A Love To Remember
Chapter 24 -Weak
Julian planned to stay with Brooke in the hospital and come back to the set only on Wednesday but Brooke didn't agree. He had lost so many days on production because of her and she wouldn't allow him to make it once more.
They talked a lot about what happened and while they were still very hurt about it, they were coping the best they could. They never questioned the moment; they never looked for reasons why it was better this way because for them there was nothing good in this. Regardless of their situation, regardless of how a pregnancy would make Brooke's physical condition even worse, regardless of Julian going back to LA when the movie was finished. Nothing mattered, nothing was more important than the child they would have together.
As a couple they were somehow on a limbo. They followed Dr. Hingis advice and tried to be around each other but the pain was still too raw to make any effort to salvage their relationship from this emotional breakdown both of them were living. They were in love with each other, even if Brooke hadn't confessed it yet and they needed each other but they couldn't ignore the pain. They didn't know how to effectively get over the loss and resume their lives.
They had each other and it made difference. When Brooke felt Julian was breaking apart, she would call for him and reach for him. When Julian felt Brooke sliding away he held her and he promised his love to her. But both felt it wouldn't last.
He left a couple of hours ago and though she missed him it was good to be alone. She knew she shouldn't feel this way. She knew this was only the first step to run away from him. She knew that when she insisted with him to go to the set it was because she wanted to hide. She was trying to be there for him and especially she was trying to let him be there for her. While the former was just natural the latter seemed almost impossible.
She wished she could do it differently but she didn't know how. Brooke was so used to heal her wounds alone that she didn't know anymore how it was to rely on someone. She regretted sending him to the set because now she didn't know if she would be able to stop her avoidance and sweep everything away.
"Honey, I am okay, you don't need to check on me every two hours" she said when she saw he entering the room still a few hours before lunch time.
"They put the movie on hold. Production is going to shut down" he blunted running his hand on his hair.
"I am sorry" Brooke said apologetically. She knew there was a chance for it to happen but she was hopeful it wouldn't. He needed his job to keep his mind away of all the bad things that happened to them. Her job always made it easier for her and she expected it to help him as well but she couldn't be more wrong.
"I am… I am relieved" he confessed sitting in the nearby chair and burying his head on his hands. His body language saying the opposite of his words.
Brooke didn't know what to say. He said something but she saw a total different other. She knew he had a lot on his plate and for once she didn't know how to approach the man she loved. Seeing him like that broke her heart and if she didn't have words to comfort him, she had to simply love him and let him know she was there for him "Come here" she offered with a soft voice.
He looked up at her and saw her loving face. He didn't see pity or compassion. It was all affection and maybe… love. The prospect of her loving him back gave him hope and that was the little push he needed right now. He stood up and sat by her side in the bed. She looked up to him and nodded with a smile. No words needed to be said.
After some minutes in silence he spoke again "I saw this movie and my life going in the same direction. What started as a dream, as a chance to make something great was fading in front of my eyes. And now it is over. The movie is. And I am relieved because I didn't have strength to keep it going. I could only save my life or the movie and I am happy I didn't have to make the decision. I am happy they did for me" he explained with a deep sadness in his voice. Brooke realized he wasn't like her. He didn't hide or pretend.
But his voice was serene as well. He was disappointed and upset but he was indeed relieved. It wasn't good news but it was welcomed news.
"So what now?" she asked unsure of what to say but feeling the need to say something.
"Now I read some scripts and start over" he said with a small smile.
"We start over" she corrected him moving her hand to his and smiling softly to her boyfriend.
"I know how to do it with the movies but I have no idea how to live again. My life is a mess and I don't know how to fix it" he confessed looking intensely to her showing his vulnerability. Brooke was surprised at how easily he did it. She expected him to play the strong guy, because he was a man and she didn't see a lot of man showing their vulnerable side. Especially to the woman they loved. It touched her and before she knew she was doing exactly the same thing.
"From someone that fell so many times I can tell the first thing you need to do is to stand up, lift your head and keep walking" she suggested with a bittersweet voice.
"And how exactly do we stand up?" he asked trying to be hopeful or to understand.
"I fall over and over again until I find balance to keep stood. That's how I did it in the past. I hid, I ran, I told myself nothing could knock me down. I cried when no one could listen. I plastered a smile on my face and pretended everything was okay, until it wasn't so bad anymore" she said biting her lower lip and looking away. It hurt to remember about all the times she had to do it, especially because she would start the same process all over again. She couldn't count how many times she passed for this and each time seemed worse than the former.
"Ever since the accident that's what I did and I don't think I can keep doing it. My heart sort of showed me that. Everything is not okay and I can't pretend it is" he mused doing his best to keep his tears on their ducts.
"I am not ready to talk about it with anyone, Julian. I am not ready for the apologetic smiles and words when no one knows how it feels to have your dream shattered" she confessed trying to keep her lips from curling down and blinking her eyes to hold the tears.
"Maybe… maybe we should take a break… not run… but take a break to heal, only us" he suggested tentatively. He didn't want to pressure her and he didn't want her to think it was about getting his girlfriend exclusively to him. It was about the pain that only the two of them understood. It was about fixing their hearts and finding comfort on each other.
Brooke thought about his words. She could now understand why they said that two are better than one. She didn't need to do it alone this time. She didn't need to run or to pretend. She could show her pain even if only to one person. The only person in the world that could understand what she was feeling. She had Julian and it gave her assurance to finally face and share her pain.
"I guess we could do it" she nodded softly.
"We can prevent one another to fall" he mused wrapping his arms around her and kissing her head and it all made sense on her head. And for once on her life she knew she wouldn't hurt herself even more by trying to stand up alone. He was there for her and they had each other. They didn't know how to come to the surface but they knew they would make it somehow because they had each other.
Her doctors came to visit her later and they decided to run some tests, not only regarding her ectopic pregnancy but also her legs. Julian left to officially announce the shut down to his crew while she was taken by the doctors. Unfortunately she wasn't lucky enough with her legs as she was with her arm and she had to wait for a few more weeks to remove one of the casts.
While Julian went to the hospital in the morning, Lucas called for Peyton and she came to comfort her fiancé. It was a hard loss to Lucas and she knew it would be for Julian as well. The only person who seemed to don't care was Dixon but that didn't really surprise them.
She was really worried about Brooke with the Sam situation but she knew her friend didn't want to talk because she didn't answer the phone. That was what Brooke Davis always did and Peyton let it go. When Brooke was ready to talk she would look for them. But seeing Julian back in the set took the best of her concern and she decided to know if he had talked to her best friend.
"She is trying to distract her mind" Julian said as he got his personal stuff into a box.
"She is trying to run. That's what she does. Every time Brooke is hurt she runs" Peyton explained from the nearby chair voicing her thoughts.
"I know, but this time someone is going after her, no matter how far she runs. This time someone will fight for her, I won't let her escape" Julian pondered not realizing his words hurt Peyton. She thought he aimed the message to her when in fact he only confessed his feelings. He wouldn't let Brooke go to the process she did in the past. It was too painful.
"She would push us away, Julian. We tried to reach for her but we knew when she was ready she would come for us" Peyton said quietly trying to get rid of the guilt.
Julian finally understood why Brooke did it. She didn't have anyone to actually be there for her and it infuriated him. "You should have tried harder. She shouldn't have passed through all of this alone. You know what she said me today, Peyt? She told me that every time she fell she would try to stand up but only to fall over and over again until she found enough strength to don't fall anymore. I did it, Peyton, I did it for two months and it nearly killed me how could she make it for a lifetime?" he snapped abandoning the box. He looked intensely to Peyton trying to keep his composure. He knew no one ever fought enough for Brooke and he hated her friends for this.
"I don't know, Julian. I am sorry. We all had a lot of things going on our lives" she tried to explain but she knew it wasn't enough of a good reason
"I know and she was there for every one of you. She ignored her own pain, she gulped her tears and stood there for you, Lucas, Haley, Nathan and whoever else needed her" he raised his voice and pacing around his desk.
"We love her, Julian. We do but not everyone is as strong as Brooke Davis. Not everyone can find strength to help others when their own life is breaking apart" Peyton said loudly standing up from her chair but feeling lightly dizzy. Julian caught her losing her balance and leaning on the chair. He remembered about the risks she had on her own pregnancy and he didn't want anyone to feel what he and Brooke were feeling now.
"Peyton. I am not blaming you. I am sorry, it is just it hurts to see her like that. I know not anyone is like Brooke though I am sure you wished you were. Go home, Lucas needs you now, take care of your family, I will take care of her right now" he offered softly getting worried about his friend condition.
"We were never good enough for her because to be good enough for Brooke Davis we needed to be as extraordinaire and strong and amazing as she is and we weren't. Not many people are but we always knew we were lucky to have her and we always loved her. And even knowing that we weren't good enough for her, she loved us" Peyton confessed with a bittersweet voice.
"I know and now I am going to do my best to take care of her. I know I am far from being as strong and extraordinaire as her but she opened up to me and I won't let her down. I'll take care of her now. We need some time and space, Peyt. We need all of you to give us time and space" Julian said walking over his friend and resting his hand on her arm
"Okay but if you need help, if she needs help, call for us" Peyton agreed moving her hand to rest over his
"Okay. I need to go now. I said I was going to take her at the hospital" he explained taking the rest of his things in the box and grabbing it
"Say hi for me, I hope she got one of the casts removed" Peyton asked with a small and sad smile
"Thank you, Peyt, for taking care of her when I wasn't in the picture. She is hard and she won't let anyone inside no matter how hard we try but thank you for loving her" he said softly nodding his head tightening his lips
"Save her, Julian. Do whatever none of us was able to do" Peyton pleaded while he nodded and left. She sighed heavily. She knew Brooke was hard but she also knew they could have tried harder with her.
A single tear ran down the blonde's face as guilt consumed her inside but she was relieved that Brooke had Julian now. He was the same guy she fell in love with and she knew by experience how he could fix a broken heart. He was never able to make her forget Lucas because she knew it was impossible but he did for her what no one else did and she had hoped he would do the same for Brooke. Her best friend deserved a man like Julian.
He was the right man to Brooke because he was the only person that was as nearly extraordinaire and amazing as her best friend. He was selfless, caring, understanding and loving. She never met a better man but she also never met a better woman. She was happy to know that he was the man to Brooke Davis because she didn't deserve any less.
AN: Please don't kill me. I am so sorry that I haven't updated in a while even though I have ten chapters written. Actually I was waiting for Ashley to beta review it but I guess she is very busy lately so I decided I will stop the beta thing for a while. I guess I learned a lot with her and I feel like I improved my English. While I want to give you my best, and it includes a decent English, I won't deprive you of chapters I actually have written because of my language limitation. I guess I make myself understood most of times and if you don't understand something just ask me.
I could ask someone else but I really cherish Ashley. She has been amazing to me and she became irreplaceable until the moment she says she can't do it anymore. Some very nice people helped me with some chapters in the past but I feel like I'll stick up with her because of her kindness to me.
About this chapter. I introduce it showing the scenario, showing Brooke looking for her escapes as she always did but then Julian, the man of their relationship, shows that there is nothing wrong to feel vulnerable. He shows her his pain and he doesn't feel weak about it, he feels relieved to share the weight with someone and Brooke follows his lead. Not only because he proves her that it is okay to be in pain but also because she wants more than ever to be there for him. She knows she needs to show her own pain if she wants to reach his heart. She can't pretend to be strong, he doesn't need her to be strong for him and she gets it. He needs her to suffer with him, to be devastated with him and together reach the surface.
And then she confesses one of her deepest secrets: how she tortures herself into even more pain to keep the strong façade. And I guess that's the big moment to Brooke in this fic. Someone was finally able to make her confess it and change it. Someone that loves, cares and especially fights enough for her. And that's when Peyton comes. I don't mean to make her the bad guy. For a lot of time I hated her, but ever since Julian came in the picture I let it go. If he hadn't met her, maybe Brooke wouldn't either, so I am thankful for her for once. In this fic she is someone that made a lot of honest mistakes (except for the cheating and the I love Lucas confession, those weren't honest mistakes). When she explains to Julian that she (and she includes the others as well) were never good enough to Brooke because to be enough to Brooke they had to be exceptional, I make her truly confessing her mistakes (though she blames Brooke's extraordinaire personality). She feels guilty and I love that Julian gives her a piece of his mind. She deserved it, not only her but Julian wouldn't say those things to anyone else.
I hope you guys liked it and I can't wait to read the reviews, that I hope, you still have the heart to give me, though I don't update it for 16 days :( I don't have as much chapters written as in Lying Helpless in Her Arms, but I still have a couple, so I'll post it next week (one of them). Thanks Artemi, Sab, Maigu, Love me some Julian, TivaxBrulianxKibbs for reviewing the last one.
Upcoming: Victoria and Brooke heart to heart. And Julian confesses his love... but not for Brooke. He is very confused by Brooke's reactions and he calls someone to meet him and when she does, he confesses his love and actually asks her to be with him. She says yes because somehow she feels the same way and he leaves to face Brooke. He knows she will be hurt, but he has to do it. So yeah, next chapter is one of my very, very favorite because it is very emotional. (I guess you can guess who he will be talking to, it is not that hard, is it?)
Have a nice week and Thanksgiving. xoxo, Babi.