Running for Home
Chapter 25: "This Is Not Goodbye (Part 2)"

*.*.*

Bella

In the morning, after a quick breakfast with Carlisle and Esme, we leave Seattle. We aren't necessarily in a hurry to get back to Chicago, but we're both tired of driving constantly and living out of bags. We take turns driving and make it back in less than three days as opposed to the five it took us to get there. I'm tired and crabby from being cooped up in the car. The past few weeks were emotional for Edward, and coming down has taken its toll on him. The dark circles under his eyes are back, and he looks absolutely exhausted. He's snippy and short with me, especially when I ask him what his future plans are.

Our spirits are lifted when we cross the Illinois State line. We're both looking forward to spending time together—alone and not on the road—and our excitement at the prospect of almost being there practically buzzes inside the car.

When Edward's house finally comes into view, I feel warm and happy. I feel at home, like I belong here. Granted I only stayed here four short days and don't technically live here, but I've never lived anywhere long enough to really feel at home.

The first thing Edward does once we get inside is run to his bedroom and flop face first on the bed. "Oh, bed, how I've missed you," he mumbles into his pillow. I take the pillow I'm carrying, the one we brought with us, and hit him on the butt with it a few times before crawling onto the bed next to him. He flips on his side, facing me, and wraps his arm around my waist. "It feels good to be home."

"Yes, it does."

Edward looks at me curiously. "You feel like you're at home?" he asks while brushing the hair away from my eyes.

"I'm at home wherever you are, Edward. Here, a hotel room… it doesn't matter. As long as we're together, I'm happy."

He leans in and kisses me gently. His lips are warm and soft. I sigh, content to lie like this all night, but Edward pulls away. He wraps his arm around me again and hugs me against his body. "I've never been so happy for running away from my life that day. I felt like such a coward for doing it, so… unworthy of anyone, of anything. I still can't believe that by avoiding everything, I discovered exactly where I belong."

"Edward, don't you see?" I whisper. "It wouldn't have mattered where you went."

He furrows his brows and tightens his grip on me. "What do you mean?"

"Your dad is Carlisle. Alice is my best friend. We would have met sooner or later."

"No, don't say that," he says with such a sadness in his voice that a lump forms in my throat. "You can't start throwing out alternate scenarios and assume things would have turned out the same. I don't want to think of what my life would be like if I had to wait any longer to find you. And maybe, if things could have turned out differently, I would have known Carlisle a long time ago, but then where would that leave us? If we had met even five years ago, there's no way we… I wouldn't have…" Edward takes a long shaky breath. He presses his lips to my forehead and leaves them there as he continues. "For a long time I hated my life, I hated myself. But for the first time, I've finally put all of that behind me. Every second of pain and self doubt was worth it, because it led me to you. I wouldn't change anything in my life if it meant risking being with you right here, right now."

Edward kisses me again. This time it isn't soft and gentle, it's desperate and needy. I return it with the same amount of passion, because I feel exactly the same way. I pour all the fear, all the uncertainty of our future into it, and for the first time in days, I feel the weight of it all leave my heart.

The only thing I can concentrate on is the feel of Edward. His lips, his tongue, and his teeth make a circuit along my neck and jaw, and when his mouth moves to my ear, he languidly rolls on top of me. I don't even notice that my shirt is coming off until his lips pull away from me with a loud pop. He drags the shirt over my head, along with my bra, and peels off his own shirt as well. His fingers trail down my torso, hook into the waistband of my pants and underwear, and pull them down roughly. He pushes my legs apart, planting kisses along the inside of my legs. I jump as his fingers dig into my thighs, and he whispers a quick apology before burying his face between them.

I get lost in the feeling of Edward's mouth and tongue moving against me. His hands roam my body, leaving no part neglected. I feel hot and tingly, and I cut short the moan that starts to slip out. He pauses only long enough to say, "Baby, let me hear you," and it's all the encouragement I need to let go of my inhibitions. In no time at all my legs are shaking, and I feel the familiar burn low in my abdomen. His teeth graze across my heated skin, pushing me over the edge. Edward grips my hips, holding me in place, and when I come down from the high, I have to push his head away to make him stop.

He's quick to lie on top of me again. His mouth finds mine hesitantly, but once I part my lips for him, he kisses me deeply. I wrap my arms around him, feeling the smooth skin on his back. The hardness between his legs makes the rest of him feel even softer in contrast. When he shifts himself against me, the seam of his jeans rubs roughly on my overly sensitive skin, and I gasp. Edward releases my lips and kisses my neck. My body feels hypersensitive as he attacks the skin there, his three-day-old beard leaving a hot trail as he brushes his face across my neck and collar bone. He sucks and bites, the pinch from his teeth leaving a dull sting behind. He grinds into me again, and I moan once more because it all feels so, so good.

"I want you," he whispers unsteadily as his lips move back to my ear. The only thing I can do is nod.

He rolls off me, off the bed, and quickly rummages through the bag he had set on the floor, pulling out a box of condoms. Even though I'm completely naked and spread out on his bed, seeing that box makes me blush as much as I did the day he bought it. He returns to me quickly and sweeps his fingertips over my cheek, then down across my neck.

"Beautiful," he murmurs. I feel more heat rushing to my cheeks. "Perfect." Edward unbuttons his pants and removes them along with his boxers before pulling a condom from the box and kneeling between my legs. "Are you ready?" he asks.

"Uh-huh."

"Yeah?" He gently rubs his fingers against me before slipping them inside. "Fuck."

My eyes drift closed as he tears the wrapper open with his teeth. He takes a ragged breath as he slides the condom on. Once his fingers leave my body he is instantly on top of me, his weight pressing me into the bed, and I feel the pressure as he pushes against me.

"Open your eyes," he whispers, and I do. He's looking at me intently. His eyes are filled with so much love, so much adoration, that it causes my heart to pound rapidly. He continues to gaze down at me and in one smooth movement, pushes himself into me. He stills when he's all the way in. His head drops to rest on my shoulder, and his breath fans across my neck as he pants heavily. "You feel so good," he whispers in my ear. His arms shake as he slides them underneath me and holds me close. "God, I love you so much."

I try to say it back, but I can't find my voice. He continues to whisper sweet words in my ear, continues to hold me against him, and I have never felt so safe and loved in my entire life. He begins to move his hips, filling me over and over again. The emotions I am experiencing are so powerful that the only thing I can do is wrap my arms around his shoulders and just feel.

Eventually he picks up the pace, moving his mouth back to the spot on my neck he seems to favor. He kisses softly at first but then sucks the flesh between his lips and teeth. My skin feels raw as his scruffy face continues to rub against me, and the sensations quickly become overwhelming.

"Edward," I beg, though I don't know what I'm begging for. He reaches around to the grab the back of my knee and pulls my leg up. The new angle causes him to slip in deeper and he thrusts harder.

"Bella, I love you." I wrap my arms around his shoulders and hold on tightly, not trusting my voice, but it's not enough for him. "Please, Bella, I need you to say it back."

"I love you," I manage to force out.

"Tell me I'm yours," he whispers.

"You're mine."

"Fuck, I'm so close. Say it again."

"You're mine. Always. I love you, Edward."

His rhythm falters, his hold on me tightens, fingers digging into flesh, and he sighs loudly as he comes. When he's finished, his body relaxes and melts into mine. He is shaking and sweaty, and there is nowhere I'd rather be right now than pressed against him. Too soon he rolls off me and lies on his back while he catches his breath.

"That was intense," he says. His eyes drop from my face, and he reaches out to gently trace his fingertips across my neck. "I think I got a little carried away."

I place my hand on my neck, but I don't feel anything aside from the sting of whisker burn he left behind. Then I remember the pull as his lips were against me and can only guess at how large of a mark he left behind.

"That bad, huh?" I ask playfully.

Edward shrugs and his lips curl into a smirk. "I didn't plan on letting you leave my bedroom for a few days anyway." He leans in and kisses the spot so lightly that nothing but a whisper of his lips makes contact. "At least I didn't hit you with a towel," he quips.

"Pfft. You'd never catch me, Gramps."

"Ouch!" He laughs and we kiss, and I know without a doubt everything will work out in the end.

Because it has to.

*.*.*

"You're sure this is what you want?" Edward asks as he holds a pen to the Purchase Agreement for his house. "Once I sign, I have to go through with it."

It had taken a lot of coaxing, but Edward finally admitted he did want to live in Seattle. I think he was afraid to say the words out loud, because he knew that, once I knew, I wasn't going to let him move anywhere else. The thing was, he didn't have to admit it. I could see the conflict in his eyes when Carlisle suggested it, and I knew how much he wanted to be part of a family. I couldn't let him follow me to Florida. Buying a house there would have been a poor decision, renting would have been a waste of money, and finding work only to quit right away would just be irresponsible. All of those efforts would be better spent by getting things squared away in Seattle.

We had spent a week getting the house ready to sell, and because Edward owns barely any furniture or other belongings, it was relatively easy. A fresh coat of paint and a little scrubbing was all it took to make the place look good as new, and we were both surprised when someone made an offer within the first week of it being on the market.

"I'm positive," I assure him. "They are actually willing to pay your asking price. Sign!"

Edward worries that I won't be happy in Seattle. I've made my distaste for the region well known on multiple occasions. What he doesn't understand is that his happiness is more important to me than living somewhere hot and dry. I don't care where we end up as long as we're together.

I can tell he wants us to go to Seattle together, but he won't ask me to go with him. He doesn't want to influence my decision. As much as I don't want us to be apart, I feel obligated to finish what I've started. I've taken over half the classes I need in order to complete my associate's degree, and a completed degree will be much easier to work with than transferring credits.

I watch Edward as he studies my face for a few long moments. After taking a deep breath, he looks down at the contract and signs his name.

*.*.*

I step out into the warm Chicago evening just as Edward pulls the Volvo into the driveway.

"Smelly!" Emmett jumps out of the passenger side as soon as the car comes to a complete stop. He runs to me, squeezes me into a giant bear hung, and spins me around. "It's good to see you again. We never got to say goodbye. How've you been?"

"I'm fine," I answer. I would be a lot better if I didn't have to say goodbye to Edward in a few days.

Emmett gives me a stern look as if he knows what I'm thinking. "Don't worry. It'll be spring before you know it. You'll barely even notice I'm not around."

"Very funny, Em." I laugh and punch him in the arm. "I don't know how I managed to make it without you last year," I say sarcastically. "How was your flight?"

"Too long," he says with a grimace. "There was a baby in the row across from me and it cried the whole way here. So what's the plan?"

"I close on the house tomorrow morning and we need to pick up the U-Haul after that," Edward explains as he approaches us, carrying a pizza in one hand and a six-pack of beer in the other. "Bella's flies out on Friday, so we can hit the road once we bring her to the airport." He leans down to kiss my cheek and smiles sadly.

"Hey, none of that mushy stuff," Emmett warns. "I'm here to offer my pure brute strength, not to get all weepy and have my man card revoked. Now, let's tear this place up!" He runs back to the car to grab his suitcase.

Edward shakes his head as we make our way into the house and sets the pizza and beer on the table. If I thought his house looked barren the first time I came here, it's nothing compared to now. The kitchen table, couch, bed, and television are the only large items he's taking to Seattle; everything else has been sold. Anything we won't need in the next two days has been boxed up and stacked in the living room.

We eat and spend the next few hours chatting. The more Edward and Emmett talk, the more naturally their conversations flow. I'm glad they are slowly warming up to each other.

Once the yawning starts, I shoo them off the couch so I can make it up with sheets and a blanket for Emmett.

"Thanks for flying out here, Emmett," says Edward. "I really appreciate the help."

"No problem. Hey, I still get to drive the truck, right?"

"Of course." Edward winks at me and I smile. I can't imagine him willingly handing his keys over to Emmett and opting to drive the U-Haul instead.

Originally, Edward wanted me to keep his car, but neither of us really liked the idea of me driving down to Florida by myself. We argued about it, though, because Edward wasn't thrilled that I didn't own a vehicle. After I assured him that my mom's car was typically available when she and Phil were away, and agreed to let him buy my plane ticket, he called Carlisle to ask for help moving. Carlisle wasn't home, however, and as Edward was explaining the situation to Emmett, he jumped at the chance to help us.

I'm pretty sure his eagerness had something to do with the promise of driving a large vehicle.

"So, Smelly, only a couple more weeks till classes start. You excited? 'Cause I am. I'm not looking forward to homework, but my dad is driving me up the wall." He turns to Edward and adds solemnly, "Good luck, man. I hope you find a place of your own sooner than later."

"Hey, why do you call her Smelly?" Edward asks, changing the subject. He always seems to bristle at the nickname.

Emmett snickers and grins wickedly. "The first time I met her, she and Alice had just come home from shopping in Port Angeles. They thought it would be a good idea to get perfume. Anyway, she must have tried on every scent in the store because she absolutely reeked." He laughs loudly at the memory.

"You can blame your stupid sister for that. She's the one who sprayed them all directly on me because of some stupid body chemistry crap."

"Which one did you decide on, all of them?" Edward teases.

"No, none of them," I say sharply. "This jackass made me too self conscience, and I haven't worn any since."

"I'm not a jackass!" Emmett argues as he plops onto the makeshift bed.

Once Edward and I are in the bedroom, he grabs me, pressing his nose against my neck and inhaling deeply. "Mmm, I think you smell absolutely edible."

*.*.*

The papers have all been signed. The U-Haul is loaded with everything Edward owns.

The drive to the airport is quiet. Edward holds my hand tightly. Every so often he brings our joined hands to his lips and places a kiss on my knuckles. Sometimes he squeezes my fingers so I'll look at him, and when I do, he'll smile or mouth "I love you."

We promised not to make a big deal out of this—it isn't goodbye.

I watch in the side mirror as Emmett, who's been following us in the truck, takes the last exit before the airport where he'll wait at a gas station while Edward drops me off.

Edward is the first to break the silence as we follow the airport signs. "You'll call me when you land," he states. I want to tell him that I will, but my jaw is trembling and my eyes are getting blurry and there's a burning lump in my throat, and if I try to speak, I'm only going to start bawling.

"And I'm flying you home for Christmas," he continues. His voice breaking on the word "home" causes a tear to slip from my eyes. "And Easter. Fuck, and Thanksgiving, too."

I let the tears fall in earnest and sob as he pulls up to the curb, because this is the moment I've dreaded since we met over three months ago. This is the moment I've been trying not to visualize ever since I convinced Edward it was best for him to move to Seattle without me. I had always known it would be hard, but nothing could have prepared me for the raw ache in my chest.

I don't even notice that he gets out of the car until my door opens and he pulls me out. He wraps his arms around me and buries his face in my neck. "This is not goodbye, remember?" he chokes out. His words make me cry harder. My entire body trembles, and I don't know which one of us is shaking harder. "Baby, I'm going find a job and buy us a house, and when you come home, everything is going to be perfect."

"Only if Charlie doesn't shoot you first," I try to joke through sobs.

He bends back so he can look at my face and wipe the tears away before cupping my cheeks. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"I'm going to call you every single day," he promises. "You programmed your number in my phone, right?"

"Yes."

"And you have mine?"

"I know it by heart." My words are broken and practically incoherent, but I know that he understands when he slides his hand from my cheek and places it over the left side of my chest.

"Keep me here, too," he whispers.

"Always."

With his arm wrapped around my waist, Edward pulls me around to the back of the car. He pops open the trunk and pulls my small suitcase out of the back, setting it up on the curb.

"Your mom will be there to pick you up?"

"Yes, I spoke to her this morning."

"Okay." He leans down to kiss me one last time before dropping his arm and walking back to the driver's side. "I'll talk to you soon."

"Drive safe."

"I will. I love you."

"I love you, too. Good luck in Seattle," I call to him as he opens the door.

His lips tremble as he attempts to smile. "Goodbye, Kiddo."

I watch, frozen, as he ducks inside the car and drives away, not moving until the taillights completely disappear from my view. With a heavy heart, I grab my suitcase and wheel it into the airport. Even though I'm crying and shaking and sniffling, I manage to smile, because when I look down at my carry-on bag, I see Eddie's head poking out. And although we are physically traveling in different directions, with every second that passes, I know I am that much closer to seeing Edward again.

And when I finally go home—our home—everything will be perfect.