Disclaimer: Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon does not belong to me.
Rating: R
Part: 25
Warnings: Yuri, drug abuse, swearing, murder, physical abuse, AU
Pairing: Seiya x Yaten/Yaten x Seiya
Author: Fallen Seraphim
Author's E-mail: KittenXanax@aol.com
Author's Notes: Happy Holidays! This part is more 'spiritual' due to the fact It IS Christmas and all. *Sigh* Once I'm done with this I'm going to take a damn nap. My Holy family surrounded me all damn day. *Shudder*
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'When you want it,
It goes away too fast.
When you hate it,
It always seems to last.
But just remember when you think you're free,
The crack inside your fucking heart is me.'


~Marilyn Manson, "The Speed of Pain"
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Of Crows and Doves
Chapter 25: Indolore
[ Painless ]
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Yaten ran her fingertips over the numerous track marks that graced her inner arms. She sighed and sat on the velvety carpet covered step, pulling her sleeve down. "I'll never wear short sleeves ever again…" She looked up and scanned her eyes over the few people who came in a little earlier before the regular ten o'clock mass. Perhaps they wanted to do extra prayer, perhaps they just wanted to feel Holy again, but Yaten didn't like the way they were staring at her so intently. She scowled and pulled her knees to her chest, shutting her eyes. She basked in the multi-color light, beginning to doze off, her breathing steady and even.

"Kou, I could have sworn I saw you sleeping like a baby all night. How can you possibly still be tired?" Yaten's head shot up, and looked up at Ayako.

"I woke up too early… But I have a question to ask of you," Ayako blinked, and nodded slowly in conformation. "I used to go to church on Sundays as a small child, but," Yaten licked her dry lips, not bothering to lower her tone of voice down, "I would always sit there, words being shoved into my head. Every time, after the services were over, I would walk up to the statue of Jesus Christ, our Lord, the Son of God, crucified on his wooden cross. I just felt deep in me, that... It wasn't right. As if people just went into that House of Worship known as a church to be there and listen to the priests drone on for minutes, hours... And after just sitting there in those red, velvet seats, allowing words to just flow through endlessly, they felt Holy. And in the arms of God. It's like they don't even care what the Bible says. They didn't care whether Jesus died for our sins or not. They didn't care whether angels had revolted in the heavens above, and feel to Hell. Is all they wanted to do was sit there and make believe that they were Holy. As if it were a whole worldwide fashion trend. As if they were too cowardly to be Atheists or Satanists or Wiccans or something other than being Christian or Catholic. Because they were afraid they might be prejudged, and their pride and ego with shatter, because they'd be labeled as nothing but absolute pure 'evil'. What is absolute evil? Is my philosophy simply wrong?" Yaten stared intently and evenly at Ayako, expecting an answer.

"I…" Ayako sighed, and sat next to Yaten. "It's not my job to judge your beliefs…"

"I'm not asking you to label my beliefs! I'm asking you if that's what you see! This church is like a complete convent! You see people come and prey everyday! How many people do you see on Sundays that never come sometime during that same week?!" Ayako placed two fingers over Yaten's lips, glaring at her slightly, as she noticed the attention they were getting from the early-comers.

"Answer me something, won't you?" Yaten nodded slowly. "How is questioning the way other people think going to change the way you think?" Yaten scowled.

"I wasn't trying to change the way I think. I was just asking you a few questions," Yaten muttered against the pale, silky skin of Ayako's fingers.

"Don't waste your time. You have greater problems at hand. Like your addictions and your family and this… lover you seem to have. Nobody knows what the absolute form of evil. Maybe it's Satan… The Devil… Whatever you heed to calling Him…. Perhaps the true form of evil is all in here…" Ayako pulled her fingers away from Yaten's lips and put them against the white fabric covering her temple. "Perhaps it is all in our heads. And as for your philosophy… nobody's philosophies are truly correct to humane society. It is within the eyes of philosopher," Yaten blinked and stared at Ayako for a moment, before she stood up. "Now if you'll excuse me," She smiled and ran her fingers through Yaten's hair before she stood and went to speak with the church's priest. Yaten concluded it was probably due to her 'intolerant' behavior.

Yaten grunted to herself and stood from her perched position on the step, to the doorway at the side of the 'Seventh Heaven'* as she entitled such a room. She sighed and walked down the dimly lit hall, eyeing the paintings of Jesus, Michael, Uriel, and Gabriel. Yaten twisted her arm around and put her hand up her shirt, tracing the symbol of the Prince of Darkness that blessed her back. "I almost didn't feel the pain… I screamed at the feeling of bathing in my own blood…" Yaten stepped into Ayako's bedroom, while she retracted her hand from her shirt. "It's almost as if I'm not even human. I can barely feel pain. I can barely even smile the slightest bit. I can't blush. Warmth is even suspended." Yaten shut the door and looked in the body-length mirror that hung behind it, and continued talking to herself. "I look dead. It looks as if my skin is starting to decay even…" She ran her fingertips over the purplish skin under her eyes. "How dare I call myself… human…"

Yaten turned away from the mirror and traveled to Ayako's neatly made bed, pulling up the mattress slightly and using her other hand to pull out the slender dagger she even carried around on the streets as a weapon of defense. "So I can't feel much pain…" Yaten sat on the bed, slowly raising the tip of the blade to her arm. She let out a shaky breath before she slashed herself multiple times, only feeling slight tingling as a result. She growled to herself and dug the blade in deeper, cringing. "I need to feel pain… I can feel it emotionally, but I can't feel it physically. I want to prove I can still like a normal, alive human being. Heroin stole my life from me…" She gripped the handle tighter and dragged the blade from her elbow down to her wrist, the beads of blood that were forming over the slashes beginning to drip down the side of her arm, and fall to the powder white comforter.

Yaten growled and moved back on the bed so her legs were straight out in front of her. She reached down to her feet, a dark expression masking her face. She clenched her teeth together and dug the tip of the dagger into her shin, whimpering.

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"Do you know if she left that place?" Noir Étoile looked down at Seiya and scowled.

"I'm sorry. Am I supposed to be keeping track of your pet, Asmodee*?"

"Don't call me that. And you're the one that hangs around that city area. You'd think it'd be obvious if you saw her."

"I try and refrain from your co-whore," Seiya clenched her fists, her expression visibly darkening. "It's not my job to pamper your needs."

"I'm not asking you to pamper my needs. I'm asking you to do a favor," Noir Étoile snickered slightly, smirking.

"Last time I did you a favor, you pissed me off extremely by not repaying me for my work and I had to beat you severely," Seiya sighed and closed her eyes, placing her middle and index fingers against her temple.

"Why can't you be kind for once?"

"You suggest looking in a mirror and asking yourself that," Seiya cracked her eyes open.

"I think I'll hold you up on that…"

"By the way… Have you seen X or Dragon Tears around?" Seiya turned her back to the tall boy and began walking away, her eyebrows perked in amusement.

"Last I heard they ran away. You know, just to get away from it all. Just them in their own fantasy world of freedom. Please be kind for once and do me that favor also would you? Ta ta for now, sweetheart." Noir Étoile lifted an eyebrow, a questioning look painted across his face.

"You've finally broke you freakin' oneshot slut."
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Seraph-chan's Encyclopedia/Dictionary/Drug Slang Referral/Explanation Guide/Notes:

1.) The Seventh Heaven is said to be where God and his angels are seated, if I'm thinking back correctly.

2.) Asmodee [Asmodeus is an alternate form of his name] is a demon whom signed a deed on May 29, 1629 that executed him in the Church of the Holy Cross. Asmodee was attested to quitting the bodily possession of a nun. Within the deed (which was in French if I recall correctly) he mentioned other demons such as Amand, Beheria, and Leviatam. The reason I referred to Seiya as Asmodee is because of her possession over the people she supposably loves; the obvious victim in this fic being Yaten.