For It Tolls For Thee
The day he died the sky was clear.
I was drooling over my mother's pineapple upside down cake when my world came to an abrupt end. It was a call from Tank. He was calm and almost cool. But still I heard the shaking of his soul and the sound of his silent tears. The phone fell from my hand. I was surprised I wasn't dead. My heart had just broken. The meaning of my life had just ceased to exist. The love of my life was gone. Why was I still here? I looked down at the ring on my finger. A drop of tear fell down my face. I thought I saw my mother's worried face and heard her worried voice. I was all alone in this world now. All alone. I suddenly felt so cold, so desperate. I thought about putting my gun to my head. All my misery would quickly end. I wouldn't be drown in my sorrowful tears. I would cross the river and join him in death. I would see his beautiful almost black eyes and hear him call me "Babe,". Now that he was dead, I wouldn't live.
Suddenly I felt something. The baby was kicking in my belly. Our baby. Our little boy. The child who would be born in 3 months. The child who would never see his father. The child we both loved. The child I had to protect. I let my soul cry. I let my tears flow. I let my pain into the air. I was a mother now. I had to be brave. I would take good care of myself. I would sing a lullaby to our child. I would show him the photos and tell him about his father. I would tell him his father was tall dark handsome mysterious and perfect. I would tell him his father could read my mind and was better than Batman. I would tell him his father loved him like no one else. I would tell little Carlos why I decided to give him his father's name. I would watch him laugh. I would watch him grow. I would watch him turn into a man. I would watch him fall in love. I would watch him put the ring on his bride's hand. I would watch him hold his first child in his arms.
Then one day I would sit on the sun-lit porch with a smile on my old wrinkled face and a purring cat on my lap. I would smell the spring flowers. I would feel the gentle breeze. I would close my eyes and see the man I love. He would smile at me and take my hand. Together we would walk into the setting sun, listening to our grandchildren's laughter...
I wake up with tears and snot on my face. I am in panic mod. I need to find Ranger. ASAP. I need to feel his warmth. I need to feel his pulse. I need to be sure he isn't dead. I dump everything in my bag on the bed with badly shaking hands. I manage to speed dial his number but get his voice mail. Like a willow in the hurricane I start trembling. "I love you, Ranger. Please don't die." I give out a loud sob and grab my keys. I run out of my apartment. I run down the stairs. I don't care if I forgot to lock my door. I don't care if I forgot to change my clothes or put on my shoes. I just jump into my car and drive. I wipe at my tears and step on the gas. Suddenly I see a flash of blue and red. I hear the sirens coming from behind. My tears keep falling as I stop by the side of a busy road. Someone taps at my window. It's Joe Morelli. He's smiling like a butcher's dog.
"Congratulations, Cupcake, you have just broken the one-hundredth rule. May I see your license, please?" Morelli gives me a white-tooth grin and smugly says.
I need to find Ranger ASAP. It's a matter of life and death. But now this shameless hairy rat bastard has to block my way. Why can't he just slip his stupid tail between his stupid legs and quietly walk away? Why can't he just dig a hole, jump in, and drop dead? I narrow my teary eyes. I feel my anger grow. I feel my blood boil. I think of my dream. I recall my pain. And then everything becomes a blur. I vaguely feel the wind on my face. I vaguely hear someone, or something, growl. I vaguely hear someone, or something, scream bloody hell. I don't know how much time has passed. I feel tired and worn, like I have just finished the Boston Marathon in record time. I am safely locked in a pair of perfect muscled arms when I come to my senses. I smell the familiar scent of Bulgari and warm Ranger and I just melt. Ah, the relief I feel. He's still alive. I can sense his breathing. I can feel his warmth. He's right here wrapping me tightly in his arms. If I try real hard, will I be able to hear, sense, and feel the calm reassuring beating of his heart?
"You are alive." I look up into Ranger's smiling eyes, grab hold of his black t-shirt, and kiss him hard. The universe disappears but I am no longer afraid. His existence shines through the darkness like a brightest star. It calms my soul. It settles my heart. It gives me strength. It shows me love. It drives away my worries and fears. He's here by my side. He's kissing me back...Wait, is he silently laughing at me?
"What happened?" I blink in slight confusion when the kiss ends and weakly ask. All around us people are happily chatting, laughing, and taking pictures with their phones, their concentration solely focused on something crumpled on the ground. Did I just hear a few painful moans? Why did the voice sound so familiar? What are all these people talking about? Is there a human being under that pile of bloody rags? Oh my God, has anybody called 911?
"Babe, you speared and rock bottom Morelli and beat him up. According to the eyewitnesses, you completely outshone The Rock and Roman Reigns. It was way better than WrestleMania and TLC." Ranger cups my face in his gentle warm hands and softly says, "I love you, too, Stephanie. I'll try my best not to die. Just remind me not to piss you off."