They stayed joined and she slept peacefully, joyfully, the sense of happiness that had suffused her when she'd first spent time with Garrus, new again, deeper, filling her like solid and liquid and gas, in the deep places and the high reaches and flowing like a living thing. The flip of an internal switch from barely getting by to thriving. Home, brighter and stronger from experience and anticipation. No fear that it would not 'work out' in any way. This was how it was, how it would be.

Familiar hands and voices woke her slowly. She couldn't make out the words, brain fuzzy, enjoying the timbre of deep, resonant voices that she loved.

Finally she could touch Garrus wherever and whenever she chose, but she still couldn't touch Thane, didn't even think he'd give her permission because he was enjoying…props…too much. He was getting off on the agency of making her crazed and exhausted, and Garrus had confirmed that she made him crazy in turn. Passively. She wasn't permitted an active role. She shouldn't be surprised that he had a flair for the dramatic and a love of a challenge.

She still couldn't consider tasting venom…

So it worked for them both in a bizarre way that suited him. He was proving to her, to himself, that he could control himself. She was proving to him she wanted him without venom, that what was inherent in his skin wasn't what she craved, that she writhed and arched under the sway of his voice and fingertips bound in leather, tongue held back behind some improvised barrier.

She was not tempted to take a new leap right now, exhausted of the will to take another chance when she was so deeply satisfied with the outcome of the chance she had just taken.

Thane seemed if not entirely transformed, then at least in transition, more honest, attempting happiness, relishing his challenges and opportunities.

She heard the echo of his voice in her head to complement the rumble of sounds she heard between them. "Would it be so terrible…?"

No. No, it would not. It would drive her to inconveniencing Garrus a lot while Thane inconvenienced Garrus a lot, and Garrus was thrilled with that outcome. He was a smug Turian shock absorber.

Thane's relationship with Garrus was worthy of jealousy, but fortunately her sense of blinding jealousy eased to a more manageable admiration with the ability to touch Garrus again. She was willing to bet Thane wanted to keep up the odd power balance he'd established and had control over.

She was still, and probably always would be, a little jealous of their rough ease with each other, the extent to which they could give and take without question or fear, but she was happy for them. She'd been jealous mostly because fitting into that relationship with ease had been hers once and she'd engineered it. Now it all had a will of its own. Seeing it that way, though, as a thriving, living thing breaking out of set boundaries pleased more than alarmed her.

The possibilities with her while she was senseless seemed to delight Thane to no end, and although he didn't seek her out on a six hour schedule, he made certain that four orgasms a day was a paltry goal and he wouldn't tolerate a bar set that low. If she couldn't touch his skin and he couldn't touch hers, he'd found any number of barriers that would work, and he seemed to keep finding more. She wondered if he'd torn some of his wardrobe apart to find swaths of cloth and leather and soft, cool furs that he seemed to pull from pockets like a pervy magician.

She giggled at the thought and they stopped talking. Garrus nudged her throat and licked at the vibrations, which tickled and made her laugh harder. He said "What's so funny?"

She had…no filter…and didn't care. She said "Thane's a pervy magician!" and kept giggling.

There were pauses and held breath and Garrus said "I'm…not sure that translated. Forbidden necromancer?"

Thane said quietly "I heard 'deviant shaman'"

That drove her to laugh harder and she said "Thane is a forbidden, deviant, necromancer-shaman!"

Garrus laughed and said "The way she said that, it's starting to make sense."

Thane said "She is far from sense and not likely to make any soon. Your influence."

Garrus rolled carefully, keeping the sheet on top of them, until she was in his lap, with him licking lazily at her throat, her thighs spread open over his bent thighs, his arms crossed over her stomach, holding her hands in his. Garrus said with a deep sigh "It's terrible. I hate seeing her like this."

Thane said lightly "Watch her and do not let her hands wander. I'm convinced she will be more unpredictable under your influence."

Garrus said agreeably, keeping her hands in his and wedging her feet under the bend of his knee, hung on his spurs "Whatever you say, forbidden necromancer."

She said under her breath "Cowards." Though she was grateful she wouldn't be asked to leap again, he wouldn't expect it, and would prevent it through word and deed and intent. She was perfectly and zealously safe in their arms. Two of them in cooperation always making up for the third's inadequacies.

Her inadequacies and the laughter drifted off gently, forgotten with Thane kneeling between their spread, entwined thighs. Thane said quietly "Kiss her, Invas'nam, let me see. I can remember perfectly every moment her lips have touched mine, but I crave seeing that her lips are properly appreciated in each moment, and you can do that for me."

She was mesmerized by watching Thane's lips, listening to his voice, barely registering the meaning in this blurred place. Garrus's hand held both of her forearms and his other hand came to the side of her face to turn her to look at him, gazing into startled doe eyes for a long moment before bringing her lips to his, fervent and passionate, his talons along the side of her face. Thane's gloved finger moved along her cheek to trace along the defined spaces between Garrus's fingers, along her cheekbone, along the under curve of her distended lip against Garrus's mouth plates.

She heard and felt the mingled moans of all three of them, gave to Garrus, felt Thane's hand withdraw and then both of his hands slide in along the curved lines from her knees to the apex of her thighs, slowly dragging his fingers, shifting the sheet back and settling some warm-textured and cool temperature fabric or hide or synthetic. It would be thin and pliable and impermeable, he didn't trust to sheets protecting her, only to something that wouldn't soak through, that she soaked from one side and he from the other, clinging to her skin, warming and cooling to his breath and his mouth.

Thane's tongue grazed lightly, teasing and warm until she tried to arch closer, but her body was restrained. Thane's hand spanned the base of Garrus's cock, pressed and gripped, slid a finger along the edge of where their bodies merged and stroked against her G-spot, his mouth and hands causing her and Garrus to moan, gasp, bite at each other, turning from slow and languorous, indulgent of whims to hungry and frantic.

Venom soaked into Garrus from Thane's other hand, rhythmic and hard thrusts of bared fingers that recoiled through his body, twisting inside her as she clenched around him. Fevered want was fed back to her from his mouth, the growls in his throat, teeth and raw need.

She pulled Garrus's hands down with hers, not taking a moment to ask, hoping to be trusted, wanting to span Thane's shoulders, digging into leather, touching how she could, trusted to not touch where she shouldn't.

Garrus's hands traveled with her and kept hers pinned as four hands overlapping spread nails and talons over the expanse of warm, hard, straining muscle that moved under her palms.

She had a brief image of this being her first combined fantasy of how it would be with them, Garrus inside, Thane's mouth on her, and had a moment's inverted realization of how different the thin but compelling fantasy had been from this reality, and then it was lost to sensation, growls and moans and clenching body and hands, Garrus drinking in her kiss.

Then mental inversion was swapped with literal inversion, Thane drew back and guided Garrus over with insistent hands, and she was suspended under Garrus, his cock shoved harder inside by his arms, unyielding bars around her hips and under her breasts, holding her up, tight to him. Garrus bit into her shoulder, holding her in place, not pain in Reverie, but the craved reality of Garrus's rough way of obliterating limits and boundaries, taking what he needed, giving everything he could.

Thane's provoked, unleashed hunger was for both of them, slamming into Garrus, harsh, hard, causing the referred thrusts into her body that Garrus accentuated with snaps of his hips, growling and grunts and frenzy reflected in voices, in demanding hands on her body. She was exhausted and numb and over-sensitized and Thane knew it, having caused it to happen, owning the result as his fingers on her were gentle and soothing despite the hungered frenzy of his thrusts, coaxing her body to his call until he was as demanding with her as he was with Garrus, until Garrus twisted inside her relentlessly and she came with a scream, Garrus lapping at her shoulder, Thane finally succumbing to release with his tight, keening groan that she missed so desperately.

All three shuddering and hoarse, Thane leaned over Garrus and rested his weight on him for a long moment, panting slowly subsiding and arms around both of them.

Thane and Garrus negotiated moving back to the side, Garrus stayed inside her, sets of arms entwined, panting easing back into breathing, soft moans and murmured endearments, and an entangled sleep with the pulsing of home.

When her alarm went off Thane said softly "Siha, turn off the alarm. Stay."

She started to get up but Garrus said "Is anybody going to die if you don't get out of bed right now?"

She said "Probably. Somewhere."

He huffed and nudged the back of her neck "Is anybody going to die as a direct result of you not getting out of bed right now."

She said "…probably not?"

Garrus said "Good enough for me. You got no real sleep last night, we made sure of it. Now we'll make sure you get some."

She drew in breath to protest and he tightened his arms around her.

She said "At least let me set another alarm."

Thane said lazily "She is bargaining. Go for the kill."

Garrus insisted "No alarm. Go back to sleep. If anybody dies it's our fault."

She said, frustrated "But you guys don't care if anybody dies."

Thane confirmed "Correct."

Garrus said with a kiss to the back of her neck "That's the beauty of it. Sleep. Hold on, when's your birthday?"

She said "What? Why?"

Thane asked "What's a birthday?"

Garrus explained "Human holiday, celebrates the date of being born."

Thane said "That is…very odd. She did not do anything worthy of celebration. The mother perhaps should be honored on that date."

She said, offended for humankind "I breathed!"

Thane said dismissively "Low bar. Humans set low bars for so many things."

Garrus repeated "When's your birthday, Kerim?"

She said "About four months ago."

Garrus said "I didn't celebrate it for years, so now is your birthday celebration. You get no alarms and nobody dying. Happy birthday."

She sighed and said "Can I also get a pair of gloves?"

Thane said blandly "We can discuss it later. If you manage to stay true to birthday form and continue to breathe."

Garrus was aware that she would mostly be spending the day watching and likely interrupting David and Legion, and that there was no need to be there…and that Legion could send her reports without her hovering. She was really too happy to want to argue so she said "Fine…but you guys are going to have to sing a song."

Garrus said disdainfully with a yawn "Turians don't sing."

Thane said sleepily "I have decided that Drell also do not sing."

She said "I can't think of anything I want that won't also result in more loss of sleep."

Garrus said "We've got a lot of birthdays to make up for, pace yourself Kerim."

She grinned and said "Fine. I'll see you in six hours."

Thane laughed and a gloved hand moved to stroke her cheek and then his hand moved over Garrus's arm, both settling her back against them, Garrus kissing the back of her neck and saying "Someone explain why that was funny….later."

They slipped back into sleep hums and she took a little stolen faux birthday time to listen, breathe, appreciate where she was, soak in the lucky, and drift back to unscheduled sleep at the insistence of men she loved more than she thought possible. She didn't have to say thank you or I'm sorry and they'd just given her their rough ease with each other. They had spent seven weeks together that she'd missed, so much time with each other and love for each other without her that it did feel like she had some birthdays to make up for, definitely had catching up to do, catching up that didn't seem like strain or work, but joy. They were such different men than the ones she'd first touched, whose first kiss she'd seen. She breathed happily, not counting, just appreciating, until her breath deepened and lengthened back into sleep.

oOoOoOoOoOo

She woke to sudden realization, panic and said fervently "Oh shit."

Garrus was already awake, she wondered for how long, but he said drily "She's figured out something to worry about. Again."

Thane said "I do not have to pretend as though I am surprised."

She said "Garrus…I forgot…what if I've indoctrinated you through sex?"

Garrus said "WHAT?"

Thane started to laugh, wheezing, strained and quiet.

She said miserably "It's really not all that funny."

Garrus started to laugh too, seemingly reassured by Thane, not by her, obviously.

Thane said "I do not consider it a concern. The medical team does not consider it a concern. Jane, however…"

Garrus said "Ah…what the hell. It's for a good cause. We'll find out in the next scan."

She said "What if I just indoctrinated you both?"

Thane said "I believe you had already considered that we could have surgery."

She moaned "Not my ideal solution."

Garrus was busy laughing as he said "Do humans go into heat? It would explain a lot."

Thane said succinctly "Heat is cyclic. She is constant."

Garrus settled down his laughter and kissed the top of her head "Happy birthday, Kerim. Free pass to indoctrinate us both. We'd likely both be relieved to have it over with, considering how often we are at risk anyway. We volunteer to die, we volunteer to be indoctrinated, we volunteer for surgery."

Thane said solemnly "Seconded."

Garrus said happily "At least if this is indoctrination day, I'm making the most of it. Best indoctrination ever."

She wasn't tired anymore, and they were convincing.

It was the best of impromptu birthdays, possibly the best of any other birthday included. Once she'd started bargaining she was lost, as predicted. Happily lost.

Eventually as always happens, bodies required food and showers, Garrus stayed in his cabin for the shower and Thane came with her back to hers, shared a shower. He stayed behind her in the spray always, washcloths and soap between them. She considered the constantly held tension between them, unable to collapse it, lean back against him and answer the question.

She wanted to touch him in order to know the answer, but she really did not want to touch him because a large part of her thought she already knew the answer.

But she wasn't sure. She'd ask him possibly someday… "How long do you think we can keep this up?"

But she could hear in his newly minted voice with less deference and more humor "How long can I keep up an otherwise unsustainable way of living, essentially juggling, with no tolerance for error? I believe you know the answer to that question. You wish to ask how long can you keep it up, and neither of us know the answer to that."

He was enjoying telling her what not to do, and that made Thane sense.

She had no idea if it made Jane sense or not.

He played with her hair in the water, until she was clenching her fists and he glided a cloth-covered finger down the back of her arm to trembles and a finger slid between her tightened fingers. She squeezed rhythmically and said "About that pair of gloves…"

He said smoothly "Although you continue to breathe, and that is commendable, I find I enjoy the state of things far too much at the moment to allow any change. Now that you feel free to touch Garrus, I plan on enjoying that as well. I shall savor one victory at a time. I suggest you do the same."

She said "You mean I have no choice but to do the same."

He said "If you choose to see it in its harshest light, then yes. But that does not exclude savoring. You are not ready. I am not ready to see your enthusiasm fade to apprehension. We have more context to create."

She squeezed his finger and relented, just holding on. "All right." She thought to say 'I'm sorry' but no longer did it, she'd been threatened with physical violence as a joke too often, and suspected it caused mental anguish more often, so she relented fully.

He said "Siha, this is not only for you, but for me. Allow me more time to have no opportunities to lose myself, to potentially do you harm through my skin or my loss of control. With things as they are, I know beyond a doubt that I will do no damage. Allow me more time to ensure that I will evoke in you, or in myself, no more pity or disgust. As I am now, I deserve no pity. As we are together, it causes no disgust. Only overflowing desire. I had hoped…over time…to desire you less. To somehow become accustomed. That is a lost hope. As much as I desired the woman that you were, my desire for the woman I know you to be is beyond my hope to control. It is not that I think you are fragile. I consider you to be the first unbroken person I have ever encountered. I know that beyond a doubt I cannot break you, as I had once feared. You are my Siha, but no longer the avatar of a Drell Goddess. You are a human Goddess in your own right with your own rituals and presence. Let us be honest that what I face in our future is not me doing you harm, but you being forced to reject me for my spirit being unable to overcome the consequences and circumstances of the state of my body."

He turned her with cloth-covered hands to pin her shoulders to the wall, wet and cold in quick contact and then the impression seared away by the heat in his eyes. He said softly "It has become commonplace to you to speak to mechanical Gods and have an evolved Geth AI wear your armor like a favor in battle, to share the bed of a Speaker of the Spirits in the form of a Turian whose ancestral home has walls that echo with his words. You slip among stars unseen and you gather adherents and followers on every planet and station, eyes turned your way and hopes tuned to your ambitions. Yet beyond all that…"

One of his hands shed the cloth and glowed green, moved to her face, close enough to feel the heat radiate from his hand onto rapidly cooling skin, biotic warmth caressed there "You are my Jane. Mine. This I know to be true. You are my mate, my heart, my hope. I am yours. As with many truths, my love, I do not care if anybody knows it but you. I love Garrus, and he loves me, but we all know I would have allowed you to speak for us both, cast me entirely aside, end my life. You chose him first between us, you chose him first again, but you chose me, Siha, and you will not cast me aside. Later and last does not change that you are mine, that I am yours, and that I will allow nothing to change that. Not my own failings and flaws, not your impulsive need to take all harm onto yourself. If you will not allow me to alter my body to suit you, then wait until the day when the memory of my skin on your tongue makes you sway closer. Wait until it is not something you will bear to have the rest of me. If that day never comes, so be it, but I will give all I have to give until that day, and I will accept that you give no less than all you have to give on that day. On that day you will not touch me because you wish to answer a question. You will touch me because you know the answer, and that answer will not change from that day forward."

It must be a particular Drell skill, his mode of speech where he spoke not to her ego, or her persona, but to her spirit, brushing all else aside. She was not her body or her status, and he did not address those. He spoke to only her.

Her body, her persona, her status…wanted that day to be today. She wanted a dramatic lunge to him, a promise, a reunion and no distance.

Her spirit would not allow it. Her spirit felt the shape and breadth of what he wanted, that unquestioning bond he'd envisioned the first moment he'd seen her, then violated by both of them unknowing, now known. He wished to tear down all prior scaffolding and foundation and begin slowly with patience and the best materials, the best tools, uncompromising.

If she wanted the purity of the potential of the dark dance she had shared with him on the Presidium, she must set aside questions and hesitation.

He needed her to know she was truly safe and would be in his arms, and the warning was for her to learn to protect him as she had not.

The question shifted from whether or not she could tolerate venom to whether or not she would hide from him as she had, pretend as she had, or be herself and allow him to see her and not have to lie for her, bear her excuses and apologies for things about which he would accept no excuses or apology.

She saw in his eyes that he was daring her to live up to being a human Siha, accept him as the speaker for the Drell and cast aside the unworthy. He would not accept the woman pretending to be on Mars. He demanded to touch the woman of blade and fire, both unflinching. He would not be an independent contractor and she would not be his Commander, he would be her mate and equal and she would not touch him until that day. He would not allow it, and this is what his honesty meant. No more cover, no more camouflage, not in his presence.

She said slowly with a warm, spreading smile "You don't ask for much, do you Krios?"

His smile was the same in response "I demand my due, Shepard, on the day I am worthy of it."

She said fervently "I look forward to the day I am worthy to give it."

She spent the next few hours in the cradle of his chest and thighs, talking softly with him as he braided and unbraided her hair, combing it out with bare fingers and beginning again, soft kisses against cloth and puffs of breath against her neck, his warm, deep voice in her ear. The physical space was respected between them. No more wavering or questioning from her, no more testing. They would both know when the day came, and it would come. She had faith.

Garrus brought her chocolate.

oOoOoOoOoOo

She was better able to switch between personal and professional tracks with her current options, that was definite. She relished both opportunities at this point.

David and Legion had spent time together, Reni had settled in well and nobody had really needed her for the 24 hours she went AWOL. Nobody had died. Bonus.

Legion's destination was…Rannoch. Legion had determined he could help with obtaining interface pods and coordinate with Tali, shut down a server that had Reaper code infecting it, and then take the Geth from that server and convince them and theoretically others to join in on the fight against the Old Machines ultimately and Cerberus in the interim.

Legion had assured her that there was deep concern in the Consensus, willingness to rewrite others as the heretics had been rewritten and rejoined the Consensus, adding in their experiences and subjective experiences of what seemed essentially Geth slavery. Legion hoped to introduce David, clear out the Reaper code with the assistance of David's intellect and devise a cooperative plan. David hoped to analyze Legion's code and transfer comprehension and motivation along with David's own blend of persuasion.

Tali was informed of their plan, and there was a few long moments of Tali considering, hard. No sputtering or smoke.

Jane said "Quarians often have excellent poker faces, but in this case, you've even developed poker body. You're not giving anything away."

Tali said "Practice with the political jackals preying on my people and you pick up a few things."

Jane said "Glad to hear it. I'll be able to get some Geth, pull those away that are attacking you directly, but I need you to correlate the two and get us credit."

Tali considered and said "I will do that. Not directly, but I will allow a leak before the fact. That way I won't have to make a promise, but the leak will predict the event, and I can confirm it if asked."

Jane grinned and said "I love the learning curve here. Anything you need from me?"

Tali said "Get as many of those Geth converted as quickly as you can, give me something to work with. It will be worth being branded a Geth Lover if I can appear to be able to influence their behavior. If I can prove after the run on Cerberus that we can work together, maybe I can go to Rannoch too."

She sounded wistful and hopeful. Jane said "I'll do everything I can to make that happen."

Tali had a smile in her voice "I know you will. How is Garrus? How is Thane? How are you?"

Jane smiled softly and said "We're good. We're really good. Terrible few months…"

Tali said softly "Understatement…Garrus was frantic. I'm so glad you're back…and you're you…and that we can save our people from this."

Jane said gently "You know, I'm usually the first person to want to punch someone for pointing out the benefits of something gained during adversity…but…I feel I came out ahead. Professionally. Personally I've got a long way to go, but with the friends and family I have…"

Tali said "I'm just happy to be part of that family. As long as they are going to portray me as they are, I might as well adopt Legion."

Jane laughed and said "I'll file for joint custody."

Tali said "Take care of yourself, Jane. I missed you."

Jane smiled "I missed you too."

oOoOoOoOoOo

Stealth and shuttle took them into Rannoch and there wasn't much in the way of combat. With Garrus, Thane and Shepard, they cleared a path for Legion and David.

Legion presented David with the interface pod and basically ignored Shepard, which she was getting used to. She'd asked David so many questions and been beatifically assured that there was nothing left to say.

Legion was silent and David looked…digitized…while he smiled. He was definitely into this.

She said wistfully after it got quiet "I kinda miss not being the one to have my brains scrambled by a thingy. I feel left out."

Garrus watched the entry choke points and said "I for one am perfectly happy to not have your head scrambled by a thingy again."

Thane was silent and watchful until he said curiously "How often have your brains been…scrambled…Shepard?"

She provided helpfully "Prothean beacon. Out for two days. Kept popping up in my head for months, still will every now and then. The Protheans were visceral people."

Garrus said "Liara scrambled her brains at least three times that I saw, but mostly it just made Liara tired."

Thane said drily "I can appreciate that."

Shepard grinned and said "Then there was the green Asari at the Thorian."

Garrus said with a shrug "At least she didn't throw up on us after we killed her a few times."

Shepard said "There was that one Asari at the bar…remember? Flux…after Saren."

Garrus said "Yeah, but she didn't do anything, you were just drunk and fell over."

Shepard said hotly "She did something. Some whammy."

Garrus said wearily "There was no whammy, Shepard, only Ryncol."

Shepard said thoughtfully "Huh. Okay, so brain scrambling count goes down and won't go up today. Wait. Morinth. That wasn't fun. Might be canceled out by the Consort. That was more fun. Vitkiv, not fun. I've been scrambled by a lot of Asari here. Yahlis did her best. Okay, maybe I am not missing having my brain scrambled. You know, it's happened a lot, and they do not cover that in training."

Garrus said "Not to…alarm anyone…but we have Geth converging."

She said "How many?"

Garrus squinted and said "It looks like…ALL of them…"

She panicked and said "Well…shut the door or something."

Garrus said "There is no damned door. So what do you think, hide?"

Thane came over to look, though staying back in the shadows. He stood solemnly, tense, taking in the sea of slowly walking Geth "I would not suggest firing first."

She said "Everyone calm. I'd try to get Legion's attention, but I'd risk scrambling them both. Thane, I want you cloaked if fighting starts. I need you to protect them if we can't. We're visible, they've seen us, Garrus and I can stall if it comes to that. Weapons down. We're going to step aside and see what happens."

She lowered her weapon to the floor, Garrus reluctantly followed, but after another glance he did not have a better idea. They stepped into the sides of the doorway, leaving the guns in plain sight as an offering of no hostility. Thane had made no acknowledgement other than to disappear.

She thought 'I'd really like to kiss Thane right about now, before we meet at the shores of the sea and I haven't womaned up and touched him. He just did what I asked. No diving, no arguing, just invisible. I love that man.'

She shared a glance with Garrus and she allowed a small half smile. 'I'd like to kiss him too.'

She swallowed once, hard, restrained herself from sticking her head out the door and waited. She tilted her head to the ceiling and listened. Footsteps grew louder and closer, it sounded like hundreds of feet on crunching sand and stone.

Well…if I die here…I did okay. Only regret is that I don't have more time.

The crunching stopped and suspense was hammering in her chest, but she didn't move.

Well, it was out of my hands and I didn't like it and I still don't like and they could just put that on my new memorial. "She Did Not Like It."

Legion spoke "There are several Geth that have chosen to help after David Archer rerouted motivation."

Shepard panted a breath and said "Oh. Good."

Thane reappeared in his corner, near to David, who was beatifically smiling still.

Garrus said with a growl "You know, you're kind of an asshole, Legion."