Firstly, I don't own The Walking Dead. All credit for this amazing show goes elsewhere. Sam and Dean are based on Supernatural, and unfortunately I don't own that either. Now I've gone and depressed myself.
This is a long fic only because I fell in love with the characters and I couldn't stop writing. I love feedback, but no pressure. I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it! If you do decide to give feedback or rating, please don't be cruel. I'm a big ol softie... Thanks!
Hope you like the beginnings of Shane's feeling developing here, and for the interactions between the group. I enjoyed feeling them out. And yes, I based the characters of Sam and Dean on Supernatural. It just seemed to fit somehow, but there is no storyline based on Supernaturals Sam and Dean's hunter lifestyles...
And since you've gotten this far, a review or two would rock my world! Thanks!
Trouble woke early. After Rick had left she had heard the knocks from her door, but she didn't want to see anyone, not even Ian. She fell asleep with Anna's dove in her palm and awoke still clutching it tightly. She laid there in the early morning hours and thought about the party from the night before. Hershell's wife's ring on her finger, she held it up and looked at it sparkle in the dim light. The quarter T-Dog had treasured, and Shane's chain. She ran a finger along it and felt it rough and bumpy under her touch. How kind he had been, making the necklace for her. T-Dog had beamed when he saw it, nodding appreciatively at how much it meant to her. Then she looked over at Carl's picture and smiled. Remembered Rick's earnestness when he'd given her Anna's present. These people were good, and they cared, and she would do anything to make sure they were safe.
She got up and showered quickly, getting out and drying off. When she leaned over to brush her teeth, the chain dangled at her neck and she touched it, smiling softly. She needed to apologize to Shane, that much was clear. The poor man had been a mess, and it was all because of her. She tied up her hair and went to her closet.
She grabbed a pale gray button up shirt and tied it at her waist, leaving the top buttons undone. She pulled on a pair of worn jeans that fit her like a glove, soft as cotton, and they hung low on her hips. She left the room and went to Shane's door. She took a deep breath and knocked lightly, hoping he was up. She heard a low cough and she opened the door, poking her head inside. It was pitch black, so she opened the door a little more to let some light in.
"Hey Shane?" She whispered and heard him mumble something. She tilted her head, and leaned in a little bit. "Shane?"
He sat up, bare chested, looking at her with wide eyes. "Trouble." He said quickly and she looked next to him. Cass pulled the sheet over her naked body and winced at the light, holding her arm up. Trouble's eyes got wide and she backed up. "Trouble, wait." Shane said, scrambling to get his pants from the floor.
"No, stay. I'm sorry." She blurted and backed out of the room fast, slamming the door behind her. She stood there in the hallway for a minute, catching her breath and wishing she could burn the eyes from her sockets. She looked down at the chain on her neck and pulled it off like it was burning her. She ran back to her room and threw it on her dresser, looking around frantically. She just wanted her brain to shut the fuck up. Running to the elevator, she hit the button hard. She heard Shane calling in the hallway as the doors shut behind her.
The lobby was colder than usual, and when she saw the wide windows she knew why. The world had turned white, just as Ian had told her. She slowly climbed the stairs to the balcony and sat down against the railing, facing the city spread out below her. She felt the tears that had been behind her eyes constantly spill forward and heat up her cold cheeks.
Shane couldn't feel his insides. They seemed frozen, broken somehow. When he had woken up and saw Trouble standing there in his room he had felt like it was a dream. At first, an answer to his prayers. How many nights he had wished he would wake up and find her there.
Then Cass had stirred next to him and sat up, and he had remembered the night before. After Trouble had left he had taken the rest of T-Dog's bottle and downed it. It was blurry, he was sick with lust for Trouble and it got skewed by this girl that writhed and twisted like a siren in front of him. He remembered seeing T-Dog passed out, remembered everybody else leaving, remembered Cass sitting on his lap on the bench and him grabbing her head and pressing his lips to her mouth. She had been eager, and he had done all those dirty things he had dreamed of, in every position. Things came out of that girl's mouth that even shocked him, and he felt sick thinking of it. It was been base, animalistic. There was not a touch of the love and tenderness he'd had with Trouble. And now that was all he'd have left, because Trouble sure as hell wasn't coming back after this.
He brushed Cass off his arm and went looking for Trouble, but when he didn't find her he returned to his room. He realized he smelled like Cass, and some of her eyeliner was smudged on his neck. She had left his room, thank god, and he showered a long time, trying to wash last night away. Make it disappear, never happened.
When he got out he dressed quickly and looked at himself in the mirror. The place where his 22 hung was bare and he touched it, thinking of his chain around Trouble's neck. Or hopefully was. He left his room again, knowing where she would be.
Ian went to sleep frustrated, and woke even more so. He had wanted Trouble so badly last night but she had been asleep before he realized she was gone. He felt empty as he'd laid in his big bed, wanting nothing more than to hold her. After his shower and shave the next morning, he went to the kitchen and found Cass sitting alone in the dining area, her normally perky mood dramatically diminished.
"Hey. You seen Trouble?" He asked, taking a place in a chair across the table from her.
She shook her head. "Not since this morning. And I don't think she'll be back anytime soon."
Ian narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?"
"She walked in on me. You know." She looked up at him, taking a drink of her coffee. His eyes widened and he got it.
"She's seen that before. Maybe not with T-Dog, but..." He started and she shook her head.
"No, with Shane." She said and threw her head back to stare at the ceiling. Ian sat back and stared at her.
"You gotta be kidding me." He said softly. God, Trouble was already torn up about everything that had happened with Shane. How he had treated her. And then he just sits up and screws her best friend? Asshole...
"I was really drunk, Ian. And he was sitting there all manly. I don't know. God." She said, putting a hand over her eyes.
"Well, she's not with him anymore." Ian said, swallowing hard.
"Maybe not, but there is a big difference in that and seeing him in bed with your friend. She's probably a mess, and I can't go to her." She said. "What would you do, if it were you? Put yourself in her position."
He looked at the table, making a fist and bumping the top of it a couple times lightly. "Yeah. Any idea where she is?"
"Didn't you say we were snowed in?" Cass asked and he nodded. "Well, then she's either in Sam or Dean's room, or the lobby upstairs."
"Did you tell him about us?" Ian asked and she shook her head, taking another sip of coffee. "Alright. It'll be ok, Cass. But I wouldn't let T-Dog know."
"I don't plan on it." She said, shaking her head. "No way."
He frowned and went to Trouble's room, stepping inside and getting a soft cashmere cardigan he found hanging in her closet. He grabbed her pack of cigarettes and was back in the common room when he found Shane waiting for the elevator. He let out a disgusted huff and went to stop him, but paused. Shane was walking into a lion's den and didn't even know it. If he did badly enough, and he probably would, Trouble would have him out at first thaw.
He narrowed his eyes and called out to Shane. Shane's head fell and his shoulders drooped as he turned, his face pinched and tense. "What is it, Ian?" He said tiredly and Ian sauntered up to him and held out the sweater and cigarettes.
"Take these with you. She'll need them." Shane stared at him for a moment before taking them from the younger man's hands.
"Thanks." He said, eying Ian as he stepped back into the elevator. The doors closed and Ian gave the doors a glare as he sat down on the couch and waited.
He emerged in the lobby and looked up at the balcony. Trouble was sitting against the railing, watching the snow fall steadily out the large windows. He bit his lip as he walked up the stairs slowly, waiting for her to turn, to scream, to yell, anything but this scary silence she had going on.
"Trouble?" He finally said when he had been standing at the top of the stairs for a while. Her head tilted a little toward him and she laughed a little.
"Shane. I was wondering how long it'd take you." She said, turning a pair of binoculars around in her hands slowly. She stared out at the valley with dazed eyes and he stepped forward.
"Can we talk?" He asked and she sighed.
"Nothing to talk about." She said, spotting the cigarettes in his hand. "I will take those though." She said, holding out her hand and he gave her the cigarettes. She slowly got one out and lit it, taking a deep breath and letting it out lazily. He sat down across from her and rubbed the top of his head hard.
"It wasn't what you think, Trouble. Please, just let me explain." He began and she held up her hand to stop him.
"Don't. Because you're going to tell me you got drunk, and it just happened, and you're really sorry, and it was a mistake. And I'm going to tell you that while it sucked in its timing, it is absolutely your right to do. We aren't together, you're both adults, and I walked into your room. You didn't do anything wrong." She said with a shrug and took another long drag, looking out over the valley. He sat forward and looked at her closely. She chuckled a little and he let out a breath.
"Let me get you downstairs, please." He said and leaned forward, and her head snapped up.
"Don't touch me." She said in a low, steady voice, and he saw his chain was gone from around her neck. He had really hurt her, drove her to this.
"Fine. But please come with me. It's cold up here." He said, his eyes pleading.
She looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Do not patronize me, Shane. I'm well aware of the temperature, as are you. You have my sweater."
"Yeah. Here." He said, holding the garment out to her. She stuck the cigarette in her mouth and leaned forward to pull it on. When she finished, she sat back and sighed, twirling the cigarette in her fingers. She wasn't going to leave, so he pressed his lips tightly together and sat back against the glass windows in front of her, crossing his arms over his knees. She watched him closely, her eyes like angry slits.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Waiting. You don't leave, I don't leave." He said and she crushed her cigarette out on the concrete.
"We're not a team, Shane." She said, standing up and balancing herself against the railing. She shoved her cigarettes in her back pocket and walked slowly away. "I figured it out."
He got up and got in front of her. "What did you figure out?"
"That I have no clue what you're going to do next. You're asking me to come back, you're shoving me in a corner and feeling me up. Or you give me an amazingly sweet birthday present, and then you sleep with my friends. You make my head hurt." She leaned forward at the last part and walked past him. He ducked in front of her on the stairs again and she sighed. "Go ahead. Get it out."
"I need you. You're right, I was drunk and desperate, and I spent every second of it wishing it were you." He said and she grimaced with disgust. "I'm going crazy being around you every day and not being able to touch you."
He reached out and she swiped at his hand. "I really thought something had changed last night. I was actually coming to tell you...Oh, it doesn't matter." She brushed it off and tried to step past him again, but he stepped back and wrapped his arm around her waist, looking up at her.
"You were coming to tell me what? I need to know." He said, pleading, holding her tightly. She laid her hands on his broad shoulders and swallowed hard.
"Shane, please stop."
"Forget what happened. It was the biggest mistake I could have made. I'm so, so sorry." He said, his eyes wide and desperate.
"It's ok." She said, her hand on his cheek. "You do not need to apologize for anything. I'm not." He blinked at her, leaning back slowly.
"What would you apologize for?" He asked, his eyebrows knitting together. She stared at him, and he chuckled, turning around and walking down the stairs. He got to the bottom and put his hands on his hips, deep in thought. "You and Ian."
"It's new. But yeah." She said, watching him. He nodded, rubbing his face with his hand, over his lips hard. He suddenly punched the wall and she jumped, hearing the crack of knuckles against concrete, and when he pulled away, she saw a blood mark on the stone. He hit the button to the elevator and jumped inside. When the doors shut she sat down on the stairs, lighting another cigarette, and stared into space.
Shane didn't say anything to anyone when he got back down, and Ian was absent from sight. A good thing, because Shane would have killed him. He marched back to his room and slammed the door, pacing across the space several times before dropping to his knees by the bed. How had it all gone so wrong? More so, how was he going to fix it?"
Ian had come up a little while later and gotten her, and when he found out Shane knew about them, he seemed to be relieved. They weren't going to wave it in front of everyone, but the sneaking back to rooms was over, and for that, he was over the moon. To be able to wake up with her in the morning and hold her, it was all he ever wanted. So when she fell asleep that evening, early, he had let her be. He had covered her up and let her sleep, knowing they would have tomorrow.
She had woken early and dressed in a pair of white shorts and a long sleeved blue boat neck top. She avoided the kitchen, heading for the training room instead. Rick found her there hours later, alone. He came to the door and stopped, watching her as she moved. She was doing pirouettes and complicated dance poses, holding them for longer than a person should be able to. When she stood on her head and did the splits he let out a breath. She was stunning. He stepped just inside the door and slid to the floor, putting his arms up on his knees and watching.
She was oblivious of him as she danced and moved. She was completely through another song when she finally turned the music down and looked over at him, her hands on her hips, her breath quick in her chest. "Because that's not creepy, or anything." She said dryly, grabbing a bottle of water that had been left on the bench and taking a drink of it.
He stood up and came to sit on the bench. "Sorry. Just wanted to see if you wanted to talk." Of course he knew what was going on. It only took two minutes in a room with Shane or Cass to know something had happened, and now Trouble and T-Dog were both missing from the house, spending as much time as they could alone. Shane was in a real state. He was snapping at everyone, especially Cass, and whenever Ian was around, the daggers that came from his eyes could have put down a walker. It didn't take long for Rick to realize why that was, either. He and Trouble had obviously gotten together. It hurt a little, but it didn't stop him from wanting to take care of her.
"Talk? No. Kill? Hunt? Shoot something? Yeah. But talk?" She shook her head and straddled the bench in front of him and stretching her long legs out on either side of her.
"When I came back, found my family," He began and she frowned, listening. "All I wanted was to see their faces. Find out they were alive. Protect them, you know? Then everything would be fine. No matter what happened, it would be fine because we would be together." He paused and gave a wistful smile, looking out at nothing. "Then when I found them, it was good at first. It was just like I thought it would be. After a while, I noticed the looks. The sideways glances and the pauses... in their words at certain times. But mostly, it was just the way they felt to me around each other. You could almost touch it, it was so strong."
He stood up and walked to the center of the room, and she watched him closely, listening to every word and watching the pain flow through him as he remembered. He turned and looked back at her, his hand out in front of him.
"I knew, you know. A while before Lori finally told me. And I thought, how do I do this? My best friend and my wife. How do we move on from here? But I didn't have much time to work on that because every day it was a fight to keep my place. A fight to convince him it was over, when deep down, I knew that it wasn't. Not for her. When he left, he might as well have taken her with him."
"Why are you telling me this?" She spoke softly, feeling tears burn her eyes for the man standing in front of her.
"To show you that you're not alone." He said, tilting his face to look at her and she felt a shudder go through her whole body. He'd suffered so much, and all he wanted was to make sure she was ok. She got up and closed the door, turning back to him. She let out a deep breath and picked up the remote. He didn't recognize the song, but it was one of the ones she had been listening to when he'd been watching her dance.
"It's called 'Deliver Me'." She said, crossing to him, still standing in the middle of the room. A simple piano filled the room, but it was so moving. She held out her hand and he took it, using his other hand to pull her into his arms and they began turning around the room. He wrapped his fingers around her hand and let her lead them in wide circles, she was a natural at it. She looked up at him in the eyes, hers wide and clear and filled with pain, but he could see a gratefulness, too. A deep affection that you can't fake, or hide.
He listened to the words as they moved. All about wanting to protect someone, lead them away from danger. It was perfect, and it was clear this was how she communicated. Through music, lyrics and beats. She lived by it, danced by it, got her emotions out with it. That was why Ian, Sam, and Dean had given her the Ipod. To anyone else it was just another inconsequential electronic, but to her it would be a godsend.
The song was brief and they broke after the last strains faded. She turned the music off and he went and sat on the bench, his breath shortened in his chest. She came and sat next to him.
"I haven't danced since my wedding." He chuckled and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. She smiled and put her long legs up on the bench in front of her, between them, and wrapped her arms around her knees.
"I hope I didn't embarrass you." She said and he chuckled.
"I hope I didn't step on you." He retorted. He was embarrassed, and she hid a smile.
"You're better than you think." She said, tilting her head.
"Or you just lead well." He sat back up, and took a deep breath. "What else can you do?"
She looked at him, puzzled and he pointed to the hardwood. "I've seen you swing dance. Pretty much every other kind of dance. That mirror thing you guys did was amazing, by the way. And it looks like you can do cartwheels and stuff, what's that?"
She smiled. "Gymnastics. Did them since I was three."
He snapped his fingers. "Right. Gymnastics. So what else can you do?"
She thought about it for a minute. She opened and shut her mouth again, silently. "I can sing every Ramones lyric from memory." She laughed and shook her head at him. "I don't know. What can you do?"
He grinned and thought about it. He got up and went to the cabinet in the corner and dug around. He came back out with five small sandbags they used for training and came to stand in front of her. He began to toss them in the air and soon he was deftly juggling them all, doing little tricks like tossing them high or spinning around and catching them. He caught them again and she stood up, clapping.
"That was awesome!" She laughed, still clapping. "So cool. You are so gonna have to teach me that."
"It's not hard. See, you just gotta take it one at a time." He said, coming to stand in front of her and holding out one of the bags. She took it and he grabbed one dropping the rest. "See, just start throwing it in a circle, catching it. Then get another, and do two."
He instructed her with his hands, putting them on hers to show her the movements, and she picked it up easily. She had three bags in the air when Cass came in, dressed in workout gear with a towel around her neck.
"Oh, sorry." She said and started to back up. Trouble and Rick were standing there with the of the bags in their hands, watching her as she paused and looked up. "Screw it, I need to talk to you."
Trouble dropped the bags and frowned. She crossed her arms over her chest, but nodded after a brief pause. Rick took that as he cue.
"I'll see you in a little bit, Rick. Thanks." She said as he slipped around behind Cass and out the door. Cass shut it behind him and turned back toward Trouble.
"That was a bitch move I made, Trouble." Cass began, walking toward her slowly, hands tightly on the towel at her neck. Trouble watched her and had the faint desire to strangle her with it. "Shane shoulda been off limits. I know that."
Trouble sighed and sat down on the bench, twirling one of the bags in her hands. "It's fine, Cass. It just surprised me."
"And sent you running for hills. I figured that." Cass said, taking a seat on her knees on the floor nearby. "I'm really sorry."
Trouble looked up at her friend, and smiled, shaking her head. "Why did it bother me? I can't figure it out, Cass. I broke up with him, and I'm with Ian."
Cass frowned and shook her head. "Because you cared, and it's always harder watching someone else do something like that than it is doing it yourself. I mean, I can do it but I'm a much bigger selfish bitch than you."
Trouble burst out laughing and moved to sit in front of Cass. "You know, he gave me his necklace that night. The chain, for that lucky quarter T-Dog gave me."
"He seems like a good guy." Cass said, tilting her head to the side and studying her.
"Yeah. He's got anger in him, though." Trouble said, pulling her lips to the side.
"You don't say. He almost throws up when he looks at me, and I'm just waiting for him to pull out his gun and shoot Ian." Cass said with a roll of her eyes.
"And he likes to tell me what to do." Trouble said.
"Don't all men?" Cass raised eyebrow.
"But he's hot." Trouble said with wide eyes and Cass burst out laughing.
"Mmm.." Cass said, calming down. "Even for a cop. How freakin tall is he anyway? Eight, nine feet?"
"He makes it seem that way, doesn't it?" Trouble said softly, getting up and doing a spin on the floor, dropping down to the floor, and looking up at Cass mischievously. The girl grinned and got up quickly.
"You remember the strip dance?" She asked, grabbing the remote and flicking on the music.
"Tito and Tarantula." Trouble said, nodding and shaking out her arms.
"After Dark. I really do think it's the sexiest song I've ever heard." Cass said, coming to stand in front of her and twisted her arms up in the air, waiting for Trouble to join her.
"Me too. Look at that, stripper endorsement. I think it should go on the album cover." Trouble said as she moved with Cass. They swayed their hips together, moving their arms up and down lazily in a cobra snake motion.
"So," Cass said as they swayed their hips, turning in a circular motion. "Rick."
"What about Rick?" Trouble asked dangerously, her eyes flicking up to Cass as she moved.
"He likes you." Cass said simply. "It's only the most obvious thing in the world."
"And the last thing I need with Ian and Shane to deal with. What's your point?" Trouble murmured, getting into the chorus of the song. They faced each other and again and flipped their hair over their heads, twirling their arms out.
"Maybe. Doesn't mean you don't like him back." Cass said, looking at her through heavily lidded eyes covered with her short, spiky hair.
Trouble hesitated, but then jumped back in as the guitar in the song built up. They threw their heads back together as the song ended, and Trouble came back to stand up on her feet. She stood there, looking at Cass for a minute. "What am I going to do? I really like Ian. It's just Rick is so..."
"Hot? Older? Responsible? All that grown up shit you like so much?" Cass asked, leaning down and running her hands down her outstretched leg and back up and swaying to the new song that had begun while they were talking. A rap by Chingy, always top on her list. "You always did that. I'd pick the biker and you'd pick the banker. How the fuck did you end up with Shane?"
Trouble let a short laugh burst forward. "Well, he got here first, and Rick had a wife."
Cass froze and looked at her, wide eyed. She stood up and stared at Trouble. "A wife."
"Yeah, Lori. She died a little while after they got here." Trouble nodded, going to sit on the bench.
"You killed her?" Cass asked perfectly seriously. Of course she would think that, it's what she would do.
Trouble's eyebrows shot up. "Try childbirth. And it might have been Shane's."
Cass paled. "I take back everything I said about you being a cheerleader and this a community center. That is some fucked up shit."
"Try living through it. Rick got down pretty bad after she died. Even made a move once, but I shot him down pretty hard. I was with Shane, and he was not in his right mind." Trouble let it all out, how he had saved her life, given his blood, and spent the next two months in a drunken haze until he snapped out of it. Everything with Shane, Ian being so supportive. She went through everything, and Cass sat in front of her listening to every word.
"So." Trouble took a deep breath as she finished. "What do I do?"
Cass leaned back, shaking her head with eyes wide. "Fuck if I know. But I'm really glad I'm not you."
Trouble shot her a funny look. "Thank you."
"No," Cass said, waving her hand. "It just sounds like all these guys are handing you their balls and asking you to take care of them. It doesn't seem fair."
Trouble got up and wandered around the room. "Maybe. But I could be in Rick's position. Or Shane's. Not a lot to pick from and a lot of other people to deal with."
"And that makes you feel better? God, I need a drink now." Cass said, getting up and going to the cabinet on the far wall. She pulled out a large bottle and poured two drinks in glasses on the counter. She brought it back to Trouble and they sat down, knees touching and facing each other, in the middle of the floor.
"What would you do?" Trouble asked quietly, and Cass almost spat her drink out.
"Oh no, you don't want that, trust me. I'd have fucked all three of them by now. Probably twice." Cass said and Trouble laughed quietly. "But I am curious how you really do feel about Rick. Well, about them all, really."
"I've already told you about Shane. I love him. I do. But he's got some issues that I don't think I help him with, and I've already got no shortage of excitement in my life. I can't deal." Trouble said, spinning her glass in her hands. "Ian is sweet, and he loves me. I know that. He finds little ways to make me happy, and he is so god damn funny." She looked up at Cass, who was smiling at her, encouraging her to go on.
"I love him too, but in a different way. We've been through so much. I mean, he's been here with me since the beginning, you know?" She asked and Cass nodded.
"It changes things." She said, picking at a spot on her spandex clad knee.
"Yeah." Trouble drifted off and Cass looked at her, biting her lip.
"And Rick?" She asked softly and Trouble let out a long breath and tipped forward, putting her head in Cass' lap.
"I don't know." She groaned, her voice muffled. Cass chuckled and rubbed her hair.
"You'll figure it out." She said comfortingly. "Come on, let's get back to work. That snow outside has us trapped, and I need to work out some... let's call it energy."
She grinned and Trouble got up as she turned the music back on.