Unbeta'd

You don't think you've ever moved so fast in your life.

One minute you're on the phone talking to Quinn, the next you're racing out the door. You were literally putting your shoes on mid stride and you still don't know how you managed to successfully complete the move without falling flat on your face. As soon as Quinn said the name of where everyone was you hung up on her. You knew exactly were the place was so you didn't even acknowledge Quinn telling you something else before the line went dead. That bitch deserves more than a hang up.

She definitely deserves a kick to the face.

Or a punch to the face. Or a hard slap.

But alas, you can't hurt her. As much as you want to, you're still working and if Brittany found out you slapped that bitch down she'd probably never talk to you again. You're also trying to work on your rage issues when you get super mad, so now might be a time to put that into practice. You do know that you're going to give Quinn one hell of a death stare when you get to her location, though.

You make it out of the hotel doors and a gust of cold air hits you square in the face. It doesn't even faze you as you turn the corner and start sprinting down the street. You start to feel a bit of sweat drip down the side of your face and your breathing becomes laboured as your feet hit the concrete hard. You've never been much of a runner. Yeah, you like the gym but you hate running. Who the fuck runs for fun?

Right now though, it doesn't even feel like you're moving.

You know you're running and you feel the divots and crooks of ground underneath your stride, but your head keeps telling you that you're standing still. Your mind is playing tricks on you and it's making you feel incompetent, slow and downright useless.

Your mind is telling you that you're not trying to help Brittany at all.

So you start running harder. Faster.

You're moving quicker than you've ever moved before. Your eyes are up and your only focus is getting to Brittany. You see shadows in your peripheral vision and vaguely register a knock to your shoulder but you keep going. You ignore the colours passing you buy in a blur as you feel the burn in your legs grow.

You recommended the club to the group and know exactly where it is. It's always been a great establishment and you or your groups have never had any problems with it. Until now that is. You turn another corner, your eyes focused on the lights and noises up ahead of a strip of restaurants and bars. You're close and you plan on getting there within the next 10 minutes.

Hopefully sooner.

Your mind keeps telling you you're standing still and doing nothing. So you keep moving faster.

You've never felt so empty before. You're panting heavily and you can feel your chest start to tighten but really? You don't feel anything. Your head is hurting more than your body right now. You just want Brittany. You want to know that she's okay. You're mind has been running with scenarios since you ran out of your hotel room. What if she is hurt? Fuck. She asked you to come out tonight with the group and you declined… You should have been with her. You would have looked after her and you would have done a hell of a better job then that fuckhead blonde haired bimbo.

Okay.

So that's probably a bit mean, but whatever. You're feeling numb and you can't be held responsible for your words or actions right now. That and you don't give a fuck about anything other than finding Brittany and making sure she's okay.

Your feet hit the pavement. You're so close to the entrance of the club and just as you lift your leg to take one more step, you hit the ground hard.

"Fuck!"

You grab your foot and cover your mouth so you don't scream out any louder. You bite your lip and get up, tears starting to well in your eyes. You're not sure if it's because you've just fallen over or because Brittany's missing. You think it's the latter.

You pull yourself together, shake your head and start to walk briskly forward. You round the corner and immediately see Quinn standing out the front of the main entrance to the club. You feel your eyebrows furrow and you bite the inside of your cheek to stop you from throwing insults in Quinn's direction.

She's got her bag in hand, her other clutching Brittany's phone. You can't tell if she looks worried or not but her eyes are flicking over you and you think you detect a hint of fear.

Damn fucking right.

She better be scared of you because you're about to throw it down.

You slow your walk and cross your arms, Quinn's perfect posture falling and her eyes growing wider in fear.

"What happened?" You spit out. She steps back slightly in shock but shakes her head softly, looking down at her feet.

"I don't know, Santana… One minute she's dancing next to me and then when I look up she's gone!" Her voice is soft and somewhere through her answer her eyes returned to yours.

You roll your eyes and throw her head back when she responds. You're so fucking angry with her right now and you know that you've being completely unjust. You can't help it, though. You want someone to blame and she's standing in front of you right now so she's copping the brunt of it. "Why weren't you watching her? You're supposed to be looking out for her!"

"I'm sorry! She was fine! Nothing was wrong! I… I just don't know where she went…" Quinn stammers out, stepping back from you once more. You bring your hands up to your face and place your palms over your eyes. You feel more tears coming and you can't let Quinn see that you're crying.

You take a deep breath.

"Well, no shit Quinn. No one knows where she fucking went," you say with a gravelly voice. Quinn notices your glassy eyes and reaches out to touch your shoulder but you move back quickly, glaring at her. "Did you even stop dancing and grinding up on your toy boy and go and look for her?"

You think you've finally hit a nerve.

"Hey! Of course I did." Quinn's standing up straighter now, a bit of venom in her voice. You see her knuckles turn white as she's grasping Brittany's phone and her wallet tightly. "Don't pin this one me, Santana. You know that's not fair."

"I'll do whatever the hell I want, Quinn."

Quinn lets out a sigh and continues, ignoring your incessant badgering and stubbornness. "As soon as I saw she wasn't behind me I went to the booth," She says firmly. "Mike and Tina were there and they hadn't seen her."

"And? Did you check anywhere else?" You're beginning to worry now. What if no one saw her and she slipped out unnoticed?

"Of course I did! I thought that maybe she went to the bathroom. I saw Jake and Finn on the way there and they hadn't seen her either. That's when I found her phone on the ground… It was right near the entrance to the bathroom…" Quinn trails off and her eyes leave yours once more. She bites the inside of her cheek and stares down at her feet.

You turn around and throw your hands in the air.

"Fuck... Fuck, fuck fuck!" You're screaming even more and people are starting to look over at you. You don't give a fuck though. You can't believe you're getting this angry at what's happening. Actually, you think it's more frustration than anger, but still, you need to control yourself. As much as you don't care what people think about you while you're making a scene, you don't want to get arrested or anything.

You should probably tone it down.

"So I called you. I didn't know what else to do, Santana! I told everyone I could see that we can't find Brittany and they're all looking for her." You feel Quinn's presence behind you and her hand on your shoulder. You don't make an effort to push her away this time.

"I need to get out of here," you whisper softly.

Quinn grabs your shoulder and spins you around forcefully. "What? Why! She's probably still here!"

"Fuck! Open your eyes! She's not here, Quinn. I have go to," you scream through tears. "What if someone's taken her? What if she's hurt? I can't stay here and be a bystander. I need to find her." You feel wetness on your cheeks and you quickly reach up to wipe them away. It doesn't help though because they keep coming.

And coming.

You're starting to sob uncontrollably and Quinn steps forward, wrapping her arms around your shoulders.

"Okay... okay. Just calm down, okay?" She says soothingly. "It's going to be alright."

"I am calm," you mumble into her shoulder before pushing her away, pressing your palms into your eyes again. You need to pull yourself together.

"Like hell you are! You're crying and your head look likes it's going to pop off your body... Just breathe. We need a plan."

You take Quinn's advice and drop your arms, open your mouth and take a long, deep breath. "I just… I can't lose her after I've just found her. I can't," you murmur.

"Hey… Hey it's okay. You know this part of the city, right?" You nod. "Well even if someone's taken her or if she's gone off on her own, I know you'll find her. Just take a deep breath. " Quinn's got a point. You know the streets around her like the back of your hand after staying at the same hotel since you started working as a tour guide.

"You're right," you say, finally with some calmness in your voice. "You check inside again and call me if you find anything. I'm going to go around the side streets and see if she's walked out there."

"Okay, do you want someone to come with you?" Quinn asks, placing her hand on your arm once more. You've given up trying to push her away and just let her do what she wants.

"No. No I don't want that. If I don't find anything around the club I'll backtrack to the hotel and see if she's gone back there… If nothing… then, I'll head to the police station… Okay?" You nod to yourself at your answer. If you can't find Brittany then you're going to have to get outside help. You just hope that it doesn't come to that.

"Alright, Santana." You nod at her and feel the last of your tears fall down your face. She tightens her grip on your clutch and just as you're about to turn around, her hand shoots out and stops you suddenly. "I didn't realise you cared about her so much..."

"I love her, Quinn. This is breaking me in half."

You searched around the club for about half and hour and nothing.

Not a trace of Brittany.

You called Brittany's phone and spoke to Quinn, telling her you hadn't found her yet and that you were going back to the hotel. Quinn and the rest of the tour group still inside hadn't seen Brittany either and were starting to head back to the hotel as well.

So now you're waiting out the front of the club, waiting for the group to exit. This is the bit that's going to be hard. You need to try and hold it together because no one other than Quinn, and maybe Rachel (you think Rachel knows, you're just not sure), knows about you and Brittany being together. A regular tour guide looking for an awol client would not be crying their eyes out, shaking all over the place and screaming out "Brittany" at the top of her lungs.

You spot the group finally and they all look drunk. Well, except Quinn. They're swaying, laughing and singing. You can't believe they're acting so oblivious to the situation going on. Once again, you're biting the inside of your cheek so you don't start yelling at everyone.

You take a breath.

You need to get your shit together and calm down. You close your eyes and hope to god that Brittany has somehow ended up at the hotel.

Quinn comes up next to you and you nod your head softly in her direction, turning on your heels and starting your venture back to the hotel.

"Lopez, baby! You're here!" You can't quite place who said it, but all you want to do is punch them in the face. But you can't, they don't know that's going on in your head right now. They don't know anything really. Have they even been searching for Brittany inside? Who the fuck knows!

So you act.

Your job is more acting then guiding anyway.

"Sure am, guys! Just came out to make sure you all get home safe," you say in a monotone voice, eyes not once wavering from the street in front of you.

"Shit yeah! You're the best, boss." A loud roar of whoops and cheers pierce your eardrum. Fuck these guys and their drunkenness.

You start walking faster, Quinn matching you stride for stride. Everyone else is talking behind you about irrelevant shit that you couldn't care for at all.

"When we get there you go to your room, okay? If she's gone back to the hotel I can guarantee that she'll be at your room." You nod at Quinn's word and you hope that she's right.

You finally reach the hotel, losing the riff-raff in the process. Quinn jumps into the elevator with you and you hold your breath, hoping that Brittany is here.

You have got no idea what you're going to feel like if she isn't. It'll be obvious that something bad has happened to her and that makes you feel physically ill. You lean back against the elevator wall, holding your stomach and taking deep breaths.

"What are we going to do if she's not there, Quinn?" you turn and look at her. She has her lips pursed together and you see a stray tear glide down her cheek at your words. She finally turns to look at you and you now you see how worried she is.

She looks miserable.

"I don't know, Santana. I don't know." You can barely hear her words. You eyes soften at her reaction it's now that you finally realise how important Brittany is in her life. You nod and take her hand, smiling softly. Just as you're about to say something, the elevator dings and you drop her hand.

You race out of the lift as soon as the doors open, loosing your bearings slightly as you round the corner to you room.

You stop suddenly.

Your eyes well up and you feel a body hit you hard from behind. You don't even care that Quinn just hit you with the force of a line backer, all you care about is the beautiful girl slumped against your hotel room door.

"Brittany," you whisper out through tears. "Brittany!"

You run towards her and drop to your knees, sliding across the carpet. Bad idea. Because fuck, you're going to have carpet burn tomorrow.

"Baby, wake up." You shake her softly, kissing her cheek. "Hey, Brittany. Please wake up." You start to panic when she doesn't respond but sigh in relief when her head falls onto your shoulder and her arms wrap around your mid section.

"Wha?" Brittany responds, barely registering what's going on.

"Oh my god. Thank fuck you're here." You feel your tears start up again and you're pulling Brittany further into you. "Shit"

"What's going on?"

You ignore Brittany's question and pull back from her embrace. Your hands cup her cheek, your eyes searching hers. "Are you okay? Are you hurt? Fuck, I'm so glad you're here." You pull her back into you and kiss her cheek once more.

You're yanked back suddenly, falling out of Brittany's arms. You're to tired to give Quinn a death stare and just watch as she takes your place and hugs Brittany. "Brittany! I though I'd lost you again." What? Again? What does that mean? "I'm so sorry I should have been with you.

Brittany still looks incredibly disorientated. Her eyes are barely open but she's blinking confusedly. "What's going on?"

"You dropped your phone at the club and Quinn thought you'd be taken by someone so she called me and, I, I fuck… I though you'd disappeared," you ramble turns into a stutter as you push Quinn out of the way and wrap your arms around Brittany.

There's silence more a moment you place a small kiss in the crook of her neck.

"I just wanted to be with you," she whispers incredibly softly. "I missed you."

As soon as she says those last words she goes limp, a faint snoring sound hitting your ears.

Last night was probably the worst night of your life.

You had no idea you could ever feel the way you felt. It also made you realise that you can't live without Brittany and you're seriously considering whether you should actually be staying in London or moving back to America. With her.

You roll over in your thoughts, eyes landing on the sleeping beauty next to you. After the awkward encounter at the door last night and politely telling Quinn that you've got it from here, Brittany threw herself on your bed and ceased to move. You managed to take her shoes off and get her under the covers but trying to get her dress off just wasn't happening so you gave up. There's so much you need to talk to Brittany about but right now you can't help but smile. You reach forward and tuck some hair behind her ear and lean over to kiss her forehead softly.

You feel her move slightly and when you move back, you see that her eyes are open.

"Hey."

She smiles.

"You scared me tonight, baby." You kiss her softly, pulling back slightly before bringing your lips back together. She's still sleepy and doesn't really kiss you back but whatever, it still feels amazing.

"I didn't mean to," she whispers when you pull back.

"I know. Just, don't leave me again, okay?" She nods. Phew. There's silence for a moment and just when Brittany's lids start to fall once more, you squeeze her hand. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah," she replies. Brittany moves closer to you, placing her arm over you stomach and borrowing into your side.

"What did Quinn mean earlier when she said that she thought she'd lost you again?"

Brittany rolls onto her side more to face you, her eyes barely open. "I left her not too long again," she starts, her eyes shutting fully.

"What do you mean?"

"I was in this relationship… the guy started off as the man of my dreams but in the end turned out to be super mean… So I left him. But I also didn't tell anyone where I was going when I left to get away from him. I scared a lot of people." Brittany looks ashamed when she finishes speaking and you bring her hand to your lips, brushing them softly over her knuckles.

"It's okay, B. I've left some people as well," you let out. You don't talk about this with anyone and you're surprising yourself that it's coming out of your mouth right now.

"Really?" she sits up slightly, brushing her own hair behind her ear before doing the same to yours.

"Yeah," you sigh. "I'm living overseas and hardly anyone knows because really, I had no friends to tell."

Brittany's face scrunches up and leans back down to rest her head on your chest. "What about your family?"

"I have family, yeah… But we don't speak." She leans up and kisses your nose, urging you to continue. "My parents ignored me for a long time, so I started to ignore them back. They haven't made the effort to speak to me since I left for college." You never speak to anyone about this but talking to Brittany makes you feel good. It feels like there's a massive weight just being lifted off of your chest.

"Wow…"

"It's okay, babe. I've been fine without them." And the truth? You have been. You've been more than okay without their presence in your life.

"It must be horrible to not have your loved ones around," Brittany says while absentmindedly playing with your sleep top.

"I do though," you say softly, "You're here."

Brittany sits up suddenly, a smile on her face. "What?"

"You heard me, babe." You can help but laugh at her reaction and you sit up as well, pulling her onto your lap.

"Say it properly, Santana." Your laughing stops and your lean forward slightly. "I love you, Brittany." She let's out a giddy, schoolgirl like scream. She's definitely not tired anymore.

Her arms wrap around your neck and before you can react you feel kisses all over your face. "I love you too."

Unfortunately, I have no idea when the next update will be... I will try within the next couple of weeks. Life is just wrecking me right now - I'm in my final semester of Uni, working for that cash, have an unpaid internship AND i'm moving overseas in like 3 months... Bare with me guys!

Thanks for reading!