Chapter 25 – Decision Made
I woke up to a dull light, in an unfamiliar bed. But I recognized the quilt that was wrapped around me. My throat was dry and it hurt when I breathed. I sat up and looked around. The sunlight danced, as it shined along the floor. I blinked slowly. My body wasn't very responsive. I felt like I was just waking up from an outer body experience. Being pulled down into the dark waters; not knowing if I was ever going to come back out. Hearing my voice leave my throat and feeling my mouth fill with water. I remember struggling against the unbreakable hold, but it did nothing as I sank to the bottom. The darkness crept up and shadowed my eyesight. I didn't remember my eyes closing.
I remember floating and being pulled in other directions, feeling something hard around my waist. I tried to remember more, but I couldn't. The door creaked open and I turned to see who it was. "Good, you're awake." I blinked as Jacob came to sit by the small bed I was on. I smiled, "How long have I…?" He patted my hair, "A few hours. How do you feel?" I blinked, "Thirsty." Jacob's hand grazed down my neck to my shoulder. I wanted to get out of the bed, but he pushed me down. The door opened again and Emily came in with a large glass. "Drink this." I looked at her as I took the glass. There was a bandage on her head, "Em," my voice broke. My throat was raw from all the salt water I swallowed. She smiled and grazed the bandage with her fingers, "I've had worse." I laugh, then winced. Laughing was a bad idea. The pain in my throat would pass, but not like the pain I was about to inflict. While I was sinking in the dark waters, I dreamed. In my dreams, I saw the decision I have agonized over. A decision I had made a long time ago, but was too afraid to admit. It was clear to everyone but me. It was time to end this and let him know what I want, what I need to make me happy.
I sat up, running my fingers through my hair, "Jake, I need to talk to you." He blinked, "It can wait." I shook my head, "No, I have already waited too long." His brow furrowed, "What are you talking about?" Emily left the room. I looked down and saw I was wearing some of her clothes. My hair was around my shoulders and I could smell the brine of the ocean on it. I looked at Jacob. He patted my hair, "Bells, what is it?" I was a coward. I sipped at the glass Emily gave me. It was cold milk and that felt good. "Jake, I'm sorry. I am so sorry." He blinked, "For what?" I closed my eyes, "I should have told you the truth. I was wrong, so wrong and I hope you can forgive me." "Bella, what's going on?" "I can't…. I can't lie to myself anymore. I tried to let go, but I couldn't." His face became stone, "Oh, you mean…?" He huffed, "Bella, you were doing great. You were letting go." "Not as completely as you thought I was. I still love him." "Bella, he's bad for you." I closed my eyes, "Jacob, with Edward, I have passed the point of no return. That happened when I realized what he was and how I felt about him. There is no going back for me." Jacob stood, "Please Jacob. I do care about you…." "But you're in love with him." I nodded, "I am." Jacob shook his head and looked away from me, "You can't exist without him. I knew it. I knew that, but I foolishly thought I could change that." I got out of the bed. My legs felt weak, but I pushed myself, "You weren't foolish. I didn't make things easy for you. I depended on you and I was wrong."
Jacob left his head fall back, "Bella, listen to me." He turned to face me, "If this is what you want, I won't stand in your way. Just know that he will never care about you the way I can. He can't offer you all the things I can." Tears formed in my eyes. "Jacob, I'm so sorry. Part wants to stay with you, but I know I can't. I'll keep hurting you, in worse ways. And I'll be holding you back." "How will you be holding me back?" My lips trembled, "You still have your soul mate to find. I'm not her. She's the one you need. When you find her, you'll forget all about me." I exhaled and looked down, "You should forget about me right now. You say Edward is bad for me. Well, I'm bad for you. I'm poison." Jacob's huge arms wrapped around me, "You're not poison, Bella." I sniffled, "Yes, I am. The pack can see it. I'm poisoning you. I'm destroying you and you can't see it." "Bella, stop saying that. You are not poison." Tears spilled out of my eyes as I clutched at his arm. Jacob kissed my hair, "This is how you know I care about you more. I'm letting you go." I blinked away tears as I looked up at him, "What?" He sighed, "Go. If he's what you want, I won't stand in your way. I just hope you're making the right decision." Jacob stepped away from me and left the room.
I stood in the room, staring at the door. Jacob was gone. My decision was made. Emily came into the room, "Your clothes are in the car. You should get going." I looked at her. In choosing Edward, was I also losing Emily? She hugged me, "Don't regret this decision. You love him and he loves you, that's all that matter." I smiled feebly, "Thank you, Emily." I sniffed, "Let's go to Port Angeles this weekend?" She smiled, "Of course. Let me know what happens." I smiled and ran out of the room. I was anxious to get to Edward. I jumped in my car and drove to the Cullens house. I was driving faster than I have before. I heard something vibrating in the car. I looked around myself. The sound was coming from the compartment between the front seats. I lifted the cover and saw a silver phone in there. I picked it up and saw Alice's name. "Alice?" "Bella, he's heading up west on the 101. He's leaving Washington." My eyes widened, "Why?" "The king was living up to his title. He thought you chose Jacob." Alice explained that I called for Jacob when Paul revived me. "No, not like that Alice. I saw he was hurt before those two took me to the cliffs. I was worried about him." "Don't explain it to me. Tell him."
I dropped the phone and hit the accelerator. I opened the windows, to let the air blow my hair out. Edward couldn't leave Washington. He couldn't leave Forks or his family. He couldn't leave me. I won't let him leave me, not again. The needle was pushing past 100 and I wasn't even scared. I was in control and determined. After a few long moments, I finally caught a glimpse of the silver Volvo. My eyes widened as I pushed my car forward. I pushed past his car and turned mine, hitting the brakes. My car blocked his, as he screeched to a stop. I looked out my window and got out of the car. "Edward," I was breathless. He stepped out of his car, "Bella. What are you doing here?" I blinked, "What are you doing?" He blinked, "I was going to Alaska for a while." I made a face, "Don't lie to me. You were leaving again. You were leaving me again." He shook his head, "I was getting out of the way." I walked over to him, "Whose way?" Edward closed his door and looked down at me, "Bella, I lost you and now I have to live with that decision. I've seen the way you were with Jacob and I couldn't ignore it. I pushed you into his arms. Bella, if you want Jacob, I won't…"
I pushed against his chest, making him fall back on the car. I stepped closer to him, "Edward, shut up." He looked at me, "But Bella…." I covered his mouth with my hand, "You've talked long enough. Now it's time to listen." I smiled, "Edward, you have to got to stop jumping to conclusions. You can't read my mind. You may know me, but you have to realize that I need time to make up my mind." My smile widened, "You've been gone too long." I bit my lips, as I wrapped my arms around his neck, "Edward, I love you and can't just let you walk out of my life without you knowing that. You did it before and I almost didn't survive." I looked into his eyes, "I love you, Edward and I want and need you in my life." He was silent, but his arms wrapped around my body. My feet were off the ground as our lips met. My fingers twined in his hair as we kissed. My heart raced as he held me closer. Our lips parted and I smiled. "I love you, Bella." My eyes opened and I looked into pure honey. "But, I just have one more thing to say." He smiled, "What is it?" "Please, don't leave me again." He pressed his lips to mine, "I promise."
"Finally!" We turned to see Emmett getting in Edward's car. He spun the car around and drove back to Forks. I smiled, "I guess they were getting impatient." Edward didn't release me, "You have no idea." He looked over to my car, "How did you get here so fast?" I blushed, "I've been around mythical creatures too long." He held my face, "I've missed that so much and I am never letting it go again." Edward swept my legs into his arms and he placed me in the passenger seat of my car. He held my hand as we drove back to Forks.