Chapter 24

Lou didn't know how long she had been sitting by Buck's bed holding his hand and sobbing. Emma never said anything; she just held her quietly and let her cry. Lou had never been more grateful for Emma's quiet way of mothering than she was at that moment. She had missed her so much, she had missed being mothered.

"Emma … what am I …going to do … I can't go … through this again," Lou sniffled out.

"Buck is going to be fine Loulabelle, you have to have faith that he won't leave you. That boy has loved you so long; do you really think he's going to give up without a fight?" Emma asked quietly stroking Lou's hair.

"Kid did … He walked away and never came back … everybody I've lost everybody I ever loved … I pushed Buck away… I didn't want to love him … because I didn't want to … lose him… I can't survive it Emma." Lou cried.

"Louise, I don't know what all happened to you since I last saw you but I know this. You have not lost everybody you ever loved. You still have me and Sam. You have Teaspoon and Rachel. And you have Buck. And I know Cody and Jimmy still love you too. You haven't lost us and ya ain't going to. And you ain't going to lose Buck, so you just stop thinking that way. Talk to him honey, tell him how you feel. Don't leave anything out; tell him everything you've been holding back." Emma said softly as she held Lou by the shoulders so she could look into her eyes.

Lou cried and threw her arms around Emma. "I've missed you so much. I'm sorry I'm so sorry," Lou cried.

"It's alright Loulabelle, I'm here now. I'm not leaving you. Talk to Buck, sweetie, tell him." Emma soothed, running her hand down Lou's hair.

Lou pulled away from Emma and wiped the tears off her face with the back of her hands. She took a deep fortifying breath before turning to look at Buck's pale face. He was so still, his breathing so shallow, Lou had never seen him look so weak before, it scared her. Lou picked Buck's hand up and moved to sit next to him on the bed, being careful not to shift him for fear he would start bleeding again. She brushed his hair away from his fevered forehead; Emma placed a cool rag on his head. Lou sent her a grateful watery smile. Even after all this time, Emma was still their mother.

Lou brought Buck's hand up to her lips and kissed it, her eyes closing as she said a silent prayer. She opened her eyes and looked to Emma who was busy tucking the blankets in tighter, checking the rag on his head, and just being there if she was needed. Lou looked back down at Buck and felt the tears spring to her eyes again.

"Buck … I … I don't know if you can hear me," Lou spoke softly her voice cracking from the tears. "I spent so long pushing you away, keeping you at arm's length because I was afraid. Yeah that's right; Lou McCloud finally admits she was scared of something. I was so scared that if I let myself love you, that I would lose you and that is something I couldn't survive … I can't go through that again, but no matter how hard I pushed, you were still there, still loving me, and I got tired of pushing you away. I didn't want to anymore because I realized it was pointless, I was already in love with you … had been for a long, long time."

Lou had to stop speaking for a moment to try to get her tears under control. Emma silently handed her a glass of water. Lou took a sip before handing it back to Emma. "I'm sorry I pushed you away Buck. I'm sorry I was afraid. But that fear ain't nothing like the fear I have right now… if I lost you now, knowing how much I love you, knowing how much you love me … Buck it would be worse than everything I have already gone through… please don't leave me. I couldn't go on without you… I need you Buck," Lou cried out bringing his hand to her cheek.

Emma had to hold back a gasp as she watched the hand Lou was holding to her face twitch as the tears running down Lou's cheeks coated it. Lou was crying so hard that she did not notice at first that the tears were being brushed away.

"Lou…"

Lou gasped and looked down to see Buck staring at her, his eyes full of pain but love as well. "Buck! I thought I lost you," Lou cried as she hugged him being mindful of his wound.

Buck grunted in pain but that didn't stop him from holding her tightly. "I've been waiting for you for twelve years … did ya really think I'd let a little bullet take me from you?" he whispered.

Lou kissed him with all the love she felt, when she pulled back she smack him lightly on the shoulder. "Don't you ever scare me like that again!"

"I'd say we're even for that river incident," Buck laughed out only to moan in pain.

"You best be still Buck Cross, don't want to pull your stitches," Emma scolded coming closer.

"Emma?" Buck whispered looking at the older woman, "What are you doing here?"

"The army called a meeting of all the marshals … seems they are causing more problems for the Indians. I came with Sam to visit with an old friend. I'm glad I did, cause now I can visit with you two," Emma replied smiling.

"What is the army doing?" Buck asked trying to sit up.

Lou pushed him back down. "Don't you worry about, that right now Buck. You just focus on getting better."

"She's right, son. You need your rest." Sam said as he entered the sickroom.

"Sam, it's good to see you." Buck replied as Lou got up and hugged Sam.

"It's good to see you two as well, though I wish it was under better circumstances." Sam stated as he patted Buck on the shoulder.

The doctor came in then. "Well I'm surprised to see you awake, to be honest I didn't think you would make it."

"Had something worth living for," Buck said softly looking at Lou causing her to blush.

"So it would seem. I'm going have to ask y'all to step out so I can examine my patient," The doctor said turning to look at Sam and Emma.

"We'll be just outside, Lou," Emma whispered giving Lou a peck on the cheek.

The doctor did a quick examine and changed the bandages on Buck's chest. "How is he doc?" Lou asked.

"To be honest, I'm surprised he's awake," The doctor responded looking at Lou.

"But I'm going to be fine right?" Buck asked needed to assure Lou he wasn't going anywhere.

"You've got a slight infection setting in but nothing that you should worry about. You've lost a lot of blood so you are probably feeling very weak at the moment. It's going to take some time for you to regain your strength, a few weeks at least." The doctor explained.

"I have to stay here for a few weeks? Doc, I've got a wagon train full of people that need to get to Oregon. We can't afford to stay here for a few weeks," Buck responded.

"Buck, you don't worry about the wagon train. You just worry about getting better. If Nate has too, he can go on without us, I'm sure there will be another group coming through soon, maybe we can join up with them," Lou said softly.

"Your wagon master has already seen about hiring another scout. He knew it would be unlikely you would be able to continue on at the moment. You need to heal Mr. Cross," The doctor explained.

"Thank you doctor," Lou said quietly before the doctor left.

"I'm sorry Lou … I know you wanted to get to Oregon as soon as possible," Buck whispered.

"Nonsense … I don't care about Oregon. I care about you. You getting, better is the most important thing right now," Lou scolded.

"She's right. You need to rest and regain your strength. And Loulabelle you need to get some food and rest too," Emma stated walking back in the room.

"I'm fine Emma," Lou replied.

"I ain't taking no for an answer. I'll sit in here with Buck. You go with Sam and get something to eat and then go get some rest," Emma argued.

Buck gave Lou a lopsided smile, "You know we can never win against Emma. I'll be waiting right here for you."

"You sure?" Lou asked.

Buck nodded, "I'll be fine. You need to take care of yourself,"

"I love you so much it hurts," Lou whispered before pressing a kiss to Buck's lips.

"I love you more," Buck whispered back.

Lou smiled as she left his side and went with Sam to get some food. He was in good hands with Emma there to watch over him. Sam took Lou back to the rooms his family was staying in, so he could get the kids, and then they went to one of the restaurants for dinner.

"So what is this meeting about?" Lou asked after their food was brought and they had caught up as best they could with the children sitting there.

"The army is forcing an amendment to a treaty with the Sioux. They want us to 'uphold' it even though it ain't law yet," Sam stated his annoyance clear to Lou.

"What is the amendment going to do?" Lou asked quietly.

"Shrink their lands down to half their current size," Sam said.

"That ain't right. What are you going to do?" Lou asked.

"Nothing … I quit, turned in my badge. This was just the last straw. I can't be party to their shenanigans no more." Sam explained.

"Does Emma know?" Lou whispered.

"Yeah, she's glad I did what I did," Sam replied.

"What are you going to do now?" Lou asked.

"Don't rightly know … guess I'm going have to talk to Emma about that. It might be time for us to move on, head further west. I hear Oregon is a beautiful place and there's a young couple there or going to be there that's like family," Sam said grinning.

"Ya'll would really go to Oregon just to be closer to us?" Lou asked, her eyes filling with tears.

"I don't think I could stop Emma from following after you now that she's found you again," Sam said quietly patting Lou's hand.

Lou smiled and leaned over giving Sam a kiss on the cheek. "I've missed you too."

Sam just smiled and called the waitress over to take care of the tab. "Come on, we best get you back to the rooms so you can get some rest. Emma would skin my hide if I kept you and the children out too late."

"She hasn't changed a bit, has she?" Lou asked laughing as they exited the restaurant.

"Nope… and I wouldn't want her too," Sam laughed out.

After settling Lou and the children back in his rooms, Sam went to check on Buck and Emma. Buck was in the middle of filling Emma in on everything Lou had told him. Emma was in tears, so Sam went to her and held her as Buck finished the whole story.

"My poor girl… she's been through so much," Emma whispered before turning to look at Sam. "I can't leave her Sam."

"I know I'm already getting the supplies we'll need." Sam replied.

"What supplies?" Buck asked.

"To go to Oregon with ya'll," Emma supplied.

Buck just laughed and then groaned. "I'm glad."

"Get some rest Buck." Sam said before kissing his wife goodnight and returning to his room.

Emma sat by Buck's bed the rest of the night, taking care of her lost son, while Sam watched over their lost daughter.