On the next morning when I looked at what I had recorded, I found nothing. Just myself moving in my sleep to change positions. But that didn't stop me from placing the camera on the days that followed. And one of those nights, boy was I in for a surprise…
"If I profane with my unworthiest hand this holy shrine, the gentle sin is this. My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss. "
"Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this. For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss. "
" Have not saints lips, and holy palmers, too? "
"Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer."
"Well, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do. They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair. "
"Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake. "
"Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take. "
"Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purged. "
"Then have my lips the sin that they have took? "
"Sin from my lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again. "
"You kiss by the book."
"Okay, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO BLABBERING ABOUT? GOD I DON'T UNDERSTAND A WORD!" protested Ryuk waving his arms in the air.
I just gave a heavy sigh in response.
Nobu and I were alone on that day, making vocal exercises. I just asked him for some extra help after a rehearsal on Hamlet me and others in the acting club have done on that afternoon. Nobu was a big fan of anything Shakespeare had written. He even took quotes from one of his all time favorite movies (1996's "Romeo and Juliet"), and the two of us had spent less than an hour there training our voices. As you can tell, I played Juliet, while he played Romeo. Coincidence or not a radio next to us was on, while playing the song "Romeo and Juliet" by Dire Straits.
"You need to know how to project your voice, but your tone is nice" said Nobu standing up from the chair
I stood up from my chair as well.
"Don't we think we ought to do these exercises on our feet?" I suggested "Maybe our voices can be better projected if we do!"
"Love to, but it's getting late" said Nobu shutting off the radio
And indeed it was. It was past 7 pm already.
"Well, thanks for the extra help Nobu-kun..." I said while looking sadly at the benches where the crowd usually sits whenever there is an official play at Toh-Oh. All of them were empty
I heard Nobu approaching me from my left.
"Something wrong Seira-chan?"
"Oh it's just that… Light was supposed to come here so we could go home together, but…" I said sadly "I guess he just hasn't been having time for me…"
"Want a lift?" asked Nobu taping me hardly on the shoulder "My car is just outside!"
I accepted his proposal. After the lights were out, there I went in the front seat of Nobu's car. Light and I hadn't talked for over three days. I found it odd that he didn't send me a text message, nor responded to the ones I sent him. And I hadn't crossed paths with him on campus. I found Millie, Rena and Haji, and Nobu, but neither Light, neither Ryuga for that matter. Yet I heard they were hanging with each other a lot. At first I thought it was normal, seen as they are on the same course and on the same class. Yet I had begun to feel that somehow Ryuga's presence was breaking us a little apart. My instinct was yelling to me that it was the truth. Even though I tried to tell myself that I was thinking nonsense, I couldn't shake that thought.
"Is everything alright with you and Yagami-san?" asked Nobu
"Well, he's been very busy lately. That's all. I just guess that ever since his father had a heart attack he just wants to dedicate more time to family" I said even though I wasn't so sure of myself
"It's understandable… Though I saw him today at lunch with that Ryuga dude"
"Oh really? I didn't saw him today." I said surprised
"The two of them are always surrounded by girls these days." commented Nobu with me "It's like a fan club, always waiting for them wherever they go"
"And how did they behave towards all those girls" I asked feeling a tip of jealousy rising to my head
"They acted like they were not there" laughed Nobu "Trust me, they managed to deal with them like they were nothing but flies"
I sighed.
"Someday they will make you a death threat!" said Nobu joking a little with me
"They better not, because nothing stopped me from hitting some girls in the past" I said acting as a badass
"Uuuuuh, be afraid!" said Nobu who clearly was in the mood to joke around
Nobu was a really sweet guy. Very mature, always available for his friends, and always with a contagious smile for everyone who liked to talk to him. I really had a lot of consideration for him at the time. It had been a while since Millie and he had gone out, and as I thought about that she never really told me the reason why they broke up. At the time I knew she had told me something, but even though I did not remember very well what happened, I recalled thinking she was lying at the time. Like she wanted to give a fast reason and not talk about it again. Though believing he had feelings for her, I still thought that a part of the story wasn't properly told. Like there was more than what I knew behind the reason they had stopped talking to one another. But I wouldn't be the one meddling in whatever was going on. I still kept my position that time was the solution for them.
But despite what I was thinking at the time, I would be discovering why they weren't talking to each other. And sadly, I would find it out through the worst way possible. It would be one event that would not only endanger my reputation, but also my integrity.
So Nobu left me in front of my building (was it just me, or was I starting to depend on lifts a little too much?), and as I was exiting the car he called me to say one last thing before leaving.
"If you need company when you don't have it… You have my number Seira-chan" he said with the smile of a little boy
I couldn't help but to reply to him with an open smile, then with a bow, and a "See you tomorrow". I rushed up the stairs. I was tired, really tired, but yet I was rushing upstairs to see if dad was up there. I really wished for him to be.
All of a sudden I almos bumped into him, while he was going down the stairs.
"Daddy?" I asked surprised "What are you doing here? It's dinner time, today I will make that special ramen that you taught me to do"
"Oh!" said my father clearly caught by surprise "Well, business calls. It's impressive, but I have to be there at any time they call for me"
I noticed he had a huge backpack with him. It was the backpack I used to take whenever I went camping with Millie.
"Where are you going with all of that?" I asked confused
"I will explain to you later hunny, right now I have to be on my way" he said rushing by me "I will be back soon"
I stood there for a while looking at him as we disappeared down the stairs. Moonlight coming from a huge window nearby, could clearly show my confused, yet saddened expression.
That day I felt abandoned by the men of my life… Both Light and my father had abandoned me on that day.
After making the ramen that I planned to make I ate it alone. It was delicious, yet to me 'delicious' was really 'bitter' on that day.
"Cheer up Seira-chan!" said Ryuk who had already devoured six apples "Tomorrow they will spend more time with you. No big deal!"
"Yeah… No big deal…" I said still unsure of myself
I turned on the camera. Tonight I would be shooting from my desk. I gave quite a good plan from the bed.
"It's been four days since I begun this, and yet I saw nothing" I said to myself "I wonder if tonight I will see something revealing"
"You think it will work tonight?" asked Ryuk looking at the camera next to me
"Who knows…" I said feeling an urge to fall asleep
My head ached, my legs ached, and my arms ached. I was so tired on that day. I just wanted to fall asleep and wake up whenever I felt like it. Little did I knew I was about to face something that would feel like a never-ending dream, on a never-ending night…
It was… that dream which was interrupted when I was hospitalized!
There I was again, looking at my depressed clone, and to Light, who was heading to the middle on the school grounds. I remembered the words I heard on the first night I had that same dream:
"This single notebook dropped into the human world by a Shinigami… sets off an all-out battle between two chosen people… The two of them walk to meet their destiny on this very day…They don't know each other… They aren't meant to meet each other… They can't meet each other… Because if they do… who knows how it will affect their fate… If these two souls should ever meet, everything will change… But who will fight the fight with the other chosen one? Now watch… As these two live the day that will change their lives… Forever…"
The action was frozen, and I knew that like the other time, I had to follow only one.
So I followed… Myself!
The action began to move immediately, as the other Seira walked slowly to the exit of Daikoku. I looked back to see if Light was there but… he was gone! Huh? Where did he go?
Oh, I had no time to think about that. My clone was getting near the school exit. Yet, as I was walking to keep up with her, even though the faces of some students who walked around the grounds were barely visible to me, their comments rang in my head:
"My God, it's that Minamoto whore!"
"I heard she self mutilates … That's so creepy!"
"How does a prostitute like her manage to attend this prestige academy?"
"She even has the nerve to skip classes, just to smoke weed. Shame on her!"
"I heard she sells out for money. God, she's repulsive!"
"What is she even doing here? It's clear enough that there is no bright future for the lights of her!"
I… couldn't believe what was being said and thought of me. Was I really all of that? Was I really such a waste of meat on that world? As my clone left Daikoku, I began to feel that that was somewhat… real! That what I was seeing did happen. But… it couldn't be! My name was Seira Minamoto, and I was on that moment having a crazy dream! Maybe I was dreaming that I was entering the Twilight Zone! Yeah, that ought to be it! I was entering an alternate dimension, where I was seeing an alternate version of myself!
Yet, no matter how many times I told that to myself… I couldn't shake off the feeling that what was happening there had been real in the past! A past that I felt wasn't as far away as I thought it was…
My clone walked in a very gloomy way through the streets. Her head was low, and her feet almost seemed dragged alongside her. I begun to fee for the pitiful creature whose steps I was following. So much sadness… So much loneliness... So much sorrow… So much gloom… How could she still stand with tons of negative feeling crushing her?l
All of a sudden I see her making a wrong turn. She was heading home at first. I knew the path pretty darn well. Yet she turned to go on a street where less and less people were seen. Where the hell was she going? Her pace had sped up. My God, what's going on here?
She turned to a dark alley. At first I was straddled, but then I remembered that I was just an audience member on that strange dimension. I peeked into the alley. It was too dark… So I approached slowly.
"Give me all you've got, girl!"
That male voice frightened me. I jumped with the scare and rushed to see where it was coming from. I went across my clone due to the rush (she was standing immobilized facing something), and it was then that I understood what was going on: The other me was being threatened. A mugger had appeared in front of her, bearing a knife, and a threatening gaze to match! I couldn't see his face, but his uncovered eyes, made me shiver…
"Are you deaf? I said give me all your possessions!"
I stood there terrified. Yet as I laid eyes on my clone she just stood there stupefied looking at him, without making a move. What was she doing? She didn't scream, nor tried to run away, and she didn't look terrified at all!
"You have got to be acting stupid" said the mugger, grabbing my clone by the neck "ARE YOU FUCKING GOING TO GIVE ME ALL YOU HAVER OR NOT?"
Yet the other Seira didn't react. She never took her eyes away from the man who was threatening to kill her. I admired her bravery… even though it was proving to be classified more as an act of foolishness.
"Run, you idiot!" I yelled, hoping she could hear me "Run for your dear life, please!"
The mugger placed the knife near her neck. At that moment I was sure of what would follow… she was going to be killed right there… at the hands of that unmerciful man…
"Ah!" I heard the voice of my clone scream
He had slashed the left side of her neck. Drops of blood had jumped out, and fallen with an echo on the ground. I saw her shaking on that moment. She was holding the slashed part of her neck. Her hand was completely red due to the spring of blood coming out of her neck.
"Seira, please run!" I yelled again feeling the despair rising in my heart
"Now that you know I'm not here to play around…" said the mugger approaching her slowly "Are you going to do what I request… Or do I have to get nasty with you?"
Again she was just gazing towards the mugger, but without speaking a word, or doing anything to save herself. She was gasping, and it was quite clear she was in pain. Yet she just stubbornly didn't move.
"Don't be stupid!" I cried fearing for her life "Please, save yourself!"
The mugger kicked her on the chest, and she fell flat on the ground. He approached her slowly, with his mouth making the sound of a sick laugh. She just stood flat on the ground, still beading abundantly.
"So I see you won't even react or flee!" he said kneeling and reaching for her waist "Well then, I suppose you won't mind me having a little fun, while finishing your pitiful life!"
A disgusting grin formed in his mouth! And the next thing I knew, he was doing something that made me question if he was a human being or not… I… I still shake as I remember the whole scene… I can't help but to feel that I just witnessed something that only pure evil would be responsible for!
He lifted her skirt up, lowered her panties, throwing them away. Then he unzipped his pants, and without even a second thought, inserted his member inside of her. She let out a weak whimper, but still didn't fight it. And then he took the knife and stuck it hard in her chest, while raping her at the same time!
"Yeah, you like it you whore! Fuck! Fuck, you're so tight! Oh you don't image the pleasure you're giving me! Fuck! Oh, yeah, I'm loving it!" yelled out the mugger as he thrusted faster and stabbed her hard, deep and fast "God, I needed a good hard fuck! This has to be my lucky day! You're a silent idiot you bitch! But that's good! All the better I can be finished with you! Oh! Fuck yeah!"
As for myself… I had fallen on my knees due to the shock of what I was seeing. I was shaking, and feeling an urge to vomit! My legs had no strength to stand up. I began to cry out loud like a baby! Seira still wasn't reacting… Two rivers of tears had begun to run from her closed eyes, but that was all. She wasn't screaming, nor was expressing desperation for what happeing to her… It was as if… she wanted something like that to happen to her…
I covered my eyes… No more… I couldn't see no more… But then, I heard the voice of her thoughts inside my head:
"My name is Seira Minamoto. I am 17 years old, and a terrible influence at the eyes of everyone. After my mother died brutally raped and decapitated, I was left with only my father to raise me. But I wasn't raised properly due to the fact that my father usually left me alone at home and went to bars to drink more specifically. Eventually I turned out wrong. At the age of 14 I tried a smoke and quickly became addicted to tobacco. Soon it wasn't only tobacco that I smoked. I became an addict faster than you can say 'stop. I can't let go of this addiction. It's taking over my life. I feel unloved by everyone around me. Even Millie Kasumoto, who used to stick next to me, stopped giving me the support that I need oh so much. My first time was with a guy whom I had a one night stand. We started to talk, and when he took me into his car and drove it far away it just happened. I slept with a couple more guys after that only to earn money to feed my addiction. I feel in my heart that there is no hope left for me. I spent years in a mental asylum when my mother died, but they still couldn't cure me. No one can save me. When I find the chance I just want to die and put an end to a pitiful existence. I will add nothing to this world, so I might as well die as a waste, than to continue to occupy a spot I don't deserve."
"That's not true! That's not true!" I cried in despair "This isn't real! You're not a waste! You're worth more that you appear! Please don't think those things"
"And now, here I am… I will finally be dead in a short time. No more will I have to suffer again… It's just for the best… For me… And for the world"
I took a deep breath before I dared to look again. Fifteen stabs. It was what I managed to count, even with my eyes closed. I took my hands away from my eyes. It was near eve, and there lied the other Seira Minamoto, staring at the opposite side of where I was. Her arms were in a position like she had been crucified, yet her legs were twisted in a weird way. A pool of blood had begun to form around her. Raindrops begun to be heard, and then there came a pouring rain that begun to mix itself with the blood that decorated the floor around her.
I actually managed to find the strength to stand up from the ground. I walked around her. When I saw her face, I saw her eyes closed, yet the river of tears was still running down her face, now thanks to the rain that washed her whole body up.
She was dead… No more would she have to suffer in human hands… It was all over for her… I felt the scenery around me fade, as I heard the sound of an ambulance coming closer… I felt that my heart wanted to pop out of my chest on that moment. And I wish it had...
On the next moment I saw a boy, tall with brown hair and a Daikoku school uniform, approaching a wake. There it was the funeral arrangement. It was full of flowers in the bottom, and an ihai (a spirit tablet) a little below my picture. There I was, with a light smile. Yet I wouldn't be smiling like that ever again.
He stood there looking fixatedly at my picture. I only saw him, and the wake. The rest around them was pitching black.
All of a sudden I heard what I assumed were his thoughts… I couldn't see his facial expression seen as I could only see him with his back turned, but the voice expressing those thoughts was loud and clear in my head.
"There are plenty of things this world could live without… Immorality… Sin… Crime… Someone ought to change all of that… This girl who I barely knew died thanks to those things! Someone ought to make the criminal pay for what was done to her! Someone ought to make him suffer for the suffering he submitted her to! Someone ought to kill him the same way he killed her! This world… is beginning to rot…"
Something about his thoughts made me shiver… On that moment I didn't knew what it was...
But that endless dream I had on that night eventually came to an end…