INT. TARDIS
Loud banging. Muffled alien cursing. We pan around the command console, then down. We see only mechanical parts.
DOCTOR (O.S.)
Gorram fraking shrock drokk.
This time, we pan up and see... the Doctor, hanging from the ceiling using magnetic boots and a mag-tether that's attached to a harness wrapped around his chest. This enables him to perform maintenance with the sonic screwdriver on an open conduit of the cylindrical power core.
The conduit sparks.
DOCTOR
PetaQ! Bagropa grahzny bratchny smeg.
The door leading to Rose's room slides open. Rose enters wearing sweats, without makeup, her hair tied up in knots. She looks around.
ROSE
Doctor?
We hear the mag-tether unwind as he lowers himself down behind her, like a rock-climber descending a mountain.
DOCTOR
Allo'-allo'.
She jumps, surprised by his sudden appearance. She smacks him in the arm. Still hanging, the momentum from her smack turns him around in a slow circle.
ROSE
Don't do that. You scared me.
He rubs his arm where she hit him.
DOCTOR
You're a violent one.
He spins around and lowers his feet to the ground. The magnetic boots stick firmly to the ground and make a "bzzt" sound as they connect with the metal floor grating. He unleashes himself from the tether and lets it snap back up to the ceiling.
ROSE
I heard you yelling. I thought something was wrong.
DOCTOR
No. Just performing a bit of maintenance. After that whole bit with the dragon, there's still a few tweaks and ferts and knocks to weed out. Speaking of that, did you, uh, get a bit of a shock?
He points to her unkempt hair. She sticks her tongue out.
ROSE
Bite me.
He walks over to a secondary console as he continues talking. The mag-boots "bzzt" with each step. He tries a few switches.
DOCTOR
Anyway, sorry about the yelling. A few years back, I found myself in the Argenta System in the year Bligsocks and Rice. That's around 40,200 for you. The Callixo there are renowned for their engineering prowess. It was there that I met this curious little rat-looking fellow, smelled like sweaty purple grapes – purple, not green – the best engineer there ever was. Had these little hands with eight double-jointed knuckles, could get inside anywhere. He told me, the key to engineering, was knowing all the best curse words and continuously shouting them one after the other while you work.
ROSE
Why?
DOCTOR
Because machines are needy. They crave attention, because they're cold inside. They don't feel, and they want to. That's why they break. That's why they're not happy and content to do what they're told until you've pulled out all your hair and given them a good kick in the mechanics.
He kicks the console and it whirs to life, sort of like an old lawnmower, popping and whirring, louder and louder, until it builds to a grand crescendo and then...
DING! The Doctor opens up a small compartment in the center, reaches in, and pulls out a steamy mug.
DOCTOR
Ta-da. Hot chocolate?
Rose smiles and takes it.
DOCTOR
There's a smile.
ROSE
I love hot chocolate. It's my favorite. Did I tell you that?
She sips. Her eyes roll back from the deliciousness. She takes another sip. He goes to take it back, but stops himself.
DOCTOR
Actually, that was, no, it's fine. Ya know? I'll make another. It's good. That's fine.
He starts the machine up a second time.
DOCTOR
Sorry if I woke you.
ROSE
Don't worry about it. I haven't been sleeping. Just sort of been laying in my bed, staring into space. Never thought I'd actually be able to do that when I'm doing that.
DING! The Doctor reaches in for his own mug of hot chocolate. He takes a sip.
DOCTOR
I could park us someplace interesting if you'd like, give ya a real view. You haven't lived until you've experienced the solar springs of the Welf.
ROSE
If you want.
DOCTOR
I'm asking what you want.
ROSE
I don't know what I want. I... I want to think about something else.
She sits on a nearby step and exhales one, long, exasperated breath.
ROSE
Tell me a story.
He looks up from his hot chocolate with a brown "milk mustache". He wipes it off with his hand.
DOCTOR
Beg your pardon?
ROSE
You've got to have tons of great stories, all the things you've been through, everything you've seen.
DOCTOR
Sure, sure.
ROSE
So, tell me a good one. Tell me... a fun one.
DOCTOR
A fun one... a fun one. Let's see.
The Doctor thinks.
DOCTOR
Ah! You'd probably like one with lots of twists and turns, thrills and romance.
She nods.
DOCTOR
Maybe some political intrigue? A bit of betrayal, a hint of heroism, a dash of danger?
ROSE
Sounds exciting.
He climbs up onto the Tardis command console, making grand gestures with his arms and hands.
DOCTOR
Then you, my dear, will want to pin back your ears and brace your bones for the most spine-tingling, hair-raising, action-packed story you've ever heard in your life. Prepare yourself, Rose Taylor, prepare yourself... for The Tale of The Quest for The Bread of the Sandwich.
She blinks twice, unimpressed.
He grins.
DOCTOR
Challenge accepted.
-To be Continued...-