*gasp* She's alive! Alive do you hear me! Ahem, sorry about that. I've had (and am still having) a rather busy Halloween weekend. I've found out a few not so good things, but for some reason, with the way things look and the people who have helped me in real life, they don't seem so scary. I am...tranquil. And of course I've had other actually fun stuff and-
I'm blathering. Crap.
Reviews!
Crystal: Glad you though it was fun *wink* And she did admit it didn't she? Mwa ha ha! *smirk of evil smugness* Poor Lightning. Good luck with your studies *has paper to write but doesn't want to*
Anonymous: Glad you enjoyed the chapter for the most part. I did seriously look at the scene and had a few others look at it with me, but in the end, we decided it boiled down to differences in how the scene could have gone and character interaction. It felt the most natural to me, so I suppose that's how it shall stay. but I did seriously look at it! :) And again, glad you like the rest!
Thank you to Coldman9 and Michi for putting up with me when I get a tad too down and pitiful and all that. *hugs and loves*
Thank you to Seraphim Starlight for being the first to enter my contest! You should all check it out! Do it. Story is called: Elementary. *hugs and loves*
And thank you to Varanus for recommending my stories for this fandom/pairing on tv tropes . org. Those who check it out (and have not been there before) may find that the site is very distracting and fun. And yes, you will sit and read for hours and hours. And hours. *hugs and loves*
For now that will be all. Please enjoy the chapter my readers!
"Glad those three had fun." Serah said as she walked into the living room, a cup of coffee in her hand. Maqui, Hope, and Lebreau were strewn on the couch and floor, sleeping heavily as sun shined in through the windows. Hope was resting on the arm of the couch, head propped on his elbow as he gave a light snore. Lebreau's foot was by his chest, the girl taking up the other end of the couch. Maqui laid between the three of them, halfway off the couch as his legs rested on the floor. Their clothes were rumpled and stained with grass marks and other dark spots, and their snoring was getting progressively louder the longer Serah watched them.
Serah sighed and rubbed her eyes, taking another sip of her coffee before pulling her light pink robe closer to her. She heard the shower upstairs turn off and knew that Lightning would be down soon for breakfast before heading down to the base with Snow. Snow had been waking up as Serah came down the stairs to start breakfast, and she smiled when she thought of the way Snow had almost tripped over all his dirty clothes. She had warned him that she would stop picking them up. It wasn't her fault that he hadn't listened.
Hope let out a loud snore, rolling over in his sleep and kicking Lebreau. Lebreau grunted before rolling over as well, scratching her stomach as she rolled onto her back. Serah chuckled and turned around, yawning as she wondered what to cook for breakfast. She had barely gone three steps before there was a loud knocking on the door, echoing in the room. Serah muttered under her breath and whipped around, intent on stopping the noise before it woke Hazel up. Maqui had opened a bleary eye before he groaned and rolled over, pulling his legs up to the couch.
"Someone get that." Maqui grumbled, yawning and burying his head in his hands. Serah rolled her eyes and opened the door, wondering who would even be visiting them at this hour, when she stopped in her tracks.
Crawford and Lieutenant Amodar were at her doorstep.
Crawford was leaning slightly and gave Serah a strained smile, running a hand through his graying hair before shifting his gaze to Lt. Amodar. The man did not have the usual smile that he would give Serah on his rare visits, and as she looked between the two of them she saw how strained their eyes were. Amodar had dark circles under his eyes and Crawford seemed ready to fall over, leaning more and more on his good leg.
"Wh-Wha-" Serah stuttered, blinking as she looked between the two of them.
Lt. Amodar tried to give her a smile, shifting a bag near his side. It had papers sticking out of it, either rolled up or loose with frayed edges. He nodded toward the house, watching as Lebreau, Maqui, and Hope began to stir on the couch as the sun hit them full force but Serah just stared. Amodar cleared his throat, looking back at Serah as he spoke, "Do you mind if we come in Serah?" In the back of her still fuzzy mind, Serah realized that Amodar was using his kind voice. It did nothing to tell her what this was about, and for some reason, it made her chest tighten.
Numbly Serah stepped aside and let Crawford and Amodar inside the house, jumping when her sister's voice carried in from the kitchen, "Thanks for the coffee Serah!" Serah quickly closed the door and looked around, just in time to see Lightning step inside of the living room, already dressed for the day. Lightning froze when she saw Lt. Amodar and Crawford in the room, cup halfway to her mouth. Serah would have laughed if she wasn't about to scream. Why are they here? Did they find something? Of course they found something Serah, gah!
Lebreau was the first to rise from the couch, sluggishly rubbing sleep from her eyes as she looked around at the people gathered in the room. Lebreau blinked, then blinked again, blowing a few stray strands of hair out of her face as she stared around the room. She pushed Maqui off of the couch when he began to stir more, his elbow hitting her side when he stretched.
"Watch it Maqui. Crawford and the Lieutenant are here!" Lebreau snapped, leaning over and mashing Maqui's head into the carpet. Her hand froze before she could really dig his face in and her head snapped up, looking at them all with wide eyes. "Shit!" Lebreau pushed herself off the couch and tried to straighten herself up, tucking her hair behind her ears and flattening her shirt. Hope groaned and opened his eyes, groggy green looking around the room as he sat up. His eyes widened and he nearly threw himself off the couch, stumbling slightly as his feet hit the floor. His hair was pointing in all different directions, his shirt was halfway up his chest, and he looked as if he had been run over by a truck with all the dirt stains on his clothes. But the moment he straightened out, his face wiping itself of emotion and eyes hardening, he still looked like a man that was all business.
"What are you all doing here? Sirs." Hope added, bowing his head as an apology before facing Crawford and Amodar again. Maqui's head popped back up and he glanced at everyone before straightening up as well, eyes suddenly alert. All of them were staring at Crawford and Amodar, but heavy footsteps stopped anyone from speaking.
"Hey guys, sorry I took so long. Those pants Serah? I think they could stand up on their own. They're kind of freaking me out. I mean..." Snow stopped halfway through the room, staring at Crawford and Amodar as if Lightning had started laughing out loud.
He kind of wished she was.
"What are...you doing here?" Snow asked slowly, tilting his head to the side, "Do you-you have some answers for us or something?" Hope clenched his hands and stepped forward, motioning for Lebreau to get off the couch. She gave him a quick nod before scrambling off of the couch, waving at Crawford and Amodar to take a seat.
"I'll get you two some coffee." Serah said, snapping out of her daze and heading for the kitchen. Lightning stepped further into the room, setting her cup of coffee on one of the small end tables before crossing her arms and watching Amodar and Crawford. She gave them both small nods before her eyes wandered to Hope, watching as he looked between the two men with obvious apprehension. He did not look at anyone else, even when Lebreau laid a hand on his shoulder, but for now Lightning would let it go. She was nervous too…
She took in his rather rumpled appearance, down to his dirty clothes and strange stains. Just what was he up to? Lightning shook her head and looked back at Amodar and Crawford, eyes zeroing in on Amodar's bag as he laid it on the small coffee table near the couch. A few papers spilled out of the bag, but Crawford grabbed them before they could roll off the table, and stuffed them back inside the bag. Lightning's eyes snapped to Hope as he reached for some of the papers himself, but Hope slowly stepped back, sitting on the floor and staring at the bag instead. Maqui and Lebreau took a seat on either side of him, and Serah returned with two cups of coffee in hand.
"Here you go." Serah said, voice sounding a little strained. Snow strode forward and pulled her against his chest, rubbing circles into her back before moving her toward one of the recliners. Serah smiled at him before sitting down, Snow standing beside her like some sort of bodyguard. Snow placed a large hand on Serah's shoulder and looked toward Crawford and Amodar, giving them a nod.
Amodar returned the nod before looking back at Hope, Lebreau, and Maqui. "I know that you three want me to tell you that Rygdea will be released soon." Amodar paused, taking a deep breath, "I think we've managed to do just that. The thing is, I don't think Rygdea will be released soon enough."
Hope narrowed his eyes at the coffee table, "But he will be released right. No harm done?" Hope's tone was low and cold, as if there would be consequences if that wasn't the case. Amodar and Crawford were about to reprimand him, but stopped, mouths snapping shut. There was little they could do when Hope was no longer a part of the military.
"Yes Hope." Crawford said slowly, giving Hope a reproachful look, "Rygdea will be released by the end of the week. The problem lies with what happens after. You see, the committee still hasn't made a decision about you and the other members of De Novo. They still think you might be a danger."
Hope gritted his teeth but Lightning beat him to the punch, "And what are we supposed to do without them? You've seen this sir, we haven't exactly mastered those new mana drives. They work differently then the ones we've used before, and they try to use too many different kinds of magic at once-" Crawford held up his hand and Lightning fell silent, although her annoyance was clear enough.
"I know Farron, I know. But that's where we start to hit problems." There was a long silence after that before Snow managed to ask, "What do you mean?"
Amodar leaned forward, locking his fingers together as he gazed at them, "I don't think even the military is free from Saorise's clutches. Kael is a member of the military, specifically the intelligence division, but he was temporarily removed to help with the organization of the other divisions and branches. He formerly supported the forming of the S.C.E., and even provided funding, but after his strange outburst and arrest the other day, Crawford and I started to do some digging."
"Dangerous digging mind you. Kael is looking for any reason to have me shafted off the S.C.E. It'd be better if we avoided that." Crawford chipped in.
"But..." Maqui lowered his voice when all heads turned to him, his face burning, but he ignored the odd feeling, "But if he's-he's really working for Saorise, I'm not saying he is either, but if he is, why would he take Hope off the S.C.E? Or any of us for that matter? If Hope is her target, she should have kept him on the team, but instead... I don't know, maybe Kael isn't just the bad guy?"
Amodar nodded, "I see where you're going with it Maqui, but I'm afraid to say that Kael is working with Saorise. Although Crawford and I can't tell how much of it is voluntary, we did manage to find some evidence that points toward his involvement with Saorise. He took Hope and everyone else off on her orders." Amodar said, closing his eyes.
"B-But that doesn't make any sense..." Maqui mumbled, running a hand through his hair. "Why?"
"That's where things get ugly Maqui." Amodar said, taking a deep breath, "You see, Rygdea was an obvious target. It's clear that taking Rygdea into custody was meant to put Hope under a lot of strain. I'm glad to see though," Amodar said with the smallest of smiles, "that you've managed to keep yourself in good spirits Hope. But that wasn't all." Amodar reached for his bag and took out several papers. They were small, about the size of a small book, and had an untidy scrawl along the lined pages. Amodar slid it across the table and Hope, Lebreau, and Maqui looked at the pages before handing them off to the others. Dates were set at several points along the pages, detailing things like when the mana drives were to come or when Rygdea had been arrested. There were several dates written but with no details next to them, only circled with red ink.
"I'm guessing the circled dates have something to do with Saorise?" Lightning asked, handing the pages back to Amodar.
"Yes...Kael is no fool though, he didn't write what actually happened."
"But again..." Hope said, looking at his knees, "How can we know."
Amodar nodded and reached into the bag again, pulling out a small red book. There was strange lettering on the front cover and spine and Hope's eyes widened at the sight. His mouth dropped and he shook his head slowly, eyes searching Amodar's. Lightning's eyes zoned in on the book as well and she walked forward, giving it a closer look.
"What is it Hope?" Lightning asked, never taking her eyes off the book.
Hope blinked and shook his head, as if breaking from a trance, "I-It's-It looks like one of the books she would have me read." Hope closed his eyes and took a sharp breath, voice sounding hard, "Before she-she did what she did to me, she would have me read a bunch of these books. I never really understood it and she said that she didn't either. Only that she suspected it had something to do with our brands. So I read them. I just-"
"But did you understand it?" Amodar pressed, leaning forward and studying Hope. Hope felt uncomfortable under the gaze, but hardened his face, refusing to show it.
"No. I never really got what the books were trying to say, it was all in a different language. But...but afterward my head would feel really heavy sometimes." Hope shut his eyes and rubbed his temple. For a brief moment he was sitting in a cabin at a desk, books splayed in front of him. There was an annoying buzz in his head and he was shutting the book, deciding he had read enough for the night. "Sometimes I'd hear buzzing, then nothing."
Amodar nodded, but didn't stop, "And what about after Hope? After she betrayed you, did you read these books?"
Hope dug his nails into his legs and clutched his hair with his other hand, eyes scrunching tight. He felt a hand on his shoulder but didn't bother to look around.
"No...no, I didn't. She tried to make me, but I didn't want to. And that-that's all you need to know." Hope glared at Amodar as his temple gave a painful throb. The pressure on his shoulder increased and he looked around, surprised to find Lightning at his side. He smiled despite his unpleasant thoughts, relaxing slightly. Maybe she's not mad at me anymore then?
"All right then." Amodar said, nodding slightly. Amodar slid the book across the table as well, "Mind checking to make sure it really is one of hers? It will be proof that he's at least snooping on his own, even if the military won't believe that he's an accomplice for Saorise."
Hope nodded and brushed his fingers across the book, but the moment he touched the cover, he felt a jolt of pain shoot up his arm to his head. He yelped and pressed his hand to his chest, closing his eyes.
"Whether you want it to happen or not, you're going to help me get to him."
"It doesn't matter! You'll end up like that singer!"
"He's there, I can feel it. But he can't feel us, not yet"
"A vessel? Really?"
"Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
"I can't wait."
"Nothing."
"It's all pointless."
"You think he gets it?"
"Nothing." And the last word echoed…like the final note of a song.
"Shut up!" Hope shouted, trying to push himself away from the voice as it floated in his head. The room came back into focus and Hope blinked at the ceiling, wondering how he got on floor before gasping and clawing at his chest. His brand gave seared, making his eyes water from the burn. "Dammit." Hope groaned and took several deep breaths, eyes locking on blue irises. He heard concerned voices above him and looked to see Serah and Snow standing over him while Lightning knelt next to him. "Wha-" There was a shift beside him and Hope looked around to see Lebreau pushing herself off the floor, Snow going to help her up. Hope whipped his head around on the other side and saw Maqui pushing himself up as well. "What happened?" Hope asked, eyes locking with Lightning's again.
"Just sit still." Serah said, but Hope was already pushing himself up. Lightning did not push him down, instead gripping his arm and yanking him up. Hope smiled, nodding his thanks until thoughts of the voices drifted back into his head. Hope looked at Maqui and Lebreau, their eyes wide as well.
"What happened with you two?" He asked, rubbing his chest where his brand still throbbed.
"Don't know." Lebreau said, patting Snow's hand before turning to Hope, "I mean, one second we were trying to figure out what was wrong with you, but then my brand started to burn like hell."
"Same here." Maqui added, shaking his head. Maqui's body was shaking slightly and Hope bit his lip, staring at the opposite wall.
"You didn't...hear anything?" Hope asked slowly, afraid of the answer. Lebreau and Maqui glanced at him but quickly looked away.
"No Hope." Maqui said, sounding nervous, "We didn't hear anything." But Maqui looked back at Hope and titled his head, signaling for Hope to continue. The others looked at him as well and Hope fidgeted, feeling more uncomfortable under everyone's gaze. Amodar was one thing, but Hope hated feeling as if he were in the spotlight.
"I-I don't know..." Hope mumbled, running a somewhat shaky hand through his hair, "First there was this weird jolt. Then my head hurt for a second. Then I just-just-I don't know, it sounded like Saorise was talking in my head." Hope shivered and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to make the feeling pass. "It was weird. It sounded like she was threatening someone at first, but then it went to-to-" Hope trailed off, eyes glazing over as he thought of the last bits of the voice.
What did that mean? He'll feel us...was it about me? A vessel?
"Hope."
And then the word nothing. Over and over and over again. I don't get it.
"Hope." Hope jumped when someone squeezed his arm and whipped around, his neck snapping and making him wince. Lightning slowly pulled her arm back but leaned forward, studying his eyes, "You spaced out. What else Hope?" Lightning asked, blue eyes still roving his face. Hope felt his face heat up and looked away, trying to hide his heated cheeks.
"I-I-" Hope backed away slightly and sighed in relief when Lightning pulled away as well. But his stomach felt funny at the thought. He was relieved and disappointed... "It started to get weird around there. I think it talked about me for a second, but then it started going off on nothing. Literally." Hope rushed, still not looking at Lightning. He turned back to the coffee table and peered at the now open book, the old and yellowed pages staring back at him. It was covered in strange symbols written in small black ink and were as unintelligible to Hope as they had been when he had first seem them. Although his head was already starting to feel heavy just staring at them, they did not form a single coherent sentence to him.
"Are these the books then Hope?" Hope blinked at Amodar's question, the man's voice sounding far away. Hope nodded once before looking away from the book, rubbing his temple as it throbbed, the blood rush uncomfortable. Hope took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on what was being said, Maqui's voice coming through as if through a filter, although it steadily became clearer.
"...right, so maybe he is working with Saorise. That doesn't explain why Kael is doing all this. It doesn't make sense to take us off the team." Hope wanted to smile. At least they were moving on. He didn't want to look any closer at this than he had to.
"It does though. Just not right away." Amodar said, looking at Crawford. Hope raised an eyebrow and looked at Crawford as well, waiting for an explanation. Maybe now I can figure out what the hell she's up to.
Crawford took a deep breath, eyes trained on Hope's as he spoke, "I don't know if you're aware of this Hope, but Rygdea and I had you placed, with the military's permission, on a list if individuals who would be removed from De Novo and possibly put in a safe facility if things with Saorise started to get too complicated. This is especially true for you Hope. Out of everyone involved in De Novo, you were and still stand as the most at risk target. There was s chance of you being...being kidnapped again, no matter the circumstances."
Hope lowered his eyes, swallowing hard, "I knew the risks." Hope shook his head, eyes narrowing, "But I-I didn't know about a list."
Crawford's eyes softened, but he continued nonetheless, "No, I suppose Rygdea would think it better to keep you in the dark about that. You would have refused to allow your name to be placed in there, am I right?" Crawford paused as Hope nodded his head; Hope feeling a strange churning in his stomach at the words. "Well, this list was made to make sure if Saorise made a move we could still, with the military's permission, remove you and everyone else on the list out of the S.C.E. and put you in protective custody. We were only able to do this with members of De Novo however, as military personnel such as Snow and Lightning fall under the military's jurisdiction, and as such, the military would be the ones to chose when to remove those particular members of the group."
Crawford paused, gaze shifting to Lebreau and Maqui. They both tensed, glancing at each other as Crawford continued, "Along with Hope, you and Maqui were placed on this list. Since you're close to Hope-" Hope narrowed his eyes and swallowed again, shoulders tensing, "-you were and are at a very high risk of danger. The rest of the list, which is rather short, is composed of members of the S.C.E. with high magic capability, which were believed to be other prime targets, and a small amount of people with low magic capability."
"Why low?" Serah asked, making the others jump at the new voice, "Sorry..." She mumbled, her face turning red.
"Don't be." Crawford said, shaking his head, "The l'Cie with low magical capability have a greater chance to be turned into C'ieth. And as we saw not too long ago, Saorise does intend to use that against us. Regardless, as long as this list and the situation stayed intact, most of you could have been put in some safety house until we could act accordingly. Kael changed all that by removing every member of the S.C.E. that was part of De Novo." Crawford sighed and rubbed his head, "You see, Amodar and I suspect that Kael has knowingly removed you all and has begun a rigorous training regime with the remaining members to use mana drives he knows will not work. And that is the whole point."
Crawford paused for a second as the knowledge sunk in. Kael was doing this, sabotaging the entire military, the protection of the city, and sending many troops to their deaths at the hands of Saorise. And why? Hope thought savagely, To protect himself! It doesn't matter if it's free will or not, you don't go to lengths like that to save your own damn skin!
"Like you can talk?"
Hope ignored the voice, growling slightly, but Crawford raised a hand to stop his onslaught of anger. "I'm afraid things don't get much better from there. There's reasoning behind this, and it's more than just making our lives more difficult and our soldiers more vulnerable to Saorise. To be perfectly honest Hope, this was done to make you easier for Saorise to reach." Hope choked on his breath but Crawford went on, eyes growing darker, "When that list was in place, you were able to be removed from the S.C.E. without incident and afterward we wouldn't have to worry about what happened to you. At least within the walls of the base or whatever safehouse we chose. We would have you transferred to a secure location until we could figure out our next move. But now that Kael has removed you and everyone else, the military in turn is no loner obligated to abide by that list or offer you protection of any kind, considering your status as unaffiliated l'Cie. By removing all of you at once, we are put in a very vulnerable position, one we believe Saorise is more than willing to exploit."
Hope closed his eyes as he felt a hand return to his shoulder. At this point he was growing accustomed to it, and he could tell already from the soft yet firm pressure that it was Lightning's hand. Offering him comfort and maybe even trying to comfort herself. Hope wondered for a brief moment how things had seemed to change between them, how things seemed warmer but tense, but was thrown back into reality as Crawford spoke.
"Lt. Amodar and I have no doubt that Saorise will strike soon, and I have a feeling it will be centered in the city. She's going to want this one to cause an impact on the populace. She wants to shock them." Crawford paused and took a deep breath, narrowing his eyes, "More than that, she wants to show the city and all of its citizens how vulnerable the military can be against her. By relying only on mana drives, regardless of how advanced they are, we know that Saorise will be able to wipe out several of our teams. In front of the city's eyes, this will only show how we need a l'Cie's power in order to stand a chance against that threat."
"But then they'll just put us back on right?" Lebreau asked, leaning forward and putting her hands on the table, "I mean, that list thing will still work right?"
"No. I wish that were the case Lebreau, but think about it. Saorise-"
Hope sighed and opened his eyes, "She's going to want a show isn't she? Right?" Hope sneered and shook his head, clenching his hands, "She's going to make a real big game out of it. And she's going to just try and obliterate everything. Or worse...head toward Cocoon." Hope said, remembering the times Saorise had tried to lead them, him, there. "She'll make it so that we have to come out, a lot of members from De Novo. Or she'll-"
"She'll make it so that you have to come Hope." Amodar finished, nodding slightly, "That's what we're guessing anyway. I've read the reports on you. No real known magical capacity. Free from most of the burdens of having your brand. Capable of holy magic. There are plenty of reasons to want you out on the field fighting her. To be honest, you give us a chance. And she knows that. And she also knows that we will remove you the moment she starts acting funny. And that's what she intends to stop." Hope took a sharp breath and felt his legs twitch, the urge to run making it hard to breath. Run and escape the dread that was growing in the pit of his stomach and reaching for his throat. The urge that made his lungs suddenly shrivel up, leaving him with no damn air.
"If the city witnesses you protecting them, actually fending off Saorise, then both the political figures and the military officials will be obligated to keep you on S.C.E. We won't be able to remove you without causing a giant uproar, and neither the military or the government are willing to deal with that kind of headache when they have a simple solution." Amodar said, shoulders slumping slightly.
Lightning scowled and squeezed Hope's shoulder, "Then why couldn't we do it secretly, have neither the citizens or even the political figures know. Just a-"
"I'm sorry Lightning." Amodar said, eyes looking old and sincere, "But we can't deny the facts. The moment we try something like that, Saorise will only attack us again. Hiding Hope when he serves as one of best defenses against her will not help us. Before...before we had time to come up with a strategy to work against her. We were, and still are, searching for her hideout. Then we would have kept Hope safe until we took the next step. But now, now he's going to be out in the open. She's got us backed into a corner."
But even as the words left Amodar's mouth, Hope was spirally as he silently realized what it meant. The real horror. Saorise was gunning for him. I'm backed into a corner. She has me backed into a corner. I have no way out. No way...
No. No I can-can do this. Right? Right? She'll just-just destroy-and I'll-I'll have no way to get out. I mean I-I don't know, how can I face her. We're not prepared. I'm not prepared! What-What am I going to-
"Hope, are you all right?" Lightning asked, shaking his shoulder as Hope continued to stare blankly ahead. Hope blinked and turned his eyes to her, still looking somewhat dazed. Hope gave her a slow nod before turning back to Amodar and Crawford.
"What do we do now?" Hope asked, surprised by how calm his voice was, considering how inside he was ripping himself apart. Piece by piece. Everyone in the room seemed to lean forward, waiting for a response, for something they could go on and trust in. Amodar sighed and leaned back into the couch, looking tired and worn. Amodar's face seemed more lined as he looked up at the ceiling and his movements were sluggish.
"I hate to say it Hope." Hope's stomach clenched, "But we-we have to wait."
"What?" Lightning snapped, squeezing Hope's shoulder a little too hard as she stepped fowrad, "We can't just wait."
"I know what you mean Lightning, but what are we supposed to do? We have no way of supporting our theory and there's only so much of Kael we can investigate until we wind up being investigated ourselves. It's not as if we can have everyone reinstated to avoid the problem." Amodar said, still looking grave.
"But-"
Hope sighed and stood up, the shoulder feeling cold where Lightning's hand had been, and he kept his head bowed. Hope tried to control his breathing, although his heart began to pound as he thought of what it would mean for him. He-He never said out loud that he wanted a way to escape from Saorise, but...but somehow it was comforting to know there was an out. That's-That's what I always assumed. That there would be an out. That Rygdea could protect me, or that I would just...be strong enough. And I'm not.
What did I expect? I'm scared of her, terrified. But I expect to face her. Face her.
I have to though. There's no way out of it.
I have to.
I have to.
I-I will.
"I-I'm sorry." Hope said, closing his eyes and shaking his head, "Just give me a second." Hope could feel everyone's eyes on him, feel them boring into him, studying his every move. They were waiting for an explosion or breakdown, not that he could blame them. He wasn't the calmest person when it came to Saorise. Hell, he doubted he'd last long when it came to the real thing.
But a part of him, deep down, was starting to think that maybe he had a chance. He had done things he hadn't done in a long time because of her. All these steps he was taking were so small, but they seemed like milestones to him. He had gone out, really gone out and enjoyed himself, without panicking. And now-now Saorise was out there, waiting for him. Waiting to find him and end all this happiness he had managed to get to. She threatened his friends and family and the love his life. And even though his heart was pounding and it felt like he could barely stand on his wobbling legs, he willed for the strength to stand up straight and face her.
I-I'm still terrified. I-I don't know if I can face her. But I-I can't just-just stay here. I won't! I have to-
"I have to do this." Hope said, finally opening his eyes. He cursed softly as his vision blurred, but he blinked away the stinging wetness. "I mean-I mean, I know that it'll...that I might. That we all might-" Hope couldn't finish, bowing his head again and taking a deep breath. "I'm trying not to think about it too much actually." Hope gasped, managing a watery smile. "I mean, if I do, I'll probably back out. I-I really hate...her." Hope choked on the last part and stomped his foot, rubbing vigorously at his eyes. "Sorry."
"Don't Hope." Hope smiled again at Maqui's voice, then felt a surge of warmth as two bodies came near him. Hope lowered his arm away from his face, smiling at Maqui and Lebreau as they stood beside him.
"I-I know." Hope said, "I just-" Hope stopped and bit his lip, not wanting to voice his insecurities in a room full of people, not all of whom were involved in his more private affairs. That and he was tired of feeling so damn weak in front of them. And in front of Lightning. I mean, come on, this has got to be the millionth time I've screwed up in front of-
"You can say it Hope. You have every reason to feel that way." Hope felt a strange bubbling in his chest and slowly looked around at Lightning, eyes wide. Lightning's eyes were lowered to the ground, but when she sensed him looking at her, she gave him a determined look. "I won't think any less of you."
And just like that Hope felt his shoulders drop and a wave of emotion flood through him. He nearly gasped from the relief that hit him, his knees shaking slightly and he smiled at himself. Look at me, be all weak kneed. Hope took several deep breaths, staring intently at the floor, "I'm scared." Hope said, feeling relieved and annoyed and angry and afraid and so many other things he felt like his heart might explode. He wasn't supposed to be breaking down like this. He had to be strong if he was going to face Saorise.
"Maker I'm scared." Hope gasped out, taking a shuddering breath. He let out a small gasp when he felt himself being pushed into something warm, but closed his eyes as he caught a glance of Lightning's familiar white shirt. He was so shocked, so surprised, and so grateful that he didn't know what to do. Everything was a jumble but he felt such a strange warmth and pain as he buried himself in Lightning's shirt and told her he was scared to face Saorise. Hope felt both weak and strong. Uncertain and so damn hopeful, as much as he hated to use the word.
And Lightning.
Maker, he had no idea what to do. She was right here, right here and helping him, hugging him. And he felt so warm and comforted and he wanted to lose himself in her. He trembled just thinking about it. Thinking about holding her and being with her and losing her. His throat closed up and he felt his breathing quicken so much so that he nearly shook from it. All of this for Lightning. He wanted to tell her, tell her how much he loved her and cared for her. Wanted to tell her these things without being afraid and see if all of this emotion welled up inside of him would explode as he thought love like this would.
"I won't think any less of you."
I don't think you know Light...how much that means to me.
"Maker Light I-" Hope couldn't finish, and vaguely he was aware of the door opening and closing, and the room slowly emptying. He felt how very alone in the room the two of them were, and how very much he needed to be close to Lightning at that moment. How he had to be sure that she was there and would not disappear. How he had to anchor himself to her to make sure he would not disappear. "I wish I knew what to say. I wish I knew, I wish I could say how I felt. I wish that this would just-" But he couldn't finish. Like always he couldn't finish. No matter how much he wanted to, he had to keep reminding himself that it just wasn't...happening. Hope felt her tense under his fingers for a second and he loosened his grip, preparing to let go.
I know I can do that. I can just watch. I don't need to-
Lightning relaxed though and slowly, slowly wrapped her arms around Hope once more. Hope almost choked as his heart jumped into his throat and he wanted to slap himself for the way he was feeling. The way he couldn't seem to handle himself.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry Light. I promise I'll do what I can."
"I know Hope." Hope thought his ears were wrong, the way Lightning sounded. Worried? Choked up? "Just...watch yourself. We'll talk later. For now just...relax."
"Yeah." Hope felt drained...more drained than he had in a while. He smirked as he found himself being led to the couch, all remnants of Crawford and Amodar gone from the table and couch. He let his body fall limply on the couch, but he smiled in quiet surprise as Lightning sat down as well. "Relax. But I'm still sorry. I shouldn't have been all...emotional."
"It's part of who you are Hope." Lightning said simply. "And there's nothing wrong with that." Lightning said something afterward but all he heard was something that sounded strangely like "Sorry". He tried to say something, tried to ask Lightning why she was saying sorry, but his body was too tired. His fear and his love all hitting him at once in some strange and unexpected manner left him...exhausted. His thoughts were slow but insistent. The way he just wanted to hold on to Lightning. To feel secure and give that feeling back. To wake up to a day without Saorise. But it was all becoming hazy...his fear slowly, miraculously fading.
He was asleep before his head hit the cushions.