I know I've been taking forever between updates. I really am sorry. Just a heads up, I'm leaving for the beach soon and will be gone for a couple of weeks. This means I either won't update for a while because I'm having such a great time, or I'll be updating constantly because I'm bored senseless. Either way, wanted to let you know.

So this chapter was really hard to write, and it's my longest chapter by far. I've actually been dreading it since I created this story. Kurt Sutter's end to Season One was so beautiful and tragic, and I hope that I at least do it justice. As always, thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy it…

Chapter 25

Gracie and Juice were smiling up at the ceiling in his dorm room, both lying on their backs in Juice's bed with Gracie resting her head on his shoulder. They were still naked from the night before, both of their hands intertwined, and neither one could stop laughing.

Juice chuckled. "Ok, so you're telling me that if I was Spider-Man you wouldn't want to have sex with me anymore?"

Gracie laughed harder. "I told you I'm terrified of spiders! I mean, what if, during the throws of passion, you got too excited and prematurely sprayed me with webs? It would scar me for life. Can't you pick another superhero?"

Juice rolled his eyes but kept smiling. "Fine, even though he's from New York and has been my favorite since I was a kid, if I had to be any superhero other than Spider-Man, who is awesome and better than all others, I would be Superman. At least he gets to fly and can use x-ray vision to check out women under their clothes."

Gracie playfully jabbed him with her elbow and giggled. "Don't be a perv, Ortiz. Didn't Spider-Man teach you that with great power comes great responsibility?"

Juice turned his head to kiss her cheek. "I may be a perv, but I'm your perv, Gracie Jane. So, what about you? If you could be any superhero…"

Gracie smiled. "She might not be a superhero exactly, but I've always wanted to be Jean Grey. She's perfect; smart, sexy, powerful, gets all the hot guys, and is even a red head. Most importantly, she doesn't fling herself from building to building using nasty, disgusting spider webs."

Juice suddenly wrapped his arms around her in a tight bear hug. "Oh, now you're gonna get it, Gracie."

He started tickling her sides, causing Gracie to squeal with laughter. "Juice! Stop!"

He was relentless, tickling her up and down her sides as she squirmed helplessly. "Nope, not until you say Spider-Man is the best."

Gracie tried without success to get away as Juice continued his torture. "Say it, Gracie!"

Gracie shrieked with laughter. "Never!"

Juice rolled on top of her and pinned her hands down, the weight of his body pressing her into the bed as her giggles slowed down and she tried to catch her breath. Juice looked down at her and smiled, his face barely an inch from her own. "Ok…then just tell me you love me."

A dreamy look crossed Gracie's face as her heart warmed in her chest. She raised her head slightly and kissed Juice on the cheek. "I love you." She then moved to the other cheek. "I love you" And finally to his lips. "I love you."

Juice smiled before leaning in and kissing her, slowly and deeply, marveling in the taste and feel and touch of the girl beneath him. When he felt himself harden he rubbed himself against her, but just as he started to move his hand down her side, he felt her small hand grasp his wrist, stilling his movements.

When he looked at her face she was blushing. "So, I know it's a little late to be mentioning this, but the last few nights were really…intense. I don't know if you realize it or not, but for the last couple of days we haven't been using condoms."

Juice couldn't help but laugh. "Uh…yeah, I noticed. It kinda feels fucking amazing." Juice leaned down and kissed her head. "I've always wrapped up before you, sweetheart. I swear, I would never hurt you like that. I promise I'm clean."

Gracie grinned. "I know. I trust you. And don't worry, I'm clean too. I guess if you want, I mean if you feel comfortable, we can stop using protection all together. I'm not going to be with anyone else and I know you won't either. And we don't have to worry about pregnancy. I'm on birth control."

Juice tried to ignore the small shadow of disappointment that he experienced when Gracie said those words, a fleeting image of a baby with caramel colored skin and bright green eyes flashing through his mind.

Juice pushed the overwhelming emotions out of his mind and once again focused on the feeling of Gracie's still naked body beneath his own. A sly smile crossed his lips. "So how about we do it again now? You know, just to make sure we like it this way?"

Gracie laughed as she pulled him closer, wrapping her legs around his waist. "I'm all yours, Juan Carlos."

Later that morning, Juice and Gracie made their way back to the bar in desperate search of some coffee. As soon as they came out of the hallway and the room came into view, Gracie burst into laughter. She quickly looked down at the floor and shielded her eyes with her hand. In front of her were more patches than she could count, each passed out all over the clubhouse in various levels of undress.

Gracie raised her eyes again and covered her mouth to quiet her laughter. Tig was sprawled out across the bar with a naked stripper laying on top of him, Chibs was asleep on the couch wearing nothing but a t-shirt and his kutte, and worst of all was Bobby, lying on top of the pool table, thankfully still dressed but passed out face down in between the legs of a croweater. Oh, the things my eyes will never be able to unsee…

She looked up to Juice, wide eyed and giggling. "Looks like you missed some party last night, baby."

Juice just smiled. After dragging Gracie back to his room, the two had stayed locked in his dorm for the rest of the night. He threw his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, kissing her temple. "No way, sweetheart. We had the real party…just the two of us."

They both turned to walk into the kitchen when Tara suddenly stormed out looking flustered and pissed, wearing nothing but a t-shirt.

Gracie looked at her best friend, surprised. "Hey, Knowles. What are you doing here?"

Tara ran a hand through her hair. "I stayed here last night…with Jax."

Gracie's tilted her head to the side in confusion. "Well, that's a good thing, right? Why are you so upset?"

Just then Gemma walked out of the kitchen, looking just as angry and annoyed as Tara.

Tara glanced back at Gemma in disgust before turning to look at Gracie. "Ask her."

Tara then walked back to Jax's dorm without another word. Gracie looked at Gemma, crossing her arms over her chest. "Gemma, what happened?"

Gemma shook her head. "Nothing. I was just telling the good doctor all the reasons why it won't work out between her and my son."

Gracie walked away from Juice and over to Gemma, sighing. "Gemma, I don't get it. I mean, you like me, right? You said yourself that you're happy I'm with Juice. Why can't you give Tara the same chance? Why am I so different?"

Gemma grabbed Gracie by the shoulders and turned her around so that she was once again facing the crowd asleep in the clubhouse. "Grace, look out at the people in front of you and answer me honestly. Do you think you're better than them?"

Gracie responded immediately. "Of course not."

Gemma turned her back around and leaned down to kiss Gracie's forehead. "That's what makes you different, sweetheart. Tara could never accept this life. She will only try to pull Jackson away from it. You love Juicey for who he is, and you already love the other guys. I can see it. You're going to be an asset to your man and to the club, Grace. But Tara…she just doesn't belong here."

Gemma then walked out of the clubhouse without another word while Juice grabbed Gracie's hand and led her back into the kitchen where he poured them each a cup of coffee.

Gracie blew on her cup and looked at Juice, concern written all over her face. "I feel so bad for Tara. I know she really loves Jax, and he feels the same way about her. And Gemma's actually really great, you know? I just hope they can all get over their history and get along."

Juice sat his cup on the counter and walked over to Gracie, kissing her on the cheek. She looked into his eyes and gave him a small smile. "What was that for, Ortiz?"

He simply smiled. "I love how you worry about everyone being happy. I love how you want everyone to be this big, loving family. I love that Gemma likes you already. I just love you, Gracie Jane."

Gracie leaned up on her toes to kiss him again, but Juice smiled playfully before backing out of her reach. She smiled before placing her hands on her hips and raising her eyebrows. "Tired of me already?"

Juice's grin widened as he shook his head. "You're insatiable, woman. And no, I could never get tired of you. We just don't have time for that. We gotta get dressed and get going."

Gracie just smiled at the sweet, goofy expression on his face. "And where do we need to go?"

Juice grasped her hand and pulled her out of the kitchen and back down the hallway. "We've both got the whole day off, sweetheart. I'm taking you on a date."

Today had been the most perfect day of Juice's life. And as he lay in his bed, reliving every fantastic second of it in his mind, he couldn't help but smile. It was one of those days that he would remember forever.

As soon as they had finished their coffees, they both got dressed, Juice wearing his usual hoodie and cargo pants, while Gracie wore the only other outfit that Tara had packed for her the day before; dark blue skinny jeans, a tight long-sleeved purple v-neck, and her black Chucks. They climbed onto the back of Juice's bike and rode to the little diner just outside of Charming, where they ate a huge, greasy breakfast and laughed about everything they'd seen in the clubhouse that morning.

When they were both full of waffles and bacon, they hopped back onto Juice's Dyna and rode a couple of hours to Yosemite, taking in some of the most beautiful sites either of them had ever seen. They rode all over the park, stopping every few miles so that they could take a million pictures with Gracie's camera. They grabbed some food at a little roadside market and had a picnic deep within the park, talking nonstop like they always did about life, dreams, and how much they love each other.

When they got back to Charming a few hours later, Juice asked her what she wanted to do and she told him that she wanted to see his apartment above the weed shop. He was hesitant, not sure what Gracie would think of his place, but when she explained that she wanted to be alone with him but wasn't quite ready to hang out at her house yet, he reluctantly agreed.

He should have known that there was nothing to be afraid of. Gracie's face lit up when they walked into his little apartment. She didn't comment on how empty or impersonal it was. She didn't notice how freakishly clean he kept it. She just walked right into his living room and sat down in front of his huge plasma screen and his hundreds of video games. She turned to him and smiled. "Holy shit, baby. This is the biggest TV that I've ever seen and you have every one of my favorite games. Is it weird that I'm totally turned on right now?"

They spent the rest of the night on Juice's big leather couch drinking a few beers, eating Chinese takeout, and taking turns beating each other at Xbox; Juice easily winning Call of Duty while Gracie destroyed him at Resident Evil.

At some point towards the end of the night, Gracie started rubbing his thigh, and before he knew what was happening, the games were forgotten and they were both naked and having mind blowing sex on his sofa, Gracie sitting in his lap, rocking her hips and moaning in a way that made Juice forget his own name. When they finished, they walked to Juice's bedroom and crawled in his bed, setting his alarm clock since Gracie had to go back to work the next morning.

Juice looked over at Gracie sleeping next to him and smiled. For the first time in his life, he could picture a bright future instead of only dwelling on the dark days of his past. He let his thoughts briefly drift back to the baby he imagined earlier that day. Maybe we can really have a life together. Maybe someday we can even have a family. He kissed her softly on the forehead before whispering, "I'm going to make you so happy, Gracie Jane." He then fell into a peaceful sleep, lying next to the only woman he would ever want by his side.

Gracie felt awful making Juice get up so early the next morning, but he swore he didn't mind driving her back to TM at 5am so that she could pick up her car and get ready for work. She got into her Mustang and drove back to her house while Juice caught a few more hours of sleep at the clubhouse. When she got to her place, she showered and changed as quickly as possible, still feeling uneasy in the house where she had been attacked just days before. She would always hate Joshua Kohn for hurting Tara, but now she hated him even more for making her scared of the one place that had ever truly felt like home.

Gracie had been working for five hours, and so far, she was having a great shift. She loved her job and was thrilled to be back to work after her few days off. Her manager didn't question Tara's story about her injuries, which were almost healed, and her patients had all been pleasant and a pleasure to take care of. And when she wasn't busy, every free moment was spent staring into space, grinning like an idiot, daydreaming about the amazing time she had with Juice the day before.

She had just finished lunch with Tara, who had not only told her that she and Jax had been sleeping together for the last three nights, but also that Abel was finally going to be released from the hospital the following day. Gracie was so happy for them. Tara and Jax loved each other and deserved to be happy, and Abel was so sweet and such a fighter. She was beyond relieved that he was finally going home to his family.

Grace was on her way back to the ER when she saw a tall blonde woman in a pantsuit blocking the doorway, looking down at a file in her hands.

Gracie smiled. "Um, excuse me, ma'am. I need to get through."

The woman raised her eyes and plastered a fake grin on her face. "You're Grace Anderson, correct?"

Gracie just nodded. The woman stuck out her hand for Gracie to shake. "I'm Agent June Stahl with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. I'm sorry to bother you at your place of work, but could I have a moment of your time?"

Gracie tried to control the slight tremor running through her as she shook the agent's hand. "Um, sure, of course, but just a few minutes. I need to get back to work."

Agent Stahl gestured over to a bench in the hallway where the two sat down. Stahl reopened the file in her hands and smiled. "Let's see here…Grace Jane Anderson. 28 years old. Daughter of James and Rose Anderson, both deceased. It looks like your father, Captain Anderson, was quite a war hero. I'm sorry for your loss."

Gracie tilted her head to the side, wondering where the hell this woman was going with all of this. "Thank you. I'm very proud of his service."

Agent Stahl offered Gracie a sympathetic smile, this one even more artificial than the first. "It says here you graduated at the top of your class on the military base in Germany and that you graduated with honors from the University of Chicago School of Nursing, despite the tragic loss of both your parents. You had a stellar reputation at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago until recently when you transferred to St. Thomas here in Charming. That's all very impressive, Miss Anderson."

Grace crossed her arms over her chest. "That's very nice of you to say, Agent Stahl, but could you please tell me what this is all about?"

Stahl nodded, closing the file in her lap and looking into Gracie's eyes. "It has come to the attention of the ATF that you have recently become involved with a member of the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club, a Mr. Juan Carlos Ortiz…"

Gracie stood up and stared down at Stahl. "He's my boyfriend. What business is that of yours?"

Agent Stahl stood up, the pleasant façade fading away as she looked at Gracie with disdain. She leaned in so that she was only a few inches from Grace's face. "I'm just wondering how the sweet little, army brat daughter of an American hero got mixed up with a thug. Tell me honey, how would dear old daddy feel about you sleeping with a gang member?"

Gracie could feel the redness swell in her cheeks as she balled her hands into fists at her side. All nervousness that she was previously feeling in this bitch's presence had been replaced with pure anger. Grace's voice was calm but ice cold. "How dare you talk about my father. You don't know anything about him or Juan Carlos Ortiz."

Stahl huffed. "I know that your dad would be ashamed of you and I know that your boyfriend is a criminal."

Gracie's eyes narrowed as she stared at the heartless woman in front of her. "Juice is a wonderful person and my father would be happy and proud that I'm with a good man who loves me."

Grace turned and walked down the hall but paused before walking through the door. She turned around and looked the ATF agent square in the eyes. "And don't you ever speak to me again without a warrant."

Gracie walked through the door and gasped when she ran right into Gemma. "Jesus Gem, you gave me a heart attack. What are you doing here?"

Gemma placed her hands on Gracie's arms, squeezing gently. "I was here to see Abel. I came down to say hello to you when I saw that ATF bitch lurking in the waiting room. Figured she was here for you and I wanted to make sure you were alright."

Gracie looked at Gemma and shook her head, adrenaline causing her hands to tremble. "Did you hear what she said to me? About Juice? About my father? What the hell did she even want with me?"

Gemma nodded before pulling Gracie in for a hug. "She's just trying to rile us up, trying to get to the guys through their old ladies. Don't you worry about one god damn word that came out of that bitch's mouth. You did really good. Ok, sweetheart?"

Gracie sighed and nodded. "Ok."

Gemma kissed her on the forehead and grinned. "I'm proud of you, Grace. You held your own. Juice is a lucky man."

After going home to change and pack up some clothes, Gracie called Juice and asked if she could spend the night at his apartment. She knew from his texts that he would be working all night, and didn't want to bother him at the clubhouse, but Tara was spending the night at Jax's again and she just wasn't ready to spend the night alone at her house.

Juice gladly picked her up and took her over to his apartment, grateful for the small break in his otherwise clusterfuck of a day. He kissed her soundly and gave her a key before driving back to the clubhouse for church. It had been a terrible fucking day but he didn't want any of that to land on his girl. Gracie had seemed so stressed out from the fed showing up at her work that he didn't have the heart to tell her that Stahl had also harassed Tara, thrown Cherry in lock up, raided the clubhouse, and arrested Bobby for murder. Most of his day had been spent hacking Opie and Donna's bank accounts, which he felt horrible about. He loved Opie, but he had to follow Clay's orders to see if it was possible that Opie had turned, something that Juice found nearly impossible to believe. He was on his way to church so that Opie could explain what the fuck the feds had done to his family.

Gracie was awakened by soft kisses on her forehead, a thumb gently caressing her cheek. Juice's voice was little more than a whisper. "Gracie Jane? Wake up, Gracie. You gotta get up now, sweetheart?"

She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and blearily looked over at the clock. It was flashing 4:23am. Her voice was tired, her head still foggy with sleep. "Baby? Are you alright? What happened?"

He nodded before kissing her lips. "I'm fine, sweetheart. I'll explain everything. Just get dressed. We have to hurry."

While Gracie was throwing on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans, Juice told her everything; about Bobby getting arrested, Jax and Opie busting Cherry out of jail, and about sneaking her out of the country along with Cameron Hayes, who was finally well enough to leave the cabin. The club wanted Gracie to see Cameron one more time before he went to Canada to make sure his wound was healing and his infection was gone. Gracie didn't have time to process any of this as she tied her hair into a low messy bun and zipped up one of Juice's hoodies over her clothes. Before she was even completely awake, Juice was strapping his helmet onto her head and they were speeding down the road and out of town.

When they arrived at the cabin about an hour later, Jax and Gemma were waiting outside for them. Jax immediately pulled Juice over to the truck to help load it up while Gemma took Gracie inside to Cameron.

When the Irishman looked up from the couch and saw Gracie, he grinned. "Ah, there's my little guardian angel."

Gracie smiled, walking over to him and giving him a hug. "It's nice to see you again, Cameron. You look so much better."

He nodded. "I feel better, Lass. Thanks to you."

Gracie got right to work, changing his bandage one more time and assessing his wound, confirming to Gemma that he was almost completely healed and ready for the journey home.

The two women helped him outside where Jax and Happy were waiting. Juice was still installing some new GPS system in the front of the truck. When Happy pulled Cameron away from them, Gracie briefly made eye contact with the tall, dark, and handsome Son from Tacoma.

She shyly smiled up at him. "Hi, Happy. I'm not sure if you remember me from the other night. I'm Grace."

Happy glanced at her for only a moment before wordlessly turning towards the truck with Cameron. Just then, Gracie felt Jax throw an arm around her shoulder. She leaned her head on his shoulder and sighed, watching Happy walk away. "He hates me. He's Juice's brother, and he hates me."

Jax shook his head while taking a drag from his cigarette. "He doesn't hate you, darlin'. He just doesn't know what to say to you. Hap's a great guy and a great Son. He probably still feels bad about hitting on you."

Gracie felt awful. "It wasn't his fault. He didn't know I was with Juice and I was dressed like a porn star."

Jax chuckled. "Not a porn star, Gracie…maybe, like, a really expensive escort…"

"Jax!" Gracie shoved him away, causing him to bust up laughing.

His lips parted into his cocky grin. "Just kidding, doll. You looked absolutely beautiful at the party." He tilted her head up with his hand when he saw her roll her eyes. "Don't worry about Hap. He'll come around. Besides, he's not much of a talker anyway."

Gracie glanced over once more at Happy. She was embarrassed to admit this about herself, but she couldn't stand it when people didn't like her. She didn't know how she was going to do it, or how long it was going to take, but Gracie was determined that one day she and Happy Lowman were going to be friends.

A few minutes later, Cherry and Kip came out of the cabin, both looking heartbroken. Cherry ran up to Gracie and gave her a big hug. "Thanks for everything, Gracie. I wish I could keep in touch." She leaned in and whispered. "And take care of Half-Sack for me, Ok? He's going to need somebody."

Gracie squeezed her tighter and nodded her head. "Of course. I'll miss you. Take care of yourself and be safe."

Juice came out of the truck and over to Gracie's side, putting an arm around her waist and pulling her close. She wiped a tear from her eye as she watched Cherry say goodbye to Kip, the younger man looking like his world was crashing down around him. When the truck pulled away, Gracie walked over to the prospect and gave him a hug. "I'm so sorry, sweetie."

She watched as Kip discreetly blinked the tears from his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'm alright. I just…I, uh, really thought she was going to be my old lady, you know?"

Gracie just nodded. "I know, Kip. I know." She looked over her shoulder and saw Juice motioning for her to go back to his bike. She held Kip's hand and gently led him back over to everyone else. "Come on, sweetie. Let's go home."

As soon as they got back to Charming, Gemma enlisted Gracie to help with Abel's coming home party that night. She spent the entire afternoon at Jackson's house cleaning, cooking, and blowing up balloons. Juice picked her up around 5:30 to take her back to her house, where she quickly showered and changed into a nice pair of jeans, black ballet flats, and a silky black top, letting her hair air dry into natural, loose big waves.

When she and Juice arrived back at Jax's around 6:30, the party was already in full swing. Gracie couldn't help but smile at the big bad bikers around her, all being turned to mush at the site of Abel. Jax looked so proud and happy, with both Abel and Tara by his side. Clay was being friendly, Piney wasn't drunk yet, and even Gemma seemed completely relaxed and content. It seemed that everything was right in Samcro's world.

Gracie was just coming out of the kitchen when she bumped into someone carrying a stack full of plates and cups. She quickly grabbed the mess before it all fell to the floor. "Oh crap, I am so sorry. Are you ok? Did I make you spill something? I'm so sorry!"

Gracie looked up to see Donna Winston smiling and shaking her head. "It's just a little water on my shirt. Really, I'm fine. I have two kids, so I'm more accustomed to dripping in chocolate milk and apple juice."

Gracie threw the plates and cups in a nearby trashcan before reaching out to shake her hand. "Oh, it's Donna, right? I'm Grace. It's so nice to meet you."

Donna smiled warmly at her. "It's nice to meet you too. I was talking to Tara earlier. She said that you guys have been friends forever and that you moved here from Chicago. I went to high school with Tara, but I haven't seen her in…god, like, 10 years."

Gracie looked over at Opie sitting on the sofa, two kids balanced on each knee. "Well, you have a beautiful family. I've only met Opie a few times, but he seems like a great guy."

Donna looked over at the same scene and Gracie could see the love in her eyes. "Yeah, I'm actually pretty lucky. My daughter's name is Ellie. She's ten. And my eight year old is Kenny. Opie's a great dad." Donna glanced over to Grace. "Do you have any kids?"

She smiled and shook her head. "No, not yet." She looked over to the fireplace where Juice was talking to Chibs, Abel tucked securely in his arms. His eyes met Gracie's for just a moment and he winked at her before returning his focus to Chibs. Gracie was surprised by how natural it seemed to see a baby being rocked gently in Juice's arms. She smiled to herself before looking back at Donna. "But maybe someday."

Two hours later, just a few of the party goers were still hanging around, listening to Piney and Gemma tell stories about when Jax and Opie were little and about all the havoc they used to wreak around TM. Gracie was sitting beside Tara, laughing at the memories, when Jax and Clay's phones started to ring almost simultaneously. The ladies had no idea what was happening, but within minutes everyone with a kutte had practically sprinted out the door, leaving only Kip at the house with orders to keep everyone inside.

30 minutes later Gemma, Tara, and Gracie all stood up and gasped when they saw a distraught Jax stagger back into the house, his eyes bloodshot and swollen from crying.

Gemma went to him, holding his face in her hands. "What is it baby? What happened?"

Jax barely got the words out, his voice hoarse and strangled with tears. "Mom, it's…it's Donna."

Juice was standing with his brothers behind the yellow police tape just a few feet from where Opie had fallen to his knees, still holding the pale, lifeless body of his wife in his arms. He watched in agony as Opie's entire world fell apart right in front of him, the strong son of a First Nine shattering into a lost, grieving mess.

From what information he could gather from the police, the shooting looked gang land. Fucking Niners. Juice had warned the club that selling guns to the Mayans would piss off Laroy and his crew.

Juice watched in anguish as Chibs and Hale finally pulled Opie away from Donna. And as he continued to stare down at the woman he had spoken to just hours before, one single thought kept running through his mind. She's an old lady. They retaliated against an old lady. The only reason she's dead is because she was married to a Son. He shut his eyes and shook his head, trying to stop his thoughts from streaming in, but he could feel himself starting to drown in his thinking. Suddenly, when he opened his eyes and stared at the horror in front of him, the body lying dead in the street had changed. Gone was the short brown hair that was there before, replaced by pretty auburn waves matted with blood. The vacant blue eyes staring up at nothing transformed into light green orbs that, always so bright, were now vacant. He only saw her small hands, her familiar curves, her favorite clothes soaked and stained crimson. He tried his best to tell himself it wasn't real, that it was just his fucking brain trying to kill him, but no matter how much he tried to reason with himself, he just couldn't see Donna anymore. His terrified, devastated eyes only saw Gracie, his beautiful sweet Gracie Jane, lying dead in the street…and it was all his fault.

He could feel the bile rising in his throat and ran as fast as he could behind a nearby bush, throwing up until he was dry heaving. After a few minutes he felt a firm hand pat his back and heard Chibs saddened voice behind him. "Juicey. Come on, boy. Ya gotta be strong now. We have to get back to the clubhouse."

Juice stood up, straightening his kutte and wiping his mouth with his sleeve. His thoughts were dark but finally calm, as he realized with absolute certainty what he now had to do. He turned and embraced his brother before walking to his Harley and driving towards the clubhouse, away from the nightmare behind him.

Gracie sat at the bar with Gemma, both still crying, unable to stop their tears no matter how much whiskey they shared. Gracie cried for the woman she had just met hours earlier, cried for the man that so obviously loved her, and most of all, cried for the children that would now have to face the challenges and joys and sorrows of life without their mother.

When the doors of the clubhouse opened, the members of Samcro silently walked in and went straight to the chapel. When Gracie saw Juice walk through the door, she stood to greet him, but she stopped when he barely spared her a glance and quickened his pace to the other room.

Gracie looked at Gemma, lost and confused. The older woman just shook her head. "Don't worry, sweetheart. This always happens. Whenever shit starts to go bad, their first instinct is to distance themselves. They don't want whatever is going down to land on us. I'm actually surprised Jax let Tara stay with him tonight."

Gracie stared at the chapel doors before looking back to Gemma. "You think Juice will try to push me away?"

Gemma lit a cigarette and nodded. "He just needs some time to get his head straight and work his shit out. But everything will be alright. Don't you worry, baby. Everything is going to be ok."

Gemma was right. Juice was doing everything in his power to avoid her. When she woke up in his dorm room the morning after the shooting, she realized that he had never come to bed. She threw on some clothes and walked outside, immediately noticing that his bike was missing from the lot. She texted him about a million times, worried sick since she had no idea where he was or what he was doing. After about an hour he responded with a simple one line text. I'm fine. Go to Gemma's –J.

Gracie, too tired and depressed to question him, simply did as she was told. She drove to Gemma's, tailed by Kip the whole way, and spent the morning helping to make funeral arrangements and preparing food to take to Opie's that night. Throughout the day, Gracie couldn't stop herself from sending a few more texts, hoping desperately for any reply.

Please be careful today, whatever you're doing. –G

I'm still with Gemma. Let me know if you need anything. –G

Please tell me what I can do to make this better.-G

I love you so much, Juice.-G

Gracie waited all day, willing her phone to ring or beep, but it remained silent, all of her attempts to reach Juice going unanswered. She knew he was alright. That someone would call her to tell her if something was wrong. He just doesn't want to see me.

That night, Gracie slept in Gemma's guest room, tossing and turning, only getting a few broken hours of uneasy rest. Not only were her thoughts a mess, and her heart still saddened, but she had already become used to falling asleep with Juice lying next to her.

She got up early while the rest of the house was still asleep, driving back to her house to shower and change for work. Her entire shift was a blur, going through the motions, doing what needed to be done, but her heart wasn't there. She called and texted Juice several more times throughout the day, although this time was not surprised when she received no responses.

When she got home from work, she changed into a tank top and yoga pants, and once again dialed Juice's number. Just as she suspected, her call went straight to voicemail. She tossed her phone on the sectional and took a moment to look around the living room. She had loved the house so much when she first moved in, but now all she saw when she looked around were all the places that Kohn had hit her, the way his blood seeped into the carpet and the way his brain matter clung to the wall in Tara's bedroom. She ran her hands through her hair and sighed. I'll never feel safe here again. This would be her first night sleeping in the house since the attack, and she was doing it alone. Tara was sleeping at Jax's again and Juice just wasn't going to come to her rescue tonight.

She went to her room and locked the door, but after a few hours of restlessness, she went to the living room, curled up in a blanket, and turned on the TV. Sleep just wasn't going to happen tonight. She was too surrounded by ghosts from the past and missing the only person in the world that could make them all go away.

Tara had come home early the next morning to get ready so that she and Gracie could drive together to Donna's funeral. Gracie put on her black knee length, sleeveless sheath dress and a pair of low black heels, while Tara donned black pants and a black button down shirt. When they were ready to go, the two best friends didn't say a word to each other. They simply embraced for several minutes before wiping their tears away and climbing into the Cutlass.

Gracie had never seen so many bikes or so many patches. It seemed like hundreds of Sons had turned out to support Opie in his time of grief. As the processional made its way to the grave site, Gracie sat beside Tara since Jax had, surprisingly, not shown up with the others. Gracie watched, heartbroken, as the members of Samcro lifted Donna's casket out of the hearse and over to the burial site. All eyes were on Opie and his family, except for Gracie's, which were set firmly on Juice, the love of her life, a man that she had neither seen nor talked to in almost three days.

Gracie shed fresh tears as she looked at the man she loved more than anything. His eyes were dull, his skin sallow, and she could swear that he had lost weight in the short time since she had seen him. When he walked right in front of her chair, she reached her hand out to him, but as soon as she made contact with his fingers, he lifted his hand away, never once looking down. Gracie swallowed back her tears and tried to remember what Gemma had told her a few days ago. He wants to protect you. He just needs some space. Be patient. Everything will be alright.

She couldn't see him, but could somehow feel him as he took his place behind her chair and stood as the funeral began. And even though he wasn't talking to her, even though he refused to even look at her, his presence was a comfort. After being without him for so many days, just knowing that Juice was an arm's length away made the tragedy of the day easier for Gracie to bear.

They made it through the rest of the service, only distracted once when Jax briefly appeared to kiss Donna's casket and get his kutte from Tara before walking away once again. As the minister said his final prayer and the crowd started to disperse, Gracie jumped up and followed Juice, who was already walking away towards his bike.

She tried to call out to him softly, struggling to keep pace with his longer strides. "Juice?" He walked on, not even acknowledging her existence. "Juice, please." She finally reached him, pulling his arm back firmly and forcing him to turn and face her. "Juice, please stop!"

When Juice turned around she barely recognized the man staring down at her, his usually warm brown eyes always so full of love had been replaced by a cold, hard stare that was completely foreign to her. His voice was equally detached. "What do you want, Grace?"

Gracie just stared at him in confusion. "What do I…I just…I want to make sure you're alright. I haven't talked to you in…"

He shook his head. "I haven't talked to you because I've had shit to do that is none of your business. And you blowing up my phone for the past few days didn't help."

Gracie looked down to the ground and bit her lip. He's protecting you. He's trying to keep you safe. "I'm…I'm so sorry if I was bothering you. I know you guys must have had a rough few days. I…"

He crossed his arms over his chest. "No, Grace. You have no fucking clue what my brothers and I have gone through the last few days. Because you're not part of this life, you're not part of the club, and you could have no idea what the hell this all means in our world."

Gracie swallowed the lump in her throat and blinked away the tears in her eyes. He's trying to push you away. He's protecting you. She raised her eyes to him and nodded. "You're right. That was a stupid thing to say. I have no idea. I just…I've missed you and I've been so worried about you."

She reached her hand out to touch his cheek, but when she made contact he backed away as though she had burned him. She quickly pulled her hand back and used it to wipe the stray tear that she had somehow let fall. Her voice was cracking, just like her heart. "Juice, I…Gemma told me that you would do this to me."

He stared at her as if she were a stranger. "That I would do what?"

She met his gaze, trying to see something familiar. "That you would try and push me away, to protect me, because of what happened to Donna. She said that all the guys do that to their old ladies…"

Juice quickly interrupted her. "You're not an old lady, Grace. Have I ever called you that? Have I ever actually said the words?"

Gracie shook her head before looking down to the ground. "No…you're right. You never have. I shouldn't have assumed that. I just…" She looked up at him again, this time using every bit of strength that she had left in her crumbling spirit. "You love me, Juice. I know you do. You love me as much as I love you. And the way you're acting right now? That's not you. That's someone who's scared and trying like hell to protect me, but it's not you. Please, please don't be like this. I love you."

For just a moment, Gracie saw a small crack in his armor, but the love in his eyes was fleeting, replaced by a cold determination. "You're right, Grace. I do love you. You're a great girl and we've been really good together." He gestured to the cemetery around them. "But this? All this? It made it very clear to me why we just aren't going to work. Reminded me of all the reasons I should have never started this in the first place."

Gracie shook her head violently, refusing to believe his words. "You don't mean that, Juice…Gemma said…she said that you were…"

He sighed. "That I was what, Gracie? Just trying to protect you? Of course that's part of it. My life is dangerous and you're a sweet girl. Of course you need to stay away from me right now. Opie's wife just got fucking shot! Of course I don't want that to happen to you!" He looked around, realizing that he had raised his voice, and took a deep breath, trying to control his breathing. He pulled Gracie a few feet away to a more private area and leaned in so that only she could hear them. "Do you know what I saw when I left the party the other night, Grace? I saw my brother Opie, a man I have admired and respected since the day I patched, completely fall apart into nothing because he lost his woman."

Gracie nodded. "Of course he did. He loved her."

Juice scoffed. "Yeah he did. So much that since she died he's become fucking useless, a fucking shell of the man that he used to be."

Gracie's eyes widened in disgust. "How…how can you even say that? How can you be so heartless? He's grieving, Juice."

Juice shook his head. "I know I sound like an asshole, but seeing the way that Opie wrecked himself over a woman just reminded me that trying to have a relationship with someone in this life is crazy."

Her eyes narrowed. This isn't Juice. This isn't her Juice saying these words. "You don't mean that."

Juice finally reached out to grasp her hands, but somehow his touch felt empty. He looked into her eyes and tried to sound sincere. "Listen Grace. I do care you, but you knew going into this that I was a Son. I love you, but I will always love the club more. I will always put them first. Opie didn't. He put his family first. And I'm not saying that it was wrong for him to do that…I mean, he has kids and shit. I get it. But before you and I get too serious, I think it's best if we just walk away, before you become...before you become a liability." Gracie watched him as he paused and took a deep breath, seemingly steeling himself for the words that were about to come next. "Opie may have put Donna above the club, but I'm just not willing to risk my life and the lives of my brothers because of some pussy."

The tears that Gracie had been holding back fell freely but silently, as she tried to keep from getting physically sick. He's not trying to protect me after all. Gemma was wrong. He does love the club more than me. Of course he does. It's his family. We haven't even been together that long. He never once called me his old lady. I just assumed…I just…Gemma was wrong…Everything is not going to be alright.

Gracie was only vaguely aware of an arm wrapping around her waist. She heard Tara's voice as an echo, as though she were a thousand miles away from her instead of only inches. "Are you alright Gracie Jane? Why are you so pale? Jesus Juice, what the hell happened?"

When she heard Juice's voice she raised her eyes to look at his face. He averted his eyes and focused only on Tara. "You should get her home." He turned around and started walking away, Gracie sure that she heard him say, "Goodbye sweetheart," before quickening his pace and walking out of site.

When Tara looked at Gracie, her eyes welled up with tears. "Gracie, honey? Say something please? What happened?"

Gracie was frozen, unable to speak, unable to think, barely able to breathe. She looked at Tara, trying to focus, but the world around her started to spin and get blurry before the sunlight disappeared and everything finally went black.

Juice was sitting on the floor in his dorm room, trying to destroy the images of Gracie now forever burned in his memory; the tears streaming down her grief stricken face, her horror and disgust at his coldness, the overwhelming hurt in her eyes when he walked away. He had prayed that she would fight back, call him an asshole and realize that she was better off without him. Part of him even wished that she would see how transparent his bullshit really was, and would know that every horrible word out of his mouth was a lie. But she didn't. She believed every fucking thing I said. That crazy girl has no idea how much I fucking love her and she honestly believed that I could walk away. He had already smoked god knows how much weed and was just finishing off his bottle of Jack, but nothing could make him forget, nothing could fade his guilt, nothing could quiet his heartbroken mind long enough for him to sleep. He hung his head in his hands, finally allowing the tears he had fought for the last three days to fall. I did what I had to do. I kept her safe. I did something selfless for the first fucking time in my life. He gulped down the last of the whiskey before throwing the empty bottle against his door, letting it shatter all around him. Yeah, you hurt her. You hurt her really fucking bad, but at least she's not lying dead in a truck somewhere with a gunshot to the fucking head. At least I'll never have to go home to our kids and tell them their mommy is dead because she was crazy enough to fall in love with a member of an MC. At least she can go on with her life and find someone else, someone who might actually have a chance at deserving her. He somehow crawled up off the floor and staggered into the bathroom, numb to the shards of glass cutting his skin. He opened his drawers, searching for the bottle of Oxy that had remained untouched since that very first morning with Gracie at the bakery. He took two of the pills out and looked at them in his hand, pausing only a moment before grabbing two more out of the bottle. He swallowed all four, not enough to die, even though I deserve it for how I talked to her…just enough to sleep. I just want to fucking sleep. He looked up at the mirror and stared at his reflection, hating himself more in that moment than he ever had before. You deserve to hurt this bad. He went back to his spot on the floor and sat down, waiting impatiently for sleep to overtake him, to erase his reality and the knowledge that he would live the rest of his meaningless life without Gracie.

Chibs had been drinking at the bar with his brothers, commiserating over their loss and comforting each other in this terrible time of sorrow. He looked around the room and realized that he hadn't seen Juicey since they all arrived back from the funeral. He abandoned his Jameson at the bar and walked back to Juice's dorm, determined to bring him out to the party. None of his brothers should be alone right now. They all needed to grieve together.

He pounded on the door for several seconds, but heard no response. "Juicey! Hey, Juicey boy! Get your Puerto Rican ass out here and come have a drink with your family!"

When he heard no answer to his words, Chibs opened the door. "Juice, what are you…oh, fucking hell!" Juice was sprawled on the floor, lying on a bed of cut glass. Chibs went to his side and dropped to his knees, slapping the young man hard in the face, but Juice never responded. He checked his pulse, which was way too fucking slow, and tried to count his shallow and sluggish breaths. "Jesus fucking Christ, boy!" He used all his strength to lift his unconscious brother into a sitting position and then shoved his fingers down Juice's throat as hard as he could. "Come on, Juicey. Get it out. Whatever the fuck you took, get it out!"

Just a few seconds later, Juice was vomiting what appeared to be straight Jack Daniels all over the floor. Chibs let out an audible sigh of relief. "Oh, thank fuck. You fucking idiot."

He looked down at Juice who was trying to mumble something but was unable to form coherent words. At least he's trying. He suddenly saw someone walk by the door and he screamed out as loud as he could. "Hey! A little help in here!"

Happy appeared in the doorway, his eyes widening at the scene before him. Chibs quickly threw Hap his phone from the center of the room. "Call Gracie, Hap. Tell her that Juice OD'd."

Gracie ran every red light between her driveway and the clubhouse. From the moment that she picked up her phone and heard Happy's voice on the other end, all that mattered was getting to Juice. The way that he broke up with her, the venom in his voice, the vial things that he said, the way that she had passed out in Tara's arms and the hours that she had spent crying on her kitchen floor…none of that mattered. In that moment, Gracie didn't know if the man she loved more than life itself was alive or dead. All that mattered was getting to him.

She barely remembered the drive but somehow she arrived at TM in record time. She ran as fast as she could, past the bar and croweaters, past the other Sons looking at her in confusion and concern, straight down the hall to Juice's door. She threw it opened and gasped at the site in front of her.

Juice was now in his bed, but the vomit and shards of glass were still all over the carpet. He was sickeningly pale and barely awake, sitting up against his headboard with Chibs and Happy standing over him, worry etched across both of their faces.

When Chibs saw her, he quickly rushed to her side and pulled her close. "I'm not sure how many he took, love, but I found this in the bathroom." She looked down at the bottle of Oxy in his hand. "And I know he drank at least one bottle of Jack, but it could have been more. Seemed like he puked up a fucking barrel."

Gracie went to the bed and sat down in front of Juice, immediately checking his pulse and examining his pupils. He definitely overdosed, but it looked like he was going to be alright, that Chibs found him in time before most of the drugs entered his system. Tears of relief fell down her cheeks when she looked up at Chibs and Happy. "He'll be alright now, Chibs. You saved him. I'll stay with him for the rest of the night just to make sure, but I think he's going to be ok."

Chibs and Hap both sighed in relief. Happy nodded to Gracie before turning to look at Chibs. "I'll go get a prospect and some of the girls to start cleaning this up."

When he left the room, Chibs leaned down and kissed Gracie on the top of the head. "This little fucker scared the hell out of me tonight." Gracie just looked up at him and nodded. He shook his head. "What the fuck was he thinking? And where have you been all day, love? I haven't seen you since the funeral."

Gracie ran her hand over Juice's cheek and bit her lip. "I was at home. Juice, he, um…he ended things with me earlier today."

Chibs shook his head in disbelief. "That's impossible, Lass. That man loves you. I know he does."

Chibs heart broke for the girl in front of him, smiling sadly. She looked at him briefly before focusing back on Juice. "Maybe sometimes that isn't enough."

Chibs placed his fingers under Gracie's chin and turned her face up to meet his gaze. "Well, Lass. If he did break up with you today, he obviously didn't feel too good about his decision. Look at what he did to himself." He kissed her once more on the forehead before turning and walking out of the room.

Gracie went to the bathroom and got a cold washcloth. She ran it over his still clammy skin and founder herself whispering to him how much she loved him over and over and over.

After a few moments, he raised his heavy head and opened his eyes just enough to barely focused on her. His words were quiet and slurred. "Gracie Jane? Sweetheart? Is that you?"

She continued to run the washcloth over his skin, moving from his face, down his neck, and over his chest, every inch of him dripping in sweat. "Shhh. It's alright, baby. It's me. I'm here. You're going to be alright, Juice."

He shook his head from side to side, moaning incoherently before the words were able to come out. "No, you were dead, Gracie. I saw you. You were dead and it was my fault and I couldn't let that happen. I had to make you go away. I couldn't watch you die. I couldn't kill you."

Gracie wept as she realized the meaning behind his words and the agony with which he said them. Before she could collect her thought, he looked up at her with a little more clarity and finally broke down, sobbing so hard his entire body was shaking. She could barely make out his words through the tears. "I didn't mean it, Gracie. Oh god, I didn't mean it, sweetheart. I love you. Please believe me. I love you so much. I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

Gracie pulled him in close and held him against her chest, running her hands over his back and kissing his head. Her tone was warm and comforting, full of all the love she felt for him. "Shhh. Hush now, baby. Everything is going to be alright." She kissed him again before softly whispering. "Do you remember what you said to me the very first time you took me for a ride on your motorcycle? Do you remember the words, baby?"

She felt him slightly nod and heard the muffled plea against her chest. "Don't let go of me, sweetheart."

Gracie held him tighter as her tears continued to fall. "That's right, baby. And I promised you then, like I'm promising now…I won't let go, baby. I love you. I'm here. And I'm never letting you go."

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