Chapter 24

Edward

As I floated in and out of consciousness, I could hear the beep of the heart monitor and the slightly too‑loud hum of the ventilation system. The sounds were comforting. I was warm and comfortable, but somehow, I knew I'd been here too long. I shifted on the bed and groaned as needles of pain lanced through my shoulder. A soft, warm hand brushed the hair back from my forehead, and I smiled lazily.

"Bella?"

"No, honey, it's Mom," came the soft reply, and I was both disappointed and happy at the same time.

"Hi, Mom," I rasped out, gazing into her soft brown eyes that I knew so well, but that now also reminded me strongly of Bella's. She smiled at me, but I could see the tears gathered in the corners of her eyes, and I reached my good hand out to touch her cheek.

"Oh, Edward, what have they done to you?" she whispered, leaning in to kiss my forehead, her lips lingering there as I felt the tears slide down her cheeks.

"I'm fine, Mom. It's gonna be okay," I tried to reassure her, my voice breaking from thirst and lack of use. I tried to clear my throat and coughed a bit—Christ, was that painful!

She snapped into Mom mode immediately. "Do you need some water, honey?"

I nodded my head, and she went and poured me a cupful from the pitcher by the bedside.

"I'm sorry," she said as I sipped. "I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you were missing for six months and we didn't even know it. Your contact had been so sporadic since you went undercover anyway…"

"But it turned out okay," I told her. "I was safe in Forks. I just didn't know who I was."

"What did you do there all this time?" she asked. "Was there anyone to…help you?"

I smiled as I thought of Bella, and because I knew that in her head, my mom had said "take care of you."

"Yes, actually, the people at the hospital were great, and then I met someone who…took care of me after I was released. She took me in when I had nowhere to go, and she's wonderful."

My mom gave me a watery smile. "You're in love with her," she stated, a knowing look in her eye.

"Yes," I admitted, ducking my head and blushing a bit. "She was my friend and took care of me when she had no reason to, and the more time we spent together, the more I realized how special she is. She's sweet and funny, and she doesn't take any crap from me, and—"

"Oh, this girl I've got to meet," my mom interjected. "Any woman who Edward Cullen can't wrap around his little finger…"

I smirked at her. "I do want you to meet her, but I need to get in touch with her and tell her I'm okay, since Dad whisked me out of Forks before I was even awake. Can I borrow your cell phone?"

"Sure, honey," she answered, unlocking her phone and handing it to me.

I dialed Bella's number, and again, her phone went immediately to voice mail. "Hi, Bella. I miss you so much, and I need to talk to you. Please call me back as soon as you can. I love you."

My mom grinned at me, but I was flustered from having to leave another message and surprised that Bella hadn't returned my first call. I tried not to let it mess with my head—she was probably just busy or…what the hell time was it anyway?

"Mom, what day is it? How long have I been asleep?"

"It's Friday morning, honey. You woke up yesterday morning, so you were asleep for around twenty-four hours. You came here from Washington on Wednesday morning."

And I was shot on Friday…how had so much time gone by?

The next few days passed in a bit of a haze. I slept a lot of the time as my body and mind tried to recover from my injuries, and when I was awake, I was pretty fuzzy from the fentanyl they were giving me for the pain in my head and shoulder. I had plenty of company—my parents were ever-present, whether visiting with me or in the background when other people came by, and the guys from my unit at the Bureau all visited to show their support. Being there reminded me strongly of my time at Forks County Hospital, yet it was so different, because in contrast to those early days in Forks, I was almost never alone here. But despite all the company, I was lonely and missed Bella terribly. It felt as if I was alone all over again, because although I was surrounded by people who cared about me, the one person I most wanted and needed wasn't there. I kept trying to call and text her, but her phone went immediately to voice mail and she never answered my texts.

Was something the matter? Did something happen to Bella and I just didn't know it? Had she decided that she didn't want to be with me anymore now that she knew who I was? I had to at least make sure she was okay, even if I didn't manage to talk to her directly.

By Monday, I got desperate and had Garrett locate the number for the Forks police station so I could call Charlie. I held my breath as I dialed the number, praying that she was okay.

"This is Swan."

"Hi, Charlie. It's Edward."

"Hey, kid. Are you okay?"

"I will be. It's gonna take time, just like before, but the docs say I'll make a full recovery."

"What happened with the guys who beat you and killed your partner?"

"I'm going to make it right, Charlie. The evidence that my partner and I gathered is enough to put those guys and their employers away for a long time."

"That's great, kid. I'm so sorry about your partner. I wish we had known and found her too."

"Thanks, Charlie. You didn't know there was anyone else, and from what Garrett told me, she was found pretty far from where I was. There's nothing else you could have done." I took a deep breath and plunged in.

"Is Bella all right?"

"Yeah, she's fine. She was a little shaken up, but she was more worried about you than anything."

"Charlie, I need to talk to her. I need to tell her…shit, everything. I've left her messages and texts, and she hasn't responded. Did something happen to her phone?"

"She lost it the day of the shooting. She had to get a new one, and they gave her a new number."

"Can you please ask her to call me at this number? I'd come back there right now if I could, but I'm stuck here for a while. They have me under guard until the takedown, and I'll be in the hospital at least another week anyway."

"Sure, I'll tell her. I know she'll be relieved to hear that you're doing okay." There was something he wasn't telling me, and we both knew it. He was a cop and I had been a cop, and you don't bullshit cops. But I decided to wait and see if she called me first. If not, then I'd call Charlie back and get to the bottom of this.

"Thanks, Charlie. I'll talk to you again soon."

"Sure, Edward. Bye now."

Over the next few days, they reduced the pain meds I was on and I could think more clearly, so I began pondering what I would do now. My first priority was to talk to Bella. Any decisions I made from this point forward needed to involve her. I had loved Tanya, but it was nothing like what I felt for Bella—even if Tanya had been here, I would have chosen Bella to spend my life with in a heartbeat.

I was confused and a little hurt that Bella hadn't called me yet. Now that I knew she was all right, I just couldn't imagine why she wouldn't call. Up until the shooting, everything had been wonderful between us, and I didn't understand what could have changed. Was she angry with me for what had happened? It was my fault that she'd ended up in danger, and I was angry with myself over it, but that didn't seem like the reaction she would have. Had she found out something about me that changed her mind about things? Considering that she had accepted and loved me even after I had convinced both of us that I'd been a drug dealer, I seriously doubted that anything could have changed her mind. So what the hell was going on, then? I was beyond frustrated that there was nothing I could do to contact her without involving the Bureau, but stuck in the hospital as I was, I really didn't have any options until I was discharged and could go back to Forks myself.

As for the rest of it, I thought long and hard, and by the time I was ready to leave the hospital, I had made some tentative decisions.

The day before I was discharged, Garrett came to see me.

"Well, today was the big day. This morning, we arrested Aro and Marcus at their office, while teams were raiding their operations in Hyde Park and Armour Square. I had the pleasure of collaring Felix myself. I said hi for you—I think it was a memorable encounter for both of us."

I chuckled. "You didn't get yourself in trouble, did you?"

"No, of course not," he replied, grinning at me. "But honestly, given the way the whole unit feels about what happened to you, I would have had to almost kill him for anyone to raise an eyebrow."

"I'm just glad it's over, or at least mostly so," I said, sighing heavily. "At least Tanya's effort wasn't in vain and her killer will get what's coming to him."

"So, how are you?" he asked, sitting down in the chair beside me.

"The wounds in my shoulder are healing, and the pain is decreasing a bit, but I'm still having pretty bad headaches from the concussion. The doctors told me they would stop eventually; I just have to give it time."

"When do you get out of here?"

"Tomorrow, hopefully. Then I guess I'll be at my parents' place for a few days."

"What will you do then?"

I looked at him thoughtfully, knowing that what I was about to say wasn't going to please him, but I knew it was the right decision, at least for now. "As soon as I can, I'm going back to Forks. I fell in love with someone while I was there, and the rest of my decisions need to involve her."

"Bella," he stated. It wasn't a question.

"Yes. How did you know?"

"I went up there before your dad to verify that it was actually you, remember? I saw you at the hospital when they had you in a coma, and I met Bella there. She never said that you two were involved. Have you talked to her since you came back to Chicago?"

I frowned as I thought about it. Why wouldn't she have told Garrett about us? Did she really not want to be with me anymore? "No, I haven't, which is why I have to go up there. I've tried to get ahold of her, but I haven't been able to, and this really needs to be done in person anyway. I owe it to her to tell her about myself. I don't know why she didn't tell you about us… I know my feelings haven't changed, and I hope to God I find out that hers haven't either."

"What about the Bureau?" he asked, not meeting my eyes.

"I'm taking a leave of absence," I replied. "I need time to heal and to figure out what I want to do now. A lot of things…have changed for me over the past few months. I may remember who I used to be, but I'm not exactly that person anymore. I don't want the same things out of life that I did when I went to Seattle last spring."

"You're not coming back," he said slowly, and I could see the sadness in his eyes.

"I'm not completely sure yet, but no, I don't think so," I replied, looking down at my injured arm.

"But why? There's no reason that once you're better, you couldn't go right back to where you were, or to a different Division, if you wanted. Heaven knows you'd have your choice after everything that's happened."

I took a deep breath and exhaled heavily. "There are a lot of reasons. Physically, I don't know if I'll even be able to do field work, and you know I'm not cut out to be a desk jockey. My shoulder is healing, but I still don't have feeling below my elbow, and the doctors don't know when, if ever, I'll be able to use my left hand again."

"Oh shit, Ed, when did you find that out? Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded, the frustration and anger in his voice evident.

"I've just been finding out over the last few days when they've been asking me to try to move my arm. I haven't told anyone yet, not even my family. The sensation may come back over time, or I might have to have surgery—they just don't know yet. The point is, it's going to be a long road.

"But that's not the only reason. I almost lost everything six months ago, and I'm not willing to put myself in that position again. When you and I got into this, we were brash and arrogant, out to get the bad guys and nothing could hurt us. Well, that's not true. Not any of it. I know what I have to lose now, and I know that not everyone who commits a crime is a criminal. What I have with Bella is too important to me to risk my life like that, and I want to try to help people, rather than putting them in jail. I know you're probably not going to understand this—hell, I know I wouldn't if our positions were reversed—but I can't go back."

"Did you tell Littman?"

"Yes. He wasn't happy, of course, but he understood my reasons."

"I do, too," Garrett said, putting his hand on my arm. I raised my eyebrows at him, and he smirked. "Well, sort of. You went through hell these last six months. There's no way that it wouldn't have affected you, and if it's changed the way you look at life, well then, it has. I don't know how I would feel, because I can't imagine being in your place, but I do know that I'll miss my best friend."

"I'll miss you too, man. But I don't know that I'll stay in Forks forever. I just don't want to be here when the trials are going on. I'll come back to testify, but you know the press would be all over me after what happened, and I want to try to put it behind me."

"I totally understand that. It's going to be a damn circus around here for the next few months," he agreed.

I sighed. "Honestly, I don't know what I want right now. Hopefully in a few months, I'll be able to sort it out. Before Demetri found me, I had decided to go back to school for counseling—so I could try to help people who get mixed up in drugs and alcohol. I think I might still want to do that."

"That sounds like a very good idea and one that would keep you out of the line of fire while still keeping you in the system. God knows you saw more action in the last six months than most of the guys will in a career."

I nodded, but I couldn't bring myself to say that I wished it hadn't happened—it had brought me Bella and helped me to realize some important things about my life and myself.

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The next day, I was discharged and went to stay with my parents, since I was still pretty heavily medicated and needed help and rest. I was content there for a few days, but on the fourth day, I raised the issue of going back to Forks.

"Oh, honey, we just got you back! And you haven't even heard from her," my mother reasoned, trying to dissuade me from going.

"That's exactly why I have to go, Mom," I explained. "It makes no sense that I haven't heard from her, given the way things were before the shooting, and I have to find out why. I love her, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and I need to tell her that." I paused, taking a deep breath before voicing my darkest fear.

"And if something that happened has changed her mind about the way she feels about me, I need her to tell me to my face. I deserve that much, and the chance to try to change her mind. And…if things really have changed for her, I owe her an explanation of who I am at the very least, and my gratitude for all she did for me." I struggled over the last few words, because I knew that she was the only reason the last six months had been bearable, and honestly, the last two months had been fantastic. I just couldn't stand the thought of trying to thank her for that and then walking away.

My mother's eyes softened. "She really is the one, isn't she?"

"Yes, Mom, she really is. I can't imagine my life without her. I have to do this."

"But what about your shoulder and your hand? You're nowhere near recovered yet," my dad pointed out.

"I can take care of everything up there. They are the ones that performed my surgery to begin with, and I'm quite familiar with the PT staff," I said, grinning. "They did a great job getting me back on my feet again over the summer. Dad, I know you're worried, but I have to do this."

"And if things don't work out?" my dad pressed.

"If I'm not with her, then I'll come back here. But I hope it doesn't come to that. And even if she and I are together, that doesn't necessarily mean we'll stay in Forks forever. We need to make those decisions together."

In the end, they agreed with my decision, and a few days later, I boarded a plane for Seattle.

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A/N: He's going back to Forks, to get to the bottom of why Bella hasn't tried to reach him! Are you excited to see what happens? The next chapter will be the last one, but an epilogue will follow. There might be a few days until the next post…I've never been happy with Chapter 25, I've already re-written it twice, and now something has come up in the reviews that has made me ponder yet another rewrite. I need to sit down and think this through, so I give you the best ending that I can.

Also, anybody interested in outtakes? I have two written, which are things that happened in my head that didn't advance the plot, so they're not in the body of the story. Both are set in the epilogue, so I can't really say what they're about yet. Should I post them after the epilogue?