There was no denying it.
No matter what he said or did.
I felt like a monster.
I had killed and tortured without mercy.
I might as well be a strigoi...
I hated myself once more.
But I knew I had to deal with it... I had to win the battle I was fighting myself.
I had been getting better, but being faced with my past?
Facing someone I had killed with my bare hands... Had ignited something in me.
A rage.
Turmoil.
I saw their faces, the face of every human, dhampir, and moroi that I had killed upon orders of Joshua.
At this moment I felt like I was carrying the world on my shoulders and whatever improvement I had made was diminishing.
And I didn't know how to stop it from happening.
.
.
.
I leaned against Eddie's shoulder for support.
"Shh," he soothed me. "Everything's fine...All that you did...it wasn't you."
"Then who?" I asked bitterly.
"It was your crazy side...it was your only way to deal with the pain," he answered.
I laughed bitterly.
"I should have died.. you should have let me died Eddie. I was better that way," I said.
He looked at me with pained eyes, and it hurt I was the cause of that pain.
He pressed his forehead against mine, "Don't ever say that again. Ever. Understood?" he hissed.
I flinched and let the tears cascade again.
"I can't do this... It haunts me Eddie... How can I move on, how can I stop feeling like this when I've killed so many people?...When I still hurt over the death of Aleksei?" he didn't have an answer for that.
"I miss him every day... I see his face, I feel this hole in my chest. This need to cry all the time, this emptiness in my heart... I feel like I'm in the darkness."
"Then find your light." he answered simply.
"How?"I asked.
"You were doing fine... Leave your past behind, Rose you're strong," he said looking at me.
"Please don't give up."
I gave him a kiss in the cheek.
"I won't. Promise." was all I said.
I was going to push myself up no matter the cost.
But I wasn't going to give up.
I was going to fight this inner battle with myself.
And I was going to win.
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4th update! Ha...I have no life =(
Except when it comes to you =) hehehe.
I'm not going too fast am I?
Tell me what you think xD