Summary: Dark Pit and friends begin their assault.
Notes: God dammit, I had to change my password once again because stupid Pitstain hacked me. HE NEEDS TO STOP TRYING TO CHANGE MY STORY! HE'S RUINING IT!
With that being said, I finished shopping for Viridi's birthday yesterday. Hopefully she likes what I got her. Speaking of new things, I got a game for myself too. It's called Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valencia. I started it and so far it's about a boy and a girl (WHO ARE NOT STRAIGHT) named Alm and Celica. They were childhood friends who are now engaged in a war against Christians to stop religion from taking over. Who knew Europe is so backwards with their horses and lack of technology.
CHAP 23: ASSAULT ON CRACKER BARREL PART 2 INVASION OF CRACKER BARREL
We all approached Cracker Barrel from a hill overlooking the restaurant. The parking lot was being patrolled by rednecks on tractors. They were speaking hick English instead of regular English because they were from backwards times and lived in trailers all their life. Magnus's team ran down the hill towards them to get their attention.
"Howdy y'all little doggie," the leader of the rednecks said which was most likely an insult in their hick language.
"SPEAK ENGLISH!" Magnus hit the redneck leader in the face. He grabbed his cowboy hat and tossed it like a Frisbee at Magnus but Magnus was too strong and blocked it with his Magnus club (he also has a weapon named after himself too). Then Magnus used his fight club skills from Fight Club to take down the redneck leader. Then the rest of Magnus's team came. They fought the rednecks too while my team ran into Cracker Barrel to fight the straights. Some of them were already escaping because of stupid Pitstain trying to protect breeders.
"Pittoo watch out! There's straights direct to your right (because straights are too right wing)," I heard Gaol say through my walkie-talkie. She was on a website on the internet which showed where all the straights were in Cracker Barrel and also where I was.
I shot the straights that were running at me a bunch of times. Then Cloud and Fiora ran over and chopped their heads off to make sure they were really dead and wouldn't come back as straight zombies.
"Now there are straights hiding in the kitchen," Gaol said. I threw some bomb-ombs inside the kitchen and blew up the hidden straights. Then we sneaked farther into Cracker Barrel.
There were lots of straight people in there for us to fight. I used my Silver Bow and my Guardian Orbiters. Viridi used nature along with martial arts (she's a black belt in karate). Cloud used limit break on the straights. Fiora decapitated them with her daggers. Ness used PK fire on them and Luigi did that thing where he flies really far with a headbutt and Sonic ran really fast and turned into a ball. We were in the headquarters of straights though so they kept coming. Then Samus, Zelda, Peach, Pit, Palutena, Link and Phosphora came. The other straights stepped aside to let them through because they were the most important straights.
"Well, well, look who came," Samus greeted.
"I thought the rednecks would stop you,:" Zelda said.
"My brother is fighting them," I said.
"He's not your brother," Palutena said. "Your brother is right here!"
"HI PITTOO!" Pit said.
"Don't call me that ever again Pitstain." I scoffed.
"Well he will die anyways. All the rednecks have lynching training so they know how to fight real good," Peach said.
"And I'm going to ejaculate the cure in you and Viridi to make up for all the straight people you killed before our massive orgy today," Pit said. "Mom gave me permission."
"And then we'll all go to the mansion and have Link rape Miss Wilson and Master Hand will let us because he is tolerant of our evil straight agenda," Phosphora said.
"No, I'll stop you," I said.
"Ha! There's only a few of you and a lot of us stupid," Phosphora said, "and I'm skinny enough to dodge your hits."
"And I'm fat enough to count for like twenty people while you and Viridi are so thin and pretty and stuff," Pit added.
"But you forgot one thing. I have Darwin on my side," I said.
"But we're Christians so we worship God and don't believe in devilution," Samus said.
"And that is why you will lose," I said, smirking. "When the Big Bang Theory created the Earth billions of years ago, it was made that good would always triumph over evil."
"LOL you're stupid! Earth is six thousands years old and CREATED BY GOD," Phosphora said.
"AND YOU'RE A ABLEIST BITCH INSULTING MY GREAT INTELLIGENCE LIKE THAT," I yelled.
"Get over it already. You're going to lose to us anyways," Palutena said.
"No you're wrong! You conservatives are using your bias claims to lie to the people with your cries of FAKE NEWS and trying to undermine the word of ATHEISM!" I said. I activated my final smash and got ready to fight all the straights at once.
RAW VERSION! PROCEED WITH CAUTION!
Summary: Dark Pit and frands begen there asalt.
Notes: Gad dammit, I had to chaneg my pasward oce agne becuz stoopid Pitstain haxed me. HE NEDS 2 STAP TRYEN 2 CHANG MY STOREY! HES RUNING IT!
Wif tat beang sade, I feneshed shaping 4 Viridis birthday yestarday. Hopfully she liks wat I got her. Speking of neu thins, I gat a gaem 4 mysalf too. Its kaled Fier Embalm Ekohls: Shalins of Valicena. I stated it and so far its abot a boy and a gril (WHO ARE NOT STRAIT) nemed Aem and Calica who wear choldhode frinds and ar nao eguged in a war agenst Christens to stop relagen from takeng over. Who new Yorape is so bakwerds with there harses and lac of tecnolagie.
CHAP 23: ASALT ON CRAKKUR BARAEL PART 2 INVASHEN OF CRAKKUR BARAEL
We all aproched Crakkur Barael form a hill overliking it. The parken lot was bean petroled by radnacks on tampons. They wer speckin huck englesh insted of reglar inglish becuz they wer frum becwards tims and lived in tailers all there lif. Magnus teem runned don the hull 2 tham 2 get there attanshun.
"hodye yal lattle dogie" the leder of the rednecs sed wich was mos likly an insalt in hiclugae.
"SPECK INGLESH!" Magnus het the rednock leeder in the fase. He garbed his cowboy hat and threwed it lick a frazbe at Magnus but Magnus was too stron and bloked it with his Magnus cub (he olso has a weepon nemed aftar himsalf 2). Than Magnus usd his feet club skills form fite klab 2 tak downed the Ridneck leder. Than the rest of Magnus teem came. They fot the Radnexs 2. Wile my teem runned into Crakkur Barael 2 fite the straits. Sum of tem wear alredy escap becuz of stoopid Pitstain tryen 2 protract breders.
"Pittoo watch oot theres straits direct 2 ur right (becuz straits 2 rightwong)" I herd Gaol say threw my walkytalky. She was on a websit of the intranet that showed were all the straits wer in Cucker Berral and olos were I was.
I shat the straits that wer runnin at me a buncha tims and than Clad and Fyaro ranned ovar and chipped there heeds of 2 maek shur they wer rilly ded and woldnt cum bak as strait zombis.
"Now theres straits hidin in the katchun" Gaol sed. I threwed sum bombams insid the kitcan and blowed up the hidan straits. Than we sneeked farther into Crakkur Barael.
Their wer lotsa strait peple in their 4 us to fite. I used my sialv bowe and my garudian orgiturs. Viridi used natur alung with marital arts (shes a blokbalt in karyta). Clod lameted braked at the straits. Fyora dekaputatumed them with her dagers. Nas used pk fir on them and Lugia did that thin were he flus reely far with a hadbutte and Sanec ranned reely fat and tur into a boil. We wer in hedcarters of straits tho so they kep cumin. Than Samas and Zelud and Peauc and Pit and Palutena and Lask and Phosphora came. The othar straits stepped asid 2 let tham thro becuz they wer the most impotont straits.
"Well well luk who came" Samas grated.
"I thot the rednaxs wod stap u" Helda sed.
"My bruther is fitting tham" I sid.
"Hes not ur brothar" Palutena sade "Ur bruther is rite here!"
"HI PITTOO" Pit said.
"Dant call me that evar agen Pitstain" I scofed.
"Well he will dye anyweis all the rednocks hav lunching tranning so they no how 2 fite reel gud" Patch soid.
"And Im gunna ejaculate the cur in u and Viridi 2 mak up 4 all the strait peoals u killed b4 r massev orgi 2day" Pit sed "Mom gabe me parmesan."
"And than well all go2 the Manshun and hav Lick rap Miss Wilson and Mistar Hamock will lettuce becuz he is tolarent of r evul strait ugonja" Phosphora sed.
"No ill stap u" I sed.
"Ha theres onely a few of u and alota us stoopid" Phosphora sed "and im skanny enuff 2 doge ur hits."
"And im fat enuff 2 cont 4 lik twewy pepole wile u and Viridi r so thin and pritty and stuff" Pit adod.
"But u forgat on thin I hav Darwin on my sid" I sed.
"But were Christens so we wershap Gad and dont beleve in devalushen" Samas sed.
"And that wy u well lose" I sid, smiking "wen the Bag Bung Thaory crated the Earf billons of yars ago it was mad that gud wold alweys triamp ovar evul!"
"Lol ur stooped Erth is six thosands yars old and CRATED BY GOD" Phosphora sad.
"AND UR A ABOLIST BICH INSALTING MY GRATE INTALIGANCE LIK THAT" I yoled.
"Git ovary it alredy. Ur gonna lose to us anywas" Palutena sade.
"No ur wron and u conservativs r usen ur byas carbon doting 2 lye 2 the pepole wif ur crayons of FAEK NEUS and tryen 2 undmane the werd of ATHISM!" I sed. I actived my finel smush and gut reedy 2 fite all the straits at onse.