Title: The ARK Angels of DX in Monster Ink
Author: Kaykyaka
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the WWE and TNA characters used within this fictional story. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made by this work of fiction.
Ratings: K+
Characters: Shawn, Cameron and Cheyenne Michaels, Amy 'Lita' Dumas Michaels, Hunter Hurst Helmsley, LC Helmsley, Aurora Rose Helmsley, Chyna, Trish and Randy Orton, Melina and Johnny Hennigan, Batista, CM Punk, The Beautiful People, Edge, Jeff Hardy, Rey Mysterio, Stephanie and Chris Jericho, The McCools
Summary: An evil spirit takes possession of Batista and CM Punk and chaos ensues for the RAW locker room. DX discover that the problem is tattooed on the two Superstars but can Shawn and Hunter help them and protect their family at the same-time?
Chapter Twenty Five - Don't Say a Word
Waterside, 12pm:
Cameron was relieved that DX finally came to Waterside to spend some time with him, LC and Cheyenne but he was a little suspicious of the reasons. All week Joanie had been the one to come down and look after them because Shawn and Hunter kept getting called away but Joanie couldn't come this time because Amy wanted to visit Trish and Randy Orton in Florida and Joanie went with her. Trish had told Amy to stay home and relax so whatever got her out of bed and on a plane to Florida had to be important. Also Cameron knew Trish would have insisted on just coming over, maybe Amy didn't want her to come to the house. Whatever it was it was bugging Cameron, still it was nice to have his father at school with him even if he did suck at science.
"Mr. Michaels please tie your hair back before leaning over the Bunsen burner," Mrs. Alderman said to HBK who fumbled to find his hair band while Cameron moved the Bunsen burner out of the way.
"Sorry Mrs. A," Shawn said sheepishly and Mrs. Alderman smiled at him.
"That's okay. Safety is very important and you cannot be too careful when you're conducting experiments. Mr. Helmsley are you drinking from that test tube?" Mrs. Alderman said horrified and Hunter wondered what she was getting so upset about.
"What, this nice girl over here told me it was apple juice," Hunter said pointing to Tanya Madison who was laughing behind her test tube rack.
"Mr. Helmsley that's monkey urine!" Mrs. Alderman said and Hunter started to gag while the Damsels of Destruction laughed it up.
"Monkey urine, I drank monkey urine Shawn!" Hunter said going over to his best friend while LC scowled at the Damsels of Destruction.
"I know I saw you," Shawn said as Hunter grabbed his bottle of water and chugged the last of it down like he was dying of thirst and the other school children laughed at him.
"How am I gonna live this down?" Hunter fretted.
"You're not," Shawn replied and LC gestured to her father to come back over to her.
"Don't worry about it dad, we'll get them back at lunch-time," LC said.
"Okay but it has to be something equally if not more humiliating," Hunter said.
"Don't worry about it, Mrs. A's got a week's worth of monkey pee stored in the back," LC said and Hunter gave her an Evolution thumbs-up.
"I like the way you think," he said with a smile, "but let me do the damage I don't want you getting into trouble you've been doing so good I don't want to rock the boat,"
LC nodded and Hunter turned around to the Damsels and pointed at them, "You're going down girls and not in a good way!" he said and LC and the Damsels frowned while Shawn covered his face.
"What does that mean?" LC asked her father and Mrs. Alderman couldn't believe what she had just heard.
"Mr. Helmsley go sit in the corner right now, I will not tolerate that kind of language in my classroom!" she said sternly.
"He won't say another word Mrs. A I promise," LC said in her father's defense and Hunter made puppy dog eyes at the teacher and she sighed.
"Alright but only because you've been so good LC," Mrs. Alderman said and Hunter breathed easy while LC turned his goggles around the right way.
"See LC it pays to be good, imagine how embarrassing it would have been to see your dad sat in the corner of the classroom, the Damsels of Destruction would never let you hear the end of it," Cameron said and LC realized he was right.
"Cameron please turn around and explain to your father what I just said because he has the strangest look on his face," Mrs. Alderman said and Cameron looked and saw that his dad had his confused face on.
"Okay dad what we're gonna do now is measure the pH of all these different solutions," Cameron said pointing to the test tubes, "Here we have samples of vinegar, bleach, pure water and human saliva,"
"You're sure its not monkey saliva?" Shawn asked his son cautiously.
"It's not monkey saliva dad and if we put some into this Petri dish and perform a litmus test it should have a pH of 6.5," Cameron said performing the experiment and the result was indeed a pH of 6.5, "Now you try,"
"Okay we'll see if that's monkey saliva or not, if it is human it should have the same pH as mine right?" Shawn said and Cameron frowned.
"Dad what are you doing?" he asked then Shawn spat into the Petri dish and took the pH of his own saliva.
"See I told you it was monkey saliva the pH is 7," Shawn said showing Cameron the results.
"Even if it was monkey saliva the pH wouldn't be 6.5 it would be more like 7.4, your saliva is the same as pure water," Cameron said comparing his father's results with the water results and Shawn frowned not knowing if that was good or bad. "Wait a minute dad you were reading this wrong your saliva isn't 7 - it isn't anything,"
"Is that unusual or something?" Shawn asked scratching the back of his head.
"It's not unusual Mr. Michaels its impossible," Mrs. Alderman said looking at the Petri dish then back at Shawn, "I've never heard of anything like this in my life,"
"You're not that old Mrs. A," Cameron said and Mrs. Alderman ruffled his hair fondly.
"Take the test again Cameron and I want to see the results," she said and she went to check on the other children's experiments while Cameron put his hair back the way he liked it.
"Why does she want you to do the test again?" Shawn asked Cameron.
"Because it's impossible for a human being to have saliva without a pH, according to these test results your saliva has no amylase, lysozyme or lingual lipase," Cameron said and Shawn gave him a blank look.
"Wha?" he said showing Cameron his confused face.
"What that means is the three key enzymes that you need to break food down into sugars, destroy bacteria and digest food in the stomach are missing," Cameron explained.
"Is that bad?" Shawn asked.
"Well no because you don't need them," Cameron asked.
"How come I don't need them?" Shawn asked.
"Because of your Gift dad, your Kiss of Life; you have the power to restore joy and peace to people just by putting your lips on theirs, God wouldn't want some silly enzymes to get in the way of that so He put His living water in their place. That's why there's no pH," Cameron said and Shawn smiled.
"Wow," he said, "now how are you going to explain that to your science teacher?"
Cameron sighed, "I have no idea," he said rubbing the back of his head the way his father did and the lunch bell rang, "I guess I'll have to think about it over lunch," he said.
"Okay everyone we'll resume our lesson on pH on Monday," Mrs. Alderman said and she came over to DX, "Will you be joining us?" she said with a smile.
"Well that all depends," Shawn replied as Hunter and LC snuck containers of monkey urine out of the back room, "it's very likely that LC's father won't be able to come back to this school ever again,"
Mrs. Alderman frowned wondering what Shawn meant as he and Cameron left the classroom with the other children and headed to the playground. She turned around and saw that her science closet door was open, the sound of Tanya Madison, Jamie Albright and Melissa Turnbull screaming sent her running to the window and there she saw Triple H dumping her monkey urine all over them.
"So that's what Cameron's father meant," she said to herself as the Damsels of Destruction ran inside the school screaming and not smelling too good, "That's too bad, I'm gonna miss those DX antics," she said laughing to herself as she cleared up her classroom.
Trish's house, Boca Vista, FL at lunchtime:
Amy and Joanie arrived at Trish's door, the smell of lunch cooking came through the open window and Joanie's stomach growled hungrily. She was surprised it wasn't Amy's stomach but the former Women's Champion had something on her mind and for the first time it wasn't something she could eat.
Randy answered the door with a cooking cloth slung over his left shoulder, "I was expecting you," he said to Amy.
"You were?" she asked then she remembered who Randy was married to, "What am I talking about of course you were,"
"Is that tuna casserole?" Joanie asked recognizing the smell.
"Yeah its Amy's favorite," Randy said, "come on in, Trish is in the kitchen,"
"Why don't you go in Joanie I want to talk to Randy alone for a minute," Amy said to Joanie.
"Okay," Joanie said and she walked inside and Randy came outside and closed the door behind him.
"Its okay Amy Trish knows why you're here too," Randy said.
"I figured if I just talked to you alone I could convince you to tell me what I know Trish won't," Amy said.
"Well you can't, me and Trish are in total agreement on this," Randy said and Amy pulled a picture out of her handbag and showed it to Randy.
"So you won't tell me what this means?" she said and Randy looked at the familiar picture of Cameron and LC separated on opposite sides of a broken heart, it was the exact opposite of the original picture that Cheyenne had drawn.
Randy took the picture, "You weren't supposed to see this," he said regretfully.
"That's not the picture that Cheyenne drew, why has it changed?" Amy asked.
"I'm not gonna tell you," Randy replied and Amy reached into her bag again.
"Well can you at least tell me if that is going to happen to these other pictures that Cheyenne drew?" Amy said handing Randy two pictures; one was of her, Shawn, Cheyenne and Cameron inside a giant red heart and the other was of Hunter, Aurora and LC sitting on a cloud with a rainbow over their heads.
Randy looked at the pictures but he refused to take them, "No," he replied simply, "Now are you gonna come inside and have something to eat or are we gonna stay out here and play 20 questions?"
"How about just one more question?" Amy said and Randy sighed, "Shane McMahon came to the house last night and he flew away with Punk and Batista. I'm thinking that he's gonna use their demonic powers to hurt my family,"
"Amy please," Randy begged wanting Amy to stop analyzing everything.
"I just wanna know if Shane McMahon was telling the truth, am I going to lose my family?" Amy said and Randy put his hands on hers and squeezed them gently.
"I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that you will never lose your family," he told her and she smiled, "but remember, just because you can't see the sun it doesn't mean its not there,"
"Right," Amy said wondering what Randy meant.
"Come on let's go inside," Randy said warmly and Amy found herself wanting to eat again, her mind was digesting Randy's riddle but her stomach needed something more solid to feast on.
"Hey Ames," Trish said greeting Amy with a big hug, "I've already dished out some food for you,"
"Cool!" Amy said clapping her hands together and she headed to the table and tucked into her favorite dish.
"What was with the riddle?" Trish asked her husband slapping Randy on the shoulder.
"I had to tell her something to take her mind off Shane McMahon," Randy said holding his sore shoulder.
"Well don't say another word, we can't afford for Amy to get involved in this, not with her temper," Trish said and Randy nodded.
"The McMahons are gonna make their move soon aren't they?" Randy asked Trish and she nodded.
"The dark hour approaches," she replied somberly.
"So I guess now wouldn't be the best time to break the real good news?" Randy said and Trish shook her head.
"Definitely not," she said taking her husband's hand and walking into the kitchen. They sat down next to Amy and Joanie who were tucking into Randy's delicious tuna casserole - he got the recipe from Edge who got it from his mom.
"So what's with all the boxes?" Amy asked Trish noticing that nearly everything in the kitchen was packed up.
"We're moving to New York," Trish replied and Amy's eyes raised curiously.
"So you finally decided on a place to live huh?" she asked.
"Why did you choose New York?" Joanie asked.
"We didn't, God did, remember that picture Mickie James took of us in Fiji and Randy transprojected it into the future? We were in New York City in that picture," Trish replied and Amy stopped eating and studied Trish and Randy closely.
"This wouldn't have anything to do with Chris Jericho would it?" she asked them.
"Eat your casserole," Trish said and eventually Amy continued eating, she wasn't going to get anything out of the Know It Alls today.
Back at Waterside just as Hunter was being forced off the premises by Mr. Applebee his cell-phone rang, it was Stephanie Jericho.
"Hey Hunt something really weird has happened," she said sounding concerned.
"What do you mean?" Hunter asked as he waved goodbye to the ARK Angels who were still laughing at the DX antics even though Shawn tried to quiet them down.
"Its Charlotte and Dan I can't wake them up," Stephanie said and Hunter called Shawn over to him.
"How long have they been asleep?" Hunter asked.
"All day, we were supposed to have lunch together but when I came over I found them strewn over their bed still in their nightclothes," Stephanie explained and Hunter took his mouth away from the receiver of his cell-phone.
"We got trouble," he said to Shawn before talking to Stephanie again, "We'll be right there okay?" he told her.
"Okay see you soon," Stephanie replied and she took the phone away from her ear, her hands trembling and CM Punk took the phone away from her while Batista applauded her performance.
"Nice one Steph," CM Punk said, "remember don't say a word,"
Stephanie felt nauseous, she had genuinely come over to have lunch with Dan and Charlotte and found them asleep and Punk and Batista were in their bedroom. Punk told her to call Hunter and say what she said or he'd do to her what he did to them, the man looked so scary she didn't want to argue with him or risk anything bad happening to her unborn children.
"You wait to my husband gets home, he's gonna deal with you both," Stephanie said angrily and Punk and Batista looked at each other and laughed, "What's so funny?" she asked them indignantly.
"If I told you I don't think you'd find it funny," Punk said sitting on Charlotte and Dan's bed while Batista kept an eye on Stephanie who wanted more than anything to call Hunter back and tell him Punk and Batista were there but she couldn't say a word.
"Why are you guys doing this?" she asked, "Could you at least tell me that?"
"We think DX make lousy bosses and we're not the only ones who think that," Punk replied and Stephanie frowned at him.
"What are you talking about?" she asked confused.
"We're sure your father can explain it better than we could," Punk replied.
"My father?" she said surprised and Punk put his fingers to his lips.
"All will be explained Stephanie just sit down and be quiet," Punk said.
"I will not be quiet until I get some answers!" Stephanie shouted angrily and Batista backed her down into a chair by the bedroom door and Stephanie gulped nervously wondering what had gotten into Batista, he would never hurt her, or would he? She wasn't sure anymore.
"That's better, or we can try it my way if you'd like," Punk said gesturing to the sleeping couple on the bed and Stephanie grew quiet and didn't say another word for what felt like the longest three hours of her life.
Later at the Sandbox Joanie got a call from Stephanie, she told her that Shawn and Hunter would be staying over. Joanie thought it was a little strange but she didn't question Stephanie and figured Shawn had woken up the McCools and was talking to them about what happened to them. She figured they must have asked DX to stay for dinner too, she was coming over for dinner with them and the Jerichos tomorrow anyway so she would see them then. Amy was going to make her way over to New York from Florida since she had stayed over at the Ortons, the tuna casserole has really filled her up and she fell asleep with a smile of contentment on her face. She looked so peaceful Joanie didn't want to wake her, plus she got the feeling that the Ortons didn't want her to leave for some reason. So it would be Joanie and the ARK Angels going over to the Jerichos tomorrow for what promised to be a day the DX family would never forget.