I officially have a working computer and internet. I actually bought a laptop at the same time that I replaced my motherboard and hard drive. I am a total bitch, I acknowledge that fact, but my updates should be coming sooner now. I'm so sorry!

Chapter Twenty-Three

BPOV

I stared at the book in front of me, refusing to blink, refusing to give it even this one win. It was a mental challenge that I was doomed to fail on all counts. A stare down with an inanimate object, I couldn't sink much lower, could I? I didn't want to do this, but my math class was in three days and if I wanted to finish my homework, I needed to at least get a start on it. With a determined mind frame, I grabbed the book, breaking the deadlock and opened it to the right page. Grabbing my pencil and paper, I started to work unfalteringly on the next problem.

Only to have my eyes blur and head throb moments later. "Focus, Bella." I muttered to myself. "The eccentricity of a circle is zero. But the eccentricity of an ellipse is c divided by a." No matter how many times I repeated the equations to myself, I couldn't manage to put the numbers in the right places. Everything would blur and the variables would become one giant pain in my...

"Bella? Are you here?" I heard Edward open the door. Shit, I swore to myself, thrusting the book closed and throwing it under my bed. I'd started it purposely when he'd left so that he wouldn't see me struggling and failing at it. I grabbed my copy of The Tale of Two Cities and opened it to a random page. Throwing myself onto my bed, I stared blankly at the page. Edward knocked once before opening the door. "Hey, sweetheart."

I smiled weakly at him, not glancing up from my blurred gaze at the page. He sat down next to me, before yanking my book out of my hand. "Hey!" I protested.

"You're holding it upside down," he said with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh." I said, looking downwards, embarrassed.

"What's going on, Bells?"

I didn't look at him. Ashamed, I continued to stare at the book he held in his hands. I watched him set the book down and his hand move to my chin, forcing me to look at him. "Bells baby, talk to me." His voice was soft and compelling.

I sighed, "I thought that you were at class."

He tilted his head sideways, narrowing his eyes at me. "It got canceled, the professor's daughter just went into labor."

"Oh," I muttered.

He continued to stare at me, while I continued to avoid his eyes. "Isabella Marie Swan," he said warningly to me.

I glared at him, due to his use of my full name. It was completely uncalled for. "Edward Anthony Cullen," I mocked him, hoping to distract him from his determination to find out what I was hiding.

It didn't work.

He frowned before reaching and grabbing my hand. "Bells, tell me what's wrong."

I bit my lip and stared at our joined hands. "It's nothing really..." I trailed off. "The usual."

I glanced up to see understanding dawn on his face.

"I'm sorry, Bells. Why don't you let me try and help you with it? You've never let me try before."

I blushed, ducked my head, and muttered my reply. "Idon'twantyoutoseemelikethat."

"What?"

Biting my lip even harder, I repeated myself. "I don't want you to see me like that." I admitted softly.

"Bella," he gently tugged my chin up again. "Why on earth not?"

"I'm..." I hesitated, unsure how to say it without aggravating him. "Embarrassed." He started to angrily say something, but I cut him off. "Just...wait. Let me think and try to explain this." He fell silent, looking as if he was grinding his teeth to prevent himself from commenting. "I know that you're not going to... look down upon me or make fun of me for it. It's not that. I just hate being so helpless and I hate having anyone see me like that, let alone someone that I..." care about a lot. I trailed off.

He seemed to know what I had been going to say. "Bella, I care about you so much. I want to be able to help you. That's what happens when someone means as much to you as you mean to me. You want to help them through everything, especially things that are hurting them." He brushed my hair back from my face, wiping my tear sparkled cheeks. "Like your foot," he said, gesturing to my newly un-casted foot. "I went overboard, I can admit that. But it killed me to see you in pain. This pain... this struggle you have with math, it's emotional and physical. It kills me. Seeing you hurt like this, seeing you doubt yourself and seeing your doubt in our relationship."

I looked up quickly. "No, Edward!" I reached up and touched his face. "It's not like that. I don't doubt our relationship, I never want you to think that. This is my problem, it has nothing to do with us."

"But it does," he said sadly. "By your own admission, you waited until I left to work on your math homework. You felt that it was necessary to hide it from me."

I pressed my damp face against his shoulder, burrowing closer to him. He opened his arms for me, hugging me tighter. "I don't know what to do," I whispered.

"Me either."

We sat there for at least an hour, simply consoling each other. He was soft and hard at the same time. His embrace was softly comforting, but his body was rock solid. He smelled amazingly and seemed content enough to just hold me. I snuggled my face into his neck, breathing deeply. This bliss lulled me into a sense of peace and sleepiness. Groggily, I pressed my lips to his neck. I thought that I heard him sigh, and he gently stroked his hand down my hair and back.

This is perfect, I thought happily. He was the sweetest person in the world. And he was sexy as hell.

No, I can't do this, I thought to myself. This is Edward. My best friend. One that I've kissed twice and both times he'd pushed me away. What was I doing? I couldn't mess this up. I couldn't lose him, I wouldn't be able to stand it. I gently pulled away. He opened his eyes and looked at me, smiling that crooked smile. "Why don't we go watch some movies? Something funny. Then we can see what we can do about that homework of yours."

Maybe I couldn't be with him in the way that I wanted to. But as he led me out of my room and to the couch, I realized that, for now, this was enough.