X
M
X
"This is crazy."
With my head at her chest, I felt her voice as much as heard it, a low reverberation, soothing and thrilling at the same time.
"Such is life." I said. "Any plan?"
"Hmm… maybe, if we stand very still, they won't realize we're here…"
Cameras flashed furiously. Questions came like machine gun fire.
"Maybe, if you weren't in such a shiny suit."
"Mmm, nice shiny dress, by the way."
I pulled back to look at her face again, resisted kissing it and whispered, "I want to steal you away."
Oh, there wasn't magic enough for it to be done, I fear that even were we able to fly, some news-hungry helicopter pilot would have hunted us down. It wasn't long before we were separated; Haruka escorted by a man wearing a sharp suit and a rather pensive expression and myself by two of the same security guards from before. In truth I was thankful of the human barricade. Overwhelmed and under fire I made it across the stadium.
By the time my shaking legs had carried me back to the box, the party had disbanded. Kuriko was bouncing, Kaede was hungry, Shun was sullen. He sat on an emptied champagne crate and watched the floor. Cleaning staff fluttered back and forth. I dealt first with the smallest member of my family, gathering her in my arms and moving to the nursery.
"You could have waited." Shun's voice followed me. It sounded hollow.
I paused in my progression, then walked on.
No, no I couldn't have.
There had been too many days and nights, those before and after having met. How long was long enough to bear these feelings? How long to go unheard, unknown and unknowing? I held Kaede's hopeful face to me. I said nothing.
Shun said nothing. In fact, he continued saying nothing, limiting verbalization to confirmation or negation in a series of grunts for quite some time. Kuriko became grizzly. Kaede followed suit, crying through the night with renewed vigor. I moved us from our hotel room to the bullet train, and onwards. We made the trip back to the estate under the funk of Shun's mood, the threat of Kuri's disobedience, and the constancy of my bewildered exhaustion. I felt punished, and would have felt completely under attack had it not been for Kaede's blessed unconsciousness. Her presently nocturnal lifestyle at least gave some respite during the day.
The morning following our return Shun had found his voice again. Early, while Kuri was still entertained by her cartoons, he met me at the dining table. He looked tired, shaken. His entire body told the story of bitter surrender.
"I've arranged it with work," he said, "I made the calls last night. I'm going away for a while."
"What? For how long?"
"Just… a while."
"Shun, you can't do this now."
"Why? You were allowed to 'do this' not so long ago."
"Kaede isn't sleeping through, Kuri-chan needs proper attention. I'm absolutely dead on my feet. This isn't the time for a holiday!"
"This is what you wanted."
"You can't abdicate all responsibility to… sulk!"
"Sulk? You would call it that? I'd have thought you'd understand."
"How? This is crazy."
"I just need some time out. I need… I've arranged to be away for two weeks, fourteen days, does that fit in with you?"
"Don't speak to me like that."
"Understand."
"What?"
"That way you look at her… that way you feel for her that means you can't keep away. That makes you ready to throw it all…"
He swallowed, blinked, looked back at me,
"That is how I feel about you… can you say the same of her?"
"I don't know."
"But it doesn't matter, does it?" He wasn't really asking.
"I don't know what to say."
"Just… understand that I can't live with you, can't live like this waiting for you to leave. I need to get away. Get out of this routine. Kids, work, kids…you. I can't stay here and watch you watching someone else. My flight is in three hours. Please, when I return, please… just go, just be wherever you're planning on going."
X
H
X
The guys were crazy as all hell! Yowling and mock fighting, grabbing bunches of hair, wielding sloshing bottles from open cab windows…
We took over the bar at our hotel, inducing some distress in the waitresses cursed with that particular shift. In pretty, pressed uniforms of navy and white, the staff looked from Kenji, slurring incomprehensibly to Machu, presently shirtless, and seemed close to tears.
"Get some clothes on, son!" Hideo growled. "No one wants to see that."
"They all of them want a… some of this…!" Machu reasoned. Loudly.
He then stood and embarked on an obscene kind of belly dance.
"Agh! Seriously, you'll get hair in my drink!" said Taki.
"Ooo hoo hoo…!" Machu sat down heavily. "Does our lead mechanic only have eyes for T-T-T Tenoh's T-T-T-"
"Trophy?" I sent a warning look that was not missed.
"Mm. Good trophy… nice." Machu grinned into his beer.
Kenji sniggered. I looked at Taki, she was smiling too. Hideo let out a guffaw.
"Bastards!" I yelled at them. "Who won this damn title?"
"You!" Machu fell forward, half killed me in a sweaty, semi-naked embrace. I pushed him off. I held up a fist. It made him giggle. They all did. I, by comparison, fought to purge the stench of my stripper colleague from sensory memory.
"Ah, you did good, kid. Amazing." Hideo smiled.
"I don't know how you busted through in the end." Taki said, "You've got some kind of divine intervention on your side."
Then I smiled, "You have no idea."
"Yessswe dooo." Kenji piped up, "Saw an angel trying to swallow your tongue…!"
"She wasn't-"
"I didn't realize sponsorship was so… involved!"
"Don't make me…!"
"Ah, but she must really love you." Said Machu.
I didn't know what to say to that…
"There is no other reason she'd grab your sweaty ass after hours in a car!"
Fuelled by liquor, triumph and total idiocy our conversation maintained a similar level of eloquence well into the evening. I made sure to tip well.
Alone in my suite I imagined she would have travelled back to Tokyo already. I supposed she would need to feed her children, tend to her husband. Given their combined presence it would seem they were back together.
X
Post win publicity events came and went. Not surprisingly, there were now several more sponsors, big ones, who were keen to have their logo emblazoned on the winning team. My agent had begun complaining about the smaller surface area of my person for the purposes of branding. I told him simply to sell it at a premium. Madness.
Eventually the time came to return home, Hideo warned if didn't take a break, we were likely to get broke, and there was no use for substandard components in his garage. I was good dialling down the limelight, but found I missed the track. Outside of the roar and turmoil I was left feeling acutely aimless.
Other than a musty, unused smell, my apartment was as I'd left it. Small, pillaged of clothes, void of all life. I pulled open the curtains, pushed open the windows, sat on the sofa and watched for ghosts of her presence. Kaioh Michiru, arriving with my jacket, collecting Kuri-chan. Kaioh Michiru striding naked from my bedroom to the shower… always in transit. Coming and going and going again.
She hadn't contacted me. It was a confirmation in itself. But I had worked too hard, I had promised myself this. I picked up the phone, dialed the same old digits.
"Hello."
"…it's me."
"Haruka?"
"Yes, I…" I was interrupted by the sound of Kuri in the background "Is that the King?"
"Shh sweetheart, I'm so glad you called!"
"…sweetheart?"
"Kuriko is trying to steal the phone…"
"Is she?"
"Mmm. She's also been threatening to run away and join the racing circuit."
"That's cute…tell her I'll take her anytime… Michiru?
"Yes?"
"Are you able to meet me?"
"…yes."
"I'm not trying to… There's something I wanted to discuss with you."
"Ara, how formal!"
X
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It felt as though I were moving through the thickest of cloud, tiredly struggling with Kuriko's after-school timetable and arranging a sitter for Kaede. Eventually I gave up and left them both with my mother. The inconvenience was quickly forgotten with a well-timed burble from my youngest daughter. My mother insisted the noise was some interpretation of her own name. Kuriko was less impressed by the change in plan.
"You're going to see the King."
"Be good for your grandma, I just have a few errands to run."
"I want to come too."
"I'm sorry darling, there's just not enough time."
"But I'm so good at err-rants!"
In the end I had appeased her with the promise of baked goods. I was terribly late. After finally finding a park I rushed into the café where we were to meet. 40 minutes ago. It was quaint, a bell tinkled as I entered. A waitress looked up interestedly.
"Irrashai."
The area to my right it was vacant, to my left was an elderly couple and nearby a solo diner… One with a cap covered head, a back in plaid…? But no, it wasn't her. She wouldn't wear such things. Deflated, I approached the counter.
"Have you seen a woman, a blonde?"
"A woman? Sorry Miss." She shook her head, "Can I get you something?"
"No, I'm not sure that I'll be… what about a man?"
"Get you a man? I'm afraid I think this is the wrong place for-"
"Has a blonde man come this way?"
"Oh him, yes. Gorgeous. He's just up there."
I followed her look, found the entrance to the staircase, which took me to the next floor. At the sound of my footsteps, Haruka turned. She was seated beside the window, accompanied by a bottle of water and two glasses. She appeared apprehensive, but smiled politely. It stirred anxiety in me. Nothing so serious could be good news.
"I like it up here," she said by way of introduction, "You can see further and it's pretty vacant by 3… or so."
"I'm so sorry I'm late," I sat in the chair across from her.
"Spent all that time getting dressed?" she smiled cheekily.
"Oh, my children actually. I don't feel I have time to breathe at the moment, Kaede just won't sleep through, Kuriko isn't…" I shook my head.
"Sorry, I'm sure you aren't here to listen to all of this." I finished.
"No, it's okay, really. It is about that, I guess…"
"Please tell me you're retiring from racing to become a babysitter."
"I'm sure you can find a higher caliber of child minder."
"Don't be sure."
She looked at me then, didn't speak for a moment. I imagined, maybe hoped, that she sought out my memories, explanation of our time apart. I watched her in return, her ruffled hair, her undeniable eyes. So much they had seen, so much they had missed…
"Michiru, you asked me, before I left, you said you wanted my help. As a friend. Ally. Something like that. I was too proud or… I don't' know. I let you down. I'm sorry."
"You're here to apologize?"
"I'm here… trying to help. I'm better equipped now. You were worried about… you didn't know what would happen with your kids if… when you met someone else."
"I was, but…"
"If you were drawn into the whole legal thing it'd be…"
"Awful."
"…Expensive."
"Well, yes, though…"
"Michiru, the prize money, I want you to take it."
"Sorry?"
"From the race… I can't, I won't let Kuriko be taken from you, I guess with Kaede they might-"
"Haruka, stop."
"Please."
"I don't need any money. I have rather a successful music career, incase you hadn't noticed."
"I had…" she started.
"You live in a tiny apartment. You're right at the beginning of this racing thing. You've just taken an international title… what are you thinking?"
"I'm trying to be…"
"What? A friend?"
"How would I ever get to see Kuri if you…"
"Haruka," I placed a hand on hers, "Be honest with me."
"…Okay."
"We've never been any good at being friends."
She looked pained. I brought my hand up to her face, willed away some of that uncertainty.
"But I tried…" she objected
"I tried too." I said, "It's okay."
"It's not. It's so hard…" She shut her eyes. "It's still so hard…"
"Haruka…"
"Why won't you take the stupid money?"
"Look at me, I don't need it. I don't think Shun's about to demand sole custody. Definitely not at the moment…"
"Huh?"
I placed my hand on her other cheek, rubbed my thumb back and forth. Attempting gentleness while my heart was racing.
"I need some help moving furniture."