A/N Bonus update! Did you really think I would leave you all hanging for too long?
Ana POV
"Shut up! Just shut the fuck up and stop fucking lying to me." I am so angry I am screaming. Angry at Christian...and myself, but most of all I'm furious with my poisonous mother.
I cannot believe I almost fell for it. In my gut I knew my mother was up to something.
How she found out about Christians past I have no idea but I know the woman well enough to know she would stoop to any level to get what she wants.
No doubt Christian has a lot of explaining to do, he needs to tell me more about himself and his past or I will have no choice but to walk away. I can't take another day like today, being ambushed like that was horrendous. If I had known the truth things would have been so much different.
With that thought I open my eyes and glare at Christian just for a moment before I turn my icy gaze on my mother. She looks shocked for a second before she hides it. I don't think my mother has ever seen me like this, come to think of it I don't think I have ever allowed myself to get this angry in my life.
"Get. Out." I grit the words out through my teeth.
''Anastasia honey, are you coming with me? You need to get away from this...this monster." Christian flinches and backs away from her at the term monster. She is trying to act the innocent which only enrages me further.
"I should have known mom, I should have realised you were up to no good. Never in my entire life have you been as supportive of me as you have been the last few days."
Great now the angry tears are starting. Why do I always cry when I'm angry?
"Honey, please..." she looks frantic now.
"Is it money? Is that what you're after?" I laugh bitterly, "because I don't have any."
She shakes her head wildly, "no, I don't want money I just wanted to be a mother to you Anastasia."
I stalk towards her and she scampers back. "You don't even know the meaning of the word," I hiss at her. I want to slap her so bad but I won't stoop to her level. It's just not in me to be violent.
Something changes in her eyes, a subtle shift. She knows I won't fall for her bullshit anymore. Carla knows when she has lost and the old mother I know and hate comes out to play. In a moment her face changes from pleading to the more familiar disdain I'm used to seeing directed at me.
"You stupid little bitch. Why couldn't you just go along with it? We were almost there," she rants.
"What are you talking about."
"I should have gotten rid of you when I had the chance, you've done nothing but ruin my life. I should have left you with Ray when he wanted to keep you." I gasp and she smirks. "But I couldn't do that. He wanted you but he didn't want me, so I had to hurt him in the only way I could. So I took you away. It broke his heart." She smiles fondly at the memory and that's when I realise she is either pure evil or completely insane. It's a toss up.
I no longer want to be so close to her so I back away, my anger fading now. "What happened to you to make you this way?"
"You happened."
Okay that hurt. Did having me really make her this screwed up person?
"Don't you dare blame Ana for you being nothing but a fucked up whore," Christian interjects angrily but my mother ignores him.
"He would have taken me back...he would have taken us both," she mumbles.
"Who?'' I ask but there's a sick dread dawning in my stomach and I feel faint.
"Stephen," she spits. "He threw me out after you ran you selfish tramp. You ran away from him only to end up in the arms of a man so much more depraved."
"Don't you ever compare Christian to that sick bastard. He is nothing like him. Stephen Morton is a nutcase!" I'm shouting again and I feel like clawing her eyes out. How dare she say Christian is like him.
"Don't talk about your father like that," she screams back and before I know it she comes at me, arms swinging.
I throw my hands up to protect my face but her newly manicured nails make contact and she rakes them down the side of my neck. I try to protect myself from further harm but suddenly she is gone.
I open my eyes to see Christian has pulled her off me and has her pinned against the wall. "You ever touch her again and I will show you just what a monster I can really be," he snarls and to her credit Carla actually pales.
"Taylor!" He shouts and a second later Taylor is in the room. He must have heard all the shouting and been just outside in case things got ugly.
"Get this bitch out of my apartment," he shoves Carla towards Taylor.
"Sir."
Taylor escorts her out of the room and knowing she has lost Carla goes willingly. But she turns in the doorway and shoots me a chilling look. "You'll be sorry for this. I'll make sure of that."
This time Taylor grabs her by the arm and leads her out and I hear her complaining and bitching the whole way. I'm assuming he'll go with her to pack her stuff and escort her out of the building.
The adrenaline wears off and suddenly I feel weak. I stumble a bit and hold onto the wall.
"Ana!" Christian holds his hands out towards me but doesn't quite touch me. "Baby are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I whisper.
"No. You're not fine. Can I lift you?" he sounds worried.
"I can walk...I think," I try to take a step but end up stumbling again.
"I'm sorry baby but you're going to hurt yourself." Christian scoops me up and carries me to his room and lays me on the bed. "Have you eaten? Or even taken your shot?"
"No."
Christian says nothing and quickly takes my levels. He frowns, "it's far too low, you need to eat something. It was probably from the stress."
I'm feeling a little irritable which is understandable in the circumstances but I also know it's a sign of my illness getting out of control. Right now I don't care. "I'm not hungry ," I pout.
He stares at me. "Tough" he goes to get me some food.
I'm almost asleep when he comes back with a tray of delicious looking sandwiches. "I can't eat all of that!"
"It's for me too, or do you want me to go?" he looks like a little boy waiting to be told off. I roll my eyes and sit up in the bed. "It's your room."
He sits on the bed across from me and puts the tray between us. Gail must have made this there's no way Christian put these sandwiches together. I eat the sub without really tasting it and pick at the chips and within a few minutes I'm already feeling better.
Christian is watching me closely but stays silent. It's annoying. "What?"
"Are you feeling better?"
I shrug. I know I'm acting like a child but I'm still hurt that he held so much back from me after I told him every embarrassing thing about my past. I thought he was being honest with me too.
"Do you want to talk?"
I snort, "are you going to be honest with me?"
He looks hurt and now I feel bad. "I've never lied to you Ana."
"You haven't told me the whole truth either Christian. It amounts to the same thing."
He hangs his head, "I thought you'd leave me." It's barely a whisper.
"And if I did choose to leave? Don't you think I deserved that choice?"
"You're going?" he looks devastated.
"Honestly? I don't know. I'm so confused right now Christian. Confused and really hurt." And cue the tears. I wipe them away angrily.
Christian moves the tray to the floor and scoots closer to me, "can I hold you?"
I should probably say no, but I nod yes. He wraps me in his arms and I cling to him and just bawl my eyes out.
"I'm sorry baby, so, so sorry," he murmurs into my hair. "Please don't leave me."
The pleading in his voice tugs at my heart even as I try to be detached so I can think straight. "Am I really like all the others?" I sob.
He takes a deep breath and holds me tighter. "When I first heard you crying in the alley it was so dark I didn't even see your face. I noticed you're hair was similar but that has nothing to do with why I brought you here. I wanted to help you Ana. Then when I finally saw your face clearly I though you were the most beautiful creature I had ever seen." He pulls back and wipes the tears from my splotchy face, "still do," he whispers.
"The fact that you were a similar build and had the same hair as the subs was just a coincidence baby. You look nothing like any of them to me, all of their faces blur together and I'm not sure I could tell them all apart at this stage.
"I know if I was to never see your face again I would never forget a single detail."
I know I still need to ask him the most important question, but I'm afraid of what the answer will be. "D...do I look like you're mother?" How he answers this will mean everything.
He sighs, "a bit...you're hair is similar."
I pull away. How am I supposed to feel about that? "Do you want to beat me because I look like her?"
"NO! I've never felt the urge to do BDSM with you Ana. That was the main reason I fought my feelings for you for so long. I didn't know if I was ready to give up that life for good."
"And now?"
His face softens, "I love you Ana, I would give up everything for you."
"It really hurts that I look like her."
"I'm sorry I wasn't more forthcoming, I was terrified I'd lose you. Flynn warned me this might happen."
Flynn, Christians psychiatrist. He's told me he sees him but never what they discuss. "Sounds like he knows what he's talking about."
"Am I losing you?"
I stare at him for a long time. He looks utterly broken at the thought of losing me. It hurts that I look like his dead mother, it hurts a whole damn lot. But he says that has nothing to do with his feelings for me...his love.
I suppose the real question here is do I believe him? Is he sincere in what he is telling me? Did he really not tell me because he was afraid of losing me?
The more I think about it though I realise that if Christian didn't feel something for me why would he want me here? He could quite literally have any other woman he wanted. And not just for the BDSM stuff. He could give that up and have a normal relationship with whoever he chose.
But he chose me. I don't know why, I'm not beautiful or even well educated but he wants me nonetheless. And at the end of the day isn't that what really matters here? I believe Christian loves me, despite all of his fifty shades.
"No. You're not losing me."
He blows out a harsh breath and pulls me into his arms. It feels so good. Safe.
"You won't regret this baby, I promise."
A/N So Ana grows a backbone...finally. I hope you noticed that she didn't stutter once while ripping her mother a new one and telling off Christian (yes, it was deliberate!) The more confident Ana gets the less she will stutter.
C'mon did you seriously think I'd send Ana off with Carla? Oh ye of little faith.
For anyone who is getting a little antsy there may be a lemon coming up in the next chapter or two. Just sayin...
Please review my lovlies xx