Facing Your Own Mortality

by Starsinger

They're allowed back on the Enterprise, and Kirk faces the place where he died. Don't own them.

When asked, Jim told most people that he didn't remember dying. He didn't remember anything after entering the warp core until he awoke in the hospital. That was a lie. He confessed to Uhura, Scotty, McCoy and Spock that remembered everything until he did die. The pain, the suffocation as his lungs slowly filled with fluid, he nerves feeling like they were on fire. Spock had been his anchor, that day, his presence had provided him some comfort as his life slipped away.

It was with that in mind that Jim faced the Engine Room doors one more time. Sam, McCoy, Sulu, Spock and Uhura stood beside him, Scotty and Chekov were already inside. McCoy squeezed his shoulder, "You don't have to do this, you know."

"Yes, I do," Kirk whispered. They all watched as Jim squared his shoulders and entered the room. The quiet hum of the engines was in stark contrast with the last time he'd been here. The desperate clawing attempt to restart the engines. He took deep, steadying breaths as he continued deeper into the room, toward the door. He stopped before he reached it. He saw the chair where he had set Scotty after literally knocking him out. His breathing quickened. Sam put his arm around Jim, letting him know in a very tangible way that he wasn't alone.

Scotty and Keenser popped out of the door as Chekov rounded the corner. Scotty didn't smile he just nodded his head, "Welcome Captain, here to inspect Engineerin' are ye?" Kirk nodded his head as he put his hand above the open door. It wouldn't be open if Scotty thought it was dangerous. He remembered how many times the Engineer had said he'd been up in the warp core tinkering before Khan came into the picture. He stooped his long frame inside the door and entered the warp core room. Sam, McCoy and Spock followed. He retraced his steps up the service tunnel and onto the platform, looking up at the conduits and the quietly humming warp core above.

"Dear God, Jim, you managed that climb with all that poison pouring into you?" McCoy murmured. Jim nodded.

"Jim, how did you get the core back on line?" Spock asked.

"I jumped up and grabbed those pipes," Jim said pointing above them. "Then I just swung my legs forward, using my body weight to try to kick the two components together. I was getting so weak by the time I finally succeeded. The realignment blew me out of my perch and onto the floor below." He looked down, it was an awfully long way down. "When I came to I crawled over to the door, and the rest you know."

McCoy closed his eyes. Sheer determination was all that could have gotten Jim through all that. His body had to have been weakening beyond hope when he started that desperate jump and kick that restarted the Enterprise's engines. Sam shook his head, he knew that had to have been a terribly painful way to die. Pictures he had seen of Jim afterwards confirmed it. His brother's face hadn't been at peace, every line in his face spoke of horrible agony. They watched as Jim squared his shoulders once more, he faced everything that happened again, and was still Jim. This time, he walked away.

They exited the warp core and went to the bridge. Sam was in awe, this was where it all happened. Jim went over to the center seat, and he put his hand on it in wonder. They all turned to watch their Captain. He gave a half smile before walking to the front and sitting down with a sigh. Sam watched in wonder as they all went to their stations checking out what was new, and what needed some rearranging. Sam walked over, "You look good in the Captain's chair, little brother."

Jim smiled affectionately at Sam, "Well, let's see if they changed anything about this chair that I need to know about." Nothing substantial was new. It was as familiar as an old friend. Sulu and Chekov turned away from studying their Captain and started going through their helms. Sam watched as several people, Jim included, made notes on their PADDs. Jim looked up, "Come on, let's go down to the observation deck. I'm feeling peckish."

McCoy turned in absolute amazement at Jim's turn of phrase. That was tantamount to announcing he was starving. Sam followed his brother into the turbolift. He watched him receive and absently return salutes as they got off the turbolift and walked into the observation deck. Replicators were in use and Jim and Sam ordered their own food. After a few minutes of companionable eating, Sam finally broached the subject that was on his mind, especially watching Jim eat, "So, you're JT."

"Yeah," Jim responded. "Remember that day you ran away from home and I drove past you in Dad's old car?" Sam nodded. "I drove that car off the cliff and was arrested. Mom was called back to Iowa to deal with me. She was at a loss to do so, and Aunt Beatrice and Uncle Larry wanted me to come stay with them, so I did." Jim went into the story, pausing at intervals to eat. Time and distance had helped deaden the pain associated with the event. Kodos' jail sentence helped lessen the fear.

Sam shook his head, unable to fathom what Jim had gone through. "Jimmy, you know you'll never be forced to go through that again."

Jim nodded his head, "Life as a Starship Captain is a difficult one, Sam. We don't know what will happen. Now, tell me about this Aurelan, what is she like?" Aurelan was another Petty Officer that Sam had encountered in Geneva. It wasn't love at first sight, but they were growing close as Jim and Carol were also growing close.

After the inspection was over they returned to San Francisco. It was still a few more weeks until they started that mission, and they all had things to do. Wills to make out in case the worst happened, and family and friends to contact one last time. The challenge that lay ahead was one they were all looking forward to.

Aurelan was the name of Sam's wife and the mother of his son, Peter. Interestingly enough, the first person to be cast as Sam Kirk was William Shatner, who did so as the role of Sam's dead body as it lay down face first in the episode "Operation: Annihilate!" Peter was the only one of that family who survived. Sadly, I'm running out of ideas for this story, so it'll probably end soon, which is as it should be. Don't boo and hiss at me please! lol