Author's Notes: Thanks for all of the reviews, guys! Sorry I haven't been able to respond to most of them - finals week was kicking my butt. I ended up with a C on my math final :( B- as my semester grade. It sucks. BUT here's another chapter for you, so I hope you enjoy it!
…
"And you know exactly… feel? You know… to me!"
Kanna paused from her stroll in the nobles' garden, turning her ears to the sound of angry whispers from familiar voices.
"I… and I'm… but this is Katara and you… as much as I do!"
"I do, but…" There was a long pause, but Kanna had already identified the voices. It was Hakoda and Bato, and Kanna had a good idea as to what they were arguing over.
Slowly, Kanna walked closer to the source of the voices and watched her son and the man who was like a second son to her. So consumed were they in their argument that they did not notice her presence in the clearing.
"How dare you insult her like that! I know you hate the Fire Nation. I sympathize, I do, Bato. You know I do. But this is my daughter, this is my child, and you have no right to make her feel so dissolute! She has enough to deal with, and does not require your scorn!" Hakoda hissed, his arms folded across his chest, his eyes flashing with his ire.
Bato, with the tension of a flutter-cat about to spring, forced himself to take a deep breath. "My quarrel is not with her!" He insisted.
Hakoda shook his head, the anger in his eyes turning into sharp slits with suspicion. "I am not so sure."
Kanna let out the softest of sighs at the stubbornness at these two men. She could not truly begrudge them that trait, for it was what enabled them to survive in the harsh climate of the South Pole and what kept the Tribe together in times of hardship, but their refusal to compromise sometimes came between them.
"Do you think so low of me, Hakoda?" Bato asked accusingly. "Am I really so quick to turn to hate in your eyes?"
"No, you know very well what I –!"
Bato cut him off. "I think that is what you meant!" He would have continued his litany of accusations and suspicions of Hakoda if Kanna had not intervened at that very moment.
"You will both be quiet this instant," her voice rang out true and strong with the wisdom of age in her tone. "And you will both apologize for your anger. Then you will speak of this as adults. If two friends cannot overcome a disagreement, then I do not see how the negotiations will bring about any good."
Hakoda, thoroughly sobered and calmed by his mother's voice, faced Bato. "I am sorry for accusing you of anything but the greatest dignity, my friend."
"And I you, Hakoda."
The two men clasped hands in apology, an age-old tradition of theirs.
Bato looked Hakoda in the eye and nodded. "I will go speak with Katara soon, and I will apologize for my behavior."
"Thank you," the Chieftain relaxed visibly, and the two friends left amiably, briefly saying their farewells to Kanna before going off to continue their conversation elsewhere.
Kanna smiled in spite of herself at the foolishness of adults. All adults were prideful and arrogant in ways, but sometimes, all that was needed was an apology and forgiveness, and a fissure in the tightest of friendships was healed.
…
The moment Katara awoke, she knew something was wrong. She was completely wrapped in blankets, warm as could be, and the aching in her back was duller than it had over the past few weeks. She was nearly six months pregnant, and as wonderful and exciting as it was, it had rather painful and unpleasant moments, especially at sunrise, when she could swear the baby was doing bending stances. But nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary. She sat up and cast a glance over to where Zuko slept…
He wasn't there.
Katara's spirits fell. Something had been different about him, especially since the picnic. He didn't touch her, and he didn't speak to her if he could help it. He was a silent phantom, always watching over her, caring for her, but it was as though that was all he would allow himself. She knew him well enough to know it wasn't her… he wasn't ashamed of her or their child. But she didn't know what was wrong, and she was worried.
She would find him staring into space when he was seated at his desk, the quill in his hand dripping ink all over the letter he had been writing. His face, unusually stern and hardened for a young man, was becoming even more creased by the day with frown marks as his thoughts continued to torment him. Whenever she attempted to ask him what was wrong, he would look at her with sad eyes and say it didn't matter. Then he would force a smile and go back to his work. Except it did matter. It mattered to her because Zuko was falling apart before her very eyes and he wouldn't let her help him.
Katara dressed slowly and then pulled her hair back into the traditional Fire Nation style.
She found herself wearing her hair like that more often, out of happiness that she and Zuko would be married soon, and she didn't miss the looks of love Zuko sent her when he thought she wasn't looking. Her simple gesture made him happy. He understood the message; she was staying because she loved him, not out of duty to him or their child. If she had never gotten pregnant, she would still love him. Katara wanted to believe that, even in some way, that knowledge she loved him soothed him.
As if in a daze, Katara walked out of the bedroom and into the hallway, and her feet led her to Ursa's apartments, to rooms of the Dowager Fire Lady. She hadn't spoken to Ursa in a few days, as she'd spent a lot of time with her own family, but… she found she missed Ursa's soothing, maternal presence. There was so much upheaval in her life, now that her family was here and could see the evidence of her pregnancy, and she just needed to sit and not have such negativity clinging to her skin like a plague.
She knocked gently on the door. She only waited a few moments before the door was opened, and Ursa smiled to see her.
"My dear Katara," Ursa greeted her, immediately ushering her in and shutting the door behind her. "I am so glad to see you. How have you been?" Ursa smiled amiably, and the two women adjourned to the comfortable couches near the hearth in the corner. There was a pitcher of cold fruit juice on the small table and Ursa poured the younger woman a glass.
Katara felt her spirits rising immediately, and smiled in return. "I've been okay. My dad actually seems like he's adjusting to the situation. I was really worried for a while," she hesitated. She met Ursa's curious glance, and then took a deep breath. "How have you been? Have you… visited…" She couldn't choke out the name, and she didn't know why she was asking. The question just came.
Ursa smiled faintly. "Have I visited Ozai since I have returned? Yes. Many times, in fact," she admitted, her beautifully aged face with its sorrow lines turning grave. "It would be a crime against what we once had together. We were happy once, Katara, I hope you can understand that. I do not know all that he became… but I can imagine. The possibility was there when I met him, when he was young and handsome and good, that he would become dark and evil. The possibility is within all ambitious men, but I took the chance because I could not help but love him."
Katara focused her gaze on her glass of juice, Ursa's story making her very sad.
Ursa continued, her voice distant. "Simply because he has become something else entirely does not mean I will leave. I love him, and that is a bond that cannot be broken, and I would be wrong to even try. And so I will act always to try and bring him back. I know I can't because that is his decision alone, but I will not leave him to rot," she paused for a moment. "He pulls away when he did not act up to his exacting standards, or when he absolutely failed at something. He will retreat into himself until it takes a miracle to pull him back to the living. Zuko inherited that from him."
"What do you mean?" Katara asked, her voice soft, as though she was afraid to break the solemn mood that had tinged the atmosphere.
Ursa sighed. "I remember a time when Zuko was about… six. He had done poorly on a test in a subject I had helped drill him in because it was a favorite of mine. He had worked so hard, but he ended up failing the test. I hardly saw him for five days because he avoided me, as though he was afraid of me, after what he had done."
Katara nodded, as if coming to some sort of epiphany and a greater understanding of Zuko. "I think I know what you mean."
Ursa gave a slight shudder as she was pulled from her memories and quirked an eyebrow. "Do you?" She asked, inviting an explanation but not requiring or demanding one.
Katara gave another nod, a weak smile on her lips. "Yes, but it's not important."
Ursa allowed the comment to pass, and then, smiling, changed the subject. "So, how have you been lately? This is really a critical time to be taking care of yourself."
"I've been…" Katara stumbled over her words slightly, but calmed when she saw no judgment in Ursa's eyes; only patience was in the Princess' eyes. "Alright, I suppose," she cracked a smile. Granted, the baby had started to keep her up with its incessant kicks, but she supposed she had gotten lucky in regards to the ease of her pregnancy.
"Except now that the baby's getting closer to being born, I'm terrified that I'm actually going to have to take care of this little one." Her hands rested on the top of her swollen stomach.
"Oh, yes, I remember feeling that way. But Zuko was a relatively easy baby, which I will be forever grateful for," Ursa grinned, suddenly looking several years younger. "It was only when he was eight or nine that he really became a problem."
"Zuko?" Katara asked, confused. She had only ever known him, for the most part, to be controlled, all calculations and military precision. "A problem? I don't see it."
Ursa chuckled. "He stole Iroh's prized teapot for an afternoon and sent Iroh all around the palace looking for it, and when he returned to his rooms after an arduous day of searching, there it was! And Zuko was seated next to it, innocently drinking tea as though he wasn't the perpetrator!" The two women laughed merrily.
The afternoon passed quickly, and the Katara and Ursa linked arms and walked together to meet Iroh and Zuko for dinner, as all of the factions of the world summit were eating separately.
Zuko barely acknowledged her with a glance, and then didn't speak to her throughout dinner, and didn't respond when she laid a hand on his knee underneath the table. If anything, his visage became stonier and his eyes colder, and Katara didn't understand why. With the iciness of his gaze, she felt as though she were back at the South Pole as she retracted her hand.
So it began.
Katara would reach for Zuko's hand. He would pull it away, as though he was disgusted.
Katara would attempt to start a conversation about the day's events. Zuko would sit in silence.
She would smile. His amber eyes would harden, and he would look away.
Her hands would settle on his chest and slowly move downwards. He would ask her to leave in a strangled voice.
And it hurt. It hurt a lot that he didn't want to touch her, when only months before, his passion for her was as hot as the fires he created with his hands. He had smiled more around her than he ever had, an admission she heard from his own mouth. It hurt that he was avoiding her, and he closed himself off into his office for hours, receiving official visitors from the delegations separately before the negotiations.
He was closing himself off from her, and Katara didn't know what was wrong. He had been so vulnerable in front of her, had exposed all of the streaking pain he felt everyday, and his openness had given her incentive to be open in return. There had been giving and receiving, but now, the door was closed to her, and no matter how much pounding she did, the door would not open until Zuko turned the knob willingly to allow her back in.
…
The only way Aiko could keep herself from screaming or doing something foolishly feminine and embarrassing like crying, was to measure her steps perfectly as she walked to Daiki's private garden after seeing Haruka. She watched the way her dress swished, and made herself copy the same movements so her graceful gait would present a perfect, collected image of a Fire Nation noblewoman. The fresh air in the garden released some of her tension, and the sight of Daiki gave her such relief she came close to swooning.
She suppressed the urge to run to his side when she saw he was speaking with Captain Ji, the commander of Zuko's private guard, and her stomach turned with dread and fear. Daiki could merely be speaking with him on a casual manner. He would never betray her, she was sure of that, and he had mentioned he would be including Ji on their plans sooner or later. But she did not think it best that she intrude, if Ji was still digesting the information he had been given, but it was too late to turn back, as the two men acknowledged her presence.
"Lady Aiko." Ji greeted her evenly.
She went to Daiki's side and slipped her hand into his when he offered it. "How much does he know?" she asked, her knees weak. She knew she would deserve Ji attacking and killing her for attempting to kill Lady Katara and nearly killing the Fire Lord, but she was still afraid.
"Everything," Daiki replied as he watched the scene unfold.
Aiko nodded mutely as she turned to look back at Ji. She swallowed thickly. "I would understand if you insisted upon arresting me, Captain." She dropped her eyes to the ground, unable to meet Ji's frustratingly unemotional gaze.
"There won't be any arrests today," he assured her, though his tone was cold. "I have trusted Daiki for each of the twenty-one years he has been alive, and if he vouches for you as strongly as he does, then I will trust."
Aiko nodded and chanced a grateful smile at the captain. He returned with a nod, "I will wait for your word, Head Advisor," and then started to walk away.
"Thank you." Daiki waited until Ji had entered back into the palace, and then kissed Aiko's knuckles. "You look pale, Aiko. Are you ill?"
"I think I shall be soon," she spat furiously. "I went to see Haruka, and she… Daiki, she has the most disgusting plans, and she has it all figured out in her mind. She… she wants me to marry Cho when she – she becomes Fire Lady, and…" She shut her eyes and willfully took a deep, even breath. "She has plans, Daiki, and I am so very frightened."
Daiki sighed as he covered her cold hands with his own. "She knows Kei is dead, doesn't she?"
"Yes, and I think she believes the Fire Lord is responsible." Aiko ran a worried hand through her hair. "Do you know if that is true?"
Daiki nodded. "It is. Kei kept Lady Ursa imprisoned for all of these years, and Zuko must have killed him to find his mother. Do you believe she will see these plans through, or is it merely grief speaking?"
Aiko shook her head, separating herself from Daiki to sit on a nearby bench, tucking her skirts around her daintily. "She does not grieve Kei's passing. Only the fact her dreams for a powerful marriage are dead." She smiled bitterly up at Daiki, who folded his arms across his chest, watching her with a tender look in his eyes as she relayed the rest of Haruka's plans to him. "We can't let this happen."
"I know." He smiled emptily, and then it faded quickly. "When does she intend to take her plans into fruition?"
"When the child is born. She plans to kill Lady Katara's child, and then for me to kill Lady Katara. She's got it in her head that Lady Katara is carrying the Fire Lord's heir. Then she will torture him into insanity. She wants me to kill you." Aiko clenched and unclenched her suddenly numb fingers to regain feeling. She did not take it upon herself to lie and plot, and she was afraid of being found out by Haruka, who would then kill her, or torture her or some other cruel, heartless thing.
Daiki was suddenly beside her and took both of her hands within his own, and without warning, warmth flushed through her entire body and she could breathe again. "Well, I hope you are kind when you take my life." He spoke somberly.
Aiko smiled at him and nudged his knee with her own. "Don't be foolish, Daiki. I would never do that." Her smile turned into a frown as she threaded her fingers through his. "You are far too kind to me, Daiki, and I never thanked you for it."
Daiki looked away and shook his head. "There is no need to thank me." He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "I worry for you, facing Haruka all alone. I despise myself for placing you in this position, yet I know you are the only one capable of this. Thank you for putting yourself into such danger." He met her eyes and smiled. "You are courageous."
Aiko, who had always ever been timid, shy and quiet and most definitely had never done anything with a fount of courage as her weapon, accepted his compliment with a soft, "Thank you. I will do anything and everything, with the hope to redeem myself. I haven't forgiven myself for my deplorable actions."
"I know," Daiki leaned forward to kiss her cheek, and then stood. "Let's walk through the palace and go into the city. The fresh air will do us both some good."
Aiko smiled cheekily as she stood up as well and walked at his side. "And I believe the sun might do some of us good as well." Her smile turned into a smirk as he raised an eyebrow, as he caught her reference to his dreadfully pale skin that was a necessary result of working for too many hours indoors in an office.
"Impertinent." He accused her.
"How charming." Aiko drawled, grinning, amazed at how he could banish her fears, even for a short moment. "Perhaps I shall marry Nobleman Cho after all."
"Fine." Daiki replied airily. "See if I care."
"Oh yes," Aiko decided, her gaze set straight ahead. "I shall take up residence at his woefully small mansions, and I will not say a word as he drives himself further into debt with his gambling habits. I will be his hostess when he has need of one, and I will carry his ugly children…" She trailed off as she looked up at Daiki with a delightfully impertinent smile.
"No," He returned quietly, unable to play this game with her, for he held it too close to his heart. "You will take up residence in my estates, and your title will not be meaningless. You will run my lands with me, and my voice in the Senate will be yours as well." His hand slipped around hers, drawing her fingers to his lips. "And I will give you all of the beautiful children you desire, and I will grow old and I will watch you move from your youthful divinity as you become more sublime with maturity."
"Do I have a choice?" Aiko asked playfully, though she was smiling with pleasure. She loved this enigmatic, influential man, and she loved how he could turn from being a politician to an admirer so quickly.
No one had ever called her 'divine'.
Daiki smiled softly as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and as her arm wound around his back. He nodded soberly. "Yes." His fingers idly played with her hair as he admired her.
With a gentle smile, she moved closer to him as she quietly confided, "I wouldn't ever choose anyone else, Daiki."
And for a time, the two lovers were able to leave behind their dark thoughts and plans and schemes back at the palace as they walked through the city and laughed and jested with one another, as though they were simply one couple in a million. There would be time to combat nefarious foes of their Fire Lord later.
…
Zuko started his day with eyes still half-lidded with sleep, which he was loath to relinquish as he gazed down upon Katara. It was barely morning, and the first streams of sunlight were coming through the window, lighting her face. The blankets were down at her hips and his hand was resting on the swell of her pregnant stomach. He felt several kicks directly against his palm and he smiled. His child would not be lacking in energy once it was born.
"Sleep, little one," he soothed the baby. "Let your mother rest. She needs it."
He brushed his lips over the spot where the baby had just kicked, and forced himself out of Katara's bed, where they had retired the night before. He looked back once before he left her bedchamber and was struck with a sudden memory, his eyes softening as he recalled it.
Zuko's fingers were tangled with Katara's as they strolled down the beach at Lady Liarae's summer estate. It was close to dusk, and the sun was setting the water on fire. It was still warm, but Zuko heated his hands with a thought and slowly ran his palms up and down his lover's arms. She drew his arms around her and she sighed in contentment. She was happy, he realized. She was happy with him.
He kissed her cheek, simply because he could.
"Oh!"
He looked down at her. One of her hands was pressed against the side of her swollen stomach. She looked up at him, her eyes bright with happiness and her smile warm with motherhood.
"The baby kicked! I've been feeling it for a couple of weeks, but it's been nothing more than movement, but it was an actual kick!"
Zuko looked down at her stomach, his heart pounding. His hands tentatively moved to it, where their child was being kept, cradled in the warmth of her body and the safety of their love, and rested his hand eagerly when she nodded excitedly. She covered his hand with hers, and then he felt a sudden pressure against the palm of his hand.
"It… I felt it!" Zuko grinned and kept his hand in place, laughing as he felt the kick again. "Wow, that's…"
"I know, isn't it?!" She moved closer to his body and kissed him out of sheer jubilation. He responded eagerly.
…
Finally dressed, Zuko returned back to Katara's bedchambers, and looked upon her sleeping. She was so beautiful when she slept, he idly mused. Noting the chill in the air, he pulled the blankets up to her chin and gently tucked it around her.
Now, he really needed to get some work done, if only to escape the nerves he felt about the coming days and negotiations. There was still a ball to plan, and some last-minute problems to fix. Not to mention a council to manipulate into agreeing to his marriage.
Yet, he didn't bother to try and stop the coming memory.
Zuko watched Katara walk away. That was the third time she'd come to see him that day. She'd brought a snack and a gorgeous smile for him. He'd sent her away with a dismayed expression and worried eyes as she looked back over her shoulder at him before exiting the door.
He couldn't keep doing this. He'd ruined her, and the guilt was killing him.
He preferred the gnawing pain over happiness over her social demise, over breaking up her family and ostracizing her from everything she loved.
He couldn't keep this up.
…
Zuko had been staring at the same place on the wall for the past twenty minutes, and it felt as though a mere second had passed. He wasn't getting anything done.
It was almost unfair how his study was a place entirely his own. There was evidence of Katara in his bedchambers, slight touches to make her stay in his chambers more comfortable, but nothing in here. Yet her very presence had invaded it and he couldn't stop thinking about her. He longed for her, longed to kiss her and touch her and bring her to the heights of ecstasy and slowly return her to the earth. Anything to fight off the gnawing loneliness in his heart. His eyes drooped shut as he once again filed through his memories of her.
Katara was still asleep, though the sun had been up for two hours, as had Zuko. His arms were wrapped around her naked body as she breathed against his skin. The morning sunshine added to the glow of motherhood and Katara was more of a divinity than human, and she had chosen him; him, over all of the other possibilities. She had given him more happiness than he deserved, and she was happy too.
He was capable of bringing joy, and not only despair.
…
"Stop."
Her cold hands paused on his shoulders. "What?" she asked innocently.
"Whatever you're doing, or thinking about doing, don't."
Her gaze dropped to the floor.
"I'm sorry."
He turned away and walked out of the room, every muscle in his body tense.
…
Zuko looked up when the door opened. He automatically set his quill back into the inkpot, but then was stunned into silence and inaction.
Katara, clothed in stunning fabrics that suited her well, lush crimson fabrics that emphasized the rich tones of her skin, stood before him, and her eyes brooked no argument. Even if the thought of arguing with her, telling her to leave, had entered his mind, he felt the tension rise in the room and knew he shouldn't even bother to say a word. He had been…
He had been cruel to her.
She would leave him now.
Zuko dropped his hands into his lap, shoulders caving in slightly. This was it.
This was the end.
"I don't know what's been going wrong with you, Zuko," her voice was soft and controlled, filled with every beautiful emotion her loving heart felt keenly. "I don't know, and I can't even pretend to be able to guess. I want to think it's me, or our child, but I know you better than that. I don't think it's me."
He didn't respond, his eyes directed at his desk, unable to meet her eyes.
"You…" she took a deep breath. "I love you, Zuko."
He looked up at her in alarm. Out of everything he had expected, that was not one of the things he thought would issue forth from her mouth, the mouth he had kissed, the mouth that had moaned deliciously as he pushed into her, the mouth that smiled and laughed and spoke to him… he loved her, too.
"What?" he asked, dumbfounded.
Katara shook her head. "I don't know what's wrong, but I think I suddenly have an idea. You think you've hurt me, that you've failed me, that I'll hate you forever for what you've done. But I don't because I love you, Zuko," she smiled, as if his feelings were absolutely ludicrous. "I love you, and I don't care what you think anymore!" Her voice became a firm knell, as though bringing about the death to his forced solitude.
"I love you, and no matter what you do or think or say, I am staying right here because I love you," her voice hardened. "I am staying right here. I won't be forced away. You haven't hurt me," she moved around his desk to take his hands and press them against her stomach. "You have given me a child. You've given me your love! And with that, you're giving me all sorts of beautiful, wonderful things that I have never wished for, but you give them to me anyway. You're giving me a throne, Zuko. You're giving me the chance to make a difference, and you're making me happy!"
"You've made me happier than I've ever been, and I'm not going to leave because you're too afraid of how happy I can make you!"
Zuko looked at her in amazement. Her cheeks were flushed with passion, and she was glaring at him. He thought about what she had just said. She had told him to his face that she was happy, and that she wasn't going to leave. He'd done everything he could to force her away, though it had been in a twisted mindset to try and help her, and she hadn't left. Any other woman would have taken his child and left, but she hadn't. She refused to leave, citing her love for him as a reason.
She had every right to leave, and he wouldn't have stopped her. He'd made her miserable. But she stayed, and all because she loved him. He'd made her happy. She was happy with him, and she didn't want to leave.
She didn't want to leave him.
She would be unhappy without him.
She loved him.
Zuko slowly stood on unsteady feet and slid a hand around her neck, and pulled her as close as her pregnant body would allow. His lips touched hers, a mere brushing of mouths, and he exhaled, feeling as though that sigh contained all of his fears and despair that had been pent up.
"I'm so sorry, Katara," he whispered.
She smiled, her eyes filled with love and compassion for his guilt, even if she didn't believe he deserved his self-recrimination. "Show me you're sorry," she murmured, taking his hands, inviting him to unload even a little of his burden, just enough that he wouldn't be drowning in his agony. Just enough so he could breathe.
"I'm scared of losing you. I'm scared of pushing you away, but I can't stand the thought I've destroyed you. I think you deserve better than me." Zuko felt naked and vulnerable under her gaze, but smiled when she smiled. "I… I just don't know what I'd do without you."
Katara pressed her lips to his cheek, but lingered near his ear. "You will never have to know what that's like because I'm not leaving you, Zuko. I want to marry you, and I want to have this child with you and have… and have many, many more!" She laughed when he laughed tearfully and held her tightly.
The two lovers didn't move from that position for a very long time. When they did, they retired to Zuko's bedroom, where he undressed her and laid beside her. He fell asleep underneath her loving eyes and to the tune of a Water Tribe lullaby he'd never heard before.
He slept that night, without nightmares.
...
Author's Notes: Well... what did you think? I think this is one of my favorite chapters, but that's just me. Anyway, I have to run because I have to have lunch with my grandparents and my family, but if you have some time, could you shoot me a review and tell me what you thought? That'd be great. They make me happy. :)