Hello all. I hate to say this but we have only this chapter, and then Forever Yours will be finished.
Now I want to say thank you to all the people who are reading and following/favoring my stories, but I'm not getting any reviews? I'm curious to know what happen?
So, please review. It makes me think that my story is crappy.
Chapter 25
Nessie's point of view
I think instead of burying myself in my grave, I am only digging myself deeper.
That's what I thought as I laid by Jacob, waiting for him to realize that I was here; but he was still asleep. Roxanne seemed to do the trick.
I didn't know why I thought Jacob was dead. When I woke up, (and even before that) I instantly asked if Jake was okay. When Momma wouldn't answer me, I thought the worse and went crazy. I wouldn't listen to anybody; and it made it even worse that my family was saying I needed rest and to wait and see if I would change.
Uncle Jasper calmed me down by the time Daddy and Kaleb came to the cottage. I heard them talk like I wasn't there and I decided to end it right there.
When I walked down the hall, I saw Kaleb standing there. I knew he wanted to wrap me up, and part of me wanted to be there. But I pushed him to the back of my mind. Jacob was the one I needed to focus on.
But Kaleb deserved that hit, and I really felt hitting somebody at the moment.
It kinda felt good.
I haven't apologized to Daddy for destroying his piano or to anybody else, but I don't think really cared. I didn't even think about asking Grandpa what the venom would do to Jacob. I'm regretting that now.
I wish I could sleep. I wish I could get this disgusting taste of Jake's blood out of my mouth. All I can say is he better not ask how well his blood tasted or I will puke.
I looked at my Jacob again. He seemed so innocent and beautiful when he was sleeping. He didn't look like he carried everything on his shoulders. That he tried to protect everything in his power. He looked young-even with his tired face, shaggy hair, and stubble on his chin.
Now I understood why everybody loved watching me sleep.
I traced the lines on his face. His black eyebrows, his nose, his lips, his chin. I soaked up every aspect of his face. I was afraid him being alive was all a dream, and I would wake up and loose it forever.
I laid my ear right above his heart, sighing in relief when I heard the strong sound of it. It sounded like his normal fast heartbeat. It wasn't unbelievably fast like before, or unbelievably slow.
I know now that he was going to be okay. That he was going to come back to me. But I still couldn't help but worry.
"He'll be okay, Renesmee." my father thought from downstairs. They all knew that I wanted alone time with my Jacob.
The Denalis said they would help whatever way they could with the Volturi, but it would probably be best they didn't stay long.
Tanya said that we were welcome to stay with them while Esme got the houses ready.
Houses? Oh yeah, that's right. Newlyweds need privacy.
"I wouldn't worry about Jake and Nessie's house, Esme. You know their going to be worse than Bella and Edward and Rose and I all mixed together." Uncle Emmett joked. Everybody laughed.
I don't see where it was funny.
I snapped up, ready to dash downstairs when I felt a strong grip on my wrist.
"Don't leave." I heard an exhausted voice bed. "Please, don't go."
I turned to look at Jacob. His eyes were still closed. If I didn't know better, I would have thought he was still asleep.
"I'm not going anywhere." I said, putting a hand on his chest to calm him down.
"Emmett's right, though. We are going to be worse than them." he joked, opening his eyes.
God, I loved those eyes.
Everybody filled the room, but Jacob still kept a firm grasp on my wrist.
"Nice going, daredevil." Paul joked.
Jacob didn't answer, but gave a slight smile.
I wondered if Jake knew what went on. Did he know that I had to suck his blood to keep him alive? Did he know about me having feelings for him, but also for Kaleb? Did he know that the stakes were higher this time? That every decision we make from now on counted?
"Are you hurt?" Jacob asked, ignoring everybody in the room.
"No. I'm okay. I'm more worried about you." I showed Jacob, lying to him.
It was kind of obvious of the bandage on my neck where Scarlet took a huge chunk of flesh out of me, but Jacob didn't seem to notice. His eyes were barely open. It looked like he wanted to lie back down and go to sleep again, but was fighting it.
I didn't want him to focus on my injury. That would just make things worse.
After of few minutes of everybody making sure Jacob was okay, he told the pack to leave. He said that they needed sleep, but I think it was a hint that he wanted alone time with me. And that he needed sleep.
They wanted to object, but my Jake said that it was alpha's orders.
Everybody left except Billy and Rachel.
"Rach, Dad, I'm fine." Jake said. Well, I should say mumbled. He kept fighting to keep his eyes open just to talk.
"You almost gave us a heart attack, Jake." Rachel said her voice thick with tears. "And Nessie had to sit there and watch you die."
Jacob tensed up despite the half asleep state he was in. I knew he didn't want me to watch him go through that. I didn't want to myself, but that was over. I had him with me now.
I felt bad for Rachel and Billy. Rachel lost her mother and Billy lost his wife. Then they lost Rebecca. Now they almost lost their brother and son, too.
I don't know what we would all do if we lost Jacob.
"Rachel," Billy said. "why don't we come back tomorrow? It seems Jake doesn't know we're in the room, and Nessie isn't far behind him." he said, smiling at me.
He was right. Both Jake and I were exhausted. But I think Jake was even more than me.
"Plus, we'll probably need all the tribal stories we can get to see what's wrong with Jake." I showed Billy with a smile.
"He knows them as much as I do. Probably better." Billy thought back to me, giving a short chuckle.
After Jake and I were finally alone, we just stared at each other. The water works kicked in again as I stared into his brown eyes. I don't see how Jake does it.
"Shh. Nessie, I'm okay." Jake said, wiping the tears away. He was pretty glassy eyed himself.
"You say that all the time. But when you say that, I know it's not okay." I showed him.
"Well this time, I am okay. And I would never lie to you about it." he thought, resting his head on mine.
"You saved my life. I think." Jake whispered. "I was kind of out of it." he laughed.
"It was me."
"Did the venom-"
Jake sat up, looking me dead in the eye.
"I sucked it out, but I feel fine. That was the big argument. Everybody was worried that I was going to be changing and look where I am now."
"How is that…?"
"I don't know, and I don't care."
Jake laughed and shook his head. "Boy, you get weirder by the second." he sort of joked despite that if I slapped him in the head, he'd pass out on the spot.
"I would push you but you're so loopy, you'd fall off the bed." I joked back, gently nudging his shoulder. As I thought, he plopped back down on the bed. I wonder if he was really okay as he says he is.
"Thanks." Jake mumbled.
I raised up and put my head in my hands, thinking Jake was back asleep.
What were we going to do? What was I going to do? I almost lost Jacob tonight. What if I lost him again and I never told him about Kaleb? How could I live with myself?
Jacob moved, making it known that he was still awake. I paid him no mind.
"At least I can say I've had a memorable graduation." I showed Jacob, unable to speak because I was holding back tears.
"Just not something that you would want to enjoy."
"I enjoyed the party."
"I enjoyed being with you."
Jake sat up and wrapped his arms around from behind me, laying his head on my shoulders. I knew I was supporting all his weight, but I didn't mind. He's been though a lot and was probably weak.
Normally when Jacob put his arms around me, I felt home. I felt like nothing could stop us, that nothing could get to us. Now it just feels…scary.
He moved his chin on my shoulder and I could feel his breath in my ear. He lightly nuzzled it and I smiled. "You saved my life. Again." Jake whispered in my ear huskily, and I felt chills go down my arms.
"How did I do it the first time?" I asked, not looking at him.
"You were born." he answered and I could feel him smile. "But…there's one more question that I've been dying to ask." Jake asked more solemnly.
"And what's that?"
I felt Jake moved his head. He put his hand on the other side of my face, making me look at him.
He could see that my eyes were filled with tears threatening to come down. Jake smiled and kissed my nose lightly.
"How did my blood taste?" Jake asked with a serious tone of voice, but I could tell he was trying not to laugh. Plus, with his beyond exhausted face, he looked like he was shot up with a bunch of pain killers that made him out of it.
He had to bring it up?
"Seriously? You had to bring that question up?" I snapped then regretted it. I was trying to keep everything down-and was getting pretty good at it. If I didn't think about it.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
"Yes, I'm dead serious." he laughed, taking huge breaths to stay up.
"Come on Jake, stay awake. Stay awake." he thought to himself.
"It was down right disgusting. I'd need at least twenty or more animals to get the taste out of my mouth. If I don't puke it up first. No wonder why everybody calls you mutts and mongrels." I said.
After I answered his question, I pushed him back down on the bed, getting on top of him. He put his hand on my cheek, brushing back hair that was in my face.
Jake sat up again, but I pushed him back down. He brought his lips to mine in an instant, giving me the fire and hunger that reach into the pit of my stomach.
I pulled away when I saw Jacob's thoughts. (And his actions.) He was going to pass out on my any second. I was keeping him up myself. Thank God I got vampire strength or I'd be struggling right now.
He gave me confused look as I sat up smiling. "Now you're the one who I can't kiss because you're going to pass out any second." I laughed.
Jake shook his head and smiled. "Yeah, I guess I am." he smiled.
We stayed silent for a little longer as Jake kept fighting to stay awake.
"Ness…" Jacob trailed, tightening his hand around my cheek. He looked so cute when he was fighting to stay awake. Well, to me he did.
"Shhh, we'll talk more in the morning. You need your rest." I said.
He tried to rise up again in an unsteady motion, but plopped back down without my help this time. That goes to prove how tired and weak he is.
Weak. It was weird calling him that. He's always been so strong physically and emotionally, that I rarely ever saw when he let his guard down. It's all new to me when I see him weak physically.
"It can wait until the morning." I reassured again. Jake shook his head, giving up.
To be honest, I wanted to go downstairs to talk to my family about everything. What all of now meant. Was Jacob going to be okay?
"One condition: you don't leave me." he said as his eyes drifting close and he started to nod off.
I laid there watching him sleep again. I ran my hair through his silky soft, raven black hair. It might be weird admitting it, but he was beautiful. Inside and out.
As I stared at Jacob more, my phone vibrated.
A message from Kaleb. Oh boy.
Meet me at the beach…
I made sure Jake was completely sacked out, I got up.
I noticed he had a tight grip on my wrist and I froze. Was he awake? I waited a few more minutes then laughed to myself. Jake was just paranoid.
I slipped my wrist out of his grip. I was breaking my promise. Or…I never said anything, so I didn't promise.
Okay. Family first then Kaleb.
I made it downstairs in a flash. Everybody looked at me but did not smile. Good, I wasn't in the mood for smiles.
"Tell me the truth: Is Jacob going to be okay?" I demanded.
"He should be fine after a day or so. It all depends on how much the venom destroyed his system, if it did at all. I'll know more once he has rested." Grandpa answered without missing a beat. I think he got that I wasn't in the mood for beating around the bush.
So basically, we don't know.
One to another thing. "The Volturi's coming."
Okay. Maybe it came out more like a statement. It could because I already knew the answer.
"I'm afraid so." My father answered.
"When?"
"I haven't seen them make a decision yet, but its obvious Aro sent some of his weaker guards as an excuse for an excuse." Alice said.
"Aro will definitely use the excuse of us breaking the law to come after us. " Garrett commented.
That made the whole room tense. Uncle Jasper was able to calm us down. Good. We needed to have a clear head to think.
"You wouldn't be involved in it, Renesmee. If they come, we will make sure you will be safe." Daddy thought.
I knew all the Volturi laws, but I don't think there was one where we couldn't kill a guard member. Who knows. With each coven getting stronger and stronger, Aro might change or add more rules. He wouldn't care who wasn't in the wrong. He would kill everybody and take the ones he wanted as his prize.
I just didn't know if I was on the prize list or the death list.
But Aro also wants the wolves, too. Daddy said Aro was intrigued how they weren't like the true werewolves. They were able to keep human thoughts, they were strong, they were fast, and Aro wanted them. He thought they would be good guard dogs.
"Maybe sending the weaker ones will buy us time. Aro wouldn't care about them as much." Momma said. Hopefully, she was right.
"It wouldn't matter to Aro. He wants some of us dead anyway so he can mostly take you and Alice." Emmett said. That's a good point, too.
"But he knows we're not stupid. He'll say we broke the law. The idiot does whatever he wants anyway." Kate scoffed.
I couldn't speak. My voice was frozen. I started projecting images of us gathering as many others as we can to stand against the Volturi one last time. I projected all of us waiting for the Volturi's arrival. All of us clinging to one another, me clinging to Jake's wolf body. Us fighting, some of us not surviving but some of us do.
That seemed to silence the room and nobody was looking at me.
I didn't bother to add anything either. It was no use. We all knew most of us were going to die.
"Normally, Aro sees the opportunity to attack and he takes it. I think he's learned this time that we're all smarter than he puts us off to be. Those guards were probably just a warning to let us know that he is watching us. He's going to wait till he tares us apart to make a move." Eleazar said.
Out of all the possibilities, his seemed the most logical. Aro's going to wait till we can't stand together. He learned his lesson when we gathered witnesses for me when they thought I was an immortal child.
"Or he'll wait till we make the first move." Rosalie commented.
"He'll use Nessie. He knows how important she is to all of us." Grandma said. Then everybody looked at me.
I guess I'm bait.
Or he's going to use the wolves to get to me. Aro knows my deep connection with them. Especially Jacob. What if they capture them and we have no choice but to fight?
"I'll be back shortly." I said, walking to the door.
"Where are you going?" Momma thought towards me.
I turned to look at my father, "Explain to them, because I really don't have the time." I said then walked out the door.
I dashed off into the woods, not taking a chance on waking Jake with the sound of my car. And I needed the run to clear my head.
I know I was taking a chance with seeing Kaleb. If Jacob wakes up while I was gone, I was busted.
I hoped that the reason that Kaleb wanted to see me was to say that he didn't love me anymore. That I should be with Jacob. Not what he's been telling that I was the one to choose.
I started making a mantra in my head. I need to tell the truth to Kaleb, but also tell him that it wasn't going to happen like this. I was Jacob's.
I made it to the beach. Since I didn't have any shoes on, I felt the cold wet sand on my feet.
And there I saw him.
He stood there, watching whatever was beyond the ocean. I tried to make my heartbeat slow down, and I desperately wanted the flutter in my stomach to stop. I shouldn't feel this way! I shouldn't even be here!
"I was afraid you wouldn't come." Kaleb said as I walked up beside him.
"Why didn't you tell me what you had to say at the cottage?" I asked, looking at him. I wanted to slap myself when I was disappointed that his cobalt blue eyes didn't meet my chocolate brown ones.
"Because I just now thought of it. And I don't want your mind reading father to know. Or Jake." Kaleb answered.
I wanted so bad to read his mind, but I was so mentally tired, I didn't care.
"I'm quitting the pack." Kaleb said.
WHAT?!
"What! Why?" I showed him.
"I want to travel cross country." he answered. "Kierra will go live with Kyle and Leah. She'll be safer with them. But anyway, she'll go with them while…" he trailed.
"While, what?"
"You and I are gone." Kaleb eventually said.
I took a step back shocked. He was asking me to go with him? I-I can't. There was no way that was possible.
"Are you kidding me? No. I'm not going with you! I'm marrying Jacob! I'll be his wife! It's not possible!" I shouted, tears pooling my vision for a reason I don't know. Today's just been…emotional.
"You're not going to marry him." Kaleb said like he knew the future.
I growled at him.
"Yes. I. Am." I hissed through clenched teeth.
"No, you're not. You know that, too. You're just doing it because you know it'll hurt Jacob. You're too nice to even tell him that you have feeling for me. You don't want to marry him. You're young and you just graduated high school. You want to have fun. You want to live your life the way you want it. You don't want to be married. At least not to him, anyway."
I looked down as the tears went down my cheeks.
"Renesmee, you know deep down that half your heart has feelings for me. You love me, too. If you didn't, you wouldn't be here right now." Kaleb said as he got closer to me.
I wanted to take a step back, but I willed myself to stand still as he got so close; I could feel his breath on my skin.
"In fact, I think you love me more than Jacob. Your fiancé almost died but you're here with me." he said with a smirk on his face.
Anger flooded through me and I pushed Kaleb into the water, getting on top of him. Somehow after pounding his face in, Kaleb's lips found mine. And the scary part was I actually liked it.
I had the hunger that I felt with Jake. I wanted-needed more or I was afraid the hunger would vanish into thin air. I was scared this was all a dream, and right now I didn't want it to be a dream. But if it was, I surely didn't want to wake up.
His hands locked around my hips, pulling me closer to him. He wasn't going to let me go or pull back. And I didn't want him too.
The fierce kiss continued, igniting the hunger even more. I wanted more. I wanted Kaleb more.
I hate to say this, but I felt like a person on drugs. This kiss was addicting and I was afraid I was going to crash and burn. I never felt like this with Jake? I loved it when he kissed me, but I never felt like it was a drug. But Kaleb, he was the kind I needed to stay away from.
I had to pull away, but I didn't have the will power to. I needed to, or this make out scene was about to turn into something else.
Come on, Ness! Think of Jacob.
Kaleb was right. Part of my heart belonged to him, but I also belonged to Jacob.
Think of him.
I started to picture him. His smiling face. His gorgeous eyes. His handsome smile. I thought about everything of Jacob and hoped that it would be enough.
Guilt settled into the pit of my stomach so bad, I feel like I was going to puke.
I pulled away, resting my head on Kaleb's.
I raised my head to look at him. I was exhausted, soaking wet, my fiancé was at home, and here I was sucking faces with another man!
I was still on top of Kaleb, and his hands were still at my hips. I shook my head and sobbed in his chest.
"I love you, Renesmee." Kaleb said, breathless. "With a kiss like that, I'm definitely staying."
"I'm not doing this anymore." I showed him.
"You say that now."
I looked at Kaleb again then got off of him, taking off running. I just kissed Kaleb-AGAIN-and the bad thing is, I wanted more than just a kiss!
I stopped when I was in the woods, breathing heavy. How can I marry Jacob when I love both him and Kaleb? I know I said I didn't love Kaleb before, but that kiss was…
I can't go home. I can't face Jacob! How can I face him and say I'll marry him, when my lips were on somebody's he trusted.
I felt like I was going to puke any minute now, and I think I'm having a panic attack. There's a first for everything now.
I dropped to my knees and threw up whatever was in my stomach. (Including Jake's blood.)
How can I do this? How could I do this? Why did I do this to my relationship with Jacob?
Where do I go? How can I face Jacob like this? Who could I go to?
So, I did the only thing I knew how to do. Run.
I was grateful I didn't bring my car because I'm in no condition to run much less drive. Oh wait, that's right. I'm invincible.
I ran, and ran and ran and ran. I didn't have any destination in mind. I just ran.
How can I marry Jacob when I betrayed him! I hurt him. He almost dies once because of me, he doesn't need to go through it again.
I heard a noise through the trees then stopped, thinking it was the wolves. It was raining so much, I couldn't smell a scent and I was too tired to care about the mind reading deal.
I didn't really care anymore if it was a vampire trying to kill me. For all I care right now, let them.
"Renesmee?"
I whirled around to see my Aunt Rose standing behind me.
I didn't answer, but I saw how I looked in her thoughts. I looked horrible. My hair was plastered all over my face, I was soaking wet and had dirt all over me.
"I screwed up big time, Aunt Rose!" I sobbed as she pulled me into a hug.
"Show me." she answered and I did.
I showed her everything from the beginning to where Kaleb told me about his feelings, where he kissed me the first time, the second kiss, my lies to Jacob, me trying to decide who I love more.
"Now that's not a hard question on whom you love more." Rosalie said.
"How? I can't love Jacob one-hundred percent fully when I also love somebody else. I kissed Kaleb twice already and Jacob doesn't know. And just now, I snuck out and kissed Kaleb while my fiancé was at home. Kaleb's lips were on mine when Jacob's should be. Aunt Rose, how can I love one without the other getting hurt?" I sobbed.
"I think you answered your own question." she thought rocking me back and forth.
"How?"
"You feel guilty that you were with Kaleb when you should have been with Jacob."
"How is that suppose to help me?"
"You want to know how I really know your uncle loves me?" Aunt Rosalie asked, smiling at me.
I nodded slightly.
"There's times that he does things that make me so mad at him that I just want to kill him. But when I try to be mad at him, he does things to make me forget why I was even mad at him." she smiled.
I smiled at my aunt and uncle's relationship. True, Uncle Emmett does know how to get under Aunt Rosalie's skin. But it seems that he'd do anything to make her happy.
Who could make me so angry at him, that I could rip his head off? Both men could do that, but I've been even madder at Jacob.
"And there's also when I try to give him the cold shoulder, I realize I can't live without him." Rose said, smiling at the memories.
I looked down. Both Kaleb and Jake could drive me insane. Kaleb with his cocky attitude. Jacob being…well, Jacob.
Jake had that way of driving me crazy without even realizing he's doing it. While Kaleb's kiss can be remembered on my lips, Jake's can be remembered in my heart.
I projected to Aunt Rosalie me choosing either Jake or Kaled, and then me hurting the one I didn't choose. I showed her I couldn't do that. That I can't hurt neither of them, and I know they'll both be hurt by whatever decision I choose.
"You're going to have too. Because if you hold off any longer, you're going to hurt both of them. I know if you keep this from Jacob even more-even if you did choose him-it's going to hurt him. He's going to feel like you couldn't trust him."
But that was my point. If I chose Jacob, I knew Kaleb would do something stupid to cause war. Jacob would be devastated that I didn't tell him sooner.
If I chose Kaleb, it would kill Jacob. Knowing him, he would go after everybody and blame them for my choice. He would try and kill Kaleb.
But the thing was, I didn't want to choose. I'd rather lie and say I don't want neither of them than have Jacob and Kaleb fight.
"What if I don't want to choose neither of them?" I asked.
"Then that is your decision; but I've got to get you back before Jacob fully looses it."
My breathing caught in my throat. Jacob was awake? What was I going to tell him?
"Your parents decided to give you the cottage for tonight. It might make things easier if you don't have your family listening downstairs." my aunt joked.
I tried to stand but my legs wouldn't budge. I was stuck in the frozen state I'm in.
Aunt Rosalie picked me up and started running to the cottage. I wrapped my arms around her neck and sunk down in her embrace as far as I could get, hopping that I would turn invisible by doing this.
I was even more confused now. I had to either choose Jacob; who could drive me insanely crazy, but when I pictured leaving him, it seemed impossible. Or I can choose Kaleb, who could give me the normal life I always wanted. He didn't imprint on me so I knew his feelings of loving me were true.
Or I can choose neither of them. I can choose myself.
I knew there was one question that needed to be asked in order to help me understand: Who could I picture myself living without? If Jacob or Kaleb were dying, who would I cry over? Who could hurt me the worse because I trusted his words? Who do I have a deep connection with? Who could I picture giving up everything for me? Who do I love the most? Who do I have more fights with but afterwards make up as if nothing happen?
Half of those questions were easy: Jacob.
I don't know if I would stick to that answer, but for right now I am until I can figure it out. Jacob has been there for me in the long run. It's time I return the favor to him.
I went back over the one question I asked myself. If Jake or Kaleb were dying, who would I cry over more? When I almost lost Jacob, I went crazy.
I could picture myself crying over Kaleb, but it would be Jacob that wrapped me up in a hug, hold his own tears back and let me cry in his chest…if he knew what was going on.
I've got to grow up and tell him everything.
I didn't know what I was going to do. I was too weak and tired to care. I was worried about Jake. Was he going mad trying to get to me before?
Aunt Rosalie opened the cottage door and stepped though. I stayed in her arms, afraid to get down. I knew I would have nightmares about it all. I was afraid of what Jacob was going to do and say. I was afraid of what I was going to tell him. I was afraid I was going to have to lie to Jacob.
But I was also afraid of what he would do. I guess you can say I'm scared of the state of mind Jake's in. I was going to be alone with him since he was bit. Really, truly alone.
But there was one big question I knew the answer too…I hope.
Who could let me go and who would beg me to stay?
~~~~ Forever Yours ~~~~
Jacob's point of view:
Despite all the Cullens telling me to rest, I still paced the cottage waiting for Nessie.
Yeah, I still felt horrible. Beyond horrible. But I went ballistic when I realized Nessie wasn't there.
I'm sounding crazy now, huh?
"Jacob. Stop pacing and rest." Bella said.
Carlisle said that I needed to rest and the way I felt, I agreed. But I couldn't go hours without the girl that saved my life in so many ways.
I felt Jasper's calmness wave creep upon me and I stopped.
Just the Rosalie walked through the door, carrying a frozen state Nessie clinging to her.
She looked horrible but still so insanely gorgeous, it knocked the breath out of me.
Where has she been?
"Nessie!" I said, walking to Rosalie reaching my hand out to Nessie.
She took it with a weak smile on her face and Rosalie let her down.
"What are you doing? You need to rest." Nessie showed me.
"We'll get together tomorrow to figure everything out." Bella said with a wink.
She kissed Renesmee on the forehead then left, followed by Rosalie and Jasper.
I was still pretty…I'm too tired to even think of a word to describe it. Or like Nessie says, I'm still loopy.
Nessie looked at me with glassy eyes. I think she was dying with me.
"What were you thinking?!" Nessie said letting the tears fall.
I brought my hand shaky up to her face, wiping the tears away.
"It's-"
"Don't convince me everything is okay." she snapped, glaring at me. "Jake! You almost died! This night was supposed to be memorable, and surely it was! You can barely stand!" she yelled.
Surely enough, I starting swaying, nodding off.
I think I know one check list off the "We don't know what venom does to a surviving wolf" list: I feel like I drank the town dry. Literally.
She grabbed my arm and pulled me closer to her, wrapping her arms around my waist in a hug.
Nessie took my hand and led me to the bed room, but I could tell she was still crying.
This time, I brought her to my embrace. It seemed everything was okay just for that moment. She calmed down and I did too.
I brought her chin up so that she can meet my eyes, "I love you."
Nessie pushed me down on the bed and I pulled her down with me.
"I know." Nessie said she said kissing my cheek.
I brought her lips to mine, fighting to stay awake. I blinked several times on my attempts to be awake. I'm failing at that.
Renesmee smiled against my lips and pulled away.
"We'll talk about this tomorrow. You really need to get some sleep, loopy." Nessie joked, shoving my shoulder.
I laughed. I guess that's my new nickname.
Normally, I would do anything to make my Renesmee happy, but I knew we needed to talk about it. Even despite how Nessie feels and how I feel like I'm going to fall flat over asleep.
"We're going to talk about it now." I said, sitting up and putting Nessie in my lap. "For starters, where have you been? I thought you promised me that you wouldn't leave?"
Nessie's bottom lip quivered and she bit it to stop. "I had to clear my head. And technically, I didn't promise because I never said anything." she said.
I pushed her ringlet curls out of her face and smiled. I need to stop taking for granted the smallest things about her.
"Can I get a shower first?"
"I don't know, can you?" I joked bringing her face close to mine, leaving her lips inches from mine and one-hundred percent kissable.
If I can keep my eyes open any longer.
I breathed in her scent. Mostly she has the sickly sweet vampire smell, but I've grown accustomed to it and grown to love it. (Only on her.) But the rain mostly washed away the different scents of her, but I could tell where she's been. She smelt mostly like rain, but also like the smell of woods, the beach, and…a pack member?
How can she smell like a wolf? How can she smell like-wait…Kaleb?
"I'm going to get a shower." Nessie abruptly said, getting off my lap.
"How were you with Kaleb?" I snapped as she tried to make a break for it.
I grabbed her forearm to stop her.
Since I was the first-and hopefully only-wolf to survive a venom bite, Carlisle didn't know what to do but tell me to rest. We haven't talk to the Elders, so I guess until then we'll be playing it by ear.
Anger flooded through me. Why was Nessie acting so strange? Why was Kaleb acting weird? What was going on between them that I didn't know about?
Nessie was silent for a moment, her eyes distant. I'm assuming she's telling her family that she can handle her psychotic werewolf fiancé. She's got more guts than I do.
"Nothing is going on. Jake, calm down because my family will do what I asked only for so long. I don't think you want us to be separated and Emmett and Jasper stare at you while you're going nuts!" Nessie growled as she struggled to take her arm out of my grasp.
"Then why were you with him?!" I questioned as my hands started to shake. I had a feeling that Nessie was right about her family separating us and putting me on lock down, and I wasn't about to have that.
"Because…because." she trailed, not meeting my eyes. That's when I know she's not telling me the whole truth.
"Because, why?"
"Can't you just trust me for once?! Trust me this time. If I wanted to meet up with Kaleb, so be it! It's my life! I can do whatever I want to do with it!" Nessie shouted as we heard the Cullens come closer.
She growled.
It stung that she thought I didn't trust her. "I always trust you." I said, attempting to be calmer.
"Really? Since when?" Renesmee snapped.
Another sting.
She took the chance at my frozen state to snap her arm out of my grip. She stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door in my face.
I stood there with a mixture of emotions. Maybe I should have listen to Nessie in the first place and slept.
I walked to the second bathroom to take a shower myself, hoping that would clear my head and wake me up.
I wondered how all of this happened. Why did it? Why did Nessie have to take the blunt out of all of it? Why was I the one to be bit?
I knew my girl would try to read my mind, so I might as well give her what she wanted. The one memory I was trying to avoid.
And I say I'm alright. Hah!
I took one last look at Nessie as she ran off. She knew something was going to happen, and I believed her. Deep down, I knew something was going to happen, too.
"Very optimistic." Paul said as we waited for the leaches to come. I paid no attention to what he said.
Just then they attacked; but Scarlett and Marcello were no where in sight.
The fight was too easy; but my head was still with Nessie. Even though it was easy, I still needed to keep my head clear.
And that, I didn't have.
"Focus, Jake." Leah warned, but I still didn't pay attention. My head just…wasn't in it.
Quil and I finished ripping a vampire's head off as I noticed Kaleb having trouble with Daniel. If nobody jumped in to help him, I would have another death on my hands.
I jumped in by myself-despite people telling me not to-and knocked Kaleb out of the way. I started fighting the bloodsucker myself.
All of a sudden, something inside me changed. I know this feeling every time something is going to happen to my girl, and I know it wasn't lying to me now.
Something happen to my Renesmee.
I started slacking off when my point was proven by Nessie's scream.
I stopped and turned towards the direction her scream was coming from.
"Jake!" Somebody yelled, but it was too late. Daniel jumped on my back and bit down on my neck.
As the venom entered, it started to make its presence known. I could feel it going through my body, killing everything inside.
My accelerated healing started to do its work, but it was no use. The venom was too strong.
But I still had to get to Nessie.
I slung the bloodsucker off of me and tried to kill it. I was unstable on my feet, my vision was blurry, and everything inside kept telling me to give up. Thankfully, Sam, Jarred, and Edward stepped in to help me.
The pain was unbearable. And that's saying a lot. My already fast heartbeat was beating even more painfully fast. My throat was clogged up and I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't stop now. Nessie needed me!
My body changed back to human without me wanting it to. Or did I? I couldn't remember. But I knew the pain was worse when I was human.
It seemed like everything was trying to shut down. I had to fight to stay on my feet, and delusional, blurry eyesight wasn't helping.
I could tell the venom was reaching my heart quick. The quick healing was about to give up, so it would only be left up to me to fight to stay alive.
"Jacob, you need to stop. The venom's moving fast. The quicker your heartbeat is, the faster the venom will reach your heart." I think I heard Carlisle say. What scared me was I couldn't see him. I couldn't see anybody. All I kept getting conglomerated images of people and greenery that I couldn't make out.
My brain was going haywire. I knew the venom, pain, and instinct was going to make me crazed, slow me down to get to Nessie, and kill me.
"I have to get to her! She needs me!" I shouted. But even with it harder to breathe, my throat feeling like it was clogged up, and the immense pain I was in, my words sounded jumbled and slurred.
That's when everybody started manhandling to calm down and stop. That only kept me from Nessie, and I had an even more reason to fight. This made everything worse.
I felt the accelerated healing give up. That made the fire throughout my body become even worse.
I was on my own.
My limbs became paralyzed, so it was easier for everybody to get me to the ground.
"NO!" I screamed, trying to get up but was pushed back down.
It got worse with every minute. I was probably half dead already.
"His body is shutting down." Carlisle said. I don't think that's good.
But part of me wanted to give up. I wanted to get rid of the pain I was in.
No. I can't. That means I leave Nessie, and I promised her I would never do that to her. I have to fight. I told her I would always fight for her.
She's the only reason I have to fight to live.
"JACOB!" I heard a beautiful angel shout.
I tried to raise up-despite that moving hurt, staying still hurt-but was pushed back down.
"I've got t-to ge-get to h-her. She ne-needs me." I begged.
I tried to search for Nessie, but everything around me was blurred together.
"Where's Nessie?" I asked. I had to will my mouth to move, since my whole body was starting to quit on me. And my will to live, too.
Panic flooded through me. Where was Nessie! I need her!
"I'm right here. Look at me." my angel says.
I looked around for several minutes until I finally saw were she was. God, she was gorgeous. For a minute, the pain was actually numbed.
I lost her then and the pain came back.
I heard conversation and attempted to pay attention. I kept slipping into sleep that I knew I wouldn't be able to get out of.
I could still feel the venom running through my veins. It felt like acid, fire, and a thousand knives were flooded though my bloodstream. Now I can say it felt like a thousand pounds was crushing on top of me.
That made it impossible to try and fight. I'm too far gone to save.
"St-stay with m-me. P-please." I begged
I felt warm hands go under my eyes, wiping something wet away. My brain didn't register what it was going.
It finally hit home now. I'm dying. Nessie was right and I was wrong. She has to sit there and watch me die.
"I promise"
I started to think of every memory I had of Nessie. The day I imprinted on her. The memories of her short childhood. The Volturi coming, thinking Renesmee was an immortal child. Both of us were scared. The first time I kissed her. The first time I said I loved her. Our many fights. How beautiful she looked at her birthday and the Volturi Gala. How I stayed with her when she was attacked. When she woke up days after. Her saying yes to marrying me. And many more memories I've tried to hold on too to stay alive.
"Get Renemsee out of here." something said, but I couldn't remember who or what it was.
I couldn't remember anything. My name, my father's, my mother's, my sisters, my pack, the…I can't remember.
That isn't a good sign.
The only face I could remember was…Renesmee? And she was slipping away just like the rest of them.
I was slipping away.
"No." I attempted to say, but I don't know how it came out. I don't even know what my own voice sounds like now.
I was slipping away. Going under but couldn't come back up. I wasn't going to live. I wasn't going to have a future. I was going to have a future with…NO! I can't remember her name!
The pain and the weight on me had gotten worse. I can't fight no more! I give up! Let me die. Just please stop the pain! I'd rather take death any day than have this!
I wanted to see the beautiful girl's face one last time. I wanted my arms to wrap around her. I wanted to see her smile.
Finally the pain was beginning to fade away and I sighed in relief. I think this is the first time I've ever begged for death. And I got what I wanted.
Everything was okay. Everything was bright and peaceful. I could see a figure waiting for me on the other side of wherever I was. Two actually, but I couldn't see who it was.
Suddenly, I remembered the beautiful girl that I was leaving behind name.
Renesmee.
"I'm sorry, Renesmee. I love you." I tried to say to her.
I gave up then.
I got out the shower and put on an old pair of sweats. I moved to the sink to shave. Yeah, so what if I died-or almost, or whatever! So what if I'm crazed. I might as well not look it. Don't want to get anymore Snow White and the Seven dwarfs names.
I keep breaking promises to Nessie! I can't even keep the simplest thing as promising that I would stay alive. I can't make her completely safe. I can't even destroy a freaking vampire that tried to kill Renesmee! I've screwed it up, and now the stakes are high by now dragging the Volturi into this! How can I keep her safe if I don't even know if I'm the same?
After I was finished shaving, I stared in the mirror. I look like Jacob Ephraim Black, the son of Billy and Sarah Black, the brother of Rachel and Rebecca Black, the great grandson on Ephraim Black, the rightful alpha to the Quileute wolf pack, and the imprinter of Renesmee Cullen. But do I feel the same? Not really. I look the same, but would I change mentally? Would it change me so bad that I could hurt my Nessie? I snapped at the smallest thing and I almost hurt her? Is there anything else I can do?
I felt warm hands wrap around me from behind. I felt Nessie's head lay against my back as I felt her tears come down.
I squeezed my eyes shut.
"You saw everything, huh?" I thought.
"It was hard not to ignore." she showed me.
I turned to look at Nessie, pulling her closer to me. All of a sudden, she punched me in the stomach.
I doubled over for a minute, wincing. Man! She has a hit! A human punch, it doesn't hurt. Werewolf or vampire? I was sure to have pain! And Nessie has just enough of vampire strength to knock me to the ground. It's not like she has before.
"What was that for?" I breathed, gripping my stomach. Is it "Oh, let's kill Jacob day?"
"That's for almost leaving me." she said, her voice thick with tears.
I rose up, cautious she was going to punch me again, and pulled her into a hug. "I'm breaking all my promises." I said, my voice muffled by her hair.
"What are you saying?"
"I can't keep a simple promise as staying alive! How can I promise to protect you?!" I answered, "I'm the only wolf that lived after a leech bite! What is it going to do to me!? What if it screws me up so bad, I hurt you! Or what if I hurt anybody else for that matter?"
"Jacob, look at me. You've kept one promise to me today." Nessie said, making me look at her.
I scoffed. It didn't seem like it.
"You promised me that you would always come back to me. Remember the time where you said that you would always be here for me. Be by my side. Look where you are now." she whispered.
I looked at her then looked away. "Hardly. But what damage did I bring back?"
"Relax. Why don't we talk to your dad tomorrow? You can call a council meeting and we can figure this all out." Nessie showed me, playing with my hair.
"You know, I think it's been a few weeks since you've had a hair cut." she smiled.
"Out of all the things, you're worried about my hair?"
"Yeah, I like it short."
I knew what she was trying to do but I let her do it anyway.
"You've never seen me with long hair." I joked back, trying to forget everything except this conversation.
"You did look kind of cute. But I still do like you with short hair." she replied.
I failed at trying to forget everything.
"What's wrong?"
"How can I protect you?" I asked, laying my hand over hers where she was touching my cheek.
"It'll be okay. Isn't that what you tell me?" she smiled.
I looked down at the bandage on Nessie's neck. Nessie was also injured but she brushed it off as if it was nothing.
I gently undid the bandage and saw stitches on her neck, running my hand over them as light as I could get.
"How did that happen?" I asked.
Nessie moved my hand away and looked at me. All of a sudden I was seeing everything that happened through her eyes.
Nessie was fighting Scarlet when something happen that made her stop. Scarlet bit down on her neck and as Nessie threw her off; she got a huge chunk of flesh ripped off by Scarlet.
She knew. She knew that something bad was going to happen. She's always known, but I never paid attention.
I laid my head against hers and gripped her hand.
"I love you." I thought.
Nessie gritted her teeth and let a few more tears come down.
"Jacob…" Renesmee trailed.
"What?"
"Kiss me." she said.
I bent down and kissed her lips softly; afraid I was going to hurt her. What if I went nuts again and phased? I'd never forgive myself if I hurt my Renesmee in any way.
I pulled away and took a step back away from her.
"Jake? What's wrong?" Nessie asked her eyes curious.
I had to say something that I've never thought I would be the first one to admit: That I was scared of what was going to happen next. Would the Volturi fully step in? Would I be the same? Would Nessie be safe?
"I'm scared." Saying those words made me feel like a coward, that I couldn't handle everything, that I wasn't tough enough.
"Being scared doesn't mean you're a coward. It means you have a heart." Nessie said, moving her hand over my beating heart. "You can handle it, Jake. But if you keep bottling up, it's not going to be good. Take it from someone who know knows." she smiled.
"What if-"
"Don't worry about it. At least not tonight, anyway. Tomorrow we can sit down and figure out the Volturi. We can call a council meeting, and we can figure out what will happen and what we have to do. We'll even ask Grandpa. Lord knows you'll be the new guinea pig for testing and all that fun stuff." Nessie smirked. I rolled my eyes. "You promised me when we were engaged that you would let me take some of the burden off of you. You can't be super man all the time."
This is one of the many reasons why I loved Renesmee Cullen. She always knew the right thing to say.
"One of the many promises I've broken." I mumbled.
"You're kind of cute when you're like this." Nessie showed me, pulling me to the bedroom.
I looked at her confused as we lay down on the bed. I had to force my eyes to stay open.
"I like being the strong one saving the day every now and then. I think it's sweet when you're scared and innocent. You look…young." she smiled.
"Are you calling me old?" I yawned. I'll be sweet, innocent, and young, in my sleep.
"I'm not. Its just…it doesn't hurt to open up. You act big, strong, and tough, but when you do open up, you look…innocent. And you look like everything has disappeared when you're sleeping. I like watching you sleep." Nessie said as she curled up to my side.
"Whatever you say, my angel. You can watch me be all that stuff in a few seconds." I thought, not able to speak.
"Oh no, you're not"
"You wanted me to sleep."
"You can sleep after you give me a real kiss. Not these little pecks like you're scared to touch me." Nessie said.
I gave her what she wanted.
"Not good enough." she showed me.
I kissed her harder, trying to stay awake.
Today could have been our last kiss. Today could have been a lot things. But I know for one thing, though. I will never deny my girl of anything ever again.