Chapter 25 - Medicine
Ana's POV
I can't believe it, if I do all of it comes true. I can't handle the truth of another man in my life abusing me. I can't think about the truth, that I let him into my life. I let him in, and he took advantage of me.
"It's my fault." I whisper.
"Ana, this is not your fault."
"I let him in." Everything hurts.
"Ana. What happened to you at 10 years old, and what happened to you at 15 is not your fault." He says, and I shake my head.
"He told me I was the only one." He lied to me, he was married.
"He said he loved me." How could my first idea at being in love become so tainted?
"How could I be so stupid?" There was a time where I thought he was the best thing in the world.
"He didn't love me. He hurt me." He knew about my past, and he used it to get what he wanted.
"Why did he want to stay friends?" It was more of a rhetorical question, but Flynn answers.
"Maybe to keep you close. Maybe because he didn't want things to end." He should have just left me in a ditch, because I feel broken and used.
"He used me. For his own sick little game. He didn't want to help me." He was doing it for himself, not for me.
"What are you going to do?" He asks after I've been quiet for a moment.
"I don't know." I never want to see him again at first thought. Second thought, I want to kill him. Third thought, I want revenge. I want to hurt him as bad as he's hurt me.
"I know this is a lot to take in, Ana." He says, looking at me. I shake my head.
"I hate him." I state.
"You have every right to." He says
"You need to know this isn't your fault, Ana." He says.
"Of course it is. I should have slapped him when he kissed me. I should have ripped that contract up." I shouldn't have let him in.
"You wanted a connection with someone." He says, and I don't respond.
"Why do you think you ended things when you found out he was married?" He asks.
"It was wrong." How can you cheat on someone, let alone have an affair while your married?
"Why else do you think you ended it? Other than him being married." He says, and I think back to wanting to end the contract before finding out the truth.
"Christian." I whisper. I wanted to be with Christian.
"You wanted the connection to someone after being closed off for so long. You wanted it with anyone, you didn't say no to Linc. When you met Christian, you wanted it again, but this time was different." He knows how I feel about Christian, and what he's saying hits close to home.
"You knew it wasn't right, your relationship with Linc. You just didn't want the truth. I still don't think you want the truth. You need the truth, Ana. It will set you free." If that's not the corniest thing he's ever said to me. I laugh. I laugh like he just told me the funniest joke in the world. When I'm done, I'm crying. I start crying, and suddenly it's not funny anymore. It hurts, the truth physically hurts. I feel anything but free. I feel heavy, and pained.
"I'm glad you found that funny, Ana." He smiles gently, after I've calmed myself down.
"You didn't have a panic attack." He states.
"You're making progress." I don't feel like I've made any progress, in fact I feel worse than when I came in here. I was still living in fantasy land.
"I don't know what I'm going to do." How do I confront him?
"What do you want to do?" He asks.
"Hurt him, as much as he's hurt me." He used me, after he knew my past. He used it to get what he wanted, he never cared about me.
"That's reasonable. I want you to write him a letter. You don't have to give it to him. Put it all down on paper, so that when you're ready to face this, you know how you feel and how he made you feel."
"This is just the first step in facing this, Ana. You have the truth, but what you do with it is up to you." I nod, not really seeing how this is going to help me.
"We can discuss it the next time we meet. I also want to talk more about your triggers, and work through them with you." I nod, and leave the office.
Sayer is waiting outside the SUV for me. I can't get in the car right now, I know I planned to go by Christian, but I just need to clear my head. I tell Sawyer I'm walking, and much to his dismay, doesn't push the subject further. I start walking, in any direction possible. I'm not ready to go home, I just want to walk. I look back, and see Sawyer following me from a distance. I never really hated having him watch me, until now. I find some headphones in my bag and put them in my phone. I drown out everything around me, and crank the music to full volume. It doesn't feel loud enough, I can still hear my thoughts.
I listen to the lyrics of The Weepies, and my mind moves from Linc to Christian. I think about when I first met him, and where we are now. I remember when we went to go see them in concert, I thought life was perfect. Christian always has a way of making the darkest day, feel like a day in paradise. But even his love can't save me from what I'm feeling right now. He can't save me from my past, it haunts me everyday. As much as I love him, he can't save me from feeling this way.
When the song Torn by Natalie Imbruglia comes on, I make my way home, I want to run far away, and escape everything right now.
Billie Eilish does nothing to soothe my soul. I want to scream and throw everything on the floor by the time I get home. I feel so stupid and used. I thought he helped me, but all he did was hurt me. How could I be so blind? I let him in, and he destroyed me. He made me think he loved me. At 15, it felt like the greatest thing in the world. Now, it feels broken and wrong. That wasn't love, that was abuse. I couldn't control what happened to me at 10, but at 15 I should have known better. Now, I feel stupid for not realizing sooner. Christian tried to tell me, but I wouldn't listen. Linc has always acted like a friend to me. Now that I know the truth, I hate that he stood by and acted like everything was fine. He knew what he was doing, but he kept me around.
I'm crying on the bed, letting my emotions get the better of me. I will not panic. I am allowed to cry. I will not panic. I will myself to calm down. When I finally stop crying, I feel the weight of a thousand bricks. I can't move, I'm breathing, but barely. That's when I feel him, right before my eyes close.
"Christian." I whisper, pulling my face slightly from the pillow.
"Shh. It's okay. I'm here." He says, wrapping me in his arms. I relax in his embrace, the tears coming once again.
"I'm sorry." I manage to get out.
"You do not have to apologize. I'm here for you, no matter what." He says, he hasn't stopped holding me. I feel so comfortable in his arms. Everything that happened today, and he's still here holding me.
Christian's POV
Ana has fallen asleep, but I stay holding her. I'm slightly uncomfortable still being in my suit from today, but I could care less. When I heard she didn't come back to Escala after her appointment, I knew something was wrong. She had stayed with me most of the week, and we had plans for her to come over. She never responded to my texts or calls, and Sawyer said they got home after walking around. I used the key Taylor had for when he picked up some of her things earlier this week, and let myself in. When I found her lying on her bed crying, I just wanted to be there for her.
I don't know what she talked about with Flynn, but I hate that she is so sad after. She tried apologizing, for what, I don't know. She doesn't have to apologize for being upset. After everything she's been through, she's allowed as much. She didn't have a panic attack, but she fell asleep while crying in my arms. I hate seeing her upset, especially when I have no idea what got her upset. I slip out from holding her, and quickly shed my clothes, I don't want to wake her. As much as I want to know what's going on, she obviously needs sleep.
I fall asleep, and when I wake up I reach out for her, but she's gone. I panic, not knowing the time. Just as I get up, she comes out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, fully dressed and showered. I breathe a sigh of relief.
"Hey." She says giving me a small kiss before sitting next to me on the bed.
"How are you?" I ask, she seems to be in a better mood than I found her last night.
"I'm okay." She shrugs, like nothing ever happened.
"What happened last night?" I ask, she didn't come over, she didn't text to tell me what was going on.
"I just had a hard talk with Flynn." She says, she tries to ease my discomfort with a slight smile, but her eyes tell me different.
"What was it about?" Please, let me in.
"You were right. About Linc, I mean." Is she saying what I think she is?
"You aren't going to stay friends with him?" I ask, hopeful that she knows the truth, knowing how hard this is for her. She shakes her head, and I know how hard this is for her.
"Look Ana, there's something you need to know." I say, not really sure how to tell her I know more about him, that will break her even more. She looks at me, and I know I need to tell her the truth.
"Will you come over tonight?" I ask.
"I need to show you something." I say, she needs to see the pictures I found.
"Sure. I have a video with Jose today, I should be done at a decent time." I know he's gay, but I still get jelous of her realtionship with Jose.
"Okay. I'll have Sawyer pick you up."
"I'd actually like to drive myself. I have the weekend off, I'll spend it with you." I want to tell her to just have Sawyer drive her, but don't push. I get to spend the weekend with her, and that's all that matters.
"Okay, baby." I say, kissing her before grabbing my clothes. I need to shower and change, and I don't have anything here. We mostly stay at Escala, and I only have odds and ends here. I leave her while she eats her breakfast, and have Taylor bring me home so I can shower and change. I skipped breakfast at home, it's 9 by the time I get to the office. I have Andrea order me a breakfast sandwich and coffee, and get to work. I was supposed to have a meeting an hour ago, that she cancelled when I didn't show up at my normal time. She was able to reschedule for later today, which I'm thankful for. I know I'm never late, and being the boss has its perks. I know I still have a load of work to do today so I can spend the weekend with Ana. I think I might have to do a couple hours worth of work this weekend, no matter how much I get done today. I have back to back meetings. When I text Ana asking how her day is, she texts me back a while later telling me that the video is almost wrapped up, they have a few more takes today, but have to have it finished today so it can get edited. I guess the video is a big deal, and will be airing next week to promote their Saturday show. I'm really proud of her, and want to make an effort to show her that this weekend.
I'm supposed to go to my parents house on Saturday for their Coping Together Gala, but I really don't know if she's ready to go over there again, and I don't want to push her. I think I'll bring it up casually, and tell her it's completely up to her, if she doesn't want to go, it won't make a difference to me either way. They host plenty of benefits, and although I know this is their biggest, we can always go to the next one.
Ana's POV
Take 10, and I put all my strength for this to be the last time to perform this. I know we have to get everything right so they can do the final editing. I'm really glad we get to do this piece to showcase our Saturday show. After our quick break, I think I'm ready to do this one last time. I find my spot on the floor, on queue I walk over to Jose and when the music starts my head falls to his chest.
Pick it up, pick it all up and start again. You've got a second chance, you could go home. Escape it all. It's just irrelevant. It's just medicine. It's just medicine.
You could still be, what you want to, what you said you were, when I met you.
You've got a warm heart, you've got a beautiful brain. But it's disintegrating, from all the medicine. from all the medicine. from all the medicine. Medicine.
You could still be, what you want to, what you said you were, when I met you.
You could still be, what you want to, what you said you were, when I met you, when you met me, when I met you.
I lay on the floor with Jose, when they yell cut. We have all the small pieces finished, this was indeed the final take of the whole piece. I hug Jose, excited that we finally finished this amazing performance. We've done small videos in the past for out Julliard projects, but nothing as big as this. This is going to be airing on TV, as a commercial for the Seattle Dance Company. They are trying to raise ticket sales for the upcoming shows, and I hope this video works.
It's 4 when we finish, and I head to Christian's apartment hoping to shower before he gets home.
"Hey, when will you be home?" I ask him over the phone. I know I don't call him often, but I figured I'd tell him I was coming over, on my way there.
"Maybe 6." He says, unsure and a little gruff.
"Ohh. Are you busy?" I ask, I didn't mean to catch him at a bad time.
"I always have time for you." His voice is softer, and I melt.
"Are you on your own?" I ask.
"No. There are six people staring at me right now wondering who the hell I'm talking to."
Shit… "Really?" I gasp, panicked.
"Yes. Really. My girlfriend," he announces away from the phone.
"They probably all thought you were gay, you know." I laugh, and I know I've earned a grin from the other side of the phone.
"I'll wait for you at Escala." I say, not wanting to keep him any longer.
"I'll see you later, baby." I smile at the endearment and hang up the phone. I smile the rest of the way to his apartment. I feel like a teenager, getting excited because he called me his girlfriend. I shower, and walk around the apartment kind of aimlessly. I'm really not sure what to do with myself right now, I've never really been here when Christian isn't here. I know I should write my letter to Linc, but I need to get my feelings straight so I know what to write Needing to distract myself from the impending conversation with Christian, I let my mind drift while I sit at the piano in great room. It's been eating away at me, ever since he said he had something to tell me. I play a familiar tune on the keys, and I can't help but let my mind drift back to Linc.
"Tell me to go and then beg me to stay, you sent a message to me by mistake. And we talked on the phone and so you felt OK again."
"And you were so broken, you left me the same. You told you loved me and messed with my brain." I feel emotionally abused.
"But I'm OK." I play the chords, singing the lyrics like I'm talking to him. He broke me, but here I am. I'm still standing.
"We both said sorry way too much, and we promised each other that we keep in touch and that's hard, when I don't want to talk You broke my heart just once or twice, and I'd let you do it a million times cause I guess, I got addicted to the rush. How stupid was I to finally believe, that someone like you could see something in me?
I don't miss how we love, but I miss how we talk sometimes."
"I swear I'm fine." Maybe I'm not fine, I'm near tears just singing this song.
"Holding on hurts more than letting go, being ignored killed me. Cause your attention meant the most, but I couldn't see you intoxicating me. You broke my heart just once or twice, and I'd let you do it a million times cause I guess, I got addicted to the rush."
I feel him before I see him, and halt my finger on the keys. My tears left unshed for the man who took advantage of me.
Christian's POV
"Hey." I say, walking over to the piano. I've only ever heard her play once before, she plays when she's sad, just like me.
"Hey." She whispers, giving me a kiss when I sit down beside her.
"How was your day?" She asks, her fingers twinkling on a few keys.
"It was okay, really busy. How did your video go?" I ask, and she smiles.
"It was great. I'm really excited to see the final editing." I know there's an elephant in the room, and I have to get it out.
"Can I show you something?" I ask, I don't know if she's ready for this.
"Okay." She says hesitantly. She follows me into my office. She sits in one of the chairs across from me and I pull the manila envelope out of the locked cabinet. I sit beside her, and hand her the envelope slowly. She takes it from me, and looks at me before opening it.
"It's okay, babe" I try to assure her, but I'm not sure it is. She opens it, and I watch as she looks through the files. Her whole body stills when she reaches the pictures.
"What are these?" She asks, she keeps looking through them slowly. She looks at everyone like each time it breaks her heart more.
"I had one of my best Security/IT guys get me everything he could on Lincoln." I explain. She just nods, when she almost through them, she asks,
"How old are they?" I take a breathe.
"Some are as young as 15. None of them are over 18." When she gets to the last files, with detailed information on each of his previous relationships the pictures fall out of her hands.
"He's done this before." She says, her voice cracking.
"Yes, Ana. There was only one found before you, she was 17." Leila Williams, Lincoln's first underage sub is a petite brunette, just like the rest.
"God. I was so fucking stupid." She hisses through clenched teeth.
"You're not stupid, Ana. You're not the only one who fell for his game." He's a fucking pedophile.
"Who else has seen these?" She asks, she seems to have collected herself, and is putting everything back in the envelope.
"Just Welch, and myself." I say, I didn't know what to do with the information. If I expose this to the police, it exposes Ana as well. I needed to show her these, so she knew the truth about him. She doesn't say anything, but she puts them in a large bag that's in the closet.
"Ana, what are you going to do with them?" I ask.
"I'm not sure yet." She says, she starts undressing, and as much as I want to get distracted by her body, I have to know what she's going to do.
"He's still doing this Christian, he needs to be stopped." He should have been stopped a long time ago. There's an innocent 16 year old in his clutches right now.
"How are you going to stop him?" She has to let me help her with this.
"I'm still trying to figure that out." She changes into one of the blue pajama sets from Neiman Marcus.
"Can you tell me when you know what you're doing?" I ask. She can't keep me out of the dark on this.
"I will." She kisses me on the cheek, and I calm myself. I thought this conversation was going to be a lot worse. I'm still on edge, because of the whole Linc situation, and I want a plan to destroy him. I hate him for what he did to Ana.
Ana's POV
I take a deep breath in the SUV, we are on our way to Christian's parents house, yet again. I am begging myself to not have a meltdown this time. I know this means a lot to Christian, and I really just want to be a normal girlfriend. I'm sick of being the broken girl, the one with the rough past. I don't want him to be ashamed of me. I don't want him to stay away from his family because of me. When he told me about the benefit, I was hesitant at first. Then I asked about the charity, and I saw how much it meant to him. He made it seem like it wasn't a big deal, but I know it is. He just didn't want me to feel obligated to come.
When we pull up to the Grey residence, my nerves are nowhere near where they have been in the past, I actually feel somewhat calm. That is until Christian gets out and reaches for my hand, I am suddenly blinded by a camera flashing. I didn't realize there would be any kind of press here. Although, there aren't many, it's still a little overwhelming.
"Mr. Grey, a picture?" One of them asks, and Christian holds me by his side when the man snaps a photo.
"Who are you here with, Mr. Grey?" He asks, and Christian smiles to me.
"This is my girlfriend, Anastasia Steele." I smile at the way he looks at me and him calling me his girlfriend, momentarily forgetting the reporter. After Christian lets him snap a photo, he brings me further into the event with Taylor and Sawyer right behind us. There are so many people who come up to Christian, some of them he introduces me to, and some of them he doesn't and makes quick excuses to leave. I really don't catch any of their names, as I'm too distracted with everything going on around me. I've never been to an event like this before. This is the biggest charity event I have ever seen, and the theme makes everything seem so much more lively. We went shopping earlier today to prepare for the event, he already had a suit just like the one Jay Gatsby wears in the movie. It's an off white tuxedo with a brown undercoat and blue shirt. Not knowing if I was attending or not, he took me shopping today so I could find a dress for tonight. I found a beautiful green flapper dress, and a champagne colored headband with pearls around it, and a set of feathers on the side. I feel like I'm in a movie right now, everything seems so surreal.
Sous le ciel de Paris plays throughout the tent, and there is a dancefloor where people are happily moving around. There are plenty of tables where a few people are sitting, but most are empty with people moving throughout the tent. When I feel like we've talked to everyone there is, we finally get to the center of the tent, and before I know it, I'm bombarded with a hurricane. She throws her arms around Christian, and before I know it, I'm hugging her myself. I know she was controlling herself, but I decided to admonish her. I'm really okay with it if I have control of the situation, plus the last person I should fear is Mia Grey.
"Oh my god, Ana. I can't believe you're here!"
"Mia, where have you been?" I ask, she wasn't there to see my last meltdown at dinner.
"I'm going to culinary school in Paris, but I've been travelling this summer. Oh my god, it's been so amazing " I bet, she could go on for hours, and right now I'd probably let her. Other than Christian there really isn't anyone here I want to stay and chat with. I don't know how long Mia and I talk for, when a man is on stage telling everyone to take their seats. Thankfully we sit next to each other with Christian on one side of me and the other Grey's around the table. I even get a friendly introduction to Christian's Grandparents, Grace's parents. I briefly wonder what happened to Carrick's parents.
The announcer talks about the Coping Together Foundation. They start an auction with small vacations, a weekend in New York comes up, and I see that it's none other than Mr. Grey's. He has an apartment in New York? I wonder where it is and why he didn't tell me. When I see he also has a house in Aspen up for auction, I can't help but raise my bid at 5,000. I have a little nest egg that's burning a hole in my pocket. I haven't paid rent while living with Kate , whenever I tried she gave me my money back. Everything in New York was paid for by Bob, and I still have money leftover that Carrick gave me.
The bid goes up to 15 grand, and I win. There are soft applause around the table, I get a small smile from Grace and her mother.
"If you wanted to go to Aspen, I could have just taken you." He whispers in my ear.
"The money goes to a great cause." I say, it's actually amazing everything this charity does.
After the auction they mention another auction that will be an hour from now. Dinner is served, and I actually have a good appetite, I also splurge on the weekends.
After dinner, Christian pulls me away from the party and into the house. When we sneak up stairs, I can't help but glance at the many photos hung up along the staircase. When he brings me up to his bedroom, I'm brought back to our teenage years, I was only up here a few times, but it looks just like it used to. I kiss him eagerly, needing to feel close with him right now. I undo his belt buckle and pants, kneeling on the floor so I can take him in my mouth. I take every inch greedily, wanting to make him as wanting as he makes me.
"Ohh, Ana" He breathes, and I get up from my kneeling position to kiss him. I want him inside of me. He kisses me hungrily, and lays me on the bed, he removes my underwear with a quick swift motion. When his tongue finds my clit, I'm already wet waiting for him. I moan, begging for more.
"Christian." Whatever he does with his tongue has me begging for release. Just before I reach my breaking point, he stops.
"This is going to be quick, baby." He says, inserting himself inside of me. I moan loudly, the first feeling of him inside me already has me going insane.
"Ana, you feel so fucking good." His thrust are hard and fast, but I feel every move.
"Christian. Please don't stop." I beg, I'm so close to coming, I know he wouldn't deny me my orgasam. I just want him to keep going, just like that.
When I feel my orgasam reaching near, I moan in pleasure.
"Ohh, god. Don't stop." I beg again. I'm so fucking close.
"Ana, baby. Come with me." He pleads, thrusting a few more times. When he feels me let out my release, I moan, and he finally lets himself go.
"Ana. Fuck. Ana." He says, thrusting one last time before releasing.
"Christian." I moan, my climax gone, and he's spasming inside of me.
We lay there for a quick moment before cleaning up and fixing ourselves in his ensuite. The times we have sex just looking for a quick realease are just as good as the times we spend hours just enjoying the intamacy together.
When we go back to the party it's in full swing, and before we reach our table Mia is coming up to me.
"Ana, there you are. It's time for the auction." She says, pulling me off in some other direction. Inlook back to Christian with pleading eyes, and he gives a sympathetic smile. Thanks for the help. Although, I know Mia is harmless I have no idea what's going on right now. I feel a little uneasy about this situation. I don't panic, I know Christian would have saved me if it was something I couldn't handle or he didn't want me doing. I find out Mia has organized a singles dance auction where some unmarried females will auction away a dance to the highest paying bidder. I would be uneasy, but I already know Christian will make sure no one else gets to dance with me.
The bidding starts with one of Mia's friends, for five grand, the bidding only escalates from there. Mia's dance goes for fifteen, and when it's my turn I step up a little nervous about the situation I'm in.
"The Lovely Miss. Daisy, has many talents. She plays violin, speaks three languages, and spends her weekends in Vancouver." A total line of bull, just like the other girls. The bidding starts at five grand, and I have a hard time keeping track of the men until it reaches twenty grand. At this point I've spotted Linc, and Christian standing on opposite sides each trying to out bid the other. Each bid raises my anxiety. I didn't know he was going to be here tonight. Now, to top it all off here he is bidding on me.
"One Million dollars." My heart stops. Thankfully so does the bidding. I'm glad Christian's was the last bid, but I can't believe he spent that much to dance with me.
Ella Fitzgerald comes over the speakers singing Dream a Little Dream Of Me. We dance slowly, but I also can't relax after what just happened.
"You didn't have to spend all that money on me." I say, I can't believe he just bid a million dollars on a dance.
"I don't like sharing, Anastasia." He says, looking at me with dark grey eyes.
"I have to talk to him." I say. I'm not going to sit here and pretend everything is okay between us.
"Like hell you do." He hisses.
"Christian. Don't be like that. He's not going to do anything." I say, even after all the shit he did. I know he wouldn't be stupid enough to do anything in this room full of people.
"I don't want you anywhere near him." He says, and I know he hates Linc and everything he's done. When I said I wasn't bringing this to the police, he was irritated, but he understood it would be a lot of anxiety just for him to go away for ten years, if that. Still, like me, he wants justice for the damage he's done to not only me, but other girls. With the age of consent being 16, there are a few girls he could also go to jail for, but I'm sure like me they aren't ready to turn Linc in. Well it isn't moral what he did, most of the time it was legal. The girls like me, I know he played the same game with them as he did me.
"Christian." I plead, looking up to him.
"I need to do this." I beg. As hard as this is to do, right here, right now. I know what needs to be done.
"Okay, Ana." He caves, and I'm able to somewhat enjoy the dance.
Christian's POV
When the song is over, Linc is tapping me on the shoulder asking me to dance with Ana. I want to punch him. Instead, I kiss Ana deeply and walk away. Another 20s love song plays, and I watch them from the corner of the dance floor. I watch their body language, and try to read their lips. No matter how much I hate watching them, I can't look away. He looks comfortable, smug, and he watches her as she talks like he's going to pick her up and carry her away. She looks comfortable, but at the same time it's like she wants to run. She's talking, looking pissed, and I can't tell if she's crying but she looks sad.
"What's that about?" Carrick asks, I didn't even realize he was standing beside me. I was stuck in a daze.
"Huh?" I ask, like I didn't hear him.
"Andrew and Ana." He states, looking at the same thing I am. I tried to look away, but I can't.
"I don't know. I guess they were friends." It really isn't my place to tell him the story.
"He always asked about her when she was in New York." He states. Watching them like he's trying to figure out why their conversation looks so heated.
"I met Ana when she was over at his house one day, he was teaching her about his business." I only half lying, I know the truth about why she was over there.
"I'm going over there." Carrick says casually. I make no move to stop him. Just as he's half way over to Ana, I watch as Linc gets slapped, and he storms away. I'm not sure about my dad going over there now, and just watch to make sure Ana doesn't need me. I watch Linc leave the party, and I want to know what he said for Ana to get so mad. I call Taylor and tell him to have the car ready in five minutes, and to have someone be put on Linc. I want his movements 24/7, I don't trust him.
I watch Ana relax while she dances with my dad. Again, I can't help but watch from the sidelines. When I first found out Carrick was her biological father, it freaked me out. I thought about how things could have been so different. I thought it was strange to have fallen in love with someone who has a connection to my family. But really, Ana has no legal connection to Carrick, and although they have adopted me, it's not like Ana and I grew up together. I hate that she went so long without knowing the truth. I know it hurt her when she found out, hell it hurt me when I found out. If things would have been different though, we never would have fallen in love. If I didn't have Ana in my life, I wouldn't be the same man I am today. Ana is my life, my world, my everything.