Chapter 25

Ivan

I want you to know now too,

That my love for you isn't just lust.

I love you more than you'll know,

And from me, I hope you can trust.

Julie Hebert

Ivan fidgeted nervously as he waited for Yao to get back from work. It had been a few weeks since their confessions in Yao's apartment, and Ivan's arm had finally healed. He still wasn't in the best condition of his life, but he could walk without crutches and hug Yao with both arms, which was beyond enough. However, that meant he had begun living in his own house again. While he and Yao were officially dating, now, the Asian's apartment was still tiny, and he didn't need to pay for an extra mouth to feed and the like. Rather reluctantly, Ivan had moved once more into his own home, where the broken TV observed his every move and the cold air penetrated his skin. When he began to feel lonely, though, Ivan would simply raise the scarf to his face and close his eyes. The scarf held so many memories, and Ivan would finger the patched sections as he thought of Yao, and he'd fall asleep, dreaming of tomorrow when he could see his lover again.

Now, he was sitting on Yao's tattered couch (Yao had given him a key to his apartment) as he awaited the Chinese's arrival.

Today was the day. Ivan had thought this over many times already, and just the idea was making him nervous. What if Yao didn't accept him? The thought concerned him, but at the same time, he was certain it was just his mind running away with his worries. Yao had already opened up to him, and in only a few days, he had been significantly happier. Yao no longer had to fake smiles, or flinch when Ivan held him, or lie when he was feeling upset. He still had a long way to go before he was better again – he might never end up being completely whole – but that was okay. As long as Ivan and Yao had each other, they could get through anything. That's what Ivan believed, anyway.

The Russian looked up as the door opened with a small 'click' and Yao walked in. He was distracted by hanging his thin coat up on the wall, and so didn't see as Ivan leapt up from his seat and ran over to Yao. He gave the Asian a surprise hug around the middle, giggling as the other let out a squeak of surprise. "Привет, Yao-Yao! Я тебя люблю!"

Ivan could see as Yao's face burned red (it was so adorable how he always did that!) and he scrambled to find a response. "N-Ní hǎo, Ivan. What are you, ah…?"

Ivan nuzzled into Yao's hair with a smile plastered on his face. "I was waiting for Yao-Yao to get home, of course!"

Yao turned around in Ivan's hold and faced him, amusement sparkling in his eyes. "Ivan," he laughed softly, "you know I always come to your place after I leave work."

"Да, but I couldn't wait today! I have something to show you."

Yao raised an eyebrow questioningly, and in response, Ivan took Yao's hand in his and tugged him gently toward the front door. "Ivan, wait, where are we going?"

Ivan looked back at Yao, and any doubts he'd had about earlier were gone in an instant. "I'm going to bring you to a place that's very special to me," he said as he sent Yao a nervous smile.

Yao's eyes widened in realization, but a matching smile fell into place on his own face as he nodded, and followed Ivan out the door.

…

The weather had improved greatly in these last few weeks. Winter was finally over, and the warmer weather was slowly melting the snow. Birds flew by and the faintest scent of heather wafted on the breeze as the sun glowed brightly from beyond the clouds. Ivan glanced down at the man walking beside him wordlessly for what was probably the seventh time in five minutes. "You look too beautiful in the sunlight, my wonderful Yao," Ivan half-whispered, and Yao blushed cutely. Ivan squeezed his hand in a sweet gesture, and though Yao didn't look at him, a tiny smile rose to his face.

The two walked hand-in-hand down a quiet sidewalk, the street to their right nearly devoid of cars. The couple continued on their path until Ivan nudged them towards a smaller path, which led to a gate of a small park. Yao watched quietly as Ivan pushed the gate open and waited for the Asian to step through.

"Is this the place that's special to you-aru?" Yao asked, casting another inquisitive gaze back Ivan's way.

"Да, almost." Ivan walked down a path familiar to him, not even sparing a second thought about where he was going. He had been here numerous times before, and now, for the first time ever, he was bringing someone with him. And Yao had no idea what was happening.

Finally, they arrived. Hidden under the trees, away from the park itself but with a great view of it, sat Ivan's park bench. As usual, it was empty, as if waiting for Ivan to come back. The sight brought a smile to Ivan's lips, and he led Yao over to it, the both of them sitting down there together. Yao looked at the Russian blonde curiously, his eyes asking for any sort of explanation.

Ivan took a breath. This was it. He was going to show Yao his heart. Ivan would hand it to him, and it would be up to Yao to decide what to do with it. One glance at the Asian's encouraging brown eyes, however, snuffed out his fears.

"I've been coming to this place since I was a child."

Yao watched Ivan's face with interest as he spoke.

"My parents were…not good people. My father was an alcoholic, and my mother was a drug addict. Sometimes they were both. My older sister, Katyusha, did all she could to protect me and Natalya from the truth, but we found out. It wasn't that hard."

Ivan felt his chest tighten instinctively. He hadn't even begun to speak, and already he was finding it difficult. He had never opened up to someone before, and it was frightening. But he trusted Yao, and if they were going to be in this relationship, he needed to know. Just like Yao had said Ivan needed to know about him.

"Well, sometimes when they were really out of it, they'd snap at the three of us. For no reason, really. They never beat us, but…they hurt us in other ways, too. One night, they threatened to punish Katyusha, but she was always so nice to me, so…I told them it was my fault. I don't remember what they were mad about exactly, but they believed me. They threw me out of the house and told me to spend the night outside. It was during the middle of winter."

Yao's eyes widened in disbelief. "Ivan, that's horrible!"

Ivan allowed a sad smile as he shook his head. "Not really. I mean, I suppose compared to other families it's not so great, but almost anything was better than the words they said."

"What…" Yao fidgeted, not sure if it was safe to ask what he wanted to ask. "What…kinds of things did they say to you-aru?"

Ivan shrugged. "All kinds of stuff. They told us we were weak, useless, that they never wanted anything to do with us. That sort of thing."

Yao looked away, his expression strained. "Ivan, I'm so sorry…that's…"

Ivan waved Yao's concerns away with his hand. "No, no, don't worry about it. I've come to terms with it. They just weren't cut out to be parents, and that's all there is to it. And anyway, they left back to Russia as soon as Katyusha was old enough to take care of Natalya and I. I haven't seen them since, good riddance.

"But while they were still around, and I got kicked out of the house almost every night, I used to come here, to this very same bench, to sleep at night. When Katyusha and Natalya found out, they worked together to make this scarf for me." Ivan lifted the fabric to his face as he lost himself in his memories, gently caressing it between his fingers. "They knew it was really cold, so they gave it to me to keep me warm."

"They sound like great sisters," Yao mused, leaning against Ivan's side.

"They were. I was lucky to have them around. I already told you they are weird, and they are really scary sometimes, but I love them." Ivan rested his head on top of Yao's, breathing in his heathery scent. He loved Yao. He loved him beyond words, and that he wasn't freaking out about Ivan telling him these things made Ivan love Yao all the more. "You had no idea how much it meant to me when you saved my scarf, Yao-Yao. And now, it not only reminds me of my sisters, but of you as well. That makes it even more special, Да?"

Yao sighed against Ivan's side, gently, thoughtfully. "If you say so," he whispered almost to himself. Ivan wrapped his arms around Yao in a comfortable hug and nuzzled further into his hair. He felt Yao shiver as he spoke near his ear.

"I do say so."

Yao didn't seem to have a response to that, so he remained still, allowing Ivan to revel in the warmth he provided. However, he still wasn't done telling his story, so quietly he asked, "Do you want me to continue?"

Yao nodded slowly. Ivan took the Asian's hand in his and interlocked their fingers, a tiny smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. "Let's see…well, I've never really had friends. The only people I talked to were my sisters, and even then, not so much. When I was…six?...I met these three boys. They would always play together at this one park in Russia, and I was lonely, so I tried to play with them. They were afraid of me, though. I guess it's because I didn't have any real people experience or something, but they were so afraid of me that they moved away, all three of them. Those were the last people I ever really trusted, until you, Yao-Yao."

Yao frowned in thought before turning to face Ivan, though still not letting go of his hand. "Why do you trust me, Ivan? I lied to you. I…hurt you."

Ivan's heart cried out at the pained expression Yao was wearing, and he leaned in and gave Yao a gentle kiss, telling him without words that everything was okay, that everything Yao had ever done was forgiven. When Yao seemed to calm down again, Ivan leaned back against the bench, laying their entwined hands upon his chest. "I trust you because something in me knew you weren't like everybody else. Most people are only ever out for their own gain, Yao-Yao, but not you. You just wanted to matter to somebody. That's not a crime."

The two men sat in the following silence pressed against each other, watching as some kids from the park played on the swings. Ivan closed his eyes, letting his senses take in what really mattered – the breeze on his face, the trees rustling above him, the warmth of his lover lying against him. Ivan was, for the first time in his life, truly content. And that was all thanks to Yao.

"So, Yao-Yao…now that you know who I am, are you…do you think any different of me?"

Yao hummed in thought before replying nonchalantly, "A little, I suppose."

Ivan started to move away. Was it a mistake, telling Yao this? But even as he doubted, when he looked down at Yao's face, the Asian was smiling.

"Um…Yao-Yao?"

Yao turned around, facing Ivan with a grin on his face. "Now, Ivan, I think I love you even more."

And Ivan laughed at that and held Yao close, embracing him in a tight hug. He never wanted to let go of this man. He never wanted to say goodbye to him, or spend another night without his presence, or live another second without his love. Yao was his everything. He pulled back just enough to tilt Yao's chin up so they could see each other's faces, his other arm still wrapped firmly around the Chinaman's waist.

"Yao, promise me you'll never leave me. Everyone always leaves me, but I think it would be your absence that would hurt me the most."

"Very well, Ivan." Yao blinked, his soul pouring from his eyes. "I promise I'll never leave you. You're the person I love more than anything."

"Yao," Ivan felt his eyes fill with unshed tears, but for once, he didn't care. "Yao, you're the only person I ever want to have the pleasure of loving. Я всегда буду твоим, моя Солнышко."

And although Yao did not know the words, he understood, for he leaned in and met Ivan's lips with his.

Я тебя люблю (ya tebya lyublyu) (Rus.) I love you

Я всегда буду твоим, моя Солнышко (YA vsegda budu tvoim , moya solnyshka) (Rus.) I will always be yours, my little sun.

So...this is the last official chapter, but there's an epilogue after this, too, that fully wraps up this little story of ours. I hope you guys like it!