Chapter 25

Stephanie sat alone at the kitchen table with a heavy heart and her head in her hands. Her fingers lightly clutched her soft brown strands as the tears streamed down her face and she was unable to stop them. Paul was gone and she couldn't stop the sickening feeling that he might not come back and all because of that picture. A fucking photograph she couldn't even remember being taken not to mention a past with Mark she had stupidly decided to keep from her husband. Talk about a decision that had well and truly bit her on the ass. Now she was regretting it tenfold. Then there had been that damn kiss. It was hard to believe it had all gone so horribly wrong between her and Paul. Only this afternoon, they had agreed to try for another baby. They had both been so happy and everything had seemed perfect. But a few hours later that had all changed and her marriage now looked to be in serious trouble.

Stephanie sniffed back her tears as they continued to fall. She had been crying for over an hour now and her heart honestly felt like it was breaking in two. The thought of Paul leaving terrified her and she knew she couldn't exist without him. She would fall to pieces not to mention the effect it would have on Ellie and Jake. Paul was the glue that held their family together. It just wouldn't function properly without him. She had to believe that they could work things out. She had to find some way to convince him that she was telling the truth. There was nothing going on between her and Mark. There never was and there never would be. Paul was all she needed and all she would ever want. He was her life, her love, her everything.

Just then the kitchen door opened, startling her. Stephanie lifted her head and quickly tried to wipe the tears from her cheeks. But it was pointless. Patricia had already noticed her red puffy eyes and knew straight away that her daughter-in-law was upset. She also couldn't help but notice there was no sign of her son. She slowly approached the table where Stephanie still sat and offered her a small smile.

"Ellie fell asleep during the movie. Her grandfather has taken her upstairs."

Stephanie could only nod. She didn't trust herself to speak just yet. Not when she could feel a fresh onslaught of tears burning her eyes.

Patricia took the seat next to her and covered her hand with her own as it rested on the wooden surface. She squeezed it lightly. "I can see you're upset about something. Do you want to talk about it?"

Stephanie swallowed the lump in her throat. Her bottom lip quivered as she shrugged her shoulders. "I-I don't know if I c-can." she stammered as she bit down on her lip unable to stop the tears which now rolled down her face once more.

"Oh Stephanie!" Patricia cried as she reached out and immediately pulled her into a hug. She felt Stephanie's body shake as she began to sob heavily. Something was obviously terribly wrong and she couldn't ignore the uneasy feeling in her stomach that it somehow involved Paul. It would certainly explain his absence. But she couldn't fathom what could have happened and in such a short space of time. Everything had been fine a couple of hours ago. She'd even caught the pair of them fooling around with one another in the hallway. But something had happened since then and whatever it was, it was causing Stephanie a lot of distress. The poor girl was crying her heart out. Patricia rubbed her back soothingly and held her tightly until eventually she heard her sobbing subside. And when Stephanie raised her head from her shoulder, she offered her daughter in law a sympathetic smile. Her face was red and stained with her tears and her distress alone caused Patricia great concern.

"Stephanie, please talk to me. Tell me what's happened."

Stephanie sniffed loudly as she wiped her eyes. She let out a couple of shaky breaths as she began to fiddle with her wedding rings. She wasn't entirely sure she wanted to talk about it. Saying it out loud would make it real and right now she would give anything for it not to be. Because then she wouldn't have to face the fact that Paul didn't trust her. Nor remember that look of defeat in his eyes before he had walked out the door.

"Is it Paul? Has he done something that's upset you?"

Stephanie looked up and saw the concern etched on Patricia's face. She was obviously worried and desperate to get the bottom of what was going on. She couldn't blame her. After all, it was obvious something was up and it would only be a matter of time until she found out the truth anyway. Especially if Paul decided he wasn't coming home. God knows she couldn't stop that fear from creeping into her heart, crippling her. Stephanie let out a heavy sigh as she leant back in her chair, wiping the dampness from her cheeks.

"He's gone, Patricia. He walked out that door and I'm not even sure if he's coming back."

Patricia's eyes widened in shock and she sat there in stunned silence. Personally she was struggling to take in what Stephanie was telling her because she knew how much her son loved his family. It meant everything to him. What the hell had happened to make him even think about leaving them like this? It just didn't make sense. She tried to ignore the knots in her stomach as she patted Stephanie's knee.

"He'll be back once he's blown off some steam."

Stephanie shook her head slowly. "No, he won't." She pushed back her hair from her forehead and sighed heavily. "He thinks I'm having an affair, you know. With Mark, our next door neighbour."

Patricia listened in disbelief. She knew her son disliked him and Mark had been the cause of a few arguments between him and Stephanie. Paul had admitted as much when he had visited her a few weeks ago. He had also told her that Mark's intentions towards his wife were anything but friendly. But in almost the same breath he had agreed when she had reminded him that Stephanie loved him and would never allow anything to happen between them. But something had happened to make him think otherwise. And whatever it was, it was obviously making him act irrationally. She was just about to ask Stephanie what that something was when they were interrupted by Paul Snr and Ellie walking through the door.

Paul smiled at Stephanie apologetically. "This little girl won't go to sleep until she's said goodnight to everyone."

Stephanie managed a smile as she held out her arms to her daughter. "Come here then, sweetie."

Ellie grinned as she jumped up on her mother's knee. However, her grin turned to a frown as she noticed Stephanie's red eyes. Her hazel eyes searched her face frantically. "Mommy, have you been crying?"

Stephanie's heart broke as she saw the worried look on her daughter's face. She touched her face tenderly as she tried to reassure her. "A little but it's nothing for you to worry about okay?"

"But I don't like it when you're sad, Mommy. It makes me sad too."

Stephanie didn't know what to say. She just knew that she was dangerously close to losing it again so she just pulled Ellie close and began rocking her in her arms. "I know sweetie. I know."

Her eyes were closed as she kissed her daughter's hair and she failed to see the concerned looks that Paul's parents threw one another. Ellie lifted her head and shifted in her mother's lap as she looked around the room.

"Mommy, where's Daddy? I want him to read me a story."

Stephanie knew the question had been coming. She forced a smile on her face as she playfully tweaked her nose. She needed to put a brave face on for her daughter. If she didn't, she just might fall apart in front of her and she didn't want that to happen so she blurted out the first thing that popped into her head. "He had to go and see Grandpa Vince about work."

Ellie pouted as she folded her arms in front of her. "But that's not fair. I wanted him to read me the rest of Snow White."

Stephanie ruffled her hair. "I can read you your story if you like."

"Will you do the voices like Daddy? He does really cool ones for all the dwarves."

Stephanie smiled as she pushed back her seat and wrapping her arms around Ellie, she lifted her up in her arms. "I'll try my best although I don't know if I'll be as good as Daddy."

Ellie grinned as Stephanie turned her round to face her grandparents.

"Say goodnight to Grandpa and Grandma."

Ellie lifted her arm in a wave. "Goodnight Grandpa. Goodnight Grandma."

Patricia walked over and kissed her cheek. "Goodnight sweetheart. I'll see you in the morning."

She watched Stephanie and Ellie leave the kitchen and let out a sigh as she felt her husband's hand on her shoulder. She reached up and covered it with her own.

"Pat, what's going on? Why has Stephanie been crying?"

Patricia turned round to face her husband. He saw the sombre expression on her face and it worried him.

"Our son seems to think that Stephanie is having an affair."

Paul slowly shook his head as he tried to absorb the news. "But that's ludicrous. Stephanie would never cheat on him."

"I know that but unfortunately our son doesn't think so." She placed her head on her husband's chest and closed her eyes as she felt his arms wrap around her. "I just hope he comes to his senses soon before his family gets ripped apart."

She let out a shaky breath as her thoughts drifted to Paul. She just hated the thought of him being out there all alone. She prayed he would do nothing stupid or rash. She knew her son. He had a tendency to lash out when he was hurt or angry and right now he would be in a great deal of emotional pain. He loved Stephanie and the prospect of losing her or what they had would be devastating to him. Not to mention the fact that it would kill him to be away from his children. He had to realise his accusation was wrong and he was blowing this thing with Mark out of proportion. She just didn't want to think about what could happen if he didn't.

Stephanie twirled the glass round in her hand. The light from the television flickered across her face. It was nearly 5.00am and Paul still wasn't home. She should know. She had been waiting up for him all night with a bottle of wine for company. Or was it two? Right now, she couldn't even remember and quite frankly, she didn't care. She had just needed something to numb the pain and alcohol had seemed like a very good option. The only problem was it wasn't working. Her eyes were red raw from the tears she still shed every time she thought about her husband and she felt little effect from the wine. Despite what she had consumed, she was still stone cold sober.

Stephanie noticed her glass was empty and with a shaky breath she reached across to grab the bottle and poured herself another one. As she placed it back on the table, she lifted the wine to her mouth taking a few gulps in quick succession. When she was finished, the glass was practically empty and she was just about to reach for the bottle again when she heard it. The sound of the back door as it opened and closed in the kitchen. She felt her stomach churn as she realised Paul had come home. The question was what did it mean? Could she let herself hope that he had gotten rid of the ridiculous notion that she would ever cheat on him? Well she was about to find out. She sat on the edge of the sofa as her blue eyes focused intently on the door. Her heart raced in her chest as she watched Paul finally walk into the room.

Even though the only light in the room came from the television and the open window, she could still see his face and she could tell he was startled by her presence. Her husband obviously hadn't expected anyone to be up. He stood there frozen to the spot and she could hear his shallow breathing in the silence of the room. He refused to look at her as he glanced down at his hands, nervously wringing his fingers together.

Stephanie shifted uncomfortably in her seat before placing her glass down on the table. "I was worried about you."

Paul swallowed the lump in his throat as he continued to focus on his hands. He couldn't look at her because he knew if he did, he would be in danger of breaking down. And it wouldn't be the first time tonight. Once his anger had subsided, his temper had quickly been replaced with tears. He couldn't get erase that fucking picture from his mind. All he could see was that look in Stephanie's eyes as she had smiled at Mark. He knew it extremely well. It was the same look he had seen many times before only this time it wasn't directed at him. It had been directed that bastard. The man he held responsible for ruining his life. The man who had kissed his wife.

"Where have you been, Paul?"

He shuffled his feet as his gaze shifted to the wooden floor. He cleared his throat. "Just out. Walking."

He sensed her movement as she got up from the chair. His body tensed as she walked across towards him. She stopped about a foot away from him and he could smell the alcohol on her breath.

"You must be freezing cold. You didn't even have your coat on."

Stephanie reached across to touch his arm and saw him visibly flinch away from her. She felt the tears prick her eyes as Paul stepped back distancing himself from her. He still refused to look at her as he pushed back his hair with his hand.

"I'm going to go upstairs. I need to pack my stuff."

His statement was like a knife to her gut and Stephanie's blue eyes went wide with her panic as he turned on his heel to walk away.

"Why? Why are you packing your stuff? Don't tell me you're leaving?" she asked him.

Paul closed his eyes as he stopped in his tracks. He could hear the raw emotion in her voice and he knew if he looked round, he would see the tears on Stephanie's face. God this was hard. So much harder than he could have ever possibly imagined. But what did he expect? He loved this woman with all his heart and soul. It was never going to be easy walking out on her or what they had together.

Paul let out a heavy sigh rubbing his hand wearily across his face as his eyes flickered open. "I was sort of thinking I might go on that tour." he admitted softly as his gaze focused on the staircase.

"Europe?"

He simply nodded.

Stephanie snorted in disgust furiously wiping away the tears from her eyes. She felt her hurt slowly turning to anger as she stood glaring at her husband. Her husband who was seriously considering leaving her and their kids for almost a month on a tour he wasn't expected to be at. A tour he hadn't even wanted to go on in the first place. Paul had been the one to make the decision to stay at home telling both her and Vince he couldn't be away from his kids for that length of time. That he refused to. Now it appeared he'd changed his mind. Well the least he could do was sound a little fucking upset about it. Instead he was acting like his decision meant nothing. Like him leaving wasn't going to completely rip their lives apart especially given the circumstances because Paul was leaving at a time when he desperately needed to stay. He had to if they were going to find a way to fix this mess. Or maybe he didn't want to fix it and this was his way of telling her that. After all he was the one standing there sounding like he didn't give a damn. That it meant nothing to just walk out on her like this. Well he wasn't going to get away with it. She wanted some answers and she was going to get them. God knows it was the least she fucking deserved.

Stephanie crossed the short distance between them and grabbed Paul's arm. She tugged him round to face her and the sharp words that were on the tip of her tongue were suddenly gone as she saw the expression on his handsome face. Tears glistened in his deep brown eyes and his whole demeanour was sad. That was when Stephanie realised she couldn't be further from the truth. Paul did care. His heart was breaking just as badly as hers was and that gave her hope that there was a chance they could somehow work this mess out; that they could talk about this and be rational before any stupid decisions were made. Decisions that could possibly make or break their marriage. Or at least that's the way Stephanie saw it.

"You can't leave Paul." she told him as she reached for his hand and a wave of relief washed over her when he didn't flinch away this time. Instead his fingers loosely threaded through hers as he stood there in silence.

The truth was Paul didn't know what to say or what to do. His heart was screaming for him to stay but in his head, he knew he had to leave. He needed space; space from this whole fucking mess with Mark and space to clear his head. God knows this whole situation was screwing with his brain and he didn't know what to think any more. Sure the logical part of him knew Stephanie wasn't capable of cheating on him but once upon a time he never thought she would be capable of lying to him either or keeping secrets. But it seemed to be one secret in his marriage after another lately. First there had been the kiss she had never meant him to find out about. He had to admit that hurt pretty fucking badly. Then there was the fact that not only was the guy an old school friend, it actually turned out she had dated him too. And while usually an ex-boyfriend wouldn't bother in him in the least, the very fact Stephanie had been seeing Mark behind his back when he had blatantly told her to stay away from him troubled him as well as pissed him off. Because that rat bastard had been here at some point yesterday to deliver that birthday card. And he had also been here last week when he had called and Ellie had let the cat out of the bag. And that was only the times he had found out about. How many other times had Mark been here while he was on the road? Ten? Twenty? Obviously plenty enough times to get real comfortable with one another and get a fucking photograph taken. And that was the thing that got him the most because there was no mistaking the look on Stephanie's face as she had looked at Mark. It was loving and gentle. It was obvious his wife cared about the guy and not in a merely friendly way either.

Paul sniffed angrily as he tried his best to hold back the tears that threatened that fall. He refused to cry. Not in front of a woman who had been playing him for a fool. A woman who he loved more than he had ever dreamt possible and a woman who he thought loved him back the same way but maybe not. Or at least not any more.

"But I don't think I can stay." he eventually replied.

His voice waivered with his emotion and Paul's heart felt extremely heavy as he turned his head and finally allowed himself to look Stephanie in the eye. He could see the pain in her blue orbs, the same pain he knew was reflected in his but in that moment her pain offered him very little solace. Because she had caused this mess the second she got herself involved with someone else. Somebody who it seemed she just couldn't stay away from despite her promise to him.

"Give me one good reason why you have to go." Stephanie asked.

Paul shook his head in disbelief. He jolted his arm back removing his hand from hers as he stared at her incredulously. "You know why Stephanie! Surely I don't have to spell it out to you?"

"Hell no!" she shot back in frustration as her hands pushed through her hair, angry at her husband's accusing tone. "I've only had to listen to you harp on and on about him since he moved in across the fucking street!" she shouted.

Paul grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the direction of the stairs. "Will you keep your voice down? You'll wake up the kids." he hissed.

Stephanie shrugged him off in a rage and spotting the bottle of wine through the open door of the living room, she felt the sudden urge for a drink. She walked back across to the table where it was sitting and began to pour herself another glass. God knows she was going to need it and as she took a mouthful of the wine, Stephanie could see Paul watching her out of the corner of her eye.

"Don't you think you've had enough?"

She sneered at him as she spun round to face him, the stem of the glass laced through her fingers. "Like you give a damn anyway."

"Don't be ridiculous Steph. Of course I do." Paul replied shaking his head.

"Do you really because it doesn't look that way to me." Stephanie told him as she briefly paused to take another sip of wine. "I mean if you really gave a damn, don't you think you'd be sticking around instead of walking out on me."

"I'm not walking out on anyone Steph." Paul scowled.

"No, you're just going on a tour. A conveniently long tour might I add which just shows how much you think of me and our kids."

"Don't you dare!" Paul snarled as he pointed his long finger in her direction. "Don't you dare stand there and tell me I don't care about us. Because I do care! You and our children are everything to me, Stephanie. Everything! And as much as I know I have to do this, it's killing me to even think about leaving for a month."

He swallowed hard as he brought his hand up to rub his face wearily and his heavy sigh echoed around the silent living room

"But do you know what's killing me even more right now? The thought of you being with someone else. Someone else that just isn't me."

Stephanie could hear the pain in her husband's voice and despite her anger, her tone was soft as she shook her head slowly. "Why won't you believe me, Paul? Why won't you trust me when I tell you that there is nothing going on between Mark and I? I mean what have I ever done that would make you think otherwise?"

"Oh let's see, shall we?" Paul shot back dryly. "How about the fact that you kissed him or the fact that you can't seem to stay away from him. Fuck knows ever since he came into our lives, our marriage has been full of secrets and lies and arguments."

Paul's voice trailed off and his expression was sad as he sat down on the sofa, the cushion crumpling underneath his weight. His brown eyes watched Stephanie take a long drink from her glass before sitting down in the chair opposite him. He could see the unshed tears in her eyes as she let out a slow, shaky breath. Suddenly any anger he had felt disappeared only to be replaced with an overwhelming sadness and the realisation that he couldn't go on like this any longer. Every argument and every accusation was killing him and it was killing their marriage. He had to do something before it killed it off for good and their relationship was damaged beyond repair.

Paul sat forward on his seat, leaning his arms on his legs. He was struggling to keep his emotions in check as their eyes met across the room.

"Steph, I love you. You know that. But right now, it's not enough and you and I both know we can't go on like this."

He saw his wife's bottom lip quiver and it took everything he had not to go to her and comfort her. Because that's what he did. He comforted her and he protected her and he had done for as long as he could remember. But not right now. Now he had to try and keep his head and try to find the words to make her understand his logic behind his decision.

"See there was a time not so long ago when you would tell me everything no matter how big or small it was. You never felt the need to hide anything from me and you were always honest with me. I knew without a doubt that I trusted you implicitly."

Paul paused for a moment as he pressed his lips together. His chest burned with his pain so much so he felt physically sick but somehow he forced himself to continue.

"But now that trust is in question." he continued sadly. "I mean every time you tell me nothing is going on between you and Mark, I know there's a small part of me that doesn't believe you and that's when the arguments and accusations all start. And I don't want to spend my life arguing with you, Steph."

He paused for a second as he watched a tear roll down her cheek and it took everything he had to ignore his natural impulse to reach for her.

"We can't live like that any more. Not for us. Not for the kids." he said almost in a soft whisper.

Stephanie gulped back her tears as she shook her head and her voice was rushed and desperate as her big eyes pleaded with him.

"But I promise to stay away from him, Paul. I do. In fact, we could move away from here and away from him. He would be out of our lives for good and you would know you could trust me again."

"I wish it was that simple but its not." Paul told her sadly. "Moving away wouldn't solve anything for us. I mean unless there is trust between us, I'm always going to see a Mark in our lives whether it's here or somewhere else. And you were right when you said earlier that we can't survive that. We'd only end up bitter and hating one another and I never ever want that to happen to us."

Stephanie's strangled sob echoed strangely around the four walls of the room. As her body shook with her frightened breaths and tears, Paul felt his heart break as he covered the short distance between them and pulled Stephanie into his arms. She gripped onto him tightly as she buried her face in his chest and cried. Paul kissed the top of her head as he felt a solitary tear of his own trickle down his cheek.

"I'm so sorry, baby." he whispered into her hair as he dropped a kiss there, closing his eyes. "Maybe I'm blaming you when I should be taking a long look at myself. I mean maybe I am this bitter jealous asshole like Mark said. I'm sure acting like one."

Stephanie quickly lifted her head and shaking it profusely, she reached out to touch his face with her hand as her red rimmed eyes watched him carefully. "No Paul. If there is anyone to blame here, it's me. I mean you were right. I have lied to you and I have kept things from you but it wasn't deliberate. Okay, the kiss was but I said nothing about it at the time because it meant nothing. It should never have happened. And I swear to you that nothing is going on with Mark and I and that's the truth, Paul. You have to believe me."

"See that's the problem." Paul began as he reached up lifting her hand away and guiding it away from him. "I want to believe you. I really do. But I can't. I just can't." he finished sadly and his eyes were filled with sorrow as he stood up from the floor and walked away from Stephanie.

He was guided by the full moon in the sky that shone through the open curtains and standing in front of the bay window, his lips curved up fondly as he admired the frost that danced and glistened under the twinkling stars. It had been cold and frosty the night he had proposed to Stephanie. In fact it had been absolutely fucking freezing if he remembered correctly. He had silently congratulated himself several times that day glad he'd had the foresight to book that hotel room rather than proposing on the horse and carriage ride like he had initially planned. Something Stephanie had said about princesses and fairytales had prompted that idea but after catching the local weather report he'd quickly nipped it in the bud. God knows he'd stammered like an idiot that night as it was. Throw chattering teeth and frozen lips into the mix and the whole thing would have been a complete disaster. Although maybe not entirely because despite the elements, he was pretty sure he would have found some way of showing Stephanie just how much she truly meant to him and how he planned to spend his whole life proving it over and over again.

But all thoughts of that night quickly left his head as Paul sensed Stephanie's presence behind him and his shoulders tensed as he braced himself for their inevitable conversation.

"So have you got any idea what we do now?" Stephanie asked

"Not really." he sighed.

"But going on this tour you think it's the right thing to do?"

"I don't know." Paul admitted as he lifted his shoulder in a shrug. "But I reckon we could both use the space right now."

"Yeah well speak for yourself."

He slowly turned to see Stephanie watching him and her lips were pressed together tightly as her arms folded over her chest.

"Because I don't need space, Paul. I just need my husband to trust me."

"Steph….." Paul began but his words were silenced by Stephanie as she held up her hand.

"Or at least have the decency to admit what this tour really is. It's a break. A break from us and a break from our marriage."

He shook his head sadly. "That's not what I want."

"But it's what we've got, right?"

Paul could say nothing as any words stuck in the back of his throat and he watched as a tear slowly tricked down Stephanie's face.

"You can explain it to Ellie and Jake. I'm going to bed."

She quickly brushed by Paul and his sad brown eyes continued to watch her as she scurried up the stairs and out of sight.