Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 25

"Aaron!"

Maddy had looked shocked to see him, but her features had quickly softened into a smile, she'd looked relieved, maybe even pleased, but as quickly as the smile had formed it had faded and she'd suddenly seeed nervous. She was probably expecting some nasty comment from him, some put down, he couldn't blame her, that's all she'd got from him before, he'd not said one kind or friendly word to her.

He'd just stared back at her, not sure how to start to apologise for his behaviour or how to thank her for what she'd done. He certainly hadn't wanted an audience and there were several stylists and customers present. As if reading his mind Maddy had gestured to a door behind her and said, "Come through to the back."

He'd followed her into the room, closing the door behind him. His gaze had slowly moved around what was obviously the staffroom, taking in the chairs, coffee machine, fridge, all the personal belongings. He'd been deliberately avoiding Maddy's searching gaze but he'd eventually had to meet it, the brown eyes were now looking intently into his.

The silence was growing increasingly unbearable but he just couldn't seem to get anything past his dry lips. It seemed it was equally uncomfortable for Maddy because she began to talk, Aaron not missing the tremor in her voice.

"When did you get out of hospital?"

"Yesterday."

"And you're feeling ok? Should you be out and about so soon?"

Aaron knew Maddy wasn't just making small talk, that she was genuinely interested, that she cared and he felt even more ashamed of his actions. "Yeah." He wasn't really; he felt far from ok, his legs were a bit wobbly, and he was lightheaded; it was one thing wandering around the house, able to sit down when he felt like it. Walking around Hotton's streets was something else entirely. He was a lot weaker than he'd ever admit to anyone.

"How's Jackson?"

"He's fine, he's next door in the cafe." Aaron knew Jackson liked Maddy, and like Paddy had said he would too if he'd just give her a chance. Why hadn't he listened to him? He never steered him wrong, never.

"You're still staying at his then?"

Maddy sounded disappointed, but he knew his reply would change that, "No, Paddy's."

She was nodding her head and smiling again now; obviously pleased he'd gone home, eventually confirming her delight with one quietly spoken word, "Good."

He'd expected her to ask about Paddy then but no, like Paddy avoided talking about Maddy, it seemed she was avoiding talking about him, like it would hurt too much if she did. Suddenly what composure she had cracked and she eyed him anxiously asking "Aaron why are you here?"

"Because I wanted to talk to you." He'd blurted that out easily enough but couldn't keep the momentum going and the awful silence descended again. He knew Maddy wasn't going to help fill it this time, that it was down to him. "I wanted to tell you I was wrong, about you, about you and Paddy. I'm sorry, for the things I said. I'm sorry for not giving you the chance you asked for. I'm sorry for coming between you and him." Maddy was shaking her head again and there looked to be tears in her eyes, he couldn't be sure though because she turned around, away from him but only briefly. Just long enough to regain control because when she turned around she was eyeing him steadily, no trace of tears now, and there was a hardness in her tone.

"No! You weren't wrong. You said I'd hurt him and I did. What happened to you...the only way I could have hurt him anymore was if...was if you'd died.

"That wasn't your fault!"

"Yes it was, of course it was!"

She sounded angry now, but he knew the anger wasn't directed at him but at herself.

"The likes of me getting involved with someone like him! I should have known better. My past was always going to raise its ugly head; it was always going to destroy anything good I found."

"Reynolds was off his head, you're not responsible for what he did..."

"I should have walked away when you told me to; none of this would have happened if I had..."

"Maybe you weren't meant to walk away! All that's happened, me and Paddy, me and Jackson, it's better, stronger now. You and Paddy could..."

"No! Paddy 'is' better off without me. This...this mess, this thing with Reynolds. It's not over Aaron; it never will be, not for me. Paddy doesn't want someone with that kind of baggage."

"He loves you."

"He told you that?"

He wanted to lie and say yes because he'd just seen a glimmer of hope in Maddy's eyes; he wanted to give her something more to hold on to. But he couldn't, but then he didn't feel he had to, "No, but he does, I know he does."

The brown eyes were looking at him in confusion now. Wondering why he was telling her that now.

"You hated me, what's changed?"

He hadn't hated her, had he? He didn't know anymore, he was confused too. Ever since waking up in hospital he'd been trying to make sense of what had happened and why he'd acted the way he had. He didn't know how to answer Maddy, to explain himself but before he could even try he saw a remoteness develop in her eyes, her features hardening around them. Maddy was distancing herself from him now, he knew because he used to do the same thing. When it seemed Paddy was getting a little too close emotionally, he'd panic and try to push the older man away. He'd open his mouth and shoot him down in flames and Maddy was about to do that to him.

"Well? Is it the fact I stopped Reynolds from finishing off what he'd started? You don't owe me anything if that's what you think. I'd have done the same for anyone...anyone!"

"I was there because I cared what happened to you. You did what you did because you cared about me." He stared back at Maddy daring her to deny it and knowing she couldn't, she looked down and away hiding whatever she was feeling from him right now.

"I didn't hate you... I was just scared of losing the best thing that ever happened to me; there'd have been no Jackson without him. Paddy's the best thing that ever happened to you too..."

"Yes but he deserves someone better than me, I don't even know where I'll be in two months time, I could be in prison. Paddy doesn't want someone whose actions will sully his name, his reputation.

"He won't see it like that, I know he won't. He stood by me; he didn't care what anyone else thought"

"Aaron this is different, I killed someone! I have to somehow learn to live with that, I can't expect him too."

"Do you love him?"

"Yes."

She hadn't had to think about her answer, and that had given him some hope.

"Then shouldn't that be his decision to make." It made perfect sense to him, but Maddy had simple shaken her head, dismissing his words with a firm "No." and not knowing what else to say he'd turned around and left her standing there.

Jackson had been on his way out of the cafe, tapping away at his phone. Seeing him he gestured at it, "Paddy's giving me hell! He's home and you're not and I'm getting the blame! I told him we were on our way back there now so..." Remembering why they were they he asked, "How'd it go?"

Now he was the one shaking his head, it had all been a waste of time.

TBC