Early update, yay :P
Quite a big chapter here. Not corrected, because my proofreader is busy, but I'm confident it should be ok :)
I was listening to the song "Un peu plus haut, un peu plus loin" sang by Ginette Reno while correcting this and I made myself cry... because I felt like it was Verica singing...fail lol.
Important chapter here. I'm sure you can tell by the title :P So I'm not going to keep you here any longer and let you read :P
Chapter 25 Goodbyes
Verica sat under a large tree of the abbey early in the morning as she meditated. The sun was barely rising in the sky and most people were still asleep at the sanctuary. It was when she started to get completely lost in her concentration that she felt someone approaching.
"Hey Verica." Alek said to his friend.
"Hi Alek. What are you doing here so early in the morning?" She replied as she opened her eyes and smiled.
"I could ask you the same thing, but I'm pretty sure I already know the answer. How do you feel?"
"I'm feeling ok, I guess."
"Today is the day, right?"
"Seems like it, yes." She replied.
"Are you nervous?"
"Nervous is an understatement." She said with an awkward laugh.
"Yeah, I can imagine." the younger man said as he sat beside her. "But you can always change your mind you know."
"Did you come here to make me change my mind?" Verica asked.
"Ah, well, I would lie if I said it doesn't make me sad that you're leaving." He replied honestly. "But what really worry me are your reasons honestly."
"I know..." She sighed.
Alek stared at her, worried. He only learned yesterday that she was leaving and it was already the fateful day. He couldn't help but feel like things were going too fast and that Verica might be doing a huge mistake.
"Are you really sure about this?" Alek asked again.
"No."
"...Is this supposed to reassure me?"
"I'm sorry." Verica said as she laughed quietly. "It's just the stress. I have to admit it scares me a little now."
"Then maybe you should stay."
"I don't want to stay Alek. " She sighed. "And beside, nothing bad can come out of leaving to see the world."
"Except that you could die you mean."
"I'm not going to die Alek. Please have some faith in me."
"I have a lot of faith in you Verica. But you're alone. It's dangerous to travel alone, you should know this." Alek insisted.
"I know. I'll travel to Al De Baran and once I'm there I'll try to join a party or something. Then I won't be alone. The road to Al De Baran is not too dangerous anyway."
"The road to Prontera is even safer. And it's closer."
"I don't want to start my journey there..." She said with a sad smile. "Too many memories."
This didn't seem to ease Alek's worries at all. He stared at her in fear. It almost looked like he was about to cry.
"It's going to be fine Alek, I swear."
"It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself." Alek said in a low tone.
"Maybe I am..."
They stayed under the tree and talked. Alek tried to make her change her mind one last time, but it didn't really work. No matter how scared and nervous Verica was, there was no turning back now. She had to do this. To prove herself. To live and learn.
Not just to be away from her adorable teacher who could almost make her faint by smiling at her.
Then it was time to go and Verica got up under the worried gaze of Alek.
"Verica..."
She turned around to see him getting up as well. He looked at her like it was the last time he was seeing her and it irritated her to no end.
"Oh Alek! Come on! I'm not walking to the gallows!"
"I know, I know!" He quickly said as he tried to smile. "I guess I'll just really miss you." he whispered.
"I'll miss you too Alek. I'll try to send you letters." She said. "You'll see, everything will be fine."
"Yeah, well, you can be sure that I'll pray everyday you're gone for your safety." He said as he took a step toward her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. She returned the hug with a smile.
"Thank you"
They pulled away and Verica started to walk toward the sanctuary to gather her things. Alek watched her as he found himself even more worry about her than earlier.
As Verica arrived in front of the sanctuary, she found a familiar silhouette leaning against the wall at the entrance. She recognized the presence right away.
"Good morning sensei."
"Good morning." he said in a low tone, as if there were people sleeping near them.
"Already up?" She asked as she came to a stop in front of him.
"I didn't really sleep, to be honest."
"Me neither."
"Yeah, I can imagine why."
Verica stared at him a moment with a frown. "...You shaved?"
Kenneth froze, very taken aback by her question. Well, it was more of a statement than a real question. Obviously she could see for herself that he had shaved. "Hum...yes..." He said slowly with a frown.
"Ah." She smiled widely at him.
"What?" He asked, very confused.
"Nothing. I just prefer you without your beard. Makes you look younger. I like it." She said with a blush. Somehow her departure was making her very courageous.
Kenneth stared at her a long moment completely stun. Where did that come from? He passed his hand on his chin, suddenly very self conscious, until he realized there was a compliment in what she just said. He smiled and coughed nervously in his fist.
"Well...thanks, I guess. I'll try to remember it for when you come back." he joked.
"Hehe, how nice of you..." She said with a warm smile as she giggled softly.
They stayed in front of each other a long moment as they started to hear people gathering inside the sanctuary to eat. Both looked like they had so much to say, yet unable to put words on their thoughts. Verica broke their silence first as she took a step to enter the sanctuary.
"I'll go get my things." She said.
As she passed beside him, he caught her arm and stopped her. He didn't use more force than necessary. It's wasn't aggressive, but hesitant. Almost scared.
"Are you sure about this?" He asked, without looking at her.
"Already changed your mind sensei? Maybe I should have left yesterday." She replied with the same low tone and a comforting smile. She put her hand on his and removed it from her arm. Even through the fabric of his glove, the contact filled her fingers with strange tingles. She let go of his hand and entered the sanctuary without adding anything else.
Kenneth stayed behind and leaned back on the outer wall of the sanctuary; hands buried in his pockets and taking deep breaths. His heartbeat was ridiculously fast for someone who wasn't doing any physical effort.
He tried to calm himself, but nothing was working. He hadn't been so nervous since he became a champion himself. He had managed to forget his stress yesterday while he trained with her, but when she healed his headache, something broke inside him. Something he didn't know was there in the first place and now he felt horrible. He felt like the world was going to end the moment she stepped out of the abbey. He tried to ignore the feeling, but it was so overwhelming. The moment he rested his head on his pillow, it became worst. His brain was unable to think about anything else but her departure. He was completely lost in his thoughts; inventing all kind of scenarios Verica might experience during her travel. He had to stop, because most of the scenarios ended up with a dead Verica or worst...
He was so wrapped in his story making that he didn't feel the head master approaching him.
"I'm very surprised." She said as she stood beside him. Kenneth's head snapped up in surprise and he quickly pushed himself off the wall to bow to Yolene.
"Yolene-sama..."
"You owe me an explanation I believe, young man."
"About what?"
"About Verica. You agreed to let her leave to become a champion. Why?"
"Because she asked me to."
"You are her teacher. You're the one to decide such things, not her. She can't just ask you."
"She had good arguments."
"Yes, they must have been really good arguments to convince you." Yolene said with a big smile and put emphasis on her last word.
"Are you saying she should stay here?" Kenneth asked, almost hopeful that Yolene was going to revoke his decision. As the head master, she was in her right to do it.
"No. That would be very cruel. She's all set and ready to leave. From what I heard, she really had to fight for it." Yolene replied. The allusion to their actual fight didn't go unnoticed by Kenneth. "It would be a shame to crumble her hopes like this at the last moment."
"It would be best for her to be disappointed than dead in a few days." Kenneth whispered as he looked away.
"Don't you have faith in your student?"
"Of course I do." He sighed. "I've never seen a monk so talented. She's even better than I was at her age. I'm pretty sure she's going to become a champion at even a younger age than I did. And she's clever. She may be a bit naive, but what she lacks in experience she makes up for it in resourcefulness."
"Then why all this anxiety radiating around you?" Yolene asked with a motherly smile.
"I...I don't know." Kenneth replied. "She's going on a dangerous journey. She's my student. I care about her. Isn't it normal for me to fear for her safety?"
"Yes. It's never easy to look at your children walking away."
"Verica is no longer a child." Kenneth remarked.
"Oh?" Yolene said with a smile and false surprise. "Is that so? Finally seeing her as the woman she is I see."
"Well, it's hard to deny, don't you think?" Kenneth admitted.
"True. She has grown so much, thanks to you. You must be very proud of your student."
"I'll be even more proud once she come back alive and in one piece." Kenneth replied quickly.
"Don't be so dramatic Kenneth." Yolene said as she chuckled.
"I'm just worried about her. I would like to keep her safe forever. But I know I can't and...well, it frustrates me. And my frustration is making me anxious..."
"Oh, I think there is more to it."
Kenneth looked at the elder woman with a puzzled gaze.
"You're anxious and worried. I understand that." Yolene said. "But I think the real problem here is that you're sad."
Kenneth blinked and then narrowed his eyes at her. "Of course I'm sad."
"Why are you sad?"
"...Because she's leaving, I think that's pretty obvious." Kenneth replied, not sure where this conversation was going.
"You're sad because she's leaving, or you're sad because she's leaving YOU?"
"Th-" Kenneth looked away quickly and coughed, feigning to choke on his saliva.
Yolene laughed and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I know you Kenneth. Better than you think. Under all those layers of carefree attitude and nonchalance, you're such a sweet and fragile boy." Kenneth pouted slightly at her statement. He felt like he was 12 years old when she talked to him like that.
"It must be hard for you right now, with all those mixed feelings swirling inside you. You're worried about her safety, yet proud of her progress. You want to see her grow up even more, but at the same time you miss the good old days when she was this faithful student always following you; her eyes constantly attached to your lips and drinking in everything you said in admiration. She's growing apart from you for good today. It's not easy to accept, for many reasons. But the woman she is now and the woman she will become will always be the same student you care so much about. She will always have the same place in your heart, and likewise, you'll always have a spot reserved for you in hers. Our hearts are oblivious to time and distance. Your little bud will come back, Kenneth, and she might come back as a greater flower than you think. Of course you'll miss her, but you'll only be more happy to see her again when she comes back. You'll see, everything will be fine."
Kenneth looked at the head master stunned for a brief moment before he bowed his head and smiled, not entirely sure he understood everything she said, but he was used to not getting all her hidden meanings. All in all, he supposed she meant to say that he shouldn't worry so much.
"Thank you master."
"Think about what I said Kenneth. Maybe it will help you understand your feelings. I think you don't really understand them quite as well as you think." She replied before entering the sanctuary.
Kenneth watched her disappearing inside the building, wondering what she meant by that exactly.
Verica walked toward the exit after packing her things when Yolene arrived in front of her. She stopped before the older woman and bowed politely.
"Master."
"Look at you Verica. A real little adventurer." Yolene smiled to the girl.
"Thank you master." She replied shyly.
"Not too nervous I hope."
"A little."
"Don't be. You have nothing to worry about. The most important for you is to have fun. See new things, meet new people and see the world. No matter what happens, keep this in mind; even the bad experiences shape us into the good person we become. But never forget where you come from and who you are. Never forget who forged you and come back to them as the great woman they know you ought to become." Yolene said before embracing the girl tenderly.
Verica hugged her back after a moment of pause, a little taken aback by what she said. But she quickly brushed it off as she felt Yolene's warmth around her. She imagined it would feel like this to hug her mother. It felt so reassuring to be in her arms. She smelled what a mother should smell. She couldn't quite describe it, but it was simply motherly. She wished Yolene didn't hide her presence constantly. She had never felt it, but somehow she knew it must be a very comforting presence. She suddenly didn't feel like leaving anymore...
But the hug was over way too soon in her opinion. The head master pulled away and smiled at Verica one last time. "Make us proud girl."
"I will."
Verica walked beside Yolene and stepped outside the sanctuary; a lump in her throat and her hands shaking slightly.
Kenneth's breath caught in his lungs when he saw her emerging from the sanctuary with her bag on her back. This was really happening. Seeing her all set to begin her journey really made him realize how concrete all this was.
"Well." She started nervously. "I suppose this is it."
"Yeah...I'll accompany you to the gate." Kenneth said as he started to walk away with a blank expression. Verica followed behind him slowly.
The walk to the entrance was incredibly short, both in Verica and Kenneth's opinion. They passed the gate and stopped just in front of the entrance. Verica looked up at the arch and remembered the first time she came here 8 years ago. That day seemed so far away now.
"This is your last chance to back off girl." She heard Kenneth say. She looked at him and smiled the best she could.
"No. It's already too late to back off." She said.
Kenneth stared at her with the same blank expression as earlier, but Verica was no fool. She could read him better than he thought. His eyes held a hint of sadness and his tense body were enough to tell her that he was everything but calm. She didn't want him to be sad, but she supposed it couldn't be help.
"There's a lot of things I'd like to say." She whispered as she looked around nervously.
"Me too...but you know how good I am with words." he joked. Verica giggled lightly before looking up into his eyes again.
"I...I just want to tell you that I'm very grateful to you." Verica said shyly. Kenneth gave her a confused gaze. "That day, 8 years ago, when I got up in the morning...I never thought my life would change so drastically because of you."
"You don't regret your choice?"
"No. Never. I enjoyed every moment I spent here...with you." She replied as she looked away timidly.
"It's reciprocal." Kenneth said with a small smile.
They stared into each other's eyes for a moment before Kenneth coughed nervously and rubbed the back of his head "I hum..." He reached inside his pocket and got a studded knuckle out of it. It looked pretty old and it had obviously been used a lot. "I don't know if you want it but, hum, I thought maybe it could be useful..." He said as he looked everywhere except at Verica.
"Is it yours?"
"Yeah, well, I haven't used it in a long time. Mathias gave it to me when I left to become a champion. I thought that...well, maybe we could, you know, continue some kind of tradition or...some cheesy thing like that..." He continued, his face turning redder with every word leaving his lips. "It's alright if you don't want it. I mean, I never trained you to use weapons. I'll understand if you don't see a use for it. But it's not very different from fighting with your bare hands. And it kind of protects your hand a little too and..." Verica took the knuckle and put it on. "...And I'm really rambling on right now." He finished with a nervous sigh.
"Thank you so much sensei. It means a lot." She said with a bright smile as she put the weapon in her pocket.
"Yeah, well, it's...it's nothing really." He stuttered, shifting uncomfortably in front of her. "I mean, I suppose I should have given you something more sentimental; something more personal that will help you remember me...but I don't have anything like that and this knuckle served me pretty well in the past and... well, let's face it; it's way more useful than a necklace or-"
"You're blabbering again sensei." Verica said, suppressing a giggle.
"Y-yeah...I'm sorry." Kenneth sighed and ran his hand through his hair nervously. "Are you really sure that-"
"Yes sensei. I'm sure." She replied, slightly annoyed at this question she had been asked so many times now.
"Alright..."
Verica stared at him a moment before she took a deep breath and tried to speak with a clear voice. She had to tell him. It was now or never. She had to handle this like a grown up woman.
"Sensei?"
"Yes?"
"I...I really wanted to tell you something. And I would feel very bad if I didn't tell you before leaving."
Kenneth stared at her, perplex, but obviously curious. Verica took another deep breath and forced herself to smile.
"I just...I'm really happy for you sensei. I wanted you to know this."
Kenneth's head moved back a little. "Happy? For what?"
"About you and Carly." She said, doing her best not to let her emotions show in her voice. "I'm glad you moved on. And I'm glad it's with her. She's... a great woman and she loves you so much. I'm very happy for both of you." She finished, very impressed with her self-control. That slut, a great woman? In another dimension maybe...but it was none of her business. Who was she to judge?
Kenneth stared at her in utter confusion for a long moment, then he narrowed his eyes. He looked very puzzled and suspicious at the same time.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
Verica looked up at him with a frown. "You and Carly." She repeated. "I'm happy for you."
"Me and Carly? What's with me and Carly?"
"Well, you...you're together. I mean, you and her are-"
"What?" He interrupted her before laughing at what he was hearing. "There is nothing between me and Carly. What made you think that."
"I saw you together...at the south cliff." Verica said. Her voice shook a little in anger; jealousy getting the better of her as she remembered the scene.
"You..." Kenneth's breath caught in his lungs and his eyes widened. She saw them? Oh God, how awkward. He looked away and laughed nervously. "N-no, that... I know what it looked like, but it's not like that. She just...well, let's just say it was a small slip on my part. But it only lasted a few seconds and nothing happened beyond that. And I made it clear that it was inappropriate and never to happen again."
Verica stared at him with wide eyes and her mouth opened like a fish. This was a joke. It had to be. Why was he lying to her?
"But...Carly told me you were together." She stuttered.
"She what?" Kenneth said as his eyes narrowed even more. He suddenly looked really upset. "What did she tell you exactly?"
"She told me she'd finally made you understand how much she loved you. That you had moved on about your past and that you were willing to give a chance to your relationship with her." Verica said, her heart threatening to burst out of her chest.
Kenneth snorted and shook his head. He cursed under his breath as he looked to the side, deep in thoughts all of a sudden, trying to make sense of this. What the hell was wrong with that woman? Why was she going around telling lies like this. He really had to talk with her.
"Sensei?"
"I'm sorry Verica." Kenneth said as he looked back at her. "I don't know why she told you this, because it's not true. Carly's been acting strange since she came back. I don't know what's wrong with her. But I assure you I intend to find out."
Verica blinked at him a few time. "So...there's nothing between you two?"
"Of course not." Kenneth said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Carly is a friend and that's all she'll ever be. And you know me well enough to know I'm not the kind of man to take luxury sins lightly."
Verica blinked again as she felt her muscles abandon her for a second. The ground seemed to tilt but she managed to stay straight as realization dawned on her.
It took her all of her will not to crumble to her feet and sob pathetically. Kenneth was not with Carly. He didn't love her! She was so happy she couldn't even put words on her feelings. It was beyond joy. He was not with her! He didn't love her! All her angst from the past few days vanished from her heart and she was more than happy to let those feelings go.
Once the shock and joy was passed, she realized what this meant too.
She no longer had any reasons to leave...
"Is everything alright girl?" Kenneth asked.
"Yes!" She said quickly. "Yes. I'm just...surprised. I-I really thought you, hum, nevermind..."
"Well, I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. Not that it changes anything in your life anyway." Kenneth said with a chuckle.
"Y-yeah..."
Verica didn't know what to say nor what to do anymore. Was it too late to back off now?
"So...hum, I suppose I should let you leave then." Kenneth said hesitantly after a long moment of silence. His voice was so sad and hurt that Verica felt guilty, knowing that she was to blame for his condition.
She looked up at him, trying not to let her panic show in her eyes. She couldn't change her mind now. She had worked so hard to convince him. What would he think if she backed off now? It wouldn't make sense at all...
"Are you sure you're ok?" Kenneth asked again, obviously worried.
"Yes sensei. I'm ok. Sorry, it's just...harder than I thought." She half lied.
Kenneth smiled sadly at her. "Yes, I understand it all too well." He looked at her a long moment in silence; his breathing a bit erratic because of the stress. He seemed hesitant, as if he was debating with himself if he should say what he wanted to. "You know..."
"Yes?" She said quickly, as if she was expecting him to say something in particular.
Kenneth stared at Verica a few seconds before looking to the side, his cheeks blushing furiously and his hand rubbing his neck unnecessarily.
"I...hum, you know I'm not good at this but, well, I just wanted you to know that I really..."
He paused again and sighed deeply. Verica couldn't help but find him extremely cute, all flushed and stuttering like this. It was rare for him to look so vulnerable, but right now he almost looked like a child. He was so adorable...
"You don't have to say anything sensei." She said, hoping to ease his awkwardness a little. "I already know what you're going to say."
"Maybe." He said in a low tone. "But I don't think I could forgive myself if I didn't tell you anyway. Not at a time like this." he admitted as he looked at her in the eyes. His gaze was so intense and his voice so honest it was hard to bear. She'd never seen him like this before. She didn't know what kind of superior force granted her the strength not to faint right there on the spot.
He bowed his head and looked to the ground before he spoke again. "When I saw you in Prontera, I recognized the girl from my dream in you. I already admitted this to you, but... if it wasn't for my dream, I wouldn't have brought you here."
Verica looked at him sadly. Why was he bringing this up now?
"But you have no idea... how much I care about you right now." He said as he looked up at her, his voice low and full of sincerity. He looked so nervous, almost disoriented. "I don't know what my life would be like if I hadn't brought you here, and I don't want to know, because I wouldn't exchange it for anything. Not even..." He paused and apparently decided to change his sentence. "Well, let's just say you're one of the...no, you're the best thing that has happened to me... in a long time." He continued, his gaze drifting to his feet again.
Verica could only stare at him, hearing her heart beating in her ears and her bones transforming into goo as his words went straight to her heart.
"We spent so many years together and... I-I have to admit I, hum, never really fully appreciated you like... like I should have. Y-you're one of the person I care the most about and I would never..." He hesitated again as he took a step toward her without realizing it. Verica held her breath as he continued. "I would never be able to bear it if you were to never come back." He whispered, still looking at the ground with a wounded expression. She hated his expression.
"But I will come back." She whispered in the same low tone, her breathing shallow and her eyes locked on him.
"Don't make promises you can't keep..." He replied, almost pleading, as he looked back at her. He looked so scared and vulnerable; his emotions brightly exposed for her to see, without his consent.
They stared at each other for an eternity. Neither of them knew what to say and Kenneth felt that if he spoke, the lump in his throat would betray him and shake his voice. So he just stared at her, shamelessly. He needed to remember what she looked like. He tried to memorize the exact color of her hair, the precise shape of her lips and this strange feeling her gaze gave him...
Those big dark eyes...when did they become so sensual? So deep? It was as if her eyes could see into his very soul and understand him better than he could understand himself. His eyes drifted down her body, slowly, and he noticed that her chest was moving up and down more quickly than usual; her breast following the movement in a very mesmerizing manner.
He closed his eyes when he realized he had been staring a second too long and hoped she didn't notice.
"S-sensei?" Verica whispered after a long moment of strange silence.
He opened his eyes again and locked his gaze with hers. Panic rose inside him all of a sudden, taking the place in his brain where rationality usually was. What if she really never came back? What if he was to never see her again? Never feel her presence close to him or never hear her laugh again? What if she died? His heart would stop beating instantly in his chest if she was to die. He swallowed hard at the thought. Images of a bloody Verica taking her last breath filled his mind and his knees almost buckled. His fingers shook and he felt this incomprehensible need to touch her, as if somehow he needed to confirm that this girl in front of him was really there and alive.
Before his brain could realize that his hands had moved, he pulled on her shoulders to bring her toward him. Wrapping his arms around her shoulders and back, he trapped her against his chest and bowed his head, pressing his cheek on her temple as a deep and quivering sigh escaped his lips. Then, with a pleading and shaky voice, he whispered.
"Just come back alive."
Verica didn't listen to what he said. She simply felt his breath on her ear and shivers ran everywhere in her body. So much that he probably felt it. It was not the first time he hugged her, of course not. But this was so different on so many levels. The way he held her like his life depended on it felt odd. The way his head was so close to her, his cheek pressed on her, his mouth so close to her ear; it felt so...intimate. She'd never felt so close to him before, except maybe that time in the forest 3 years ago. But this was different. The intimacy was not just in her head, it was really there. She couldn't explain it to herself though, with her brain melting inside her head and unable to put two thoughts together correctly.
She closed her eyes and a small tear streamed down her cheek. She didn't want to leave anymore. How could she? She wanted to stay here, exactly like this, pressed against him for the rest of her life. She didn't want to go anymore.
Her arms wrapped around his waist and her hands fisted in his coat. She pressed her cheek against his collarbone, feeling his heart beating against her chest, as if it was beating just for her to feel. Her arms shook slightly as she struggled not to start crying uncontrollably.
Kenneth wanted to slap himself at the moment. It was probably not easy for her to leave, and here he was, getting all emotional and dramatic on her. He had to get a hold of himself, for both their sakes. It had to be done. This is what she wanted; to leave. No matter how he felt, it wasn't right to lay his fears on her like this.
He moved his head back a little to look at her, forcing her head to pull away from him, but her hands still clung to his clothes. He saw the tears on her cheeks and his expression torn. A strange display of sadness and disapproval.
"Oh God, please don't cry..." He whispered as he cupped her cheek to whip away the moisture left by her tears. "You'll make this impossible if you cry..."
Verica closed her eyes and unconsciously leaned in his touch. How could she ever want to be away from this man? How could she leave now?
As Kenneth brushed his thumb against her cheek, he suddenly really wished he didn't have his gloves on. That way he could feel her warm and soft skin under his finger one last time before she left. The thought should have disturbed him greatly, but all he could think about was this delicate skin his glove prevented him from feeling. For a brief moment, he really considered removing them.
"My, my, what's going on here? Is someone dead?"
Kenneth's hand left Verica's cheek in a heartbeat as he took a step away from her. She let go of his coat as fast and she turned around quickly. They both saw Mathias walking toward them at a slow and nonchalant pace.
"Sensei. I didn't know you'd be back today" Kenneth said, trying to calm his crazy heart beat. What the hell just happened? Why was his heart beating so fast anyway? And why did he let go of her like this, as if they were doing something wrong?
Why was he feeling the heat rise in his cheeks?
"Yeah, well I did." Mathias replied as he came to a stop in front of his two favorite monks. "What's all this about? What are you doing here? You both look very strange. And why do you have your backpack on girl?"
Verica cleared her throat roughly before she spoke.
"I'm leaving." She simply said.
Mathias looked at her, unmoved, for a short moment.
"Pardon?"
"She's leaving." Kenneth repeated. "She's going to Juno."
Mathias looked at the two monks in front of him as his eyes grew wider every second.
"You're kidding, right?" He said, apparently not thrilled by the idea.
Verica almost found relief in Mathias' reaction. If he was against it, maybe she could back off without feeling humiliated...
"She's not. She made it pretty clear she wanted to leave." Kenneth replied.
Mathias turned an outraged gaze toward Verica. "And you were going to leave without saying goodbye to me? You're so hurting my feelings right now!" He said in a false hurt tone.
Well, this wasn't the reaction Verica hoped for...
"I-I'm sorry Mathias. I didn't know when you would come back and I..." She turned toward Kenneth a brief moment. "I wanted to leave...as soon as possible." She finished hesitantly.
"Gah, it's ok. How could I ever be mad at you?" Mathias said with a grin as he walked toward her. He pulled her toward him into a hug that she gladly returned. "This is great news. I wish you luck girl, though I doubt you'll need it."
"You're ok with it?" Verica asked.
"Well, it's not my decision to make, really." Mathias said as he pulled away. "But I don't see why you shouldn't. I mean, your training is basically over. Staying here won't grant you any experience. I think it's a good idea for you to see the world, if you are ready for it."
'I really hope she is." Kenneth thought.
Verica felt disappointed for a moment. She had really hoped Mathias would force her to reconsider. But now here she was; Kenneth agreed, Yolene agreed and Mathias agreed. There were no reasons for her not to go unless she didn't want anymore...
"Are you sure you're well prepared?" Mathias asked to Verica.
"She is, Mathias. Don't worry about it." Kenneth replied in her stead.
"I'm surprised you agreed to this Kenneth."
"She had good arguments."
"Hmm, I'm sensing a story behind this." Mathias said with a curious smile.
"None of your business. You just had to be here if you wanted gossips."
"As if I was the kind to gossip. It hurts me you're thinking that about me."
"I don't care."
"You're so cruel."
"You're so senile."
"Remember a time when you used to look up to me?"
"Nope."
"Kids these days are so ungrateful."
"Kid? You seem to forget my age, old man."
"Yeah, well, you said yourself I was senile. You can't expect me to remember trivial details such as your age."
As Mathias and Kenneth began their usual surge of nonsense and insults, Verica looked at the abbey with doubt. This really was her last chance to abandon. Was she making the right decision? Maybe she wasn't really ready. Maybe she could stay...
She shook her head as she sighed. No, she couldn't stay. No matter if Kenneth was with Carly or not, it didn't change anything to the fact that Kenneth was her teacher. It's not like she could just confess her love now and live happily ever after with him. That was so ridiculous, she almost laughed at the thought.
No, She had to leave. She had to be away from him and forget him somehow. Her obsession with him was unhealthy and was clearly getting in the way of her quest toward inner peace, with all those thoughts hunting her mind.
And as she repeated to herself the last few days; she was doing this for herself. She needed this. In a few years, she would come back; her mind at peace and more mature. Then things would be clearer and she would be able to get over him. Yes, leaving really was for the best.
...Or was it?
Her train of thoughts were interrupted by Kenneth's voice getting louder every second as he seemed to be on the verge of punching Mathias' grinning face into the ground.
"You're the worst teacher Rune Midgard has ever seen..." Kenneth said in exasperation.
"And you're the most ungrateful student in history. I swear you're becoming more tight-assed every day." Mathias replied with a smile.
"You-"
"Where are your manners boy? Really. Your student is leaving and here you are, arguing over nothing with a crazy old man. I thought I taught you better etiquette than that." Mathias said as he turned toward Verica and winked at her. She tried really hard not to giggle.
Kenneth didn't even make the effort of replying and just shook his head.
"Well, I'm really glad I came back in time to see you before you leave girl." Mathias said as he took her hand and kissed it gently like he often did when she was younger. It made her giggle lightly. "Maybe you'll find yourself a nice crusader to keep you warm at night-"
"Mathias!" Kenneth yelled.
"Or a hunter or...a huntress. Which is... perfectly fine too, you know."
"For fuck's sake old man! I swear you-"
"Watch your language boy."
"You- th- n..." Kenneth stuttered, then groaned in exasperation and looked away as Verica laughed heartily.
"Thank you Mathias, but I think I'll keep myself warm alone." She said with a smile.
"Seriously though, you should look for companions. It's always safer to travel in group." Mathias said more seriously.
"I will Mathias."
"Good girl." he said as he patted her on the head with a smile.
And with that he passed the door of the abbey and left the teacher and student alone. Kenneth gazed up awkwardly at Verica.
"I know you don't want me to ask you again, but are you really sure?" He said with a deep sigh.
Verica hesitated a moment and obviously Kenneth noticed because she saw a sparkle of hope in his eye. But in the end, even if she stayed, things wouldn't change the way she wanted...
"Yes. I'm sure sensei."
Kenneth sighed again. "Alright." He put his hands in his pocket and forced himself to smile. "You'll write to me?"
"Of course."
"Ok." He paused "Choose your companions carefully will you? You don't want to team up with people with bad morals...like assassins. Stay away from the assassins."
"Personal grudge?" She said with a chuckle.
"Kind of..." Kenneth said as he looked away and shifted uncomfortably, as if a wound had suddenly reopened on his back.
"You would have died, poisoned, if it wasn't for that assassin lady 3 years ago." She reminded him.
"Yeah, well, exception only proves the rule." He defended himself.
"I'll be careful sensei." She replied with a small laugh.
"Alright..."
'Don't let her go...do something, say something, whatever, just don't let her leave.' His heart screamed to his brain, but he ignored it.
Another long silence followed and then Verica took a step to leave. "Goodbye sensei."
"Goodbye girl. Take care of yourself...and stay safe." Kenneth said slowly.
"I will."
She took a step and Kenneth unconsciously took a step too as his fists tightened in his pockets.
'Run to her, grab her arm, knock her unconscious and get her back into the abbey. Do something...'
Verica turned her back to her sensei and started to walk toward the forest. Kenneth's breath caught in his lungs as the lump in his throat got more unbearable with each passing seconds.
'This is your last chance old man. You're doing the greatest mistake of your life. Don't let her go!'
His heart was getting hard to ignore, but his brain won in the end. He closed his eyes and took a step to the side toward the abbey, already feeling his heart getting filled with regrets and loneliness.
Verica had only taken a few steps when she came to a stop; her heart beating so fast it was maddening. She turned around and saw him close his eyes. Panic seized her heart and she breathed heavily. This couldn't end like this. All she wanted was to hug him, kiss him and tell him that she loved him. She hated her heart right now for making her feel so desperate. Her feet moved on their own and she ran toward her sensei, almost jumping on him, as she pulled him into a tight and suffocating hug.
Kenneth turned around as he heard her footsteps. He was shocked at first, but quickly he wrapped his arms around her as well, accepting the embrace more than willingly. He breathed in her scent and tried to etch it on his memory as he let his arms tightened around her; pressing her more firmly against him. It made him feel so good to be close to her like this. Maybe it was inappropriate, but he couldn't bring himself to care at the moment. He would worry about what it meant later. Right now he just wanted to feel her. To confirm she really was there.
Verica leaned in the hug even more. A few tears wetted the crook of his neck before she raised her head and gazed up at him. He looked so sad. Her heart shrank in her chest, trying to hide from the guilt. Why was she doing this to him. Why was she doing this to herself?
Maybe she could stay. Maybe she could make him understand...maybe she could...
"I love you." She said, simply, leaving him the task of understanding what she really meant. She didn't know why she did it. Maybe she felt like this was her last chance to let him know. All she knew is that she felt a wave of heat and numbness wash over her the moment the words left her lips.
She saw his eyes widen in surprise a fraction of a second, but then they softened and he smiled warmly.
"Me too girl."
No. That's not how she meant it. He didn't understand. How could he? It was so ridiculous. She smiled sadly and let go of him. They stared at each other one last time and, in an incredible moment of courage, or insanity, she wasn't sure, she raised her head and moved her lips toward his cheek.
She was being selfish and slightly masochist right now, but the urge to do it was so intense she couldn't help herself. The prospect of not having to face him afterward helped her greatly too.
Kenneth's head moved back a little in surprise but he didn't stop her. He saw her close her eyes and then felt her hot lips place a soft kiss on his cheek.
The kiss only lasted 2 seconds, but to him it looked like an eternity. Everything seemed to blur around him and play in slow-motion. He felt her breast brush lightly against his chest, the soft material of her top caressing his skin. Her lips on his cheek were softer, warmer and wetter than he remembered them to be when he touched them with his fingers. The fresh, windy feeling of her presence was everywhere around him; numbing his senses in peace and comfort. When she withdrew her head, he felt her hot breath on his face and shivers ran in his entire body, leaving tingles in their wake and settling down in his abdomen in a strange sensation of heat, as if water was bubbling low in his stomach. His fingers twitched as he stayed there, looking at her in confusion, flustered, unable to put his thoughts together and desperately trying to ignore his heart screaming for him to grab her and...
But then she smiled. The most beautiful smile he had ever seen in his life and he swore his heart stopped beating for a moment.
"I'll miss you sensei." She whispered, smiling brightly with innocence.
He couldn't help but smile too. "I'll miss you too..." He replied, ignoring his confusion as he tried to take a mental picture of that beautiful smile. Then she turned around and walked away. Kenneth remained where he was and stared at her back, until he couldn't see her anymore. Even then, he stayed where he was, stunned and not really understanding what just happened. All he understood is that he felt cold all of a sudden.
And that his heart was beating faster than it ever had...
Verica came to a stop when she couldn't feel her sensei's presence anymore. The butterflies in her stomach were going crazy. She couldn't believe what she just did. But she couldn't help but think that maybe he was going to remember her differently because of it. She sure was going to remember the feeling of his skin on her lips for the rest of her journey...so far away from him.
She repressed the lump in her throat as she brushed away her thoughts and walked toward her new life. A new life that was a complete mystery to her. She couldn't quite say if she felt excited like the day she left Prontera, or scared to death like a prisoners walking to the gallows.
Aahhh, I hope you liked this and that you're looking forward to the rest as much as I do :D Things are going to take quite a different turn :P