So I know I haven't updated in forever and I'm really sorry, but please don't kill me. There were extenuating circumstances. It involved me on a quad-bike in the warm South African sun, which led to me lying sunburned and dizzy in an ice cold bath. So updating was not very high on my list of things to do this past Sunday. Sorry?
Still, to those that reviewed the last chapter, I LOVE YOU! Hopefully you forgive me for skipping out on you guys for a little while.
Also to Payne N. Uranus, thanks for adding my story to your favorites. You were the 100th person to do so and it made my day!
Anyway, I don't own SoN, never will and never have. Despite what I might say when I'm drunk and hallucinating.
Senior Year
Chapter 25
Ashley's point of view.
The rain has always made me sad. Ever since that day I spent in Chicago with my Dad just watching the rain pour down and the thunder hit the earth, the rain reminds me of what I've lost. Reminds me of a dad I in all honesty barely had the chance to get to know.
Now? Now the rain would forever remind me of Spencer Carlin. Of a girl flat on her ass in the pouring rain, smiling in such a way that my chest ached and my stomach twisted. Of a girl leaning over me, her breath soft and sweet against my mouth as I kissed her, as I touched her warm body.
The rain would forever remind me of the day I well and truly, wholeheartedly, fell in love with Spencer Carlin. Without fearing the consequences, without doubting the reasons for it, without trying to hold myself back from it.
Just falling.
What made today different, you may ask?
I mean I've come to the conclusion before that I loved this girl, that she's special to me like no one else has ever been, so how can I say today was the day I fell in love with her?
Easy, because before I was just busy tipping over if you will. I was halfway there, I was on the edge of falling, but not quite face first on the ground after having my feet kicked out from under me, you know?
Before I was fighting it, my arms all flailing about trying to keep my balance, trying to stay upright and safe. Like how when you're a kid and you've run too fast and lose your balance and your arms go round and round like a windmill, your eyes all big and your mouth open in a large, panicked 'O'? Well that was me before today.
Before Spencer smiled at me, sopping wet and beautiful, in the pouring rain and thunder. Before she trusted me enough to let me take her clothes off, to let me see her in a way I'm sure no one else has ever seen her, because it was different from getting undressed in a locker room filled with other people. Filled with noise that distract you and other bodies in similar states off dress and undress.
Because it was just us and it was intimate. Intimacy was something I've never really shared with another human being on this earth. Not with Aiden the first time we had sex and definitely not with any of the other guys I've been with since.
More than anything else though, it was lying on that couch and listening to her tell me I'm her number one now. It was the look on her face when my hand touched her breast, the utter rapture on her face. It was the fact that I've never made anyone feel anything close to what Spencer's closed eyes and racing heart said I made her feel.
It was in the way that I could tell she loved me too.
So here I am, a girl deeply in love, leaning against a wall watching Spencer patch up Carmen. I'm pretty much surprised I'm not bouncing off the walls, that I'm not freaked out by the simple depth of what I'm feeling for her, instead of just leaning against a wall casually making sure Carmen doesn't try to cop a feel or something.
Not that I think she will, but I'd rather not take the chance.
I mean I can barely keep my hands off Spencer, me with the superhuman self-constraint, so I really don't know how all the other mere mortals manage it. I kinda have the urge to go borrow a baseball bat off Aiden to fend off the masses, 'cos if you ask me? Spencer is that hot! I can't imagine I'm the only one that's noticed that, Carmen being proof that I'm not, so I'm not taking any chances from now on.
I don't care if I come off as a crazy, psycho, jealous lunatic, I'm not going to lose her. Not to anyone.
Yeah, okay. That was a little creepy, but you know what I mean.
"You should probably have gotten stitches, but I guess this will work too. It wasn't all that deep in the end, but I'm not sure it was supposed to bleed that much, Carmen. Though my mom said head wounds do tend to bleed more than a normal wound, so..."
I watch as Spence tilts her head, as her mind probably goes over every little fact she ever learned about head wounds. Watching her clean and dress Carmen's wound was impressive. Her hands never shook and her face never paled at the sight of all that blood and I can't help thinking that she'd make a good doctor. That hands that are as gentle and sure as my Spencer's are meant to bring relief to others. That she may have just been born to do what she did tonight.
Man, dating Spencer has made me all deep and shit, don't you think?
"I'll be okay, so don't worry. Thanks for doing this, you've pretty good at it, didn't even hurt me that much."
See? I totally called that! I'm like a freaking genius!
Eat that Mrs Lieberman! And for those of you that don't know who that is, she's the bitch ass teacher that told my parents she thought I was a little slow back in third grade.
Me? Slow?
Phu-lease!
I just really sucked at Math...and maybe the whole reading and writing thing, but I totally caught up on that.
Anyway, on to more important matters.
"So, is anyone going to tell us what happened?"
I push off the wall and stand next to Spencer, smiling when her hand slips into mine immediately. Loving the way her thumb brushes the back of my hand and the goosebumps it sends up my arm.
Man, I can't wait until we finally fuc...uhm...do it? Shag? Make...make love? I guess that would be what Spence and I do when we finally get down to doing something, right? It would be making love, together.
I've never done that.
And God, that was so corny. So corny and yet still so very true. I guess that's why Spencer wants to wait, because it's special. 'Making love' is special and I think I'm getting that finally. It's not just something you do too feel better, to make you forget. It's not just a great form of exercise or something to help you relax.
Between two people that really love each other, it's more. It's...it's everything.
Crap! Now I kinda just want to do it even more.
"...a warm bed, maybe a funny movie and then some sleep. What do you all say?"
Oh right, there's other people in the room besides me and Spencer.
I watch as Spencer nods her head, apparently agreeing to whatever Carmen suggested. So I just follow them all out of the bathroom, figuring I'll hear the story of how Carmen ended up bloody and slightly bruised in the morning.
Some part of me, the part that's maybe still a little pissed that Carmen was the first girl that Spencer ever kissed, is kinda glad that someone handed her ass to her on a silver platter. Not that I plan to tell Spencer that, like I said, I'm not stupid.
So we end up in my room, on my bed, watching Eurotrip.
Nothing unusual about that really, you'd say. Just a couple of friends chilling out, watching a movie. Thing is, Carmen just started to play with Kyla's hair.
That's a little...weird.
I mean Carmen doesn't exactly come off as the touchy type, especially not with Kyla. Usually they go at each other's throats worse than two pitbulls fighting over a steak. Now Kyla's kinda closing her eyes and leaning her head back, obviously...enjoying the touch?
That's...that's weird, right?
It's weird and...well, I don't have a better word for it. I'm sticking with weird.
"Hey, you're not watching the movie."
I look down at Spencer, her soft whisper distracting me from the weirdness that is Carmen and Kyla lying there all...contented like.
A second later and I'm pretty much lost in her blue, blue eyes. They're just so damn beautiful it's hard to concentrate on anything else when she looks at me. I'm just awash in blue.
"Hmm?"
She gives me a small, secret smile, squeezes my hand that rests in her own.
"I said you're not watching the movie."
I look over at the t.v, watch as a bunch of old naked guys chase Jenny, white saggy bottoms wiggling about all the while.
"You're prettier to look at than all those assholes on display."
Spencer smiles and brings my hand up, her warm lips touching my knuckles gently and I melt just a little bit. No ones ever been this tender with me, this sweet.
Dating a virgin has it's benefits I guess. Everything seems just a little sweeter when she does it, because I'm the first one she's doing all these things with. I was the first one to touch her like that on the couch and I'm going to be the first one to...you know. Really touch her. The whole idea excites me in a way that I never expected it would.
I feel like Neil Armstrong taking that first step on the moon, going where no man has gone before.
No wait, that's Star Trek. The whole going where no man ha...uh...not that I've watched any Star Trek or anything.
Uhm...hey look, the twins are making out!
By the end of the film I know two things.
One being that Spencer does this funny little snorting thing when she laughs from deep inside her belly and two being that Kyla purrs like a kitten when Carmen plays with her hair.
The first I'm thrilled to know, the second I could have done without, because it's putting all these ideas in my head. Maybe it's just me projecting or something. Like because I'm gay all of a sudden, I'm seeing everything through a rainbow colored lens?
That has to be it, because there's no way on earth that Kyla and Carmen could be..into each other. Kyla's very straight, I know this. It's probably just my imagination that she's checking out Carmen's chest, really it is. Or that she's now taking Carmen's hand and leading her out my bedroom door.
To go sleep. Together. In her room all alone.
I chew on my bottom lip for all of five seconds before I turn to Spencer, my eyebrows shooting up towards the ceiling.
"She does know that there's guest bedrooms in this house, right?"
Spencer for her part looks at me like I just announced I'm pregnant with an alien baby. Translation, she looks a little lost.
"Huh?"
I sit up and frown, surer by the second that something is brewing between those two. I mean...look, I know it could just be my imagination, but...but there's something there. Something obvious and it's been there for awhile now, hitting me in the face the whole time.
The way they argue, the way they still share a sandwich despite it and get in each other's personal space all the time with gentle shoves or staring matches. Oh God, it's like a fucked up mating dance they've been doing or something.
"Hmm..."
The soft sigh makes me look over at Spencer whose sprawled on my bed, halfway done stretching her back out. Which leaves me panting like a dog, because she's all arched off the bed, breasts pushed into the air and head thrown back.
Oh God, this whole waiting thing is going to kill me. I don't think Spencer realizes just how sexy she is, how utterly and completely she can turn me on just by breathing in a certain way. How my heart starts to pound, how my hands burn to reach out and touch...How I'm completely...helpless...
Then I'm kissing her, my mouth capturing her surprised 'Oh' as my body lands on top of hers heavily. The thing about kissing Spencer is the quiet. The quiet that invades my mind the minute my lips touch hers, the way I feel still and complete wrapped up in her warmth.
I think I could kiss her forever, think I want to kiss her forever.
The way her tongue strokes my own, the way her lips tremble against mine when she breathes out shakily, it all makes me want to stay like that. Stay on top of her, breasts pressed against breasts, my tongue buried softly in the cavern of her mouth, my heart beating in time with hers.
But I don't stay that way, at least not for very long, because I know if I do I'll want to go further. I'll take what I want so badly, regardless of how ready Spencer is for it. I'd strip her of the tank top and shorts I borrowed her and then of her innocence if I give myself half a chance, because even though there's a part of me that completely understands why Spence wants to wait, there's an equally big part of me that simply wants...everything.
My heart that loves and my body that wants are at war when it comes to Spencer.
"God, how am I supposed to go to sleep after that?"
I laugh as my eyes finally focus on Spencer beneath me, her arm thrown over her eyes and her chest heaving up and down.
If you guessed that I'm sporting a shit-eating grin right now, you'd be right.
"Who said I was going to let you sleep?"
I purr that into her ear, nibble on her earlobe for good measure and then burst out laughing when she shoves me off her with a huge groan.
"You're teasing me...and it's mean."
She sounds so frustrated, so almost anguished that I take pity on her.
"Okay, I'll stop teasing you...for now. Besides, I wanted to ask you something."
She finally sits up, her cheeks blushing and her lips swollen and I almost loose my train of thought. Spencer looking like that makes me squeeze my thighs together tightly and imagine the most delicious things.
Uhm...right, I had a question.
"Did you notice anything strange between Carmen and Kyla?"
The question seems to throw Spencer a bit, her brow creasing as she thinks over the question.
"What do you mean strange?"
Now how to word this correctly? Hmm...
"Like there's...like...Like maybe all this time they've been kinda flirting with each other?"
Spencer's eyebrows shoot up towards her hair and her mouth drops open.
Then she laughs in my face.
"They're...flirting."
This is squeezed out between bouts of laughter while she rolls on her back like a little kid. I'm just waiting for her to kick her legs up in the air and squeel or something.
"Yes, Spence. Flirting."
She comes up for air and bites her bottom lip.
"Kyla? Boy crazy Kyla? Flirting with...Carmen?!"
Then she's down on her back laughing again.
"Seriously, Spence! I'm telling you, there's something there! I know about this kind of thing, okay? There's so much sexual tension between the lines with those two it's a wonder they haven't exploded with it by now."
Something in my voice must finally tell her I'm a hundred percent serious, because the laughter finally dies down. She sits up and wipes the tears from the corner of her eyes.
"You're being serious, aren't you?"
I nod my head firmly and her jaw falls open again.
"Really?!"
I settle down next to Spencer, her arms going around me automatically as she shifts closer.
"Really. Didn't you see how Carmen played with her hair for like half the movie? The way Kyla practically dragged her off to her room? Even the way they fight, Spence. It's like they can't really leave each other alone, you know?"
Spencer's eyes me wearily before resting her chin on my shoulder.
"That's...interesting."
We both just sit in silence for a while, Spencer probably thinking over all the times she's seen Carmen and Kyla together and me just liking how warm Spencer is against my side.
"What do you think they're doing right now?"
Her question catches me off guard, making me sit up straighter in her arms.
"Uhm...I haven't given that much thought really. I mean I doubt they've really done anything...so they wouldn't be..."
Then the image of Kyla with a huge hicky and a hangover fills my mind. Her words ringing in my ears.
"I might have fucked up last night."
No way!
Kyla did not have hot lesbian sex before I did! That's just not fair!
"Maybe we should check."
Check? How would we check?
"You mean go spy on them?"
Spencer bites her lip, looking both ashamed and curious at the same time.
"Well, I mean it wouldn't be spying, we'd just be going down to the kitchen for...uh...warm milk or something. And then we'd happen to walk past Kyla's door and maybe, you know, listen for any weird...sounds? Just to prove you wrong really, because you're probably just imagining it."
We sit quietly for another few seconds before I jump off the bed and head to my closet. Spencer follows me and raises her eyebrow when I hold up two black tops.
"What are you doing?"
Duh, I'm getting us kitted out for spying. Everyone knows you wear black when you're spying, makes you blend into the darkness and all that crap.
"I'm getting us clothes for the mission."
Spencer rolls her eyes and takes the black tops from my hands, putting them back on the shelf behind me.
"You're not playing dress up, Ash. We're just going to go press our ears against the door and come right back here."
I pout and tug a strand of her hair, giving her my best puppy dog stare.
"But I look hot in black, Spence."
It's true, all colors look good on me, but I sizzle in black.
Spencer gives me a look that tells me she's noticed, but before I can say anything she shakes her head.
"Still, no dress-up. I'm not gonna prance around like Sidney Bristow just 'cos you think it'd be sexy."
Then her eyes go big and she sucks in a breath.
"Oh God, is this like a sex thing or something? I mean we haven't even had the sex yet, but you're trying to get me to do sexy roll playing?! You're supposed to ease me into this stuff, Ash!"
I'm pretty sure my eyes bulge out of my head at that and I almost swallow my tongue in my haste to reassure her that I was so not going in that direction. Not yet anyway, because I mean now that image is kinda in my head. Spencer all decked out in a tight fitting black body suit, a gun strapped to her thigh or something. All stealthy and sexy and...
Oh wait, back to the reassuring.
"No, Spence, really I wasn't even thinki..."
Then she laughs in my face, again. She's making a habit of it really.
"Oh man, you should have seen your face! I thought you'd pop a blood vessel or something. And here I thought I was supposed to be the gullible one."
Then I'm unceremoniously dragged out of the closet (no pun intended) by Spencer's hand around my wrist. When we reach my bedroom door she gently puts a finger against my lips in the universal sign for 'be quiet' and I oblige, but not before giving her finger a quick nibble. No one can ever accuse me of not taking an opportunity when it comes my way.
Then we're tiptoeing down the hall, pretty stealthily I might add, even hugging the wall closely. I reach the door first, pulling Spencer down towards me as I lean in and press my ear against the door. For a second or two it looks like Spencer might chicken out, but then she gives a soft sigh and leans in as well.
I can't hear much really, just a murmur now and then, like they're talking softly inside the room. I catch Spencer's eye in the darkness of the hallway and give a light shrug, strangely disappointed to be proven wrong by the obvious lack of...
Moaning?
Was that a moan I heard?
The look of shock on Spencer's face confirms it for me and for a second or two we both just sit there, ears pressed against Kyla's bedroom door and eyebrows raised in shared surprise, listening to at the very least a pretty hot and heavy make-out session.
Then Spencer's up like a shot and down the hallway, not being all that stealthy in my opinion as she stomps into my room. I scramble after her and quickly close my bedroom door as gently as I can. No need to disturb the two...love birds.
Spencer's sitting on my bed with her light brows drawn together, her bottom lip being chewed on thoughtfully.
"So, guess I was right then."
She looks up quickly and nods her head once. I don't like the look on her face, the fact that she seems upset about this. I mean she likes me know, not Carmen, so why is this bothering her?
"Spence? Are you...are you jealous or something?"
I almost cringe when my voice fills the room, all low and sounding slightly hurt. I didn't mean for her to hear that the thought upset me.
She's up off the bed and next to me in a second, her arms around my neck and her head ducked down slightly to look me in the eye.
"No, I'm not jealous or something, just a little surprised and...well, hurt. I mean do you think they were doing stuff while Carmen and I were together?"
I don't know how to say it any different than I'm going to and I only hope she doesn't get mad at me, but it needs to be said.
"Like you and I kissed while you were still with her?"
She blushes then, lowers her eyes guiltily to the floor.
"Yeah, I guess I can't really judge them for doing what I myself did. Still, I don't like to think that Kyla would do that to me. That she'd betray me like that."
To my own shame I'm happy to hear this is more about Kyla than it is about Carmen, despite the slight sheen of tears I can see in Spencer's blue eyes.
"Look, I don't think you should jump to any conclusions here, okay? She's your best friend and I really doubt that she'd do that to you, so just talk to her first. Hear her out before getting angry."
I want to tell her about the morning after she broke up with Carmen, about Kyla coming home and what I think happened, but I don't really think it's my place. If Kyla wants to tell Spencer she slept with Carmen, which is what I think happened that night, then she can do it herself. I do really believe that nothing happened before that though. For Spencer and Kyla's sake I hope I'm right.
"Yeah and I never thought I'd ever end up cheating on someone, but I did, didn't I? So it's not impossible to think that they could've been..."
She bites her lip then, buries her face in my shoulder and I rub her back.
"No, I think you're right. It's not fair that I get angry with her before hearing the whole story. She doesn't deserve that, not after being the best friend I've ever had. I'll talk to her in the morning about this."
I kiss her neck gently, happy to have been the one to talk some sense into someone for a change. The things Spencer brings out in me I never expected to find in myself.
God, I so love this girl.
"Just one more thing before we go to sleep."
I pull away and kiss her softly.
"What's that, Spence?"
Suddenly I'm flat on my back on the bed, Spencer leaning down over me with what can only be described as a rather wicked smile.
"Do we sound like that as well, all 'hmm' and 'ahhh' and soft moaning?"
I return the smile as I snake my hands up her back, my fingers finding the nape of her neck and forcing her head lower.
"Only one way to find out..."
Then as my mouth finds Spencer's it's all quiet again.
Well, except for the occasional 'hmm' and 'ahhh' and soft moaning of course.
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Hopefully you all still remember this after my slight disappearing act and are in a forgiving mood. Oh and before I forget, thanks to those of you that gave 'Going Home' a read. That was sweet of you and if you're still interested, I added Chapter 2 earlier in the week. (Yes, that was more shameless self-promoting!). Anyway, I do hope you enjoyed this chapter, because I'm not sure there are many more chapters left. I had a lot more planned for this story, but I'm not sure if it isn't going to turn out as over kill if I drag it out.
Well,if you liked it, review and tell me you did and if you hated it :gulps nervously: you can tell me that too. Oh and who do you want next, Spence or Kyla?