A New Year
For a strange reason as I ride up towards Nottingham Castle, I feel dissatisfied. I try to dismiss my feelings, remembering how my mother taught me to conceal everything I felt and paint a false smile on my lips. My green gown contrasts beautifully with Ynes' dapple coat and the lanterns make Nottingham Castle glimmer on top the hill. I feel lonely. I see companions and husbands and wives, making their way towards the castle or dismounting in the stable yard, and it reminds me I have not a friend in the world. As a cold north wind blows over the turrets and through the archway, I am reminded bitterly of how unkind I was to my cousin. Neither of us were blameless, but I had cut all ties with her. Even now I despair over her naivety and innocence, treating them as foolish and ignorant. In many ways she was ignorant, but knowledge always comes at a price. Clotaire is with me and helps me down from my horse, but he will remain with the soldiers and guardsmen. I try to smile fully at him and forbid my sinking thoughts of loneliness and disquiet. Perhaps if I can find a woman who will not talk about marriage or fashion, I will talk to her. I am tired of men leering at my breasts
Most of the younger women seem to have taken an instant dislike to me and glare at me as soon as my name is announced. Married women encircle their husbands like hissing cats. But once I have greeted the Sherriff, nodded in Sir Guy's direction, I am greeted with a warm smile from the Lady Catherine, a woman who has seen her children married and put one husband in the grave. Perhaps we have much in common! She still has fair hair, though it is streaked with grey and her eyes sparkle with merriment. Her dress is a soft, dove grey and she wears only a single pendant.
"I have heard much about you, Lady Anne."
I smile, "I am sure most of it has been falsified. It is a pleasure to meet you, Lady Catherine."
"Oh nonsense, people were quite appraising of you."
I cast my eyes over the sumptuously gowned younger women and the suspicious married ones.
"It seems like I am most welcome." I smile sardonically.
She tuts and shakes her head, chuckling slightly, "Better to ignore such rudeness, most women are always a little distrustful of those who will experience more than they ever could. After all, most women end up in the grave sooner than their husbands."
"So what are these gatherings like?" I swiftly changing the subject.
"A little dancing, a little music, food, too much ale for the men and wine for the women." She smirks.
I quickly grow bored of the festivities, I no longer even have my place of honour by the Sherriff. I am almost disappointed with not being able to talk to Sir Guy, though my only desire is to reassure him my son only spoke out of childish innocence, he did not comprehend marriage was so serious a business. I have absolutely no desire to marry Sir Guy. It seems strange to see him in this place of heady excitement and frivolities. I watch him and a pretty young thing attempting to draw him into a conversation with her, but when he finally does speak, she soon looks upset and turns aside. He must've spoken quite harshly with her, I think. She moves off down the hall and my eyes flick back to him, only for Sir Guy to look directly at me as soon as the young woman is gone. I feel my mouth drop open slightly and my cheeks flame with heat. I instantly turn back to Lady Catherine and the lord she was talking to. I try to keep focus on the conversation, but can feel his eyes upon my back, almost burning away the gown on my back. For some reason, I shiver at the thought, though the room is almost too hot and my cheeks are still warm.
"My dear Lady Anna, are you well? You're very flushed." Lady Catherine murmurs softly, once the lord has departed to speak to some other noble.
"Ah…yes…" I smile, "It is just the heat from the fire and the wine I think, it must be quite strong."
"I would have thought a Lady of France would be used to that." A sharp voice behind me makes me wince, but I put my best smile on and turn round.
"Sir Guy, what a pleasure. But you must remember, I have not lived in France for some time."
He grunts in agreement and Lady Catherine beams at him.
"How are you, Sir Guy?"
"Well enough, Lady Catherine."
"Oh dear…" She says and tuts again, "Well enough? You need to take better care of yourself, or find a wife to make sure you do!"
I am surprised to see Sir Guy's wry smile at her comment, had anyone else made the same he would've probably killed them. But he and the Lady Catherine seem to know each other well.
"I will endeavour to do so, Lady Catherine. And now may I ask, how you fare?
"Very well, thank you. I have heard you already know the Lady Anne, so I have no obligation to introduce you two."
I smile and bob down into a curtsey, Sir Guy offers me a curt nod, then turns back to Lady Catherine, "Heard from whom, my lady?"
She waves her hand in a nonchalant manner, but her eyes gleam with mischief, "Oh, here and there. These are small villages and a little larger town, news travels fast. Gossip and rumour even faster."
"How do you know each other?" I ask Lady Catherine, when Sir Guy leaves us.
"I've known the Gisborne family for some years."
"Oh?"
"I served in the same household as his mother, when we were both maids-in-waiting. I used to live in London, until I was married." She sniffs slightly, "Not a bad match, but I think I could've done better, bless my husband's soul. Not very ambitious."
I smile as though I know that crime all too well, "When did you come to Nottingham?"
"Oh even now I am still visiting, I have old friends in Mansfield. Occasionally I would stay with Lady Ghislaine, but things turned sour between us."
Then remember suddenly a question that has plagued me for a long time. One I knew I could not ask Sir Guy.
"What happened to the Gisbornes? I know they had a house near Locksley, where did it go?"
Her body stiffens and she looks around her nervously, "Some things are best left unspoken, it would not sit well with Guy if he knew I told you."
"I meant no ill will." I said.
"I do not doubt your kindness or respect towards Sir Guy, but unless he has told you, I feel it pertinent not to speak of such things." She smiled, but her eyes gleamed as though she recognised my game all too well. I gave a short, sweet smile in return.
The dinner was an extravagant affair as usual and a group of Mummers were brought in to keep us entertained, but I found myself growing bored and distracted, despite the company of Lady Catherine. Now and then, I looked up to Sir Guy and Sherriff Vaisey, but they paid little attention to me. I felt a little buzz of irritation at that, but I wasn't wholly sure why. Though I gripped my knife a little harder when I saw a pretty maid refill Sir Guy's goblet, bending low over the table so her ample breasts were more than a little noticeable. I hastily looked away, picked up my own cup and swallowed my wine. It left a sour taste in my mouth and I chastised myself. This was not the time to be stupid, even as a young girl I had always done my duty. I could not marry a little lord like Gisborne. I frowned, why had I even thought of marrying him? I didn't want to in any case. We'd never get along. I dismissed it as Grégoire's childish chatter.
"Do you dance, Lady Anne?" Sir Anthony asks me. I give him my most charming of smiles and rise to my feet.
"Yes, Sir Anthony. I would be honoured."
He grins and gives me a neat bow, then taking my hand joins the other partners in the centre of the room. With a strange flurry of pleasure, I note Sir Guy is looking at me, as I join the other dancers in a large circle. But I only have a short amount of time to think about such things, as the troubadours begin a lively country dance. Even as I smile and follow the steps through, something makes me worry my lip and a nervous feeling clutches at my belly. When the dance finishes, I go back to my table and drink more of the sour wine. I smirk, wondering how much the Sherriff was willing to spend on this wine. Then curse myself for not remembering to look favourably on Sir Anthony, if there is one thing I enjoy it is making Sir Guy glower at me.
"My lady! Lady Anne!"
I swing around and am shocked to see Clotaire running towards me, cutting through the crowd of dancers. The door behind him slamming against the frame. At once terror seizes my throat. There are very few reasons why my Captain of Guards should make his way up to Nottingham Castle and seek me out, unless I am in danger or my boys are. I stumble across from the table, ignoring Vaisey and Guy's look of shock and the other guests disgruntled or surprised appearance.
"Clotaire? What is it?"
He takes a few deep breaths, his cheeks are still red and he wears heavy boots. Behind him a few guards appear and I strangely think how lax they are to let a stranger into the hall, especially because Clotaire is armed. Out of my periphery, I see Sir Guy leave his place at the main table and walk towards us.
"Clotaire?" my voice comes out strained.
"Perhaps we should go somewhere else, my lady…"
"No!" I command, "Whatever it is, you will tell me now."
Clotaire nods and then slowly says, "Grégoire is... Grégoire is missing."
The floor melts away at my feet and it is only a strong arm around my waist that keeps me from dropping to my knees. I feel sick to my stomach.
"Where?" I whisper.
"We are searching for him now, my lady. But the forest is dark, we are making little progress. Outlaws could be anywhere, there are no tracks in the snow…" Clotaire's voice grows fainter and I feel a wash of bile burn my throat.
"Guy, take her to a private room. Clotaire you go with them, I will ensure the Sherriff knows what has happened." Lady Catherine's voice is firm, and I am almost lifted into the air, though my feet attempt to tread on the ground. We leave the brightly lit hall and go through a myriad of passages and hallways, till I am back in Marian's old room. Sir Guy places me gently on the bed, which I find oddly surprising for him. I look up at him, wishing to thank him, but my mouth simply hangs open and I feel as though my heart has been pulled from my chest.
"He could be anywhere." I say, my eyes watering painfully. I press my forehead against the hangings of the bed and close my eyes. Tears still run down my cheeks and my hands shake. Till a warm, calloused hand wraps round my own. I look down at Sir Guy kneeling in front of me.
"We will find him, I swear it."
"You've hated me from the beginning, why would you help me?" I cry, though I know I should be thanking this man from the very bottom of my heart, than dismissing his oath.
"I do not hate your son, and I only hate what you remind me of…Rather, who you remind me of. You are like her," he raises a finger when I open my mouth to protest, "and in many ways you aren't." He coughs uncomfortably, "I have to seek redemption, and she knew I could gain it if I wanted to. I will find your son."
It is shameful of me, but I still feel disappointed and aggravated when he mentions my cousin. But I am still grateful for his promise of aid.
"Thank you, Sir Guy."
For once he gives me a smile, it is tight and sits uncomfortably on his mouth, but it is a genuine smile of sympathy. He rises up.
"Get some rest, I will send my men to search for him. No one will hurt him. Doubtless they knew who he was and took him for a purpose. They may want a ransom."
"Do you think it was Hood?" I ask, my voice growing hysterical. "He could've found me out, he could've climbed into Grégoire's bedroom…"
He frowns in thought, "It is not Hood's style. He is more likely to threaten you directly, than frighten a child. He would have let us know by some sign he had Grégoire, Hood is arrogant like that."
It did not comfort me much, "But then we do not know who has taken him or where!"
"You have enemies, do you not? Both here and in France."
My mouth hung agape, it could've been anyone. My mother-in-law with all her spite, any number of small knights and squires I had punished after the rebellion, anyone who disliked me or my husband. It could be someone willing to take Grégoire into their power, kill my mother-in-law and brother-in-law, kill Robart and then claim Sauveterre through Grégoire. My mouth felt dry and the air I was breathing did not seem to fill my lungs.
"I must speak to Celine." I said.
"No, not yet."
"No!" I cried. Guy seemed taken aback by my tone, "Please, Guy, he is my son."
"We will find him."
"You don't know that." My hands shook forcefully and I clenched them tightly, biting my lip to stop it from trembling. He returned to my side and looked intently at me.
"We will find him."
"But…"
"I will find him."
I nodded balefully, my body feeling too weak and tired for anything else. I watched him get up again.
"I will return to you in the morning with news, for now sleep a little. Clotaire will remain outside your chambers and keep everyone out, bar anyone you wish to see, your servants and myself."
I did not know how I could possibly sleep tonight, all I could think of was my son, where he was and who he was with. When Guy left the room I knelt at the foot of my bed and prayed fervently. I forgot all my French and Latin, I begged the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost in English to protect my son and bring him home safely.
"Please, please, please protect him. Please help him. He is my son. Please…Please…Oh God, have mercy. Bring him back to me, bring him safely home…He is only a boy, he has done nothing wrong. Please…"
In the morning Clotaire and Bess found me collapsed at the end of the bed, my hands still tightly clasped together. But they brought no news of my son.
A/N: Oh my gods...what have I done? Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! As far as enjoying it can go!