AN: I'm back.

Chapter 25

My brain was exploding. One synapses at a time. It was like evil fireworks in my cerebral cortex.

Esme was pulling my hair like she was pulling in a rowboat back to shore. It hurt like a bitch. I think I had an evil mother-in-law.

I was sitting at the dressing table in the parental Cullen's room being tortured to death.

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. Your hair is a tangled mess." She pulled on one snarl and made me cry out. "Sorry, honey!"

Teeny Tiny Dictator was laughing so hard that she was bent over and hyperventilating. This was her fault.

I had been vomiting into my hair when that diabolical teeny woman decided to pull me into a shower to get the rehearsal dinner repeat performance off of me.

I could have drowned.

This morning, I looked into the mirror finding a bird's nest on my head and Skittle packages sticking out from it. I still couldn't figure out how that happened, but I do love those fruity candies.

"I think she would look pretty in pink ribbons," Boobs suggested.

Kill me now.

Trailer lounged on the bed looking like a pregnant, beached whale. "I think you need to cake on some color on Bella's face. She looks like a zombie."

Please, please kill me.

"Maybe we should do braids, Ali?" Esme pulled my hair up and started moving it around. I was feeling sick again.

I moaned, "Just take a drill or a hammer and remove my brain."

The door to the bedroom flew open and Tanya strolled in carrying a large shopping bag. It smelled like greasy, diner food.

"Damn Swan, James was right! You're one drunky monkey." Tanya started moving make-up off the table in front of me. In its place was a Forks Diner heart attack in a bun, flaccid fries and four cans of beer.

"Was he picking up my breakfast?" Boob's asked with a wistful smile.

Tanya pointed at the door. "He's waiting outside."

Boobs flew out the door. She was in love with James Taylor. If I wasn't nauseous already that would be enough to do it.

"Tanya dear..." Esme held up the can of beer.

"You want this girl to walk down the aisle, Mrs. Cullen?" Tanya tapped my poor skull with her talon. "She needs to get lubricated with grease and booze."

Trailer struggled to sit upright. "That's what got me into this mess."

She pointed to her stomach and I laughed hard. It caused more shooting pain.

I looked at the burger and then the cheap beer.

Aww hell. Anything is better than feeling like shit on the bottom of a worn out pair of Nikes.

I cracked open the beer and started guzzling.

"Damn it, Bella! Didn't you have enough last night?" My father bellowed as he came into the room. He wore an old suit that belonged to my grandfather. It was powder blue.

Chief Charlie winced and clutched his head. He was hungover.

"Dad? You need to up chuck, too?"

"I'm the law, but I'm making an exception today." Dad grabbed a beer and started drinking next to me and sharing my fries.

Like father, like daughter.

Today, might be a good day after all.