Denied

"You're sure on Breea? I mean… I love the name, I brought it up but if you have any other names you like I'm all ears." Punk nodded, sitting in the hospital room with his new baby daughter in his arms whilst AJ sat up on the bed.

"No, I love Breea. It's… that's her name. It's who she is." AJ smiled, "It's beautiful and sweet." She nodded as Punk smiled, looking down at Breea with so much love. Finally getting to meet their baby was the best thing ever, something neither of them could even describe, "I would like to… suggest a middle name." AJ nodded.

"Go ahead." Punk looked up with a smile.

"Jen." AJ smiled as Punk raised his eyebrows, "I know that's what you called your sister and I know that you… you miss her every day and things like this… she should have been part of." She nodded, "So I'd really like it if her name was Breea Jen Brooks." AJ smiled as Punk nodded, looking down at Breea and smiling.

"I'd really like that too." Punk nodded, "Wish she was here. I mean I… I never got to see her grow up. She was… she was still a kid when she went missing."

"You know that… you can't blame yourself forever." AJ shook her head, "Just because it was you who was looking after her that day doesn't mean that that's why she got taken. If it was anyone else… maybe it would have still happened." AJ nodded, "You can't torture yourself over it."

"I know." Punk sighed, "It's just… the not knowing that kills me."

"I know." AJ nodded.

"I mean I could be sitting here right now and she could be still out there, living a different life. She could be ok." Punk nodded, "Or… she could have been dead the same day she was taken." He sighed as AJ looked at him, "That's the hardest part."

"I know." AJ sighed, "I know you find it hard, anyone would. And I know you feel guilty but it's not your fault. You can't feel that guilt forever. That's not fair to you and your life." She said, "I don't have siblings so I don't… I don't really know the significance of it but I know that it'd be extremely hard to lose one." She nodded.

"I just wish I got answers." Punk said, "Part of why I became a cop was to… to help people like me find answers. To never leave anyone in the not knowing section for the rest of their life." He said as AJ nodded, "Because it's the worst feeling in the world."

"To carry on you just gotta find a way to… to move past it. I know it's not one of those things that get easier with time but you can't stop living your own life because of it." She said, "You have to enjoy your life and not feel guilty about something that… that wasn't in your control."

"I tried to look for her." Punk nodded, "When I first got with the PD after getting out of the academy." He said, "I mean… John gave me into trouble of course because it wasn't what I was supposed to be doing."

"Did you find anything?" AJ asked him.

"Nothing." Punk shook his head, "If anything it just… it made me more frustrated." He sighed.

"You can't torture yourself with it, Phil. It's been a lot of years." AJ nodded. She never wanted to be blunt with him over such a sensitive topic that she knew he held close to him, but she also didn't want to him to feel tortured by it. She wanted him to carry on his life without feeling guilty over what happened.

"I know it has but that doesn't change anything." Punk shook his head.

"I know it doesn't." AJ nodded, sitting up and sliding her legs off the edge of the bed, "But you can't let it stop you from enjoying your life. That doesn't make you a bad person." She assured him as he nodded, "We have so much good in our life. Our own little family." She smiled as Punk nodded, looking down at Breea.

"Yeah, I know. And I'm so grateful." Punk shook his head as AJ smiled.

"Me too." She smiled, placing her hand on his knee, "Is she still sleeping?" She asked, leaning over a little.

"Yeah." Punk nodded, "She's just a little mini you. This is gonna be tough." Punk said as AJ smiled.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She laughed a little.

"Well I know how stubborn you can be. Two stubborn AJ's is a scary thought." He said as AJ smiled.

"I'm sure you and her will be best friends." AJ nodded, "She's lucky to have you as her father."

"I hope I'm good at this." He said. It all felt very real now that Breea was here. They'd had their time to prepare themselves for her arrival and still felt surreal to finally have her in their arms. For so long it had just been the two of them and they knew it'd take some time to adjust to becoming a new family of three, but it was the best feeling in the world.

"You're already great." AJ smiled.

"How is she doing with the oatmeal?" Liz asked whilst putting some dishes in the dish washer as AJ sat at the kitchen table feeding Breea some breakfast. At ten months old she was going through the classic baby food and was starting to eat more solids.

"She loves it." AJ nodded with a smile. It was the best thing to wake up to in the morning, seeing her daughter with her hair all over the place and getting to feed her some breakfast, "She likes it with banana though because… the girl has taste." AJ shrugged as Liz smiled.

"What are you up to today?" Liz asked, "I was gonna go to the mall if you want to come with me? We can have a girls day." She smiled.

"I was gonna visit John at the precinct today." AJ said.

"For what reason?" Liz questioned suspiciously.

"Just to speak to John." AJ shrugged, "Say ahh." AJ smiled to Breea who watched her mouth, opening up and taking another mouthful of oatmeal, getting it all over her face and hands but nevertheless enjoying herself.

"You expect me to believe that?" Liz asked, drying her hands and placing her hand on her hips, "I thought you were ignoring all of this stuff with Phil?"

"I am." AJ shrugged.

"So why are you going to see John?" Liz asked.

"Because I'm looking for a job, mom." AJ shrugged, "Because guess what? I gotta pay this mortgage and bills and my daughter has to eat-"

"April, you have money-"

"And I need to keep making it." AJ said, "It's not like Phil is gonna help with anything. He's made his choice and I don't want anything from him."

"And you think you're gonna get your old job back as a cop?" Liz folded her arms, "You know that's never going to happen, right?"

"Yes, mom. I know it's never going to happen." AJ shook her head, "But I can still work without being out on the beat." She shrugged, "That's why I'm going to talk to John."

"Why now? Why are you so eager?" Liz asked, "I hope you're not trying to prove anything to Phil-"

"So what if I am? He thinks I'm weak so… I'll show him how weak I am." AJ nodded.

"April… I know that you're trying hard to block out everything he's been saying but please don't believe anything that is coming out of his mouth. I don't even think he believes it. I don't know it's… it's like he wants you to hate him." Liz shook her head.

"It's not just about him. It's about me carrying on with my life. I was gonna try and go back at one point, even if Phil was still here. Maybe there's a job for me in an office as much as that pains me to say." She shook her head, "I could still be of some use." She nodded.

"I just want you to be careful. I want you to be healthy." Liz said.

"And I will be. Trust me. Breea needs me." AJ sighed, "It's not like she can depend on Phil." She said. She never thought she would say something like that out loud. To be divorced and raising Breea alone was just something she couldn't have even imagined if she tried. It felt so wrong.

"Well… do you want me to take Breea for the day? Make it easier for you if you wanna talk to John?"

"Are you sure?" AJ looked up.

"Yeah, me and Breea will have a girly day." Liz shrugged with a smile.

"Thanks, mom." AJ nodded, "Not just for this but… for staying with me and helping me with all of this." She said, "I just… I still can't get my head around it. Even telling myself that I need to move on seems ridiculous because it's… it's Phil." AJ shook her head, "I still love him."

"You're always gonna love him, sweetie." Liz nodded, "That's not gonna change."

"I know that." AJ said, "But I'm not letting him have this much of a hold over my life. Like I'm nothing without him." She shook her head, "He made his choice. I gotta make my own." She shrugged.

"I don't think it's a good idea." John shook his head as AJ sat across from him in his office later that day.

"What? Why not?" AJ questioned, "I'm not… I'm not doing anything strenuous that could put me in danger. It's-it's office work." She shrugged.

"It's still stressful." John said.

"Any job is stressful. What am I supposed to do? Not work again?" AJ shook her head, "Please, John. I don't mind sitting at a desk all day doing paper work and piecing things together if you need me to-"

"Well I mind, because I don't want you to take seizures or get worked up over anything. What happened to you was a huge deal and I just think this place isn't the best working environment for you anymore, regardless of being at an office or not."

"Please don't make me beg." AJ shook her head, "I was a cop for a long time here. I've been out of action for almost two years, I've had my rest." AJ rolled her eyes.

"I know you have but trust me, I'm looking out for you here with this decision. I don't think it's for the best." John shook his head as AJ rubbed her forehead and sighed.

"Great." AJ shook her head, standing up and putting her coat on.

"April, please… this isn't me trying to put you out or-"

"No, it's fine." AJ shook her head bluntly, "Whatever." She said, walking out of the office and closing the door behind her, taking a deep breath. It was so hard recently to not just burst out into tears. She really felt like a joke. Like her life was crumbling up around her and it was scaring her of how alone, how small she was beginning to feel.

She put her bag over her shoulder and began to walk down the precinct when she got a glimpse of her and Punk's desks which were parallel to one another. She walked over out of curiosity and noticed that Punk's things weren't cleared from his desk yet.

She looked down at the picture of her and Breea sitting on a frame beside the computer. She remembered him telling her that it was the best thing to look at when he had mountains of paper work to do.

She put her bag down and sat on the chair behind the desk, switching on the computer and pausing as she tried to think of what his password would be. Egotistically, she put her name in but was denied access.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Dean crept up behind her as AJ turned around.

"Nothing." AJ spun around on the chair innocently, "Why is his things still here?"

"Oh, he never came in to clear it out. John is waiting on someone coming in to wipe the computer fresh so he can give the desk to someone else." Dean said as AJ nodded, "So why are you here?"

"Well I was asking for a job but… was denied of course." AJ shook her head.

"He means well. He's just trying to look out for your safety. Plus, looking at a computer screen all day isn't gonna help your head either-"

"Did he just tell you why I was here?" AJ asked.

"Yeah." Dean nodded.

"I hate him." AJ scoffed.

"You spoke to Phil recently?" Dean asked.

"Not since he told me I was weak and that he was practically ready to move onto some other chick." AJ shrugged, "Always nice to hear."

"I'm sorry." Dean sighed as AJ shrugged.

"I'm sorry for him. He's lost me and he's lost Breea." AJ nodded as Dean sighed, "It's never gonna be the same again."

"Don't you want to know what has gotten him into this state?" Dean asked.

"Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't." AJ shrugged as Dean nodded, "I think it's best we all just… leave him be." AJ said, "Clearly it's what he wants."

"Yeah, maybe." Dean nodded, "Hey, if you ever need to talk about anything, you know I'm here. He bailed on my ass too. My own best friend."

"Doesn't it feel like he wants us to hate him? So it's easier for him to do what he's doing?" AJ questioned.

"Maybe." Dean said, "But maybe you're right, maybe it's best just to leave him be."

"Yeah." AJ sighed.

"Well I gotta go but I'll catch you later." He said, leaning down and kissing her cheek as AJ smiled, watching as he left the precinct as she turned back around to the computer.

She pulled herself back into the desk and this time tried Breea's name for the password and was yet again denied access, "God dammit, Phil." AJ shook her head angrily, looking over at the picture of her and Breea and pausing, "Wait." She mumbled, punching in the numbers of Breea's birthday, finally getting into his files and smiling to herself.

She looked around in his files for some time before eventually coming across something that made her brows rise and her mind wander.