Nanie: I've killed off three of my characters! Buah ha ha ha ha ha ha! Please don't hate me over the last chapter, please!

Disclaimer: The wonderful group of four girls called Clamp own Card Captor Sakura, I do not.

Reviewers: Thank you all so much! I've got so many reviews and hits on this story now and it makes me feel great! Sorry for taking so long to update!

Previously:

Tomoyo no jisatsu. Eriol no kurushimi. Eriol no hensetsu. Syaoran no shikyo. Eriol no jisatsu

Chapter 25: Breakdown

Eriol woke with a start. Sweat covered his body and soaked his pajamas. The clock read 3:45 A.M. He was shaking. "It... it was... just a dream," he shakily repeated to himself.

He was scared, scared with his whole body and all his mind. She loved him, it was just dawning on him now, she loved him, she loved him for so long. And now, just now he was realizing it, he loved her. He was longing for her, he needed to hold her, needed to know that she was all right, he needed to be with her.

The way he felt was almost trance-like. His body was tired, but his mind was racing, he was scared. She could be hurt, what if she was dead? He couldn't call her. He fluidly got up and stumbled out of is room and down the stairs. He staggered through the downstairs and over to the door. He opened it and ran out into the darkness.

Sharp rocks pierced through the skin of his bare feet, yet Eriol didn't notice. All he could do was run, run to her. The air was cold, and yet he noticed not that either. He ran in a daze, only half aware of what was going on around him and only half aware of where he was going.

He pounded his fist on the door before he even realized that he was there. He heart beat echoed through his head and his breathing rang heavily in his ears. He knocked again, but still no answer. Tiredness consumed him and his legs collapsed, leaving him sitting on the cold stone steps that led to the door.

He leaned against the door and closed his eyes. Images of Tomoyo, hurt, bleeding, and dead filled his mind. He opened his eyes, he couldn't bear it, the pain. Why had he been so stupid! Surely he must have hurt her badly. He hit his fists off the ground, not caring about the skin that he was ripping up.

He was shaking. He got up, his mind wandering and completely detached from his body and the world around him. He didn't hear the car horn honking as he crossed the road. He only but vaguely realized when he arrived home. Slowly he walked into the house. He took of his pajama shirt and hung it where he'd hang his coat, in his mind it was his coat. He felt himself slipping and falling down. After he hit the floor he closed his eyes, he'd get up in a minute or two.

When Nakuru walked down in the morning what she saw was most definitely what she least expected to see. Eriol, half naked wearing only his pajama pants (and presumably his boxers also...), was lying on the floor. His feet and hands were cut, and his shirt was hanging up next to his coat. The front door was open, though the screen door was closed. She knelt down and pressed the back of her hand to the boy's forehead, it was quite hot, a contrast to the room, which from the open door was quite cold. Sighing she picked the boy up. He had, most definitely, gained weight since she had last picked him up when he was much younger.

She carried the boy up the stairs, down the hall, and to his room. Carefully she set him on his bed and pulled the covers up and over his bare chest. "Well," she said to herself, "he's certainly not making school today."

The boy groaned in his sleep as he rolled over. His once dreamless sleep was now not dreamless. He was running, through the darkened halls at school, chasing Tomoyo. Tomoyo was hovering a few inches above the ground, moving backwards, crying, holding her hand out to him...

Tomoyo, meanwhile, was running through the halls at school late as could possibly be for her first class. Her night had been okay, she'd managed to go without cutting herself and she'd managed to sleep well, all too well. She drempt about Eriol, with her, holding her, loving her, her lying beside him, her head against his bare chest... She'd woken up suddenly around the time that everyone else would be in homeroom and then bolted out of bed. She'd quickly gotten dressed, her school uniform was still wrinkled and crooked, but none-the-less she was wearing it, and then jumped down half a flight of stairs and headed off to school. She'd completely skipped breakfast and was now feeling the pangs of hunger and stomach cramping in her stomach.

Breathing heavily she walked into her first period class and nodded at the teacher. She sat in the back of the room in her desk, her eyes scanning the room, searching for her beloved. He wasn't there, his desk was empty. Was something wrong? He almost never missed school. Was he sick? Did he catch the flu? Or did something come up in his family? Was Nakuru sick?

"Tomoyo!"

Tomoyo's head snapped up as she finally realized that the teacher was talking to her.

"Well?"

"Umm..." Tomoyo bit her lip nervously. "42?" she guessed, not knowing what the teacher had asked or even remembering that she wasn't in algebra. The class laughed.

"You'll have to stay after class and talk with me, Daidouji-san. You can't be daydreaming like that during class, do you understand?"

Tomoyo nodded her head meekly, but even as she did so she could feel her mind wandering again. The bell rang and class was over before she even realized it. She walked up to the teacher's desk, her stomach knotting in dread.

"Daidouji-san," the teacher began, "it's not like you to be nodding off in class like that. Really, I'm quite worried about you. Is everything all right?"

Tomoyo nodded her head. "Yes," she whispered.

"Well then, I do expect you to pay attention in my class, and remember, I'm not teaching you algebra. If you're going to make random guesses at least make sure they relate to the history unit that we're studying."

Tomoyo had been looking down, focusing her eyes on her shoes. She nodded again. The teacher sighed.

"You may go now. Here, I'll write you a pass."

Tomoyo took the pass from her teacher and looked at it, the slot for the time wasn't filled in. He didn't seem to notice so...

Tomoyo wandered down the hall to the girls bathroom, walked into the biggest stall, and pulled out a small razor blade from her purse. Carefully she cut her arm and let the blood flow down it to calm herself. After a few calming minutes she washed her arm and then placed a band-aid over the cut. She then washed the razor, wrapped it in a tissue and put it in her purse.

She glanced at her watch and wrote the time into the time slot on her late pass. She then left the bathroom and proceeded to walk to class. She longed to cut herself again as her worry and fear came back to her. She longed to run from the school and to his mansion, though reasoned against it. If she did her mother would surely find out, and then she'd be in trouble for skipping school and her mother might find out about her cutting, or make her go to a psychiatrist, both were gloomy outlooks.

Somehow, though she didn't know how, she managed to make it through the first part of the day and to lunch. She skipped lunch and spent that time in the bathroom on the other side of the school, watching the blood flow from her wrist.

She then made it through the rest of the day, looking as though she were paying attention and reading from her book while her mind was actually far, far away.

For how short the day seemed it also seemed long, as if seconds were hours. Tomoyo had watched the bus coming and decided to skip it, she didn't want to see Kai, at all.

She didn't want to worry her mother, but she figured it this way, her mother would be out until late anyway, so she could go to Eriol's on her way home from school and as long as she got home before her mother did all would be well.

Despite her stomach cramps she managed to make it to Eriol's house quick enough. She'd been only just running with joy moments before but now she stood looking at the door in dread anticipation and anxiety. She shakily raised her hand and knocked on the door.

It was as if her senses suddenly sharpened. She could hear her heart beating, could hear all the sounds of everything around her, and could hear the sounds of someone coming to the door and unlatching the inside one. She wanted to run, tried to run, but her legs stayed firmly in their place, as if made of lead and glued there. She wanted to scream but no sound would come out of her mouth. She wanted to be anywhere but there, but yet there she was, with the door to destiny opening in front of her.

She was greeted cheerily by Nakuru, who hadn't seemed to notice anything different about Tomoyo. She was talking to Tomoyo, though it was as if Tomoyo didn't hear her words, she just dropped her stuff to the floor and numbly followed her up to Eriol's room.

She silently opened the door a crack and peeked inside. She could see the bed and the faint outline of a person under the covers. She carefully and slowly opened the door and walked in to the room. She closed the door behind her and walked over to the bed. She stared down at the boy's face, he was sleeping, restlessly sleeping. She sat down beside him on the bed and stroked his bangs off of his forehead. He seemed almost slightly calmer. He rolled over, and she noticed that he was shirtless. She blushed. She'd never seen Eriol shirtless before.

She carefully moved over him to the other side of the bed so that his back was to her. She began to massage his back gently. His skin felt hot, feverish hot. The blush on her faced deepened slightly as she ran her hands over his bare back. He seemed to be calming. Finally, once he was sleeping peacefully, she stopped. Her hands felt almost tingly and she glanced at her watch, she'd been there for an hour and had had neither breakfast or lunch. She rose from the bed and walked around it to the door, turning the knob and opening it once in range. After looking back at the peacefully sleeping boy she left the room and closed the door behind her. Silently she crept down the stairs, gathered up her stuff, and exited the house into the brisk air.

She didn't know how long it took for her to get home. She walked through the door and began to sob. She didn't know why, she didn't care why. All she knew was that it hurt. Everything hurt, her head hurt, her arms hurt, her stomach hurt, her legs hurt, she wanted to fall into unconsciousness then and there. Her wish was not granted. She made her way up to her room, threw off most of her clothes and fell to her bed sobbing. Eventually a cold blackness fell over her as she drifted off into sleep.

Nanie: So does anybody happen to know what season the story's in? I know that I should know, but I forgot and don't feel like looking over 24 chapters to find out tonight. (And yes, It's almost 11:30 (pm) and I'm here slaving away in front of my computer typing this chapter instead of studying my chemistry notes or spanish notes... Please review, and thanks for reading!

Japanese words:

jisatsu- suicide

kurushimi- pain/ suffering

hensetsu- betrayal

shikyo- death