A/N: It's been a while - sorry about that. Makes the chapter title relatively relevant too...whoops. Slightly bittersweet update this time and some more Wolf and Roshea fluff :)

25. Take Some Responsibility

Even though I didn't accompany him every night, everyone knew where to find Zed if they needed him. If he wasn't on the prairie, he was in the corner of the stable, often with thick thread between his fingers as he fixed bridles or with horseshoes scattered around his feet. Sometimes Elle would be with him too, polishing her armour with her back against him. I occasionally sat with him to learn his ways, taking whatever equipment I was working on back to the dormitory so I could improve on it in the evening and sometimes well into the night whilst as I waited for Sedgar and Vyland to return from the tavern.

Just like what eventually happened with everyone I had ever worked with, he suddenly vanished without a trace. I wasn't worried; it was just strange when things weren't as they should be. I didn't make myself obvious, but Elle was quick to notice my agitation and confirmed that Zed had had a seizure whilst riding, and was taking time out to fully recover.

In Zed's absence, Roshea was often the one to take up the running of the stable. He told Coyote that he was happy not to return home to work over the weekends, and instead spent the entirety of his time grooming the horses and letting soldiers know which ones needed to be exercised. It was a lot for one boy to take on, but he managed splendidly and his innocent smile never seemed to waver. Vyland too noticed Roshea's dedication and he tried to help out where he could, but he tended to create more problems faster than he could solve them.

The major concern after Zed fell ill though was Sienna. She had been partnered with Zed for so long she knew instantly something was wrong, and as a consequence she threw a tantrum whenever anyone got close to her. It was uncharacteristic of her, and took the other soldiers somewhat by surprise. That was precisely the problem with horses not used to other riders. She still needed regular exercise, and with Fraser busy nursing Zed and Roshea handling everything else, I took it upon myself to earn her trust. It was strangely calming as well for me, and it became easier to be even slightly content with myself. I stroked her nose, talked to her only as much as necessary, groomed her hair and cleaned her hooves, never fearing any form of retaliation. She could pick up on fear, and in time she knew I held none.

It didn't take long for Roshea to realise what I was doing, and he thanked me continuously for my efforts. By the time I was in a position to ride her, Roshea was overjoyed.

"You really can ride any horse you like," he said admirably as he straightened up. He hadn't finished grooming the stallion he was tending to, but he left the comb on the stable door and made to approach me.

I shrugged. It wasn't all to do with compatibility like Roshea believed. Riding on multiple horses was common sense to me. There was no set way to ride all of them, so it was a matter of adjusting to each horse's preferences. Having such flexibility ensured I didn't fall into any bad habits whilst simultaneously improving my current skills. Roshea, more than anyone, should have known that.

He made sure that Sienna could still see him before reaching out to pat her on the neck. I loosened the reins to let her know that she was in safe hands, and she only gave a grumpy snort in reply.

"Do you think Zed will get better?" Roshea asked suddenly.

I didn't know the specifics of Zed's seizure, but I visited him every night to tell him of the sunsets he missed. He didn't say much to me, but he mentioned once that no one understood the prairie like I did. That was reason enough for me to continue the visits and give Fraser some time to himself.

Was Roshea starting to suffer from taking over Zed's duties? He didn't seem tired and his expression was serious, but perhaps he was struggling more than he was putting on.

My reply was simple. "I don't know."

Roshea's eyes didn't leave Sienna's as he brought his hand back again. "It doesn't feel right here. He's always been in that corner. He doesn't say anything, but you know he's there. I miss him." He managed a brave smile, and his eyes seemed unfocused. "When do you think he'll come back?"

Roshea still refused to look at me, directing his questions to Sienna. I thought it incredibly rude, and I breathed deeply to try and control my frustration. It was a futile attempt, and my anger had to surface one way or another.

"He won't, so get used to it."

Sienna picked up on my change of mood instantly, and she trod the ground just as irritably. I gripped tighter on the reins to make sure she didn't stray too far.

Roshea pulled a face as he bit down on his lip. His eyes continued to dart at anything but me.

I had never been like this in the Pelham estate. I kept myself to myself; it was easier to maintain composure even in the harshest of circumstances that way. Heather had mentioned that I was hostile towards others, even though I didn't mean it. She didn't seem to understand that I mean every word I say. Perhaps it was constant exposure to Vyland that made me so short-tempered.

I gave a resigned sigh. I preferred it when I was alone, but I had to make the effort to look after Roshea because Coyote needed him. "I'm going to the prairie and you're no use as an emotional wreck here, so get some fresh air. I'll wait."

Roshea still looked like he was going to cry, but he gave a firm nod. He took an exceedingly long time to prepare, and I had to go out in the paddock to warm Sienna up to keep her focused.

There were already a few people on the prairie by the time we got there, and a couple of them waved as we joined them. I ignored them and looked round for Vyland and Sedgar who had set off earlier than I had, but came to the conclusion that they were training elsewhere. It was closer to midday with the sun peeking out of ominous clouds nearly above us, but Sienna seemed content with the grass under her hooves despite it not being the usual sunset ride. She needed to race, and I was more than happy to run with her to her heart's content.

Roshea stayed to one side, watching the world go by and occasionally trotted round in circles to keep his horse awake. There was so much room for him and he was wasting this opportunity.

I kept my eyes firmly on the horizon as I rode around the prairie, and I soon found myself squinting to guide Sienna through the steady downpour. The leather reins was rigid in my frozen grip and I vaguely acknowledged the dampness of my skin. The thumping of hooves were muted in the deep mud, but I felt the strong kick of soil as Sienna pressed ahead.

The distinct proximity of moment caught the corner of my eye. I instinctively looked across at Harlequin's sleek brown mane beside me, and before I knew it I was shoulder to shoulder to Elle.

She gave a firm nod in greeting. "You did well to tame her," she shouted at me to be heard over the rain.

I didn't reply; there was no merit in replying.

"Just make sure you don't tire her out too much. You need to decide what her limits are."

I already knew that, but I made no attempt to slow down. Instead I dug my heels deeper into Sienna to see if she would go any faster.

Harlequin breathed heavily to try and keep up with us, and even through her damp fringe I could see Elle's look of disappointment. "What's Roshea doing here? Shouldn't he be clearing out the stables like he normally does?"

Elle wasn't hard to figure out as she said exactly what was on her mind. Her remarks were often scathing and precisely why she held such a reputation. She absolutely abhorred being weighed down in any way, and having Roshea on the field was probably an insult to her.

I shrugged. I didn't need to explain myself to her, but I couldn't leave the question unanswered. "He needed to get away."

Elle threw her head back in laughter, and I wouldn't have been surprised if everyone else on the prairie heard. "You need to take some responsibility of the kid then rather than galavanting off. This is a field for soldiers, men fighting for their country, not stable boys who can't wield a sword."

She waved a hand dismissively before she changed direction entirely.

I didn't know how long we ran until I brought Sienna to a halt. I didn't know what had made me stop in my tracks, just that I needed to stop running. I turned my face to the great open sky of grey. The squelch of hooves and chinks of weapons couldn't break through the strong downpour. The rain found its way down my collar and in my ears, and in time there was so much water gathered on my face I couldn't feel the raindrops land. Its cold touch on my cheeks and ears kept my head raised to the heavens. I had never felt so empty of thoughts, embracing the sky's open banks and simply watching. I had never stopped, never taken the time to simply exist.

It was only when Sienna gave a grumpy snort that I took that as a cue to double back for Roshea.

He had barely moved from the spot, but his shoulders were shaking from the cold and the damp. His hair stuck to the sides of his face as he blinked the rain out of his eyes.

"Had enough?" I asked as I brought Sienna round beside him.

Roshea looked up slowly, and it took him a while to realise who I was. "Oh, um, I guess." He sniffed and brought his hands up to kiss some feeling back in them. He continued to look fairly gloomy and as we rode side by side, I knew that his mind was still heavy.

I made no effort to say anything on the journey back, and it was only as I dismounted Sienna and started to take off her equipment that Roshea finally said something.

"Thank you...for taking me with you."