Jake wandered around the big house. He had no idea what to do. They had placed him and some of the others in temporary housing. The Clave had very quickly assessed who was missing and who was dead. They lent the empty houses to those who had nowhere to go. Of course, Jake had somewhere he could go but at that moment his whole family was missing and he didn't want to be in the mansion alone so he begged to stay at one of the houses. He knew a lot of the Shadowhunters that were staying in the mansion he was assigned to, which was larger than his own. There were a lot of kids around his age, and a couple of younger kids. The adults staying there were mostly ones whose houses had burned down and had nowhere else to go.
The Shadowhunters were in chaos. So many people were missing. No one was sure if they were dead, or simply gone somewhere. Furthermore, every Shadowhunter that was of age, and everyone that was at the fight had to be given a trial by the sword. Jake had no idea who to trust, and until he could be sure, he refused to really talk to anyone. He would talk to people, of course, but he refused to get into any real conversation. It had been three days since the fight. He hadn't seen Julia, he hadn't heard about Roy, and he had no idea what was going on. Most of the time he sat in the library, trying very hard to read the books that Julia loved so much.
He just could not get himself to focus. He still had no idea what he would even do if he saw Julia. Would he run at her and sweep her up in his arms and tell her he still loved her, or would he glare at her, all his anger coming to the forefront, and yell at her for what she did? He was completely torn between what his heart was telling him to do and what his brain was telling him. He guessed it didn't matter. He was wandering through the center of Idris now, head down just trying to get some air, and suddenly there she was. Straight down the cobblestone path, she was only about the length of a building away from him. She was staring at a boarded up window, and hadn't noticed him yet.
"Julia," he said quietly, stepping toward her, and she spun to face him, her golden hair flinging into her face.
"Jake," she said, pulling the knotted strands out of her face. Her whole face lit up, bringing with it emotions deep within him he hadn't felt since she had left. "Jake," she said again, stepping toward him. "I'm glad you're here. I wanted to find you, but I didn't know if you wanted to see me…"
"I do and I don't," he responded, not sure what he wanted to say. She didn't respond. "What is this place?" he asked, "What are you doing here?"
"Just somewhere my dad used to take me. An old friend used to own this shop. I just needed to get out."
Jake nodded. "How've you been?" he asked.
"Okay," she replied. She was painfully close. He wanted to take her into his arms and hold her, but he didn't reach out and she just stood there. He could tell she was too afraid to make any kind of a move, and he wasn't ready to make one. "It was a tough few days with the Inquisitor, but I think she believes me. They still want me to do a trial by the sword though."
"We all have to do a trial by the Sword," Jake replied.
Julia bit her bottom lip. "Jake," she started to say, "I miss you."
"Julia," Jake said, "stop." He realized in that moment that despite the fact that he loved her, what she had done was wrong. Very wrong. And it made him angry that she would do that.
"I was trying to save you guys," she said.
"Save us?" he asked incredulously. "How could you possibly think that would be saving us? You practically ruined both of us."
"I thought it would stop you from coming after me. I thought you would hate me so much you wouldn't look for me." Her eyes were starting to shine with tears and she looked down.
"There are others who care for you Julia. In all honesty, I was all for letting you do whatever you were going to do, and so was Roy. But Jake and Emmett and Mr. and Mrs. Machion would never have let us. Although, Roy almost didn't come with us," he added as an afterthought.
"But you came," she whispered.
"Of course I came. And once I made my decision, noting could stop me. I barely ate, I barely slept. I didn't even want to stop for the night. Once I started looking for you, it was all I wanted to do."
"Then what…what's going to happen to us?" she asked, looking at him once more. Her eyes were still shining with tears but they did not spill over.
"I…I really don't know," he responded, running a hand through his hair. "All I know is that right now, I don't think I can be near you," he said. It hurt him to say it but it was true. He wasn't ready. He needed time to think, to clear his mind and figure this all out. Maybe after the interrogations were done and everything started to settle down. "Besides," he added, "Roy's not dead."
"You don't get it Jake. In that one night, I made my biggest regret, but I also gave myself the one thing I wanted."
"What's that?" he asked.
"You," she replied. "How could you not see that? All I ever wanted was you."
"I…I can't," he said. "I'm sorry." She just nodded.
"I understand," she said softly. Then, she turned and walked away. So this was what it felt like, he thought, to see the one you loved walking away from you. The only problem was he was the reason she was walking away. He made his choice, and now all she could do was leave.
Jake kept walking, his hands in his pockets and his head down. He felt heartbroken. He knew he shouldn't. She had let him decide, but still, he felt hurt. He was already beginning to think he made a mistake. He found himself in front of another house. He wondered if his subconscious had taken him there. It was the house Roy was being kept at. Jake wasn't sure what made him do it, but he walked up the steps and knocked on the door. He only had to wait a moment before the door opened. A middle aged woman stood in the doorway.
"Can I help you?" she asked.
"I was told Roy Machion was being kept here," he said. "I was just wondering if I could see him."
"Are you a family member?" she asked, looking him up and down.
"Just a…a friend." He hesitated to say the word, knowing him and Roy weren't really friends, but how else could he describe it?
"Come on in," she said, opening the door. "What's your name? I'll ask if he wants to see you."
"Jake," he responded, "Jake Fireblade." The woman looked at him again, her eyes widening a bit. He wondered if it was in recognition of his last name or because Roy had told her something. He stood awkwardly in the entryway, waiting for her to return. The place was ornately decorated, as most were. There were two statues of the Angel on each side of the staircase that was straight in front of him. He stared at the beautiful face of the Angel, and wondered what it would be like to meet one. Julia said they didn't really look like that, their mouths weren't like ours, and their wings were like feathers. She said they were beautiful yes, but glorious and deadly. At least, that's what her father had told her.
"Roy said he will see you," the woman said coming back into the entryway.
"Thank you," he said as she led him down a hallway. She took him to the room at the end and opened the door for him. He stepped in ahead of her, and she closed the door softly behind him. He could hear her footsteps receding down the hallway.
Roy was lying in a huge bed in the middle of the room. He looked so uncomfortable in all the pillows and sheets that Jake almost laughed.
"How're you doing?" he asked, approaching the bedside.
"I'm okay," Roy responded, pushing himself up a bit. "I thought this was all a bit much," he said, gesturing at the bed, "but they insisted on it until I was better."
"When will you be better?" Jake asked.
"Probably a couple weeks," Roy said. "I lost a lot of blood, but they said what's really keeping my here is the amount of demon blood I had in my system. All the blood that I had left was tainted. I'm not sure how the Silent Brothers kept me alive, but I will never be able to repay them."
"And I'll never be able to repay you," Jake said.
"Don't mention it," Roy said.
"Too late," Jake replied. "I can never repay you for what you did Roy. You saved my life. I don't know why you did it, but you did. You have no reason to like me and no reason to have done that. If there is ever anything I can do, let me know."
"There's one thing," Roy said.
"Name it," Jake replied.
"Keep Julia happy," Roy said.
"You're not dying Roy," Jake said. "You can keep her happy yourself."
Roy shook his head and coughed a bit. "She's yours Jake."
"No, Roy," Jake said. "She's yours."
"She always wanted you Jake. Don't think I didn't see that. I saved you for her. I didn't expect to live. But now that I am, well, I was kind of hoping we could all be friends."
"Of course we can be friends Roy," Jake said. "But I don't think Julia will ever be mine anyways."
"Why not?" Roy asked.
"I saw her right before I came here. I told her I needed time. I don't know if I can get over what she did to us."
"To us?" Roy asked.
"Well mostly to you," Jake said, "but I'm not okay with what she did. At all. I just can't seem to get past it."
"Jake," Roy said, "you know she was just doing it so we wouldn't follow her right? So that if she died there, we would at least live."
"I know," Jake responded. "She told me that."
"Then get over your damn pride and go find the love of your life," Roy said.
"It's not that simple," Jake said.
"It is," Roy replied. "Now I refuse to get better until you do something about it."
"Is that a threat?" Jake asked.
"Yes," Roy said.
"Are you sure?" Jake asked. He wasn't asking if it was alright that he really forgive Julia for what she did to Roy. He was asking if Roy was really okay with Jake and Julia being together.
Roy nodded and then said, "I'm going to forgive her Jake. You should too."
Jake nodded. "I think I will," he said.
Julia wandered around a while longer before going back to the house she was staying at. She was miserable, that was, until she opened the door.
"Simon!" she squealed, rushing in immediately. She paused before she hugged him, making sure he looked better. He looked as he always had when she was growing up. "How much blood did you have to drink?" she asked, squeezing her arms around him.
"You don't want to know," he responded.
"How are you Simon?" she asked. "How did they get you with…" she looked up at the mark.
"I went willingly," he said. "It's a long story."
Julia stepped back from him. "Julia, I'm sorry I left you," he said. "But you did great," he added, "I knew you could do it."
"You just left me?" she asked, incredulous. "You promised to help me and then left?" He nodded.
"I understand your mad Julia, but me and Magnus did what we thought was best for our friends. We wanted to see them Julia."
She took another step back. Him and Magnus? "You and Magnus?" she asked, voicing her question.
"You haven't talked to him yet?" Simon asked, his face filling with guilt and horror. "Julia," he said as she rushed past him. "Julia," talk to him before you get mad." She refused to respond, and instead stormed up the stairs. "Julia!" he shouted after her, but he made no move to follow her and she knew he wouldn't.
She flung her door open and locked it, throwing herself onto her bed. Her dad, the one person she had always looked up to, was dead. Her mom, her only family left, refused to talk to her. Jake, the love of her life, wasn't ready to be with her, and she doubted he ever would be. Roy was still really sick and she was sure he didn't want to see her either. And now Simon and Magnus? They had left her when she needed them to be with their loved ones rather than try and save them with her? Who did she have left? As if in response there was a knock on her door. Julia ignored it. The knock was more persistent the second time.
"Go away," she mumbled into her pillow.
"Julia Herondale, you open this door right now and talk to your aunt," the voice shouted from the other side of the door. Julia groaned. It was Isabelle.
"Not in the mood," she replied.
"Julia! You open this door or so help me Angel, I will knock the thing over. And these boots are new, so if I ruin them you will be paying dearly for it."
"Augh," Julia said, pushing herself off the bed. There was just no ignoring Isabelle. She unlocked the door and then threw herself back onto the bed.
"Personally," Isabelle said, opening the door, "I think Clary is being an idiot."
Julia looked up at Isabelle. She had expected the usual How could you? and Why would you do that?, not Isabelle saying her mom was wrong. "Don't look at me like that Julia," Isabelle said. "I was there. It's hard, of course it is, but we are Shadowhunters. Our lives revolve around death. Jace wanted to die. He wanted to protect all of you from this ever happening again. Really if it's anyone's fault, its Clary's to begin with for bringing Jace back from the dead, not telling anyone about it and letting him be influenced by demons."
"You don't hate me?" Julia asked.
"Of course not!" Isabelle replied. "I came here to drag you to come shopping with me! They're throwing a celebration ball tomorrow and I have nothing to wear. And seeing as your mom is kind of mad at me since I gave her a piece of my mind about not disowning her only daughter, I thought you could come." Julia tried to cut in, but Isabelle left no opening. "And it's a good thing I did come because based on the looks of it, you could use a bit of a clean-up yourself. We'll just get you a dress today, and I'm doing your hair. No complaints." She ran a hand through Julia's hair, which hadn't been brushed in a couple of days and shuddered. "Oh! I know," Isabelle jumped up, "I'll invite Magnus. He'll know exactly…"
This time Julia managed to cut her off. "No," she said, "not Magnus. Just you and me okay?" Julia asked. She didn't really want to go, but she knew there was no choice.
Isabelle appraised her quickly and decided not to argue it. "Okay!" she said, clapping her hands. Leave it to Isabelle to be this peppy after her brother died. She was never one to let life get her down. "Let's go!"