Chap. 25
"While we're here…" Mr. Bennett starts. "Let's talk about your dyslexia." Bella gulps at his next words. "And your friends."
Bella shifts back in to slight panic. Her words come out stuttered. "Wh-what about them?" she asks shakily.
Mr. Bennett is very blunt with her. "Did you tell them like I suggested?" he asks her, even though he knows she didn't.
Bella hesitates, but she eventually regretfully shakes her head. "No," she says. "I didn't want to."
He shakes his head at her. "Bella…" he says, his voice sounding tiredly agitated. "Why not?"
She tries to defend herself. "I'm not ready to," she tells him straight up, sounding almost annoyed by him bringing it up again.
He groans. "Why do you keep holding back on this? Why won't you tell them?" he asks her. "You don't have anything to worry about. They'll understand."
Bella is really annoyed now. "How do you know that?" she almost yells, her hands up in exasperation. She doesn't usually freak out like this, but between his and Will's constant pressing on this, she's getting sort of sick of it. "You don't know what they'll do!"
Despite Bella freaking out, Mr. Bennett stays calm, hoping that it'll calm Bella down too. She's way too high strung today, and Mr. Bennett can tell. He doesn't want to make it worse. "Bella, from what I've heard, you friends will understand. Don't you trust them?"
Bella groans now. "I trust them completely, but that's not the thing," she says. She shakes her head. "They might not treat me the same way; they might not look at me the same way. I don't want anything to change our friendship."
"From the way it sounds, it already has," he comments. He sighs. "Bella, it's not good to keep secrets from your friends, especially these ones…" Mr. Bennett contemplates whether he should say his next comment. He doesn't want to worry Bella but she deserves to know. His voice drops so it's quieter. "And especially under the circumstances."
Bella's stomach drops. Just from that subtle comment, she knows that he knows about Cleo and Rikki. But how? She can barely speak. "…how did you…?"
He gives a harmless smirk. "It doesn't take a genius to figure it out." He figured it out through Will's subtle comments yesterday, though Will probably meant them to be harmless. Mr. Bennett didn't dare mention it, though, because based on how Bella was now, she'd slit Will's throat.
Bella tenses. It's a lot worse than she had initially thought. She knew that Mr. Bennett would keep their secret, but she didn't want them dragged in in the first place and now they were. Bella sighs.
Mr. Bennett speaks. "Bella, relax," he tells her. "You're way too stressed."
"For good reasons," she counters. She sits on top of a desk and puts her head in her hands. "I've made such a mess…" she speaks quietly.
"Bella…" Mr. Bennett coaxes her. "It's alright, you're fine. You didn't make a mess."
"Yes I did…" she argues. "If I had just been honest with the girls and been more careful in class, none of this would have ever happened." She sighs and mutters under her breath. "Stupid…" she says.
Despite her mumbling, Mr. Bennett hears her. "Hey," he reprimands her. "You're not stupid. You couldn't help what happened to you." He tries to reassure her in to thinking it's not her fault, because it really isn't. "What happened in science was just a freak thing. People get wet, it happens." He gives a slight laugh. "If anything, you should be mad at me for being concerned and following you."
This makes Bella feel a little better. She laughs. "Yeah, I guess," she admits. "But you were only looking out for me." She pauses. Her voice lowers. "Thanks," she says. "Better you than somebody else." She really means that.
"I'm glad it was me and not somebody else," he replies. "You shouldn't trust anybody, I'm probably lucky you even admitted it to me."
She nods. "You are," she says. "But I know I can trust you."
Mr. Bennett smiles. "I'm glad you can." He hesitates as Bella smiles back. He hates to crush it, but he brings it back up. "Not telling your friends wasn't your fault either." As expected, her face falls. "What you did was a normal reaction. It takes some getting used to and usually requires a lot of trust and guts." He pauses. Bella stays still, but she doesn't listen. He goes on. "You don't need to be embarrassed."
"I'm not," Bella says, and now hearing it out loud, she realizes it's true. "I'm not embarrassed as much as I am afraid."
Mr. Bennett slowly shakes his head. "You don't need to be."
"I know," Bella replies. She knows this too. "But I am anyway. It's just natural at this point, to be afraid to let things out. I'm so reserved…" She shakes her head just to herself. "Sometimes it's like living in fear…" Her voice is barely above a whisper.
"You shouldn't live in fear, Bella," he says. "You can't let your secrets run your life. Otherwise, you're going to be running from everything all the time." He pauses. "You need to learn how to handle it. How to control it."
She shrugs. She doesn't understand. "But how?" she asks. "What is there to do at this point?"
"For starters," he says. "Tell your friends you have dyslexia."
Bella looks Mr. Bennett dead in the eye, neither of their gazes faltering, only his for a second when they seem to glance past her. She doesn't move from her seat, contemplating on what she should really do. She knows he's right. But…
Suddenly, she feels a hand on her shoulder, which makes her jump for half a second. She turns to see the face of whoever it is.
It's Will.
"Bella…"
…
Meanwhile…
English class is dismissed and all of the students file out of the classroom. Will looks around. All accept Bella. Perfect.
Will went out in to the hallway and looked around. Sure enough, on the other side were Cleo and Rikki leaning against lockers. Will spotted them and approached.
When Rikki saw him, she looked at him accusingly. "Explain," she demanded.
Will shook his head. "No time," he says. "Come on." He grabs each one of their wrists and drags them down the now empty hallway. When they all turn a corner, Will decides they're a safe distance away from Mr. Bennett's classroom. He doesn't want them to overhear anything they say before they're supposed to.
When they get around the corner, Cleo angrily pulls her hand out of Will's grasp and gives him a look of annoyance. "Will, what's going on?" she asks, her voice just as demanding as Rikki's was previously. Both girls cross their arms and look at Will with a death stare.
Will puts his hands out in a way that tells them to stop. "I can explain," he says.
"You'd better," Rikki says, the irritation now obvious in her voice as she stands before Will.
Will looks around the corner to glance down towards the classroom. The coast is clear. "You know how Bella has been hiding something it seems?" They both nod. He goes on. "You're going to find out what it is soon." Will turns his attention back to the classroom door down the hall. It's open, but they can't really hear anything besides the unidentifiable mutter of voices.
Rikki has a knowing look in her eyes while Cleo turns to her, exasperated. She begins to reprimand Rikki. "I thought you promised to let it go!"
"I know, but we needed to figure out what was up with Bella!" Rikki scolds back.
"What happened to giving her her privacy?" Cleo continues.
"It was fine at first, but now it's starting to get—"
Will flies around and cuts them off. "Will you two quit arguing?" he yells at them. "We're trying to help your friend, as well as you guys, and all you can do is bicker!"
Rikki and Cleo both look guilty and become silent very quickly. Will turns his attention back to the classroom.
After about ten minutes of waiting, Will decides to make his move. He briefly turns to the girls. "I'll be right back."
Rikki begins to protest. "But—"
Will cuts her off again. He turns back for a second again. "Just trust me." Rikki closes her mouth.
Will quietly creeps down the hall towards the classroom. When he's close enough to the door, he tries to listen. Now he hears them speaking more clearly than her heard before. He hears Bella speak first.
"But I am anyway. It's just natural at this point, to be afraid to let things out. I'm so reserved…" That's the first thing Will hears. It doesn't make much sense to him just entering the conversation, but he quickly catches on with her next comment, which is barely audible from where he is. "Sometimes it's like living in fear…"
"You shouldn't live in fear, Bella," he hears Mr. Bennett reply. "You can't let your secrets run your life. Otherwise, you're going to be running from everything all the time." He pauses. "You need to learn how to handle it. How to control it."
Will keeps listening. "But how?" she asks. "What is there to do at this point?"
"For starters," he says. "Tell your friends you have dyslexia."
When Bella doesn't say anything, Will decides that it would be a good time to go. He silently enters the classroom and cautiously walks up behind Bella. He makes brief eye contact with Mr. Bennett before the teacher trains his eyes back on Bella in order for her not to notice that his attention was averted to something else.
When he finally is behind Bella, he gently puts his hand on her shoulder. He briefly feels her jolt and then she turns to him. He looks at her with thoughtful eyes.
"Bella…"