You and Me: Chapter 25
"And me"

I watched my tear drop onto the leather, and scolded myself. This is ridiculous. I just don't cry. But damn Bella and her damn leaving and leaving me with the damn responsibility to tell them. I guess I could understand why she chose me though. Jasper and I were probably the most qualified to do what she wanted me to do, but Jasper wouldn't have let her go.

So why did I?

I was realistic and the least obtuse. None of my family members would want to admit that maybe Bella needed to go somewhere else to get a hold of herself because the Cullens are always trying to fix people. And it didn't mean I loved Bella any less than they did because to be quite honest, and I hated to admit it, I thought of her like I thought of Alice. She was a sister, and sisters looked out for one another. It has always been that way.

And as I drove home from Axe Records I almost chuckled at how odd this was. Both Tanya and Bella, both broken in some sense, had to leave. I just didn't know if we'll all bounce back this time. I glanced at the two envelopes poking out of my purse, and plucked them out. I pulled onto the shoulder of the road, and began to open the first one. I knew I was invading their privacy, but right now I didn't care. Bella had been so vague in her explanation for leaving that I didn't even know why she left. And I think I deserved an explanation.

The first letter was Alice's. I took a deep breath as I began to read, Bella's hand writing was normally more than legible, but now as I read it looked half chicken scratch. Small rings appeared around smudged ink, and I knew that she'd been crying.

Dear Alice,

You don't know how hard this is for me to write this, and I'm positive that you probably don't care because you're angry with me. And I wish that I could be next to you explaining myself instead of this cowardly letter, but I just can't. I really can't.

When I came to Hollywood, I was open to starting a new life and a new career and a new everything. I was intent on leaving my past behind and pretending that it didn't exist. But I'm realizing now that your past comes back, literally.

And to say that I was miserable the whole time I was there would be lying. Alice, you've helped me heal so much. You and the Cullens are unbelievable…after Tanya and all you've been through you still had enough heart to accept me while I was messy and broken –no questions asked. And the first night when you still didn't even know me you helped me and trusted me with your family. It takes someone so strong to do that, and it hurts to admit that I'm not that strong.

Which is why I gave this letter to Rosalie…I knew from the start that Rosalie was a hard headed, strong-willed and determined woman. And she knows what has to be done even if it hurts her in the process. And even though she hardly admitted it (and when she did she always looked pained) she loves me. She knows that as long as I'm in Hollywood, I can't get better. Even with your help.

So don't be mad at her because she was only doing the last thing she could do to help me. Tell her I love her for me, please?

I also need you to tell Jasper and Emmett how much I'm going to miss them. It's not that I didn't want to write a letter to them, but I don't think I can make it through five letters. They've both cheered me up so much and fallen into the place of being big brothers for me so well I think we were separated at birth. They showed me that it's fun to laugh at yourself, and other people, sometimes. And that there really are people out there who live for music like I do…whenever I played music with them I felt alive.

Before I close this letter, I just have to explain something else.

Remember the night we had that colossal fight about…about cutting? I'm starting to realize that it wasn't so much the thought of you talking behind my back so much as the fear of you realizing you couldn't accept me. I wanted so badly to start over, to begin a new life with your family that I was willing to hide any part of me, every scarred part of me. But you proved me so wrong Alice.

I'm not going to call this a goodbye because that would imply I'm not going to see you again. So I'm just going to say 'ta ta' for now. I really do love you Alice, and I'm sorry for this abrupt leaving.

Thank you for accepting me,

~Bella.

I pushed the newly tear stained letter back into its envelope and hesitated with Edward's in my hand. For some reason I knew that I couldn't read his. Firstly because I was currently a mess, and secondly because I knew Bella had feelings for Edward, and whatever she wrote would be too personal (and probably awkward) for me.

After pulling back onto the road I drove to Edward's house where we were all meeting. I made sure that I bought Auden a new toy to occupy him while we talked about Bella's departure. I didn't even want to think about how her leaving would affect him. It would probably leave me upset with her.

I reached his house in five minutes but only entered when I was ready. All their cars were there and stationed and I knew they must be wondering what was going on. Maybe they were catching on, I hoped, since none of them had seen Bella this morning.

I was hit with another wave of sadness when I stepped through the door and didn't smell Bella's regular cooking. Though oddly enough, for once, I didn't feel like drinking coffee. If I even sipped at the hot brew I'd probably end up sick.

"Rose," Emmett met me at the hallway, "Were you crying? What happened?"

"Come on," I wrapped half of his large hand with mine, "We all need to talk."

"Where's Bella," he asked as we entered the family room, "We all thought she was with you."

Well she was,

"Hey Auden," I smiled at the little boy. He was occupied with one of his toy buses. For a moment I wished I was him, innocent and unaware, "Look who got you a new rocket ship!"

His eyes widened to the size of saucers, "Aunty Rosie!"

"Why don't you take it to your play room and try it out," I gave it to him. I didn't even mind that he forgot to thank me as he ran off with his new item.

"This has got to be bad," Jasper said, "We haven't had to divert Auden for a while."

"Emmett, sit down," I told him.

"Rose, please tell us what happened," he groaned, "it is killing me."

"What I'm about to say is going to be difficult for us all, so I'm really sorry," I warned them, "Bella left."

The room was silent to a point where it became suffocating. I passed a hand through my hair just to have some sort of movement in the room. Everyone's faces had a different expression on it. Alice's mouth hung open, Jasper looked stony and Emmett looked confused. Edward? Edward just looked sick.

"Why," Emmett finally asked.

"She needed to get better," I told him, "and she couldn't do that here."

"But she was doing so much better," Jasper said. It wasn't often that I saw my brother flustered, but today was one of those days, "I didn't know…"

"So she just left without saying goodbye," Emmett says, "That doesn't seem like Bella."

"Something must have happened," Alice shook her head, "I mean something must have caused her to want to leave. She was getting better. Did she say anything to you Rose?"

I shook my head, "Hardly. But if you had seen her…she was a mess. She left you and Edward a letter." I handed it to the both of them.

"Wait you let her go," Edward said, "you just let her leave."

"You didn't see her," I told him, "She needed to go."

"If someone's in an emotional state you don't just let them drive off to the airport,' he barked.

"Yah well where were you when she was crying and bawling her eyes out," I retorted.

"Sleeping," he answered.

"Ha," I let out a humorless laugh, "Were you?"

Edward met my gaze in a challenge, his stark green ones in a dance with my icy blue ones. But I'd be damned if I wavered. Somehow I knew that Edward played a part in Bella's departure and my theory was further proved by the glint in his eye. The small glint that showed he wasn't as confident as he appeared. I knew Edward knew that I could see it because I'm a blood hound for that kind of stuff. And when his eyes broke the stare for a millisecond, I knew that I had sniffed well.

"Oh God," Alice squeaked, "It's you."

"What?" I said.

"Edward," she said, "What happened last night?"

"What do you mean," he asked, but even I could see, clear on his face that he knew.

"What happened between you and Bella last night," Alice demanded.

"We may have had a fight," he said, "but it wasn't big enough to warrant her leaving. I mean Bella and I have fights all the time."

"What was the fight about," she pressed.

"None of your business, Alice,"

"It's our business if our family member is gone," Jasper said, "and don't speak to her like that, Edward."

"Auden wanted to know if he could call Bella 'mommy.' I kind of flipped and told her that she was not Auden's mother," Edward said.

"And she got upset," Jasper asked.

"Over the way that I said it," Edward clarified, "But all she did was call me a dick."

"Good," I snorted, "I should do that more often."

Edward shot me a glare. "That's all she said," Emmett questioned.

"Well the phone rang so that's all she really could say," He shrugged, "But then…she dropped the phone and she ran outside yelling at the guard to let someone in."

"Who was it," I asked.

"I don't even know, some boy," I almost laughed at the tone in Edward's voice. He was jealous, "and she was crying and hugging and kissing him like she hadn't seen him in forever. Then she took him inside and they were talking for more than an hour. I couldn't even ask her about him because as soon as he left she was going over to Mike's house."

"Then," Alice said, "Go on."

"When she came back…she looked empty. It was kind of creepy the way she was staring blankly," Edward hesitated, "And then she kissed me."

OK, even I had to gasp at that one.

"And what did you do," Alice raised a brow.

Edward placed his head in his hand and pulled at his hair, "I kissed her back. And she told me she loved me…as more than a friend."

"Edward, please tell me you did," Alice begged, "please tell me you told her you love her back."

Edward shook his head, "I don't."

At those two words, Alice got up and stormed out of the room. I was now more confused than before as to what had happened. But by the looks of Alice's face she knew exactly what had. And as Edward raced out of the house I was starting to think that maybe it really was Edward who had caused Bella to leave.

Alice's Point of View

"Alice!" Edward ran after to me. He cut in front of me and slammed the car door that I was about to crawl through. I didn't want to hear anything he would say. I knew this would happen. I knew that they were both too imperceptive to catch this in time. But no, Alice is brash, Alice is too hopeful, Alice has no boundaries.

"Don't talk to me," I yelled at him.

"What is wrong with you," he yelled back.

"No it's what's wrong with you," I stepped closer to him, "After losing Tanya you're really going to let Bella go?"

"Why can't you believe me that I don't love her?" Edward said, "Why is it that I have to force myself to feel something for her to make you happy."

"It's not to make me happy," I told him, "It's to make you happy. That's all I've cared about Edward, is you and Bella's happiness. And you seem to be fine with faking your feelings for Victoria."

"What the hell are you talking about," his voice was low.

"I'm talking about how you don't like Victoria, but you insist on dating her," I said, "Everything about her is wrong for you."

"To you," Edward said, "She's exactly what I need."

"She might be exactly what you need, but she's not what you want," I scoffed, "Bella is both."

"Stop trying to force me to pick Bella, Alice. This is ridiculous."

"What's ridiculous is how much you're fooling yourself," I tried to get into the car, "Move, Edward."

"No," he said, "I'm not letting you leave being mad at me for something that isn't my fault."

"How is it not your fault?" I asked, "She left because you misguided her into thinking you love her and then told her you didn't."

"I misguided her?" Edward scoffed this time, "I made it clear to her before that I didn't have feelings for her."

"So why did you kiss her back," I questioned.

As soon as the words left my lips realization dawned on me. I knew that Bella loved Edward, and I knew that Edward loved Bella, but the reason as to why he denied it was always lost to me. But now as I posed the question, what we had just said in our conversation spurred an epiphany. Victoria is what he needs…but not what he wants. And for once I felt an overwhelming sense of pity and sympathy for Edward, but at the same time my anger was still being fueled by the fact this could have all been avoided. Now that I knew the answer to the question, and Edward seemed not to I was more than happy to tell him.

"I'll tell you why you kissed her Edward. It's because you love her,"

"Alice-"

"No listen to me," I interrupted, "You love her and you're scared of it. You've never loved a woman as much as you've loved Bella –not even Tanya. And you couldn't admit it because you're scared that when you do and she leaves for good you won't be able to find anyone else like her. Which sure backfired this time Edward because now she really left and you're not going to find someone who makes you happy like Bella does. Someone who loves your child like Bella does and is willing to drop everything to come to you.

Three times, Edward, she gave you a chance. And you denied it knowing that you are in love with her. And you're hiding under the guise of loving Victoria, but you don't. You love that Victoria is safe, Victoria is stable, and as long as you play your cards right she'll be there for as long as you want her. But you know what Edward, reality is going to come and bitch slap you in the face in a few days because you never know what you've got until it's gone."

I pushed Edward's stunned body aside and climbed into my car without looking back. As far as I was concerned I felt bad for him, but I wanted nothing to do with Edward until he brought Bella back.

Bella's Point of View

A hand shook at my shoulder bringing me to, "Bells?"

I looked up to see the black hair and cinnamon skin, my heart jumped, "Jacob?"

"No," he chuckled, "It's still Seth. We're here."

I sat up out of his lap, and stretched.

I looked around at the jagged faces of rock staring at me. They stretched their hands into the grey sky and their necks descended under the crashing black waves. Compared to the sunny state of California, everything in Washington was dismal and dreary. Not even the beach at the reservation seemed inviting.

"Thanks for picking me up;" I said to Seth, "I really appreciate it."

"Anything for family," he smiled, "I'll get your bags out of the trunk."

I nodded, "Thanks."

As we carried my luggage to the house my heart began to pound. I hadn't been in the Black's house since before Jacob's death, and now I was expected to stay in his room. I know I could ask to stay with Seth, but the whole reason for me coming here was to take care of Billy.

"Billy is going to be so surprised to see you," Seth bounced up the steps, "You might just give him a heart attack."

I stopped walking, "You're joking right?"

He rolled his eyes, "Come on, Bella."

I held my breath as we stepped inside the cabin. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was. Granted I felt a heavy sense of nostalgia, but the memories that trickled back didn't leave me crippled on the ground.

I glanced around at the logged walls as musty windows. It looked like the place hadn't been cleaned in months, and the overwhelming smell of stale beer and cigarettes had me taking shallow breaths. I looked for the man who was meant to be living in this mess, but it took me a while to find his wheelchair amongst the clutter. Like the deteriorating walls and appliances around him, he was sitting and just being.

Rusty and unkempt he was in his chair watching the TV as if his life depended on it. He didn't flinch as the door clanged shut, and the only indication that he was even lucid was the repeated motion of him bringing the beer can to his lips.

"Hey Billy, look what the cat dragged in," Seth poked fun.

Billy grumbled as he kept his face to the TV. He swung back a can of beer, the exact type Charlie used to drink.

"You know Billy you shouldn't drink so much beer," I said, "Not good for the heart."

Billy's head swung around, "Bella?"

"The one and only," I smiled as I went over to him. I leaned down and enveloped him in a hug. I took in his scent which thankfully was not the same as Jacobs. It was instead the aged smell of a cigar and spices, something I'd imagine a grandfather to smell like.

"I've missed you," he said as he patted my hair, "Let me look at you."

I took a step back, and let him see the changes he'd missed over the past year. I know it was a horrible thing to do, but I dropped contact with the Black's and Clearwater's ever since Jacob's death. I already couldn't bare my own grief, but to see the grief of others? Surely I would have died that much sooner. So I stopped returning calls, stopped visiting, and erased numbers from my cell phone. I hoped that with my disconnection to my other family, I could disconnect myself from the pain. Look how that turned out.

"You're the spitting image of Charlie," he said.

What, "People always say I look like Renee."

"You just got her purty hair," Billy smiled softly, "But your face is all his."

"So what part of me is Bella," I laughed.

"Everything on the inside," he told me. "Seth, leave, so I can catch up with your sister."

I blushed at the title, I didn't really deserve it.

"Why are you blushing," Billy asked.

"I, um, I mean I feel kind of undeserved of the title," I admitted, "I haven't been here for a while."

"Psh, of course you're family Bells," Seth chuckled, "Plus, you deflowered his son it doesn't get more close than that."

"Seth," Billy warned.

"See ya for dinner Bella," he called as he left.

"God Bless Jenny," Billy whistled, "As for you young lady, why on earth would you be undeserved of the title?"

"I stopped talking to you guys," I said, "It was a horrid thing to do…but I ignored you."

"We all went through a hard time with…" he cleared his throat, "Jakes death."

"How are you doing," I picked up his wrinkling hand, "Seth says you've been having it really hard."

"Well it's never going to be easy," he shrugged, "but I'm working on it. Do you want a drink?"

"I can go get it myself," I said, "You haven't changed anything around have you?"

Billy eyed my skeptically, "Do you think I changed anything around?"

"You're such a sour puss," I laughed, "Want anything? I can put some tea on for you."

"Nah I'll take a beer," he answered.

I glared, "Tea it is."

Inside the kitchen I navigated myself perfectly as if I'd never left. I pulled cups from out of their cabinets, and set the iron kettle on the stove to boil. While I poured myself out some juice I spotted a picture on the counter. I put down the carton to go and look at it.

It was Jacob, grinning in all of his glory. My fingers brushed at the glass plate separating me from the actual picture. I set the juice down as the tears brimmed over my eyes. I took in his black hair and cinnamon skin, bright eyes and perfectly white, straight teeth, and realized just how much Seth looked like him. It was still unbelievable.

"I miss you so much," I whispered to the picture. But no matter how many times I whispered it he wouldn't hear me.

"So you're really back," a sharp voice came from behind me.

I turned around, surprised at another presence in the room, "Leah."

"You have a lot of nerve coming back here," she strode up to me, "So what happened, Hollywood turned you down? Or were they not paying enough?"

"Really Leah," I snorted, after everything I'd been through I was not taking this.

"Yes, really," she nodded, "what makes you think you're welcome here?"

"By the way your brother was asking me to come back I thought that was an invite," I replied.

"Well it wasn't," she spat, "So pack up your things and get the hell out."

"As much as you like to think it does, the world doesn't revolve around you Leah. If Billy wants me here I'll stay," I told her.

"You're just hurting him," she responded, "Because when you finally do leave he'll be crushed."

"Billy has to know I'm not staying here forever," I said, "I'm just leaving on better terms this time."

"You mean you can leave with a better conscience," Leah scoffed.

"What is wrong with you," I asked.

"You are, bitch," she seethed, "Get out of this house. And put…put his picture down."

I glanced at Jacob's clenched picture in my hand and realized with a saddened heart why Leah was worse than normal.

"You loved him too," I said.

"Get out, Bella," Leah commanded.

I put down the picture, and did something that I didn't expect myself to do. I pulled Leah to me and wrapped my arms around her torso. She fought at first, but eventually returned the hug, releasing her tears and anguish in my arms. I realized that Leah, like me, had not grieved properly for our losses. So for her sake and mine, I hoped that while I was here we would begin to heal.

Thanks for reading!

~Christie Hart