I'm sorry if this has taken a while to upload, J/C decided to write themselves! So I had to edit it and rewrite. Thank you for your continued support, enjoy ?
=/\=
3 Months Later
Kathryn sat at her desk, looking at the report that Seven had just dropped off, rereading the letter from Starfleet. It was really happening, they were really going home, in just a couple of hours they'd be in the Alpha Quadrant, closer to their loved ones. Seven had mentioned her concerns about the wormhole's neutrino levels being extremely erratic, but she had reassured the young woman the faint signals they'd detected were communiqués from Starfleet, and therefore nothing to worry. The former Borg drone had argued, but soon relented, leaving Kathryn with the Padd. The door chime sounded, and at her say-so, the doors opened and Chakotay stepped in, carry a Padd, which he handed over.
"Letter number two. I'm getting jealous." He joked, Kathryn smiled as she skimmed through her letter.
It was from Mark, telling her his marriage had broken down, that he wanted to give their marriage a second chance, that he still loved her. A nervous guilt rushed through her, she hadn't thought about it much, but being this close to home, having Mark to go back to would be nice, especially as things weren't working between her and Chakotay. But she felt as though she'd been cheating on him, even if she had got the first letter containing the news about his intended marriage. "Mark. Apparently his marriage has ended. What about you, any news?" She quickly asked him, trying to avoid a bombardment of questions from him.
"A full pardon and reinstatement to Starfleet. I've even been offered a professorship in anthropology at the Academy." He answered, after a moments hesitation, clearly wanting to know more about her news.
"Oh, Chakotay, congratulations." She was genially happy for him, knowing he always had a passion for anthropology.
"It's only part time, but it's good, it's a start." There was an uncomfortable silence between them, he was still standing, shifting nervously as she sat behind the safety of her desk. "So, what else did Mark have to say?" He ventured, unsure if he'd like the answer.
Kathryn gestured for him to sit, which he did, she guessed he had a right to know, especially if they got back home and she did get back with Mark. After a while she cleared her throat and spoke. "Mark, he wants to give our marriage a second go." She paused, thinking. "But since we were only married three months, maybe he wants to give our marriage the chance it never had." In the five years she'd been in the Delta Quadrant she'd never looked at it from that prospective, their marriage never had a chance, sure they'd been together and their relationship was rocky, but their marriage never got chance to flourish, or to crash and burn, whichever way it might have gone.
"Oh." Of course he'd known Mark would want her back, but the surprise still come across in his tone. "What about us?" He asked. "The last time we were close to getting home you were inviting me back to meet you family in Indiana."
"And I still want too." She insisted, not forgetting their conversation seven months earlier. "I care deeply about you both, and of course I want us to stay together when we get back."
"But?"
Kathryn wasn't going to lie to him, she knew if they got back it'd be tough, they'd have to fix them. "We'll have to take it slow, adjust back to being home, we've both been through a lot these past 4 years. As long as we're anywhere but here, we'll be fine." She smiled as she reached her hands across the table, he copied her move, taking her small hands in his.
"We'll be fine."
=/\=
2 Days Later
Kathryn sat in her dimly lit quarters, reading the letter Mark had actually sent her what felt like ages ago, explaining that he'd gotten married. The one she'd gotten just two days earlier turned out to be a fake letter from the wormhole to help tempt her taking the ship into it, just one of many that'd been sent. Almost all the crew had received messages of good news, all a ploy for the wormhole to... Eat Voyager, even reports had been falsified, to make it look like they were heading back to the Alpha Quadrant. The only ones not affected were Seven and Naomi, the former being unsettled about returning, the latter having never seen Earth. She sighed, part of her was disappointed, part of her had want to go back in be in his arms again, but they both would have changed so much neither of them would be the same person when they got married. The years in the Delta Quadrant had changed, sometimes she wondered if it was for better; she'd become harder, tougher... Angry, bitter... Isolated, alone. No, none of that was for the better, she couldn't imagine Mark wanting to be with the woman she was now, she wasn't his Kathryn anymore, she was a completely different person. The sound of her door chime cut through her thoughts, there would be only one person calling at this time of night, she pursed her lips as she said. "Enter."
Chakotay strolled in, his hands clasped behind his back as he came to a stop by her sofa. "I wasn't sure if you'd still be awake."
"Couldn't sleep." She gestured to the sofa for him to sit, which he dutifully did. "So, what bring you at this time of night?"
He fidgeted slightly, hesitating to answer as he looked at the floor, until he spoke then he looked up at her. "I wanted to talk about what happened, when we got the fake letters."
Kathryn rolled her eyes, typical he just couldn't let it go, he wanted to make a thing out of it. "Is there anything to talk about? They weren't real, just a deception to get us to enter the wormhole."
"That's just it, they were meant for us to enter it, so they had to be things we wanted. Things that would make us happy." He paused, looking just as uncomfortable as she felt, the room was beginning to thicken with the tension. "Would that of made you happy? If you could go back to him?"
Kathryn gritted her teeth, her cheeks feeling flushed with a sudden burst of anger. Why, why, why did he have to bring it up? Why couldn't they move on, try and fix what was left of their dysfunctional relationship? But the more she thought about it, the more it seem it wasn't fixable. "I care about him Chakotay, I loved him, I was married to him. I'm not going to lie and say a small part of me wouldn't have been unhappy to go back and for him to be single. But that's not going to happen." She thought for moment, before casually shaking her head. "I don't even think he'd recognise me. I've changed, not just psychically, but inside, what made me his Kathryn. His Kathryn died a long time ago, so even if we got back to Earth and his was single, I don't think it could work." She stopped, once again thinking on her next words. "We've both changed so much."
Her words hanged in the air, they both knew it wasn't just her and Mark she was talking about, it was them. They'd both changed, either of them could say if it was for the better, but the changes had clearly affected their relationship, the cracks were getting bigger, but both were unwilling to give up right now. Maybe they could change it around somehow, learn to be those people who they were when they first feel in love; be the Kathryn and Chakotay from New Earth. She'd told him if they were anywhere but here they'd be fine, but as normal, their too good to be true way home turned out to be just that and here they were, still stuck in the Delta Quadrant.
"Don't worry," she said, trying to hold back a yawn, "we'll be fine." Though she said it, she didn't believe it, she was trying to reassure him, though from his expression, he didn't believe her either.
He stood, having nothing else to add to the conversation. "I'll let you try and get some sleep. Goodnight Kathryn."
She had to stop herself from saying her usual reply of 'you to' normally he'd say 'sleep well', since when had it changed? "Goodnight, Chakotay." She watched as he nodded, then left the room, leaving her alone. It was funny how one could feel so lonely on a ship of 153 people.