I started heading back to the Bunker maybe a week or so after being with Dean. Crowley had found us, and Dean was working with him.

Fat chance in hell I was doing that.

So I left, and continued looking for Gadreel. Caught a ghost case pretty quickly as I went. Got my ass thrown by the ghost, and definitely earned some new cuts and scrapes and bruises, but I got rid of the damned thing, so woohoo.

First successful case on my own.

I hadn't called Castiel yet, I'd almost been too afraid to. So instead of calling, like any normal person would do, I just made my way to the Bunker. That took the rest of week two, but when I got there I was almost relieved that Castiel's car wasn't there.

Maybe nobody was home.

I had a key now. I could just walk in, grab what I needed, and leave.

And thank WHOEVER, the place was pretty damn empty. I got to my room, unpacked a few things I didn't need, and re-packed.

Cas walked in right as I was finishing up. "You're back!" He sounded so surprised, so happy; I jumped around at the sound of his voice, saying his name with surprise of my own, but the elation wasn't there. I'd been hoping he wouldn't be here.

I'd been hoping I wouldn't have to see the look on his face again, the one I still saw in my mind, when I would have to tell him I was leaving again.

Then he saw my back re-packed, with just one item missing that I could not find for the life of me. "You're leaving." He stated, all elation gone. Instead, there was a slight edge to his voice.

"You're damn right I am." I said, resuming my search for the damn water bottle. Where the hell had it gone? "I'm gonna hunt that bastard Gadreel down."

"And you thought it would be alright to not speak with me while you did this." He asked. Oh yeah. Definitely an edge in there.

"Why? You plan on stopping me?" I stopped my search as I asked that, and stood with my hands on my hips.

"If I need to, yes."

"What the hell, Cas?" I was starting to get pissy with him, now. He'd been fine earlier, first off. And before Kevin had died he'd left me without a good reason which had, apparently been absolutely NO PROBLEM. Why couldn't I do the same?

"Dean is going to go down a path that could easily lead to his self-destruction; I have seen him do it before. Then, I was able to be there, or Sam was there, to pull him off of that path. Now," his voice was rising as his anger and… was that impatience? Whatever it was, the emotions grew quickly. "Now I can't just be there at your beck and call, and if you get hurt," he motioned to the still-healing cuts on my arms and jawline. "Or die out there," he pointed out my door. "Then that's on me!"

"How in the hell is that on you?" I raised my voice to match his. He had no right to use that tone with me, no right to tell me what I could and could not do!

"I dragged you in to this mess the first day I spoke with you! That makes me responsible!"

"And you weren't responsible when you left, right?" I asked, feeling ice in my voice. He recoiled, almost, as if I had slapped him. "You weren't responsible when you didn't answer me for over a year. You weren't responsible up until the point I almost died at Crowley's hands, but that wasn't the first time I'd barely scraped past demons." I rolled up my sleeves, and was surprised to see no scars; no marking from the scrapes I'd barely made it through.

"When you were raised, your scars and marks were erased." Cas said, almost in a tired "that should've been obvious" way.

"The point still remains!" I retorted, rolling back down my sleeves. "When did you become responsible, Cas? Where does that turn on and off?!"

"It doesn't!" He finally shouted, just boiling with that righteous fury.

"BULLSHIT!" I shouted right back.

"There are things..." He took a deep breath. "That you don't know about, nor do I know how to explain it to you."

"Well why don't you try?" I asked, my voice cutting like steel. "Why don't you explain leaving me, explain your date with Nora that you couldn't even clue me in on, explain abandoning me without a damn word, and EXPLAIN WHY YOU'RE SO PISSY NOW!"

"YOU LEFT TOO!" There it was, another shouting match.

"YOU DID IT FIRST!"

"YOU WANT ME TO EXPLAIN?!" He seemed taller, now, almost towering over me in his anger. "FINE! I LEFT THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE YOU SHOWED ME MY ACTIONS WERE WRONG, THAT THERE WAS MORE THAN BEING CORRECT AND BEING A GOD. I DIDN'T ANSWER BECAUSE I COULDN'T, NO MATTER HOW BADLY I WISH I HAD. I SAVED YOU FROM CROWLEY BECAUSE THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I HAD GOTTEN A SOLID IDEA OF WHERE YOU WERE, AND JUST BARELY MANAGED TO DO IT." He continued on, moving forwards as I took steps back.

"WHEN CROWLEY KILLED YOU, WHEN YOU DIED IN MY ARMS, I BROKE. I ALMOST DIED MYSELF FROM GUILT, AND WISHED METATRON HAD KILLED ME. HE HINTED, HINTED," he emphasized the word a second time. "THAT YOU WOULD BE BACK, AND WHEN I DIDN'T SEE YOU OR HEAR FROM YOU OR ANYTHING, I RAN IN TO SOMETHING, ANYTHING, TO HIDE AWAY FROM THE GUILT AND SHAME OF YOU STILL BEING DEAD."

There's the explanation for April. I didn't talk though, just kept listening. I didn't think I could quiet this angel now.

"AND I TRIED, I TRIED TO LEARN WHAT HAD MADE YOU SO MAD, TRIED TO LEARN WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU HAPPY AND SMILE. WHEN I WENT ON THAT DATE WITH NORA, THAT WAS MY VERSION OF PRACTICE!"

"PRACTICE FOR WHAT?!" I found my voice, still angered and at this point very confused by some of what he was saying, but Castiel just kept barreling through to answer my question.

"PRACTICE SO YOU WOULD NOT SEE ME AS INCOMPETENT!" His answer shocked my back in to silence. "AND WHEN I WAS TAKING CARE OF NORA'S CHILD, WHEN SHE CRIED, I SANG TO HER THE SONG YOU TOLD ME WAS GOOD, "BELIEVE IT OR NOT," THE ONE THAT PLAYED ON THE BUS." I vaguely remembered that song playing myself, but I had. Cas had been listening to my comment?

"AND THE PLAN, THE ONE YOU THREW AWAY FOR REASONS I WILL GLADLY ADMIT THAT I DO NOT UNDERSTAND," he fished around his inner jacket pocket and pulled out a familiar piece of paper, one that was crumpled and had, apparently, been added to by the angel. "I KEPT IT BECAUSE I STILL WANT THIS, KYLIE. I STILL WANT THE APARTMENT, I STILL WANT A NORMAL LIFE, I STILL WANT A LIFE WITH YOU. AND WHEN I LEFT," I wasn't certain how to feel. He was saying things that were actually sweet and kind, but the way he was saying them... He turned a few steps away from me to get some space. "I LEFT BECAUSE I HEARD YOU SAY YOU WANTED TO BE BACK HERE! I KNEW I COULDN'T COME BACK, BUT I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO RETURN, SO I TRIED TO GIVE YOU THAT CHANCE, AND GADREEL COULD'VE KILLED YOU! YOU COULD'VE DIED AGAIN, BECAUSE OF MY CHOICES, I WOULD'VE HAD TO LIVE WITH THAT EVERY SINGLE DAMNED DAY!"

"Cas..." My voice was quiet as he took deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. "Why would you do all this?"

That was when he broke completely, where anything he might've been hiding or holding back spilled forth from him completely, in one sentence.

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, DAMMIT!"

Time seemed to freeze in that moment. Cas stopped, realizing what he'd said. I stopped, letting his words replay over and over and over in my mind over a thousand times in a second.

Because I love you.

Dammit.

Dammit, dammit, dammit, how could I have not known? How could I have been afraid to tell him?

"You…" I tried to find the words, tried to get them to fall out in the proper order. "You love me?"

"Yes." Castiel's voice was no longer loud and shouting, but soft and honest and almost regretful, for just a moment, as to how loudly he'd shouted the words. "Is that alright?" He asked in return.

I nodded, unable to fight a small smile from my face. "Yes." I whispered. I definitely couldn't fight the tears starting to fall, tears that were not sad or sorrowful or distressed or fearful; tears that were absolutely happy.

Somehow, in everything that had occurred, I was absolutely, extraordinarily, undeniably happy.

Castiel took a few slow steps towards me, and I realized that my back was to the wall. Not that I would've backed away from him, anyways. Nor could I have really taken steps forwards. I was so frozen in my spot, just watching him to see if he would take it back, or just disappear.

But he kept walking towards me, until there was maybe a centimeter or two between us, and I saw his height not as imposing or wrathful, but as just… just him. Enveloping in warmth, in confidence…

In love.

He wiped a tear away from my cheek quietly, staring at the droplet before looking in my eyes. His hand, the one that had wiped away the tear, wound itself gently in my hair a second later.

"I would like to kiss you." He stated, his voice so quiet, so polite as he leaned in a little closer. "If you don't want me to, tell me now."

God, there wasn't a chance of me doing that. Not a chance in Heaven or Hell or Purgatory or Earth that I was going to tell him to stop.

So I reached up, faster than I thought I could, and grabbed the lapels of his shirt to pull him in faster for a kiss.

And as we shared that first kiss, I felt like I was being burned alive in the sweetest way imaginable. I could've been dying, and I couldn't have cared less. I felt like I was being consumed by, well, what I could only assume was ANGEL. An ANGEL was kissing me, had WANTED to kiss me! I was drowning in fire, burning in my feeling of flight, suffocating in the sea of passion and emotion that was Castiel; that was US, together in this moment.

When we broke away, I wasn't certain if I'd be standing if it wasn't for Castiel's other hand on my waist, one that I hadn't even known or realized had found a spot there. I hadn't even realized I'd wound my hands around his neck.

But here I was, just after kissing an angel that I was in love with, and that loved me as well, and I could see the love and hope mirrored in his eyes. "Don't leave." He whispered. "Please, don't leave."

"I won't." I promised, not even hesitating to think. I knew where I wanted to be most, and it wasn't hunting Gadreel or just being in the Bunker or anything like that.

I wanted to be with Castiel, by his side and with him by mine, both of us going to do these things together.

Both of us, protecting each other.

Both of us, together.

"Thank God." He muttered, cracking a small smile. He kissed me again, his passion and fire and essence consuming me just as wholly as the first kiss had, and I hoped and prayed that this moment we had created together wouldn't end.

"I love you." I whispered once he pulled away. He smiled again, much bigger, and let out a small laugh.

"I know." He whispered back. I smiled, giggling in turn, and couldn't help but pray that this moment would never end. I didn't even care if I was dead, if this was just my new personal perfect Heaven.

Because this was perfect.

It was absolutely, undoubtedly perfect.