A/N: OMG, I'm so embarrassed this chapter took so long. Edward's POV is soooo difficult to write. And the big writer's block sitting in front of me didn't really help, either. I guess taking holidays was a bad idea for my brain. My IQ must have dropped as fast as my writing skills ;-).
Thanks for sticking with me. I'm still writing on several other chapters, and I hope to treat you soon by uploading two chapters at once. For know, you must be happy with this chapter which is at least a bit longer than usual.
I still don't own Twilight *sniff*. Loved Eclipse*yay*.
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A/N: Please notice the different timelines. Bella is still ahead one day.
Recently in After Dark: EmPOV
"Alice! Why… He can't just run away again. He has to fix this!"
"He's not running away. He just has to… see for himself."
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Chapter 25 – Facing Reality Part 1 – EPOV
What was I doing here, hiding myself in the shadows in Bella's neighbourhood? Had I really let my family convince me that it was okay to worm our way back into Bella's life? That she needed our help? That Charlie needed our help, too?
This was stupid. Bella was strong. She could get out of her problems all by herself. We shouldn't interfere. I shouldn't interfere. It would only make it worse. And it was utterly stupid to think that she even wanted my help. She had to hate me by now. And I didn't even want to think about what Charlie would do to me if he ever caught a glimpse of my pathetic figure. I was pretty sure even with his injured shoulder he would just pull the trigger on his gun without thinking about possible consequences.
I felt so torn. I knew I had almost caused my family to break apart. They had been fighting because of me. They had been hurting so bad they had felt the need to took off every now and then. Unlike me, they finally deserved some happiness. It wasn't their fault I had been a fool.
I had had my only chance at pure happiness right there in my hand – the happiness most people search their entire life for, the happiness I had been chasing for a hundred years. And I hadn't just let it slip from my grasp, no, I had made a fist and crushed it to death. And now I had let them talk me into making it worse by stomping over the broken pieces.
It wasn't their fault. And it wasn't as if I hadn't been warned about getting involved with Bella. I just should have listened to Rosalie and save them all this pain. But I didn't listen. For the first time I had let myself being ruled by my emotions instead of rationality. And as a result Bella had been the one paying the price. I had let her get hurt – no, almost killed – by James. The attack had not only brought her pain for weeks, but also nightmares. And instead of leaving – what had been the right thing to do – I had stayed, weak and pathetic as I am. I had even promised to stay as long as she needed me. And then I had let her get attacked by my own brother. I hadn't even been able to sit with her and hold her hand while Carlisle had been stitching her up. And then I had left anyway, not before forcing my family to leave, too. I hadn't even allowed Alice to say goodbye. I had promised Bella not to come back. I had promised it would be as if I never existed. And now, I was coming back to meddle with her life, again? Putting her in danger, again? Dragging my family in, again? For being a stoic, unchanging vampire I was anything but constant. At least, there was some consistency: I never seemed to learn from my mistakes.
Why had I come here? What had I expected to find? Was I really thinking that Emmett had been wrong or lied to me? And what would I do if Emmett had been right? I had promised not to interfere, and I had no right to interfere, but I already knew that I wouldn't be able to turn my back on the disaster I had created.
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My body seemed frozen. I couldn't bring myself to move. Was I really convinced I was doing the wrong thing here or was I only scared? I didn't know what I was feeling. I sighed, staring at the building in front of me.
During the last three years, my existence had been filled with a rather limited range of emotions: unbearable, excruciating pain, catatonic numbness and severe self-loathing. Sometimes they mixed up, sometimes they stood out alone, but since that awful day in the woods it was always these emotions that flowed through my system. So for Jasper, being near me was always pure torture. But for me, it wasn't so bad feeling this way. These emotions were predictable and therefore safe. And I deserved feeling like that anyway.
Now, I felt emotions I had forgotten and buried a long time ago and I didn't handle the resurfacing well. There was frustration and happiness and nervousness and anger and joy and pain and anxiety and some feelings I didn't even know how to name. I was totally confused.
This was something I needed to do alone, but somehow I longed for Jaspers assistance to tone my emotions down. I actually didn't know what I would do if I found out that all what Emmett had been telling and showing me was true.
It killed me to know that Bella's life had taken a turn for the worst because of me. I really wanted to help her. But what made me think I even had the right to come near her and to stay in her presence until everything got better again? I was nothing. It was my fault she had suffered all these years. I wasn't even worth to breathe the same air as she did, so what made my family think I had the right to be in her vicinity?
Glimpses of memories I had seen in Emmett's mind flashed through me. The force of it brought me to my knees. Could this really be happening? Was this sad, tired-looking, pale, fragile and skinny girl with shadows under her eyes – which were so dark that even make-up couldn't cover them up – really my beautiful Bella? Had my Bella really quit college after losing her scholarship to work in a dangerous bar downtown? Was my Bella so miserable she had to drink at work and stash hundreds of pills at home? Had Bella really turned her back on her family and her friends? Did she really have nightmares every night?
It couldn't be. This must be a mistake, a simple misunderstanding. And there was still the possibility that this was some sick plan to lure me here.
I cringed in agony as other memories replayed in my head. It was my own fault. I had begged him to show me everything. Now I wished he never did. Deep down, I knew Emmett would never make up something like this. My Bella was suffering and it was entirely my fault. She had been drinking and using drugs regularly and maybe had damaged some organs in her body or even her brain irreparably. She was in danger of being convicted and ruining her future or even to kill herself accidently by mixing the wrong pills.
This was definitely not the human experience I had wanted her to have.
I had to check if Emmett had been telling the truth. If he did, I had the final proof I was nothing more than a mean, vicious monster after all. It didn't matter I had been a vegetarian the last years. It didn't matter I had respected the treaty and not turned anyone. It didn't matter. I had destroyed a human life after all.
I made my decision then. I would check out Bella's life. I would help her getting better. Then I would buy myself a oneway-ticket to Volterra.
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It was finally getting dark and safe enough to investigate. I scanned the filthy streets for the thirty-seventh time and got angry again. This was a dangerous area. The building looked like it had been built in the early forties. There was almost no original paint left on the walls. There were crude pictures and words sprayed on them instead. Some windows in the ground floor were broken. The group of homeless-looking people hanging out right next to the entrance drinking beer and smoking pot didn't help my mood. Their thoughts were loud and rude.
Her rusty truck with its faded, red paint was parked directly under a street light. It still looked like it was barely being held together by rusted bolts, although a few dents had been taken out and the tires and the windshield seemed new. There was something oddly peaceful and familiar about this picture. It was almost soothing. Like if the truck hadn't changed, Bella wasn't broken and her feelings for me wouldn't have changed, either.
Every time I had parked my car next to Bella's next to Forks High, Rosalie had grimaced at the rusted monstrosity. She felt personally offended by it. I had always laughed about it – until I sat the first time in there. This wasn't about rusting paint offending your eyes. This truck was a death trap.
It was then when I finally had realized what these odd feelings inside me meant. I had this urgent, overwhelming need to protect Bella and I worried about her constantly. We had almost gotten into fights because I had to point out the missing airbags and the lack of safety glass everytime she got into the vehicle. Of course, Bella had only defended the ancient thing, pointing out that it was made of steel and safe as a tank. She said it had been a gift and Charlie and Billy would be offended if she wouldn't drive it. She refused vehemently me buying her a new, safe car or even to drive my Volvo.
I mean… I would have let her drive my car. Not even my family was allowed to drive my cars. I wouldn't have cared about scratches or dents as long as she got out of it unscathed.
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I stood outside of her apartment in the fifth floor, alternating between the wish to break the door down and barrel in and to run away. I inhaled heavily. Her scent was already there, freesia and lavender mingled with a hint of Emmett and a trace of something else I couldn't place. I realized I didn't have a key anyway and had to get my way in through the window like Emmett had the first time.
I went around the building and climbed up the wall, following the heavenly scent. I settled myself on the little steel balcony that served as an emergency exit. The window was slightly open, and I hissed angrily. How dangerous! I inhaled hungrily and sighed. Her scent had changed according to Emmett, but it was still my Bella. I felt still drawn in by it. I missed her so much and I didn't know if I would ever see her again. I needed to be near her, and right now, her scent was the closest thing I had besides Emmett's horrible memories. It tugged at my throat and emitted some venom, but that was just a natural response out of instinct. It didn't awake any thirst, only longing.
And that made me feel guilty as well. I hadn't really come here for her. I had come here for my family and especially for me. I was still hoping to find that all had been a lie and Bella lived a happy life and went to college. Maybe that had been Emmett's plan all along. For me to find out Bella was happier without me so I would finally move on. Or to stay behind to see what amazing woman Bella would turn into. Damn confusing emotions! My plan about visiting the Volturi was already wavering.
Could this really be? I knew that my family had been shocked by the news. Their thoughts and feelings had been sincere. I knew that my family had suffered. I had hurt all of them with my actions of breaking up with Bella, forcing them to leave and then taking off. Especially Esme had been devastated by my absence. But could Emmett and Rosalie really be so desperate to lie to me about something like that so I wouldn't leave the family again?
I sighed. I was scared to get in, scared of what I would see. I was scared of all the memories her scent and her personal stuff would evoke. But here was no other possibility to find out. I had come all the way here, so I should finish it.
I pushed the window further open and squeezed myself in. I felt a pang as I remembered how often I had done that all these years ago to visit her old bedroom in Forks. It hurt to think of these happier times.
There was an odd, faint feline smell, and I got into a defensive crouch. Then I remembered the orange furry thing in Emmett's memories. Bella had a cat, and it comforted me a bit that she didn't live all alone by herself.
I straightened myself and frowned. This room couldn't be Bella's. There weren't any of her belongings I would have recognized. The emptiness of this room shouldn't have surprised me. I had seen this in Emmett's mind, of course. And it was her scent in here. Maybe my girl stayed here frequently. But Bella couldn't be living here. Did this apartment belong to someone else? Maybe a friend who engaged in illegal activities like stashing drugs to sell them later to the rich college kids? Someone who had forced himself and his drugs on her and made her an addict?
The venom in my veins was boiling at that thought. There was no way Bella had just quit college for nothing. Surely there was someone else besides me to blame for all this mess? Someone I could kick around just a little bit? I would rip them limb from limb. I should have never left her. Bella was a danger magnet. Of course she would also attract the vile things not only from the supernatural, but also from the human world. She was so pure and innocent and would try to help anyone that lied to her about needing help. I clenched my teeth together with an audible snap. Focus. Control yourself. Save your anger when you come across the people responsible for this.
I had to calm down first before I stepped further into the room. I didn't want to take out one of the walls by accident while hitting my fist on it.
After a few minutes I was finally able to take a look around. What I found didn't seem encouraging. Bella had always been a bit on the chaotic side and in here, there wasn't anything scattered on the floor or on her desk. It was too tidy for a college student to live here. There were no pictures of relatives and friends. Not even one from Renée or Charlie. There weren't any mementos from her old life. Sure she would miss her parents and the friends she left behind when leaving for college?
There wasn't much furniture. The few pieces were shabby and old and didn't match. Maybe they had come with the apartment, and everything was clean and free of any dust bunnies. But they looked like they belonged to a trash heap. Nothing that my beautiful Bella deserved.
It was the absence of literature that hit me. Reading had always been more than a hobby or a pastime for Bella. It had been a passion. Renée had never been able to fully understand it since she considered reading anything but the newspaper a waste of time. Yet still she had supported Bella's passion, buying tons of books for her daughter and sending them to Forks on every occasion.
There was a cheap bookshelve on a wall. And it was completely empty. There wasn't even a magazine on it. And the tattered copies of her most favorite Austen and Bronte were nowhere to be found. There was no Romeo or Juliet and no other of Shakespeare's works.
Also, there were no flowers, no decorations. There was no personality in here. It was like she didn't exist at all. It was as if I hadn't erased my existence, but she had erased hers. What had I done? I hadn't just broken her heart or spirit. I had failed her. I had killed her.
I clenched my fists in agony.
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The next room was the bathroom. Bella's scent clung to it, but there was also a trace of Rosalie's and Emmett's recent interference. I opened the cabinets under the sink and realized there wasn't much left besides toilet paper, soap and washing powder. They had really been doing a thorough job.
There was a faint scent of strawberries, and I spotted a bottle of strawberry scented shampoo in the darkest corner. It was still unopened and had a light shade of gray dust on it. I had always liked this innocent and pure scent on her hair. It had fit her perfectly. But according to Emmett she had replaced it with green apple and kiwi or other cheap stuff from the local supermarket down the street. She bought whatever was on sale.
I opened the cabinet behind the mirror and checked the contents. It was almost empty. There was a new toothbrush, some make-up and some free samples of shampoo. There was concealer and eyeliner and other stuff Rosalie and Alice liked to use for special occasions. I couldn't remember Bella ever use stuff like that. Even Alice hadn't been successful in her attempts to put some eye-shadow and mascara on Bellas eyes for prom. Not that my Bella had needed any of that. Her skin was flawless and her long lashes dark and perfect. I loved to kiss the freckles on her nose. There was no need to cover anything up.
Another memory from Emmett flooded my mind. The day he had seen Bella working at the bar. He had noted her big, brown eyes that weren't deep anymore, but lifeless. But he had also noted the makeup she had been wearing. Her eyes had been lined with dark eyeliner, and her face had been caked with concealer and foundation. It had looked like she had wanted to hide herself behind a mask. I didn't want Bella to think about needing to hide herself. She was so beautiful.
I went back to Bella's living area and pulled some drawers open. I didn't find much besides black underwear, black socks and a whiff of Rosalie. Looks like they had raided her underwear drawers, too. I opened the small closet and found one pair of dark blue jeans and two pairs of black jeans, black sweaters and t-shirts in dark colors. There was a pair of black converse sneakers. They smelled awful like garbage, beer and vomit.
There were no accessories like belts or purses. The closet didn't even have mirror. Bella's orange backpack was lying in a corner.
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I walked in the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. There wasn't much left in it. Some eggs and some vegetables. I pulled open the cabinets and drawers and found the canned goods, the tea, sugar, pasta and all the other stuff Emmett had bought. He had been worried about her eating habits and I felt grateful my big oath of a brother had noticed it.
Before Bella, we had never been paying much attention what humans liked to eat and what nutritions they needed. And I hadn't realized how often they needed to eat. Bella's grumbling stomach had taught me well they needed calories intake and fluids more often than we did.
From Emmett's memories alone I knew Bella's BMI would be too low. Carlisle would have to check her weight. She needed vitamins and regular meals. We would have to check her eating healthy and regularly from now on.
I was so deep into my musings over Bella's diet I didn't realize soon enough someone was unlocking the door to the appartement and making an attempt to come in. I got some flashes of cat food, an orange furball and could suddenly see Bella's kitchen from a different perspective and me standing in it. When I turned, an elderly lady was already standing in the door, gawking at me. "What are you doing in here?" she croaked. "Trying to steal something?"
"No, Ma'am", I said stupidly, mentally hitting myself on the head. So much for not drawing attention to myself. I was losing my vampire touch. Even big, broad and loud Emmett was less inconspicuous than me nowadays.
"You have no right to be here", she berated me. "Go out before I'm getting my husband. He will drop you out head first."
I could see she was lying. Her heart was racing, she was breathing hard and her face flushed. She was worrying about her husband who was lying in bed, sick and feverish and in no condition to even get up. I could hear him coughing from downstairs. She was anxious and thinking up some other lie. "Isabella's friend will be back soon. If you empty your pockets right now and leave empty-handed, I won't tell him you were here."
I could see Emmett in her mind. She had been really impressed by him. "You must mean my brother Emmett. Big, bulky, dark curly hair? He's still in Port Angeles with Bella. They won't be back for the next few days."
She frowned. "Is everything okay? He said there was some family emergency."
"No and yes. Her father was hurt on duty and will need assistance. I came to get Bella's clothes since she will stay some days with him." I rummaged through her brain. "You're the neighbour from downstairs? Emmett said you will take care of the appartement. I'm Edward, by the way", I introduced myself, remembering my manners. "I'm sorry if I scared you."
"Edward", she acknowledged me, nodding her head, before closing the door and trodding to the kitchen. She opened the cabinet with the cat food. "It's not much work. There are not even plants in need of watering." She filled up the empty bowls under the window with water and cat food. Her movements were jerky, and I noticed she was limping slightly. She seemed to have some problems with her hip. She glanced at the refrigerator and thought of the food that might be still in there. She had planned to make some omeletts for her husband for dinner. But there was nothing in her own fridge.
I walked over to the refrigerator and took the eggs and the vegetables out and put it on the kitchen counter. "I would be very glad if you could take these with you. Since Bella might not come back for the next days or even weeks, it would be a pity to let them expire." I took out one of the plastic bags from the drawer, put the eggs and the vegetables in and handed her the bag, smiling expectantly.
Her blush reminded me of Bella, and I felt my smile getting pained. She took the bag and whispered a thank you. "H-how long", she stuttered, "how long until Isabella comes back?"
She thought of the soon-to-be-empty cat food in the cabinet and how much it would cost. She really needed to buy that cough medicine for her husband.
"We don't know yet", I said, grabbing for my wallet and hoping I still had money in there. I hadn't been needing it over the last months. I took out four crumpled hundred dollar bills and handed them over. Her eyes almost bugged out. She didn't want to take the money, fearing it was some bad joke.
"Please, take it. It's for all your expenses and your time. I know Bella loves this cat. If you ever need to take her to the vet or anything; that gets expensive pretty fast." She took the money hesitantly, wondering mentally why such a nice young woman had to live here if she had such rich friends.
I could hear violent coughing from downstairs. "Are you okay with taking care of the cat and getting new cat food? My brother mentioned your husband being sick lately. I would understand if you don't want to leave him alone."
"Yes, he's not feeling so well at the moment, but it's no problem to check on the cat", she said hastily, fearing I would demand back the money from her and give it to someone else to take care of things. "He just needs some cough medicine and something to take his fever down. I will take him to the doctor tomorrow first thing in the morning."
I knew her husband was sicker than she let me know and she didn't have the possibility to get him to the doctor, but I couldn't point it out to her. "My father's a doctor. He'll write you a prescription so you don't have to haul your sick husband around half the city with you. You can get the medicine directly in the next pharmacy, then."
"But he hasn't seen him. He doesn't even know him", she said, her brows furrowed suspiciously. Forging prescriptions was a current occurency here. Doctors didn't prescribe anything without having seen the patient first. And she couldn't afford to let a doctor come here personally.
"I trust you", I stated. And I did. Her thoughts were pure and honest.
"Thanks", she said.
"Do you know where Bella works? I have to tell her boss that she's not going to be back soon." There was no need that I wanted to go there for another reason. I needed to see where Bella had been working over the last months.
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The place seemed to be a mixture between a restaurant, a pub and a club. My nostrils were assaulted by the smell of tacos, beer, cigarettes, cheap perfume and sweaty humans. It was still early, so the dancefloor wasn't packed with people yet, but there was a group of young girls dancing by themselves and a bunch of male college students celebrating in the back corner with massive amounts of tequila. It looked like some stupid frat boy initiation.
Being at a party like this, with all these warm human bodies pressed against each other, dancing and grinding and sweating and emanating thoughts of lust, makes me even thirstier – at least for about four seconds before all the pictures with me as the main actor start flooding my mind.
It wasn't any different today. As soon as I stepped further into the room, the volume of thoughts and heartbeats doubled and tripled. People gawked at me, started whispering to each other, and I was bombarded with mental images of myself from multiple perspectives, in varying states of undressing. This wasn't something I had missed during my "hiding" phase the last three years. And because of my isolation during the last months it was even worse. My tolerance to large crowds was really low, but I took a deep breath. Might get used to it again anyway.
I approached the counter and was immediately hit by images of a cheap blonde doing disgusting things to me in her mind. I cringed, not used anymore to these nauseating pictures. The thoughts of other women who joined to fantasize about me having sex on the table and the hateful glares and thoughts of their men and boyfriends clouded my mind. If vampires were able to getting migraines, I would have one constantly in places like this.
It would have been easier if I had looked like Emmett. Although girls found his face attractive, his enormous size was enough to scare them off. They found him too intimidating to get near him. Plus most of the time there was a glaring Rosalie beside him. Near them, humans realized faster there was something different about us than they did next to me and kept their distance.
The moment I reached my destination, the redhead sitting on my right jutted her chest out, batted her eyelashes and leaned in. "Hey there, handsome", she slurred with the most nasally voice I ever heard before her head hit the counter top, her fingers still clutching a glass of wodka. I didn't know if I should be happy that my problem had solved itself or merely disgusted about a young woman being so intoxicated before midnight she fell unconscious in the middle of a sentence. Not that the sentence had made much sense in her mind anyway.
Was this a normal weekday? I had already seen the place in Emmett's mind, but I was still shocked to my core. This seemed an inappropriate workplace for my Bella. Why would she serve cocktails to young women every night so they could drink themselves into oblivion? As I looked closely, I estimated the redhead's age around 19 or 20. She was obviously not of legal age, yet still they had allowed her to order alcohol and drink so much of it she had passed out. I sniffed and cringed back. Her blood smelled revolting, even to a thirsty vampire like me.
"Stupid girl", one of the bartenders muttered, slapping the redhead lightly on the cheek. I bet that was Peter again. He's absolutely useless. I hope Isabella is back soon. Hermind was absolutely furious and loud, but my heart soared about her blurred image of my Bella in her mind. I realized this must be the owner of this bar and therefore Bella's boss. At least, she seemed to be a feisty one. She could handle this place for sure. That would keep possible troubles down. "Oi, Peter", she grabbed a young bartender by his collar, dragging him to the unconscious girl. "Didn't I tell you not to give her anymore to drink?"
"She had an ID. I checked", he mumbled stupidly.
"Well, it was a fake one. And even if it wasn't – I don't need customers passed out over my counter", she grumbled. "Get her out of here. I don't need the police investigating or some angry daddy with a shotgun barreling in." She muttered another few expletives while Peter carried the unconscious redhead outside where a taxi was waiting. She cleaned and poured and shouted orders, ignoring me on purpose. I could read in her mind she had had a rough few days and was tired. She was tired of this place and tired of this life. She wanted to get out of here and go back to college.
I wondered what she had been studying and why she had quit. I could see the parallels between her and Bella and wondered if this place had been Bella's future if Emmett hadn't found her. I shuddered at the thought of Bella working in here for the next ten years, surrounded by tobacco and noise and drunk people.
I watched another girl retrieving a mop and a bucket from a closet. Obviously, the frat boy initiation had gone too far. She methodically dunked the mop in the gray, smelling water and cleaned the floor in smooth motions with expertise. She didn't even seem affected by the ugly mess one of the guys had made. I tried to picture the girl as my Bella, but I couldn't. At the same time, I felt ashamed to degrade the people working here. Who knew what their story was.
Maybe they had once been aspiring students. Happy people with no care in the world until they took a wrong turn or life showed its ugly head. Maybe they liked working here. Maybe they were just waiting for another opportunity to open up. Maybe they had been on a road trip and somehow stranded in this city. I got a glimpse of a sleeping baby in the mopping girl's brain. She smiled at the thought of him and I could see she loved him dearly. Who knew who this boy was? A product of an unplanned pregnancy? A little brother she had to take care of? Whatever the relation to him was, there was a reason why she was working here at this time instead of being with him, cuddling and singing him to sleep.
It was my intention to find out what Bella's story was.
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I sat there for another three minutes, still being ignored by Bella's boss, when the crowds started pouring in. Some of them were already drunk, loud and tripping over their own feet, some came here to get smashed as soon as possible. Some others just wanted to sit in here for a while because they were lonely. And others wanted to profit from the cheap beer on Wednesdays.
One of the guys planted his behind at the bar right next to me. He reeked of tobacco and cheap scotch. "Hey, Becca!" he snapped his bandaged fingers at the bartender who ignored him as thoroughly as me. "Where's Bambi? I haven't seen her in a while!" He yelled every word and spit flew out of his mouth. I could see him thinking of my Bella, remembering that last time he had smacked her behind, wallowing in the memories of his friends clapping him on the back.
I was disgusted.
Rebecca seemed disgusted, too. She sighed, putting a large keg of beer in front of him and turning to me. "And what can I bring you?" Her smile seemed pained, and she showed no fear or attraction, only exhaustion. She looked into my dark golden eyes, waiting for my order.
"Some information would be nice", I answered in my most attractive voice.
"Hrmpf", she grumbled, grabbing behind her back and putting a keg in front of me. "Do I look like an information center? Take this", she winked. "It's happy hour." She huffed annoyed and rolled her eyes at the other guy poking her shoulder. "What?"
"I want Bambi", he said, slurring slightly.
"Get the movie, asshole. I already told you last week I don't want to see you in here anymore. And if you ever touch her again, I'll kick your filthy ass back to Nevada", she shook her fist at him. "Was the big guy beating you up the last time not enough for you? If you need some more, I can always call him."
He grabbed his beer and shuffled towards the back corner. I had to hold onto the counter so I wouldn't follow him. I felt the wood splintering under my fingers, itching to make her idle threat at him a reality.
"Are you okay?" she asked me, looking suspiciously at me. "You look kinda pale, you know. I don't want you to pass out before you even had a drink."
"I'm okay. I'm just angry that my brother didn't beat that idiot up for good." I had to focus. I couldn't risk ripping his head off right know. I had other things to do.
"Your brother?" she asked, the image of Emmett immediately popping up in her head. She hmmd, realizing the similarity of our pale skin and our eyes, then started thinking about his muscles and his hair and his- oh, I so didn't want to go there.
"So you're the guy, hah?"
"What guy?"
"Oh, there's always a guy. First there's the overprotective brother, then there's the guy. So what did you do to her? Should I call for Emmett roughing you up a bit?"
I kept silent. What was there to say? That I ruined her life? That I killed her? And yes, that I appreciated Emmett beating me up?
"He knows I'm here", I said. "He's taking care of Bella right now. I actually came to pack up her things. She will stay with her father for a while, taking care of things." She didn't need to know the awful truth, did she?
"Oh please, don't tell me she's quitting. I can't handle Peter for another week."
"She's not. Maybe she is. I don't know", I blabbed. I felt so lost in here and deflated, as if all the energy suddenly had been sucked out of me. As if the darkness closed me in even further, inching forward minute by minute. What was I doing here? It wasn't my decision if she came back, if she kept this job or not. I didn't even know what she wanted. I didn't even know for sure if she would stay in Forks to take care of Charlie or not. I didn't know anything.
"You didn't talk to her, did you? And she doesn't even know you're her, am I right? What are you doing here, then? Go and make amends or leave."
"Please. I just need some information."
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Reviews are better than Edward's constant self-loathing.
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Coming up next: Some Bella meeting other people in town and some Edward… Remember, he's still a day behind.
