Akita was on her feet she reached out to calm Kelis. Kelis shook her hand off and stepped back. Ty'karus stood "Kelis calm yourself. I think you need to rest. It would appear that what I put you through has taken its toll on you. I am sorry." He offered. Kelis did not seem interested in taking a rest. She took a few deep breaths and her anger slid into the background.
"There better?" her words were still acidic but not as angry.
Ty'karus and Akita returned to their seats. "Kelis I have promised to be honest where ever I can, are you sure you want my honest answer?" Kelis cocked her head to one side and gave him an exasperated look. "Very well as long as you do your best to stay calm I will do my best to answer your question." Kelis
"The clothing that you and Akita wear makes you look like slaves, I imagine that coming from the Republic it's seen as demeaning, as a Jedi it's shameful. But those outfits are like armor. Most people including imperial officials and some Sith will ignore you, some will look down on you as well. In the end they will underestimate you. Ultimately that gives you power, it serves our purposes" He emphasized 'our purposes'.
"Having two former Jedi as apprentices or slaves for that matter only serves to raise my profile, a blessing and a curse. I am envied more but at the same time less scrutinized as I am seen as an example of what a Sith can accomplish." Kelis did not like the answer but it was clear that she understood what he was getting at.
Kelis crossed her arms over her chest. "So you're saying that these outfits protect us and secure your position at the same time, am I supposed to believe that this has nothing to do with the fact that you enjoy looking at us like this?" her voice was accusatory
"Both of you are exceptionally beautiful women, I have often wondered why so many female force users are so beautiful, in any case the answer to your question is yes. I find watching you, being around you to be most intoxicating." Akita giggled, Kelis blushed. Her emotions changed again.
"Please calm yourself and let me continue." He waited once again while Kelis calmed herself. Ty'karus reached out and augmented her connection to the force. It hit Kelis like a blast of cold air, she shuddered. As a Consular she had similar training and ability and immediately understood what he had done. "Thank you." She said with a thin smile. Ty'karus noticed something change in her, he would have to investigate later.
"If you decide to stay you should know that from time to time, while in public, I will touch you, put my arm around you, I may kiss you or grab you." His voice was matter of fact, there was no humor or sarcasm present. Kelis was about to offer an objection but Ty'karus continued. "If you are to look like slaves or apprentices to a Sith, We must act the part. Akita will help you understand what is required. Rest assured though Kelis I will never push you. It is not in my nature to take, not in this area, you have my word on that." He could feel Kelis poking around in his mind, testing his responses. He did little to stop her.
Kelis face was still flushed.
"Lastly there is benefit to you as former Jedi." He smiled. "Let me explain. You Jedi spend your entire lives suppressing your emotions, you do so in the name of serving the greater good. Yet by separating yourself from the people you serve you no longer understand them, you are no longer part of them." Kelis let out a long sigh of frustration. Ty'karus frowned. "You have something to say Kelis?" he asked.
"Master we covered this line of thought during our talks. I understand the disguise angle, I can even appreciate the fact that misdirection will give us an advantage. I fail to see how dressing like this and acting like slaves or your apprentices will help us be better people or reintegrate into society" In spite of his augmentation and her own attempts to calm herself, Kelis was looking near exhaustion. Ty'karus was concerned. 'She needs to sleep even if I have to force her to' he thought.
"You have lived your life as part of the Republic elite. Isolated but revered, here in the Empire you are feared as Sith apprentices and looked down on as slaves. Your understanding of the people around you will change as will your perceptions of what it is to be part of the whole."
Kelis looked exhausted. "Master would you mind if I slept for a while then gave you my decision?" she asked "Of course. Take your time." Kelis left the lounge and headed to the room that had been her prison.
With the morning came clarity and peace. Kelis found herself centered and relaxed. The anger of the previous day washed away. She rose and ran through her Jedi Consular meditations. As she did this she noticed something laying on the chair in the room. A set of Jedi garments. She picked them up, felt the material, smelled the leather belt and rubbed the tunic against her face. She stood there with the garment pressed against her naked body until she found her answer.
Kelis folded the garment and laid it across the chair where she found it. She took the time to brush out the wrinkles and arrange it to perfection. She turned and picked up the garment that Akita had picked out for her days earlier. It was leather, straps and thigh high armored boots. It was a disguise nothing more. She put it on and walked to the door. The door slid open with a hiss. She stepped into the doorway and left Kelis in the room. She walked slowly through the ship her steps had purpose, she placed each foot down on the deck as if part of some ancient ritual. Ty'karus and Akita were in the lounge, they rose to meet her.
She gave Akita a brief thin smile then turned to face Ty'karus. "Akita told me that this path is a rebirth and that I will need a new name." Akita reached out and grabbed Kelis hand and bounced excitedly. "If you walk this path you are reborn a Shadow yes." Ty'karus said. Kelis gave Akita a smile. "Master I would like to stay and walk this path with the both of you. My name is Valenya." she bowed her head.
Akita beamed, she hugged Valenya and pulled her into a seat. "I am so happy Valenya. We have so much to talk about." Ty'karus let them be, he had other things to attend to.
Later that morning Valenya found him on the bridge. "Master may I ask you something?" her voice was calm. Ty'karus sensed her anger issues from yesterday were gone, there was a calmness over her. "Of course Valenya."
"Akita is so, happy." She paused, her face gave no hint of emotion but her thoughts told a different story. Ty'karus could tell she wanted to know how but was afraid it would change her, that she would lose herself.
"You want to know if this will happen to you?" he asked. Valenya nodded. "Only if you want it to." He waited for her to ask more, he knew she would.
"How do I start?" Ty'karus sensed no fear, no confusion. Valenya was using the force to control and suppress her emotions.
"You start slow. First you need to let go of your emotional control. Use the force to suppress anger, fear, and hate, any emotion directly tied to the dark side. Everything else you embrace. If you are embarrassed, happy, sad, you embrace it and examine the feelings. Our goal is to understand how these feelings affect us how we can use them without fearing them." He gave her his most reassuring look.
Valenya closed her eyes for just a moment. Ty'karus could feel her emotional barriers drop. Her fear spiked, he remained silent. A moment later he smiled as he felt her use the force to stifle the fear.
"You have taken your first steps into a greater world." He smiled at her. "Now I would recommend you speak with Akita, she can give you a more Jedi perspective on what to expect." Valenya nodded and left the bridge.